I Think I Love Him

All weekend me and Zachary refrain from talking about Fridays date. We talked about it a little bit, Laughed about how my dad ruined the kiss, and each night we said "I love you, Sweet dreams", and each morning was "Morning love, dream about me?" and of course Zachary overly thanked me for the cloths and everything. Apparently his siblings where jealous and his mom was overjoyed to see him get new cloths...which heightens my suspicions of Zachary maybe being poor...I mean, its sort of like natural for a parent to be happy with there kids getting new cloths that they didn't have to pay for, but, she was...so happy, so excited, overly just...No one should ever be that happy over a few pairs of pants and shirts. She was IN TEARS for gods sake!!! Zachary and his family where poor. And not regular poor, like, dirt poor. But what changed? He was able to afford his nice iPhone, all the $20 Hot Topic band shirts and the $40 Hot Topic jeans, his iPod PACKED with thousands of songs, Why'd it all change? He can still hold his phone bill for him and his brother Randle. But....It just makes no sense. I tried to talk to Zachary about it, but, like always, didn't wanna talk about it. I know deep inside that he wants to tell me. But he wont, and why? I couldn't tell you. I decide to see if I can go to his house after school one of these days...Even if I have to follow him home. Stalker? Ok maybe just a little bit. But for a cause.

I arrive at school and get out of the car. My mom slams the door. One of her little teacher pets flabbed his lips and my Dad heard some of it. So the house was quiet this morning, my mom was mad as a mother fucker (or a teacher fucker) and my dad was just a sad little puppy. And sadly, I was stuck in the middle of my teary eyed broken hearted dad who doesn't listen/believe that anything's wrong with his family and a sex crazy gold digging cheating and horrible excuse for a mother who hates getting called out on her shit. I shuffle my way into the school and to my locker. I check around to make sure Zachary's not here yet and run to his locker. I throw my stuff in my locker and wait by Mr. Penthouse's door. It's October 21st, only five days away from Zachary's 16th birthday. I wonder if he's still a virgin? I am, but, I wonder. Why am I thinking about this?!?! I see Zachary drag his backpack down the hall. I cross my arms and smile happily. Zachary looks up and from...such a depressed face, to a smile you only see on the face of Christen who just meet Jesus. Even though, we all know he isn't anything more then a fictional character made up by a bunch of old loony's who where out in the desert way to long. Zachary comes up to me and we hug each other, and this time, I hold on much much longer. As I pull away I swipe my lips against Zachary's cheek and watch both our faces blush red. Looking straight into his eyes to see my own face light up.
"I'm gonna go put my stuff on my desk, K?"
"Ok..."
I leave and turn my head to just watch him open his locker and then look back at me. I push my stuff in the desk and pull out my math book and note book. Sharpening my pencil and making sure to engrave a dick on Jason's desk. The stupid prick still doesn't know that it's been me. It's just fun to see him get so mad because he doesn't know who keeps doing it. Just, to funny. I sit back in my chair and smirk when a almost in tears Zachary comes in the room with a open mouthed smile. He drops his stuff on his desk and comes back over to me. I stand up and he digs his face in my chest. I run my fingers threw his hair and press my lips on the top of his head. I feel his nails dig into my back, I hold him tightly and he almost crumbles to his knees. I snuggle into him and threw his quiet tears he tries to hold it in.
"Anthony I fuckin love you...so vary vary much...."
Inside Zachary's locker I put in a note, the Owl City Ocean Eyes album (That is his personal favorite album and the one that so far completes his Owl City collection) and a stuffed zombie teddy bear that I ordered off UndeadTeds.com. It come from the UK so I paid extra to get it here by his birthday. When I saw it though, this mutilated, blood covered, torn to shreds teddy bear that gave me nightmares, and it was still in the box it arrived in! I know Zachary's always wanted one, and I just couldn't wait till the 26th to give it to him. I've known him since mid September, and I've fallen in love with him. And if it makes me gay, Then ok. I just love him.
