Drunken Moon

It isn't often that I ever dread my job, because I love it so much. But Brad's wedding was so much fun, that I honestly didn't want to get out of bed the following morning to go out and set t-shirts down on a table. I sighed and swung my legs out of my bunk, jumping out and mechanically brushing my teeth. I hurriedly changed into an old plaid button-down that was missing a few buttons, so I wore a bandeau underneath it and left a few buttons on top undone. I paired that with distressed shorts that weren't too short because there were enough unnecessary body parts hanging out in Warped and I didn't want to add to the horrifying list.

I shoved my hair into a disheveled bun and headed out to catering to get myself some coffee to wake myself up. The walk was nice and serene, there weren't as many people around and I figured I was early as usual. I sat by myself on a lawn and sipped at the hot drink slowly.

"Why so serious?" I heard Tony's voice say as his long legs settled down beside me, folded Indian-style.

"Morning, Tony," I smiled.

"How was the wedding yesterday?" he asked, because the guys were out when I had gotten home and I crashed since I was so tired.

"It was gorgeous," I said, realizing I couldn't really word the mysticism of the event adequately.

"You looked gorgeous, yourself," he said.

"Thanks, Tony," I said, smiling. "It was pretty magical, I'm not going to lie. At the same time, though it was really weird, you know? Seeing a friend of mine getting married...he's the same age as me."

Tony nodded, "Put's things in perspective, huh?"

"Yeah," I mumbled, "Yeah, it does."

"So," Tony snorted, "How was Barakat?"

I slapped his arm, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, don't you kinda like him or something?" he asked.

"Or something," I said, coyly, smiling at the grass as I pulled it out in clumps.

Tony checked me with his shoulder, making me spill my coffee on the lawn and we both laughed, "Douche," I laughed.

"You can't move on, can you?" he asked, after we stopped laughing.

I shook my head, "Nope. It's like a fucking curse, Tony," I said.

"It's love, is what it is," he said, just as we saw Vic and Mike walking towards us.

We quickly changed the topic and Vic and Mike came and sat around us, each eating breakfast sandwiches. Mike asked how the wedding was and I talked about it for a few minutes. Vic mostly ate and stared off into the distance, not really keen on the ongoing conversation for some reason.

"Dude, Tony, can you help me fix the PlayStation, I think Jaime spilled his drink on it again. I think it's really busted this time," Mike asked, getting up from the grass.

"Yeah, man," Tony said, getting up and following Mike towards where the buses were parked.

Suddenly, and absolutely out of left-field, I was alone with Vic. I was alone with Vic for the first time all summer. I was alone with Vic for the first time since my mom passed, since he got with Carol, since everything went to absolute shit.

He cleared his throat and pulled out his phone, scrolling through his Twitter. I simply stared at him, incredulous, wondering how on God's green earth this was the same Vic who would cuddle up to me, night after night, always loving, never questioning. It was incredible to me that this was the same person and he was so innately disinterested in anything I had to say, that he barely cared that I was hanging on by a thread. A thread so delicate that he had the power of cutting, letting all hell lose in the recesses of my head. He had that power over me. And as he sat there, not saying a word, he hurt me more than he ever could have had he spoken even the harshest of words.

Vic looked up from his phone and saw me staring at him and asked, "What?"

"Really, dude?"

"Yeah, really, what's up?" he asked, looking genuinely surprised.

I laughed sarcastically, "Nothing, don't worry about it, okay?"

I got up and started walking away, throwing the empty cup of coffee in a trash can as I went. Vic caught up and spun me around by my elbow, so that we were face-to-face.

"What happened, Niki? You can't just walk away from me like that," he said.

"Okay, for starter's- what's with the cold, distant vibe?" I asked.

"What? I was just checking my Twitter for a sec, man-"

"No, not just now. In general, you've been on another planet and you know it," I interjected.

"I've just...it's weird, you know? I'm with Carol, I didn't know if things were weird between us or not," he said, scratching his head.

