Pinky Promises

After we got home and Matt said his farewells, because he was the only one sober and calm enough to drive us, Jimmy insisted that he walked me home to make sure that I would be alright.

"I'm fine, seriously. You don't have to come over and tuck me in." I joked but he wasn't in the laughing mood.

"Just let me do it, okay." He mumbled. "I'll feel better about the whole thing."

I fumbled with the door for a few minutes until the key seemed to cooperate and we went inside where it was nice and cool.

"You hungry?" I asked him as I rounded the corner to the kitchen.

"No."

"Are you sure? I can make us grilled cheese."

"No, it's okay. I'm not hungry."

I sighed. "Jimmy, please stop taking this so hard. It was just one guy. I punched him, he felt it. You punched him, he felt it. Matt got him and he felt it, and Charlie... I don't even know where Charlie came from in the end."

"I'm not hungry." He said quietly again.

I walked up to him and outstretched my arms, letting him hug me to his body. There was no where I felt safer than in his arms. "I'm gonna make grilled cheese. I'll make you one anyway and if you don't want it then that's okay."

"Fine."

I smiled at him but he continued to frown. "Please, don't be upset over this. It was nothing."

"How can you say that?" He asked me angrily. "How can you pretend like nothing happened?"

I let go of him and set to work digging out the ingredients I would need and thought about how I was going to answer him. Honestly, the thing I was most bothered by in all of this was the fact that Jimmy and the others had to get their hands dirty. I didn't want them to have to fight my battles. I didn't want Jimmy to think that every time I experienced something bad he had to go set it right. That wasn't what he was for, though telling him that would be a chore.

"It's just not as bad as you think."

"That's why you're still all shaky?" he asked and looked at my arms.

"I just had a bunch of adrenaline run through my body. I can't help that I'm still a little hopped up." I argued.

"Bullshit."

"I swear Jimmy, it's the truth. I'm fine. It's all okay."

"No it's not okay, Layla. He tried hurting you! No one hurts you and gets away with it. Fuck that guy, seriously. I'll find him again when there aren't so many people around and-"

"Jimmy! Stop it!" I yelled. For a moment he didn't move, or blink, he just stared at the floor. "It's alright."

"Yeah, okay." He grumbled and then made his way to the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I'm going out to get some air. I'll be right back."

"Jimmy wait a second!" I grabbed his arm but he yanked it from my grasp. "Jimmy!" I yelled.

"Let me go, Layla."

"Don't take this out on me because you feel guilty for something that isn't even your fault! You don't have to feel that way!"

"I don't?"

"No! You don't! You don't have to feel obligated in any way to do anything for me!"

As soon as I said the words I knew it was a mistake. The way Jimmy flinched when I scolded him for being a good friend was almost a slap in my own face.

"I didn't meant that like that." I said.

"I get it." he replied.

"No you don't... I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You're right. Why should I care that my best friend was in trouble and I wasn't there to save her? Why should I care that she's acting like everything is fine when I know she was terrified because of what's happened to her before? Why should I give a fuck about someone who bends over backward to help me in any way she can? Makes no sense, you're absolutely right."

"Stop it." I said feeling tears building up in my eyes.

"Sorry, I'm just telling the truth."

"Stop! Don't do this to me! You know what I meant!"

"I do, that's why I'm saying. Why do I care if you don't even think I do in the first place. What? Do you think I do it all for show or something? Do you not think you mean as much to me as I say you do?"

"Jimmy..."

"I'm serious! What is it? How do you see me?!"

I could feel my face contort and the tickle of a few escaped tears running down my face.

"Ah fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He groaned. "I didn't mean to make you cry. God! I'm such a fuck up!"

This made the tears worse.

"Fuck!" he yelled loudly and then turned and stormed out of the
apartment.

I knew better than to go after him so soon, he needed to cool down and then come back, but I followed him anyway. I was upset and I didn't want him mad at me, I hated it when he was mad at me.

"Jimmy wait!" I yelled after him.

"No! I've been doing nothing but fighting with you since earlier and
I just don't want to be bothered right now."

"Don't be mad at me, please don't." I begged.

"Just stop talking to me and go!" He yelled.