"Happy early birthday Damian"
"Shut up!!"
He looks at me and grabs my cheeks. I rub our noses together and the next thing I know, Zachary pecks me on the lips.
"I love you...so much....You have no idea..."
I cock my head and give him a pair of puppy dog eyes. The note I wrote him wasn't vary long, but it was still nice and heartfelt.
"Zachary David Johnson, I never though I'd turn to like you the way I do. And I mean, When I walked in here mid-September, I thought, He looks cool, Likes cool music, I meet you when you where in that Stereo's shirt....I think I feel in love with you then. But maybe it was doormat, like how some cancer cells. But, If I had a cancer cell, I hope it would be you. My Damian cancer cell. And I'd be happy. Zacky, I love you. I'm not gay and I'm not straight and I'm pretty sure I'm not bisexual. I know for a fact I'm not homophobic. I'm not anything, But I love you. And that's that. So my parents are gone this weekend, and its Halloween, So I though, How about you come to my place, Ill bring some games or whatever and we can watch movies, play games, eat a bunch of junk food, and you can sleep over all weekend! And baby...I wanna cuddle with you on the couch and we can watch your favorite movie staring our favorite chef Gordon Ramsey...So Take this happy early birthday gift and I think I deserve a kiss for all this hard work eh? Finding this disgusting teddy bear and all that stuff...But I love you. So come over, and we can go watch season's 1 and 2 of Todd And The Book Of Pure Evil, and tweet about it all night long. (And maybe a lil guitar and banjo music because your special) Love you, now come give me some love in class!! Enjoy the Album <3"
See? Nothin to special. But still with sloppy meaning. I would have wrote a better one. But not yet, not yet...I still got a lil kiss didn't I? Zachary pulls back and I slowly and gently kiss his neck. I smile and he does to.
"So, It's a date eh?"
"What?!"
Other students where sitting at there desks and more where coming in. He looks around and I smirk.
"Movie and video games at my place this weekend? And then you know, your birthday, and amazingly, Halloween. We can go together, so, is it a yes?"
Zachary smiles and starts heading back to his seat at the far end of the class. He turns around and says in that sweet voice of his.
"Yes. But there better be sour patch kids and peach tea, or I'm leaving."
I laugh and salute my fingers to him.
"Aye Aye Captain!"
All threw school we sit and talk about this weekend and Halloween. I'm going as a bloody Nazi zombie (I love Jews, Its just a wicked looking outfit) and Zachary doesn't know yet. I want him to go as a sexy nurse. He laughs it off, But I'm being serious. I think he'd look down right-
"SEXY!!!!"
"No way dude, that's a freaken lie"
"Uh Anthony, Jennifer Tilly IS a SEXY beast. Look at her!!!"
Zachary shows me his phone with a picture of Jennifer Tilly playing her role as Tiffany in The Bride Of Chucky. The picture of her in her corset when she was trying to resurrect Chucky in her trailer. She is sexy, but I'm not about to admit that to Zachary, I think he looks much better.
"Uhhh yea, I'm right, not as sexy!"
Where sitting at lunch outside. Up against a tree, I keep inching my arm around his waist as I eat my turkey Subway sandwich. All I ever have is a turkey breast foot long, and its only turkey and lettuce. Nothing else. He learns his head on me.
"What do you mean 'not as sexy'? Not as sexy as who?"
I press my lips into his blacken hair.
"Not as sexy as the idea of you in a slutty nurse outfit"
"Shut up!!!"
"Actually what would be sexier is you dressed up as Jennifer Tilly. Now that would be sexy."
"Your crazy..."
I fully wrap my arm around his waist and pull him closer. I watch him blush and shiver a little bit. We sit there in silence for a little while. Taking in the end of October air. It smelt like Halloween. That certain smell that just reminds you of Halloween. The tree above us was in all hues of Orange and Red and leaves of brown that fall off and float away. It was nice. And for only being 12:45 it looked like the sunset. It was beautiful. And he was beautiful. And I loved him. I think I loved him. I never loved anyone else in the world...I love music, and movies and comics, and I believe I love Zachary, I think I love him, but I'm not quiet sure if its love. Whats more then love?