"Well, they are all thanks to you," I snapped.

"What the hell do you want from me, Niki?" he yelled, suddenly losing his cool at my attitude.

"What do I want from you?" I yelled back, not caring about making a scene because I was so infuriated. "I want you to be able to look me in the eye, at the very least, regardless of your girlfriend or anything because I thought we were above that. Honestly, Vic. I thought we were better than this. I thought I'd always have you, no matter how things ended with us romantically. If I could revert back to a few months ago and change my decision, I would."

Vic flinched, looking really hurt, "Niki, I get that you're upset, but shut the fuck up. What we had was special and you know-"

"Oh yeah? So special that you left me, not once but twice? So special that you knew my mother passed away and you didn't call me once? Fuck, Vic. You didn't even send me an impersonal "Feel better" text. Even Jeff had the decency to drop by and check on me, and you-" I started stuttering, my lower lip quivered as I felt tears well up in my eyes. "You didn't care."

Vic suddenly looked stunned, as if the news of my mom's passing was something he was unaware of. He looked like he was feeling a million emotions all at once, but one emotion was at the forefront- guilt. On his face was plastered an unparalleled look of absolute guilt.

"Niki..."

"You didn't even ask me how I was when you saw me. You were too busy swooning over Carol," I continued. "You haven't asked me to date how I am or if I'm fine. I'm not, by the way. I'm falling apart. My insomnia is back in full force and my hair is falling out in clumps. I've lost twelve pounds in the last three months and I have no appetite. I think I'm dependent on alcohol now, too, because it's the only time I feel genuinely happy anymore, is when I'm drunk."

Vic continued to stare at me in awe. "I'm falling apart, Vic," I said, each word taking infinite amounts of energy to exert. "And you're just sitting here, quiet, scrolling through your Twitter?"

"Niki, I didn't-" he looked up at me, his eyes wide with pain and sadness. He looked entirely crushed by everything I just said.

He seemed to look at me, really look at me for the first time in months. He soaked in the bags under my eyes, my unkempt hair, my protruding rib cage, the way my lip was twitching a bit- subtle things that everything else would overlook. Subtle details that I swore he would pick up on and realize that I was a mess, but didn't until now.

"I can't believe I missed this," he said, grabbing my face and placing his thumb on my lower lip as it continued to twitch a bit, as it did when I was running low on sleep. "When was the last time you had a full night's sleep, Niki?" he asked, quietly.

I shrugged as a singular tear fell down my face, right on top of Vic's finger. He wiped it off and shook his head sadly. "I'm so, so sorry, Niki. I didn't even realize that I was doing it, which almost makes it worse," he said, looking even more guilty than before.

I couldn't bear to see him look so pained so I deflected his apology, "It's fine, you were preoccupied."

"Fuck that, I am never too busy to give you time," he said, putting his arm around my waist and walking me sturdily towards the buses.

"No, Vic," I said, pulling his arm out from around me, "Carol probably wouldn't like that, I understand."

"She'll have to," Vic argued, "You're my best friend, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and she knows that."

"Just don't piss her off, alright? And don't drag me into it like you did before," I warned.

"Yeah, yeah, I've learnt my lesson," he said, smiling sadly.

I giggled, "You're such an idiot, Vicky," I said.

"Well, at least my idiotism makes you laugh," he said, shoving me playfully.

"Yeah, whatever," I smiled.

"You know I always meant everything I ever said to you, right? You'll always be the most special person in my life, Niks. Always. Nothing can change that, I'm just- I'm just an idiot sometimes," he continued, "And I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, I'm sorry I got so caught up in my own life when your's was falling apart. We have to look out for each other," he said, putting his arm around me again, "At the end of the day, it'll always be you and me, dude."

I snorted, "Yeah, sure."

"You're endgame and you know it," Vic whispered into my ear, winking at me.

It was probably a joke, but it sure had a profound effect on me. My heart was racing all the way into the evening and I was flustered for the rest of the day.