"You want me to go? Fine!" I yelled back, not caring that some of the neighbors were probably now in their windows listening to our argument. "I didn't mean what I said, it fuckin' came out wrong! You know me of all people that sometimes when I get frustrated the words come out in the wrong order! You KNOW that! You fuckin' know that!" I yelled and stomped my foot. I didn't care how childish it looked to him.

Jimmy didn't say anything, he simply looked angry at me as he placed his hands on his hips.

"Fuck this!" I turned to the side of my apartment and did the dumbest thing I could've possibly done. I attempted to punch it.

I heard Jimmy's words before I really felt the pain. "You idiot!"

There were now fresh tears in my eyes and I bit my lip to keep from screaming the some really colorful curse words.

"What the fuck was that?" He asked, and I swore I could hear a hint of amusement in his voice.

"You think it's funny?!" I asked, for some reason really pissed off by the fact he was laughing. Even though I guess technically he wasn't actually laughing.

"What? No, I just can't believe you did that! You're an idiot!"

My fist connected to Jimmy's shoulder causing him to yell out and kick at the ground.

"Yeah! How does that feel?" I asked.

"What the fuck, Lay?" Jimmy rubbed the spot where I hit him but then suddenly both of our angry moods washed away and we
were over come with laughter.

"My fist hurts so bad." I groaned. This caused Jimmy to laugh harder.

"I bet you broke a something."

"Oh my God...." I shook my hand a little then sighed. "Well... I guess it's safe to safe I got what I deserved. Sorry for being a dink."

"Yeah me too. I'm sorry. For everything, and I know you're okay. I guess I just expect to be able to fix everything."

"You aren't the handy man, shit happens. You can't stop it all." I said softly.

Jimmy smiled at me and walked over, wrapping his long arms around me and pulling me close to him. "I love you Lay. I'm sorry."

"I love you too Jimmy, and I'm sorry. This is stupid."

"Exactly. Now we should probably get you inside and get some ice on your hand. It's gonna look like shit if we don't."

"Yeah sounds like a plan. This hurts."

Another chuckle from Jimmy and he guided me back to the apartment with one arm still around my waist.

Twenty minutes, a clothing changed and a sad attempt at helping to put my hair out of my face, Jimmy got me some ice and wrapped a washcloth around it then placed it carefully on my hand.

"So what did we learn from all this?" He asked me when we had been silent for awhile.

"Not to punch the side of my house because apparently I'm not that strong?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"And what did YOU learn?" I asked.

"That you hit like a girl."

"Very good."

He grinned. "I still can't believe you did that. A house is a little harder than some dude's neck you know."

"I do know that now." I said feeling the throbbing in my fingers.

"Poor Layla."

"I know. And sorry about hitting your shoulder too. I know it probably didn't do much to you but I tried."

"No problem."

"We're a crazy match, aren't we?" I asked.

"You bet...Well, anyway... I better get going over to the house.
You gonna be alright? Not gonna freak out and hit anything else? Like the cement basement wall?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm all set with punching things. I'm good. Thank you."

Jimmy smiled and stood up. "No problem. You know that's what
I'm here for. To piss you off and stuff."

I laughed. "Yeah, you're lucky I love you."

"I am lucky." He agreed. "Night Layla."

"Night Jimmy."

-

After I put on the DVD I watched every night and pointed my fan at me to keep me from sweating to death, I crawled underneath the blanket and pulled it up so it was almost over my head then closed my eyes. I was so comfortable despite the hand that now looked more like a claw that I felt myself already starting to drift off to sleep. The voices became a blur in the back of my mind, and I started to think about random things that made no sense.

The last thing that I remember was hearing was a lot of laughter from the show, Friends.

When I opened my eyes again I knew I was being jiggled awake by my bed shaking back and forth under the weight of someone crawling up the end up my bed. They laid down next to me gently and I could smell the cologne he was wearing.

"I hope you locked the door behind you." I mumbled not being able to really make the effort to talk.

"I did." Jimmy whispered.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Fine."

"Jimmy..."

"I was worried about you still."

"Worried about me?"

"Yeah. I know you said you're fine but...."