"Hey Zachary..."
"Yes?"
"Can I come over after school today?"
"Uh...to my house....?"
"Yea to your house."
"I don't think so..."
"Come on, I wanna see Annie and Elias and Randle, and maybe Dante if he's home. And your mom."
"Why...would you want to do that..?"
"Because, I've only seen pictures, you've meet my family, isn't it time I met yours?"
Zachary sits up and folds his legs to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. I look at him and puff out my lips in a sad frown.
"Zachary what are you hiding from me...You know for a fact that you can trust me with anything Zacky...I'm your friend..."
"But you wouldn't be after you came to my place...."
I grab him by the chin and tilt his head up to look at me.
"There is nothing you could do to make me stop being friends with you, I absolutely love you...Tell me Zachary...."
I gently stroke his cheeks. Looking into his eyes.
"I...I..."
"Zacky, Listen, Please....Theres nothing-"
"No! Anthony, you have this great home and a lot of money...and I'm..."
"Poor, I know Zachary..."
He looks at me, almost mad, but with tears in his eyes forming.
"I don't care, even if you are. I love you...I do...I really do...Please let me come over?"
He sighs and I push him against the tree, I hold him up by his fur collar of winter jacket. It's mine, but it was cold so I forced it around his arms. He looks so cute.
"Here's the deal, I get to come over to your place, and I get to kiss you?"
"Wha...."
Zachary looks straight into my eyes and I smile. I can feel his body get warm and as his face flushes red, I wrap my arms around his neck.
"Deal?"
"Deal..."
He slips his arms around me and push our lips together. Slowly rocking back and forth as we let it last. I beg for it to last longer, not caring if anyone else see's, not caring if someone calls us fags or queers or gay, not caring that I didn't know if I even loved him fully, but I know I did, and more I don't think I love him, I more then love him. He's special. Vary Special. And he belongs to me, and nothing will take him away from me....nothing at all. We both pull off, but press our cheeks together. In a way we pant, out of breath entirely.
"We can walk home..."
"Hand in hand..."
He laughs sweetly and kisses my earing.
"Of course...Lets get back to class..."
"Just a few more minutes...like this.."
"In each others arm....?"
"Yes...please...?"
"Shhh....ok..."
We hold each other for about a good five minutes in silence. Falling in love each and every second during it. We pull off and we quickly kiss each other and head inside. We eye each other threw out the rest of the day, we finish off our Panda and Bamboo picture. Zachary painted the panda bears to hug each other and put a heart between them, and we signed our names in bright pink paint as Zachary & Anthony, Damian & Adams, Johnson & Carter. It was cute, different but cute. At the end of the day we grab our stuff out of our lockers and we grab each others hands. We ran (ok so maybe we skipped a little bit) out of the school. After about a good ten minutes of walking and laughing Zachary stopped and slowed down. I turned back to look at him.
"Whats wrong?"
He looks at the ground and shuffles his feet. I take a moment to look around and see, it's not so much trailer park...but it is. But there like grounded mobile homes. I grab his hands and tilt his chin up to me. I kiss him on the nose.
"Come on, I don't care...baby..."
His face lights up with the name. I smile. I know it will make him feel better to hear it.
"I..."
"I. Don't. Fuckin. Care. Ok? I care about you, nothing else, alright?"
"Alright..."
"Come on, lets go"
We keep walking and in my head, I think about how its gonna be when we get there. We walk past houses that have duck tape and blue tarps covering broken windows, holes in the roof and planks missing from fences to trailer homes, and then trailers, and then just one room houses, we walked a good hour and a half, and it was already dark by the time we arrived at his door step.
"Well..." I feel Zachary's grip tighten on my hand, and him start to shake and sweat. I slip my arm around his waist and kiss him on the check.
"Welcome to my home Anthony..."