Drunken Moon

"First day of tour, yeah!" Jaime yelled, jumping up and down on my couch as the guys were struggling to lug all of their luggage to the curb, waiting for the RV to roll up.

"Sweety, not the couch, please, I just straightened it out," I said, feeling my girly instincts kicking in. As much as I loved having the guys over, I also lost my shit as they tended to trash the place to a point of almost no return.

I buzzed around, throwing cups away and putting things in their place right up until the last second. Then, when all of the equipment and suitcases were loaded in and the driver even honked a few times, I finally grabbed my purse, pulled on my sweater and walked in.

I breathed in deeply once inside, "Ah, tour," I smiled, widely.

I plopped down beside Tony, who was playing on his phone, he looked up at me, "You sleepy?"

I shook my head, "Nah, I snuck in a few hours last night. You?"

"Sleep is for the weak," Tony said, right as Mike walked up to them with a six-pack of Corona under his arms.

"Lady," he said, handing me one, "Gentlemen," he said, as he handed Tony, Vic and Jaime one each.

"Here's to a great tour," Vic said, and they all cheers-ed to it.

Tony sat down beside me as the guys moved on to other things, such as gaming or fiddling with their laptops.

"You seem a bit off," he said, silently.

I laughed a bit, trying to brush him off, "Nah, I'm good."

"Really, Niks?" he said, cocking an eyebrow. "You don't have to do that with me, you know."

I sighed, "Alright, I'll tell you but you can't tell anyone, okay?"

"You got it."

"This is my last tour with y'all, I guess I'm getting a bit emotional about it all," I confessed.

Tony's eyes widened, "Shut the fuck up!" he exclaimed, causing some of the guys to look over.

"Shh," I prompted, gesturing for him to play it cool. "Tony, I really don't want anyone to know about this, alright? Promise me."

"Right," he said, shaking his head, "No, I won't tell anyone, but damn Niks. Where'd that come from?"

I sighed and folded my legs up to my chest, cradling my bottle of beer in my lap. "I dunno, man, I can't explain it. This was something I did to get away from Illinois and then I got so caught up in it, I had so much fun and fell in love with you guys and this life, but this was never the life I wanted in the first place. I just discounted what I went to school to study and got a degree in, I mean my diploma's just gathering dust somewhere. It's like you guys went out and did exactly what you wanted to do, and I just let myself get swept up in your adventure rather than creating one of my own. Maybe it won't make sense, you probably think I'm crazy, but I know it's something I have to do."

"What is it you have to do, exactly?"

"Live. Out there, in the real world. This life of your's, it's not real, Tony. It's a glass cage you live in, being idolized by people and put on a pedastal. I'm just a part of the charade and honestly, I'm a bit sick of it. I want the white picket fence, I wanna drive to work every day and come home to a house, not a bus."

Tony simply nodded, a look of realization rushing across his face, "Yeah, I get it. You know I'm going to miss the hell out of you, right?"

I sighed, placing my head on his shoulder, "Let's not think about it, then?" I asked.

"I'll try," he frowned. "What is it that you majored in, anyways?"

"Communications and Public Relations," I said, realizing that I didn't remember even the most basic knowledge of either of those subjects anymore.

"Do you have any jobs lined up?"

"Well, I have an interview set up a few days after the tour ends, so I'll have to be back in San Diego in time for that..."

"Well, at least you're living in San Diego now. That'll make things better, as far as keeping in touch with you is concerned, but still," Tony said, frowning again.

"What is it?"

"You know this will dissipate, right?" he said, motioning with his hands. "This, us. We won't be the same. So much of who we are is governed by what we are and where we are. You won't be with us twenty-four seven anymore, it'll be different."

"Not to get cheesy, Tony, but real friendship never fades. Sure, I don't exactly talk to Kelly and all the girls from Chicago often, but when we meet it's like nothing ever changed. We grow and we change, but somehow there's always something that keeps us rooted to each other. I believe in that, I think our roots are deep enough, I mean, fuck, you guys have been my life for two and a half years. I've literally put so much of myself in each of you guys, I'm surprised I'm still an individual," I said, laughing as I felt my eyes well up.

"Who the fuck am I going to talk to when it all gets too much?" he asked, scratching the top of my head affectionately, then putting his arm around my shoulder.

"Touche," I said, "I guess we'll just have to have weekly phone dates."

"For sure," Tony sighed.

"What the hell are y'all all emo about?" Mike demanded, walking over to us and looking at us questioningly. My eyes were still a bit watery and Tony certainly looked like someone who had just heard bad news.

"Nothing, Mikey," I said, holding my arms out for a hug, "Come join our circle of love," I said.

Mike laughed, "You are so weird, Niki," he said, as he hugged me and sat beside us.

We talked nonchalantly and mumbled our way through the next five hours of the drive, each of us falling asleep on the other after that. Even in my unconscious state, I felt a sure sense of urgency to soak in all of these moments since I knew they were coming to an end shortly. Oh, how I would miss this life.