"It's all good." I mumbled, it was really starting to become a chore to focus.

"You don't mind if I sleep here tonight?" He asked.

"Have I ever?"

"Not usually."

"Then no, I don't mind."

"Okay." he said, sounding content. "Get some rest."

"I will."

A few moments later I felt Jimmy scoot closer to me and he slid an arm underneath my middle half, turning me slightly so I was facing him. He then reached up with his free hand and began to play in my hair, his cheek resting on the top of my head.
I could barely move but I made my arms wrap around his tall frame and snuggled closely to him. I didn't care if it was hot.

"Layla?"

"Mmm?"

"Pull my finger."

"Shut up." I mumbled and gave him a squeeze as though that were a threatening move.

"I'm just kiddin'."

"Good."

"Layla?"

"What?" I groaned as loud as I could muster.

There was a slight pause then, "I love you."
I smiled. Or at least, I thought I did. "I love you too, Jimmy. More than anybody else in the world."

"Really?"

"Yes really. More than Matt and Dillon and Dillon."

He laughed. "You said Dillon twice."

"Oh. oops.. .more than...."

"Charlie?" He asked.

"Yeah. That's him."

More laughing. "I'm glad I'm that important to somebody still."

It took all my strength but I fought sleep and pressed the conversation on. "What do you mean?"

"It's nothing. Don't you worry about it. Go to sleep."

"No, tell me."

"I can't. It's a secret."

"Tell me. Pinky swear you'll tell me." I tried to lift my hand but
failed.

"No, don't you dare. Look, I'm just feeling sorry for myself is all. No big deal."

I paused. "Feeling sorry for yourself?"

"Yeah.. you know. Pity party?"

"Yes, I know. But why?"

"I dunno."

"Jimmy."'

"Layla, you should be sleeping you've had a long day."

I peeled my eyes open and lifted my head to give him a serious look. He smiled. "Just tell me. What's up? If you don't tell me you're gonna get to feel how hard I can punch."

"Whoa, easy with the violence."

"I'm very tired. I want to sleep. So tell meeee." I said sounding like a giant whiny baby.

"I guess sometimes I just get to missin' my family back home...and how we don't talk anymore and stuff. That's all."

"Back home? In California? Why don't you ever just pick up the phone or go out there?"

"You do know me, don't you? I'm not mister money bags, and I can't just pick up the phone and call them."

"Why not?"

"Because... it's not like they'll answer."

"Jimmy...your mom would answer. She loves you."

"I can't make myself do it though.... if they call me it's one thing but they never do anymore."

"Did you ever stop and think maybe they are thinking the same way you are? Maybe they're waiting for you to call. Just do it. Call tomorrow if you want. I'll cheer you on. Pom Pom's and all. Now...are you okay?"

He laughed. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"Good. They love you Jimmy, as much as me. Just call them."

"Okay. I will." he tightened his grip on me and I settled back down with my head on his chest. His heartbeat was slow and steady giving me something to focus on along with his breathing as I went up and down.

"Layla?"

"Yes?" I sighed.

"Promise me something."

"What?"

"That you'll always be my best friend and no matter how stupid you feel like I'm getting, you'll always be here for me."

The sleep wore off and I looked up at him. "Jimmy, why are you talkin' like that? You know I'm always gonna be here for you, I don't have to pink swear that. Is there something going on?"

He shook his head. "No. I just wanted to hear you say it is all. You mean a lot to me, and I dunno...every time we get in to a fight I just feel like I need to reestablish some stuff."

I pushed myself up on my elbow so I was leaning over him. Our faces were close together in the dark and I could feel his breath against my cheek. "I will always be here for you no matter what. I will always be your friend no matter what you choose to do in life.
I pinky swear." I reached down for his hand and grabbed a hold of his pinky finger with mine.

He smiled. "Okay. I'm done now, I promise. Go to sleep."

"Good. Because if you wake me up one more time I'm going to beat you so hard that Matt, Dillon and Charlie are gonna feel it."

"Oohhh, sounds like a good time."

I grunted and fell back in to my comfortable position, Jimmy stroking my hair once more. When everything started to get fuzzy I took one last long deep breath before I plummeted in to a deep sleep.