Pinky Promises

When we were safely out of town and on the first long road that would eventually connect to another, I decided to break the strange silence and ask Jimmy what his problem was in the store.

"Problem? I didn't have a problem." He said innocently, the scowl had melted a long time ago.

"If you say so." I said and continued to stare forward.

"It just annoys me when clerks hit on their customers. I mean, how many other ones did he hit on? What a jackass."

I cast a glance over at him, he was staring out the window. "I don't mind if someone hits on me, you know. It's not a bad thing."

"It is." He mumbled, but then looked at me and grinned. "So we're gonna be by the ocean right?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"I wanna go in it. Just my feet, because I know here in Maine the ocean is ridiculously cold."

I laughed. "Yeah, it is. If you wanna get in it I have no objections. I'm not getting in there though."

"What? Why not? Not even your feet? you have a turtle tattooed on your foot and I bet he gets to missin' the ocean!"

I had a few tattoos actually, but nothing compared to Jimmy. he was covered in them. "That's not gonna work. You can't make me feel bad about an animal that isn't even real."

"I can make you feel bad about letting your friend drown in the ocean."

"You're- Drown? What? You'll only be in up to your ankles at most! You're not gonna drown."

"I could! I could fall over for some reason and not be able to move my face!"

"In that case I would get in the water you know."

He grunted. "That's not good enough. I will make you get in there, and you will have fun!"

I laughed and reached for the radio and turned on the tunes since I knew Jimmy would continue to try and convince me to get in the water if I let him have the time to talk. Sadly, I would end up agreeing anyway.

"Allllll around the worrrlllllld... everybody's got the woooooorrrdd....everybody in the world is gonna feel it toniiiighhhttt." Jimmy was singing. I glanced over at him and watched as he continued to be typical Jimmy. I was suddenly extremely glad that he had come and that I wasn't a moron and made him stay back.

"I see you looking at me!" He said over the music.

"I'm looking out that window to make sure there's no animals." I said.

"You are not! You're staring at me!" He said.

"I am not staring at you. I see you on a daily basis. If I wanted to stare I would do it then."

"Uh huh. You just want my body." He said and then proceeded to pull his shirt up over his head. He tossed it in the backseat then looked at me. "Touch my muscles."

"No!"

"Yes! Touch my muscles!"

"Jimmy! I'm not touching your muscles!"

"Come on, feel them. They're nice."

"I'm driving! I'm not gonna feel them!"

"You're no fun!" He yelled and continued to sing the song.

We spent nearly two hours like that, just driving and singing. We stopped at a few rest stops to get some pictures of Jimmy hanging from trees or chasing after wildlife, then one picture of wildlife chasing him. I almost would have said I was having fun, if it weren't for the fact that I knew where our destination was.

-

The Ocean View Nursing home was a large white building with a blue metal roof. Of course, neither Jimmy nor I was paying attention and ended up driving nearly to Canada. It wasn't hard, Canada was literally right out my Uncle's window, as I found out once we actually made it inside.

I wasn't sure what to expect when I got there. I had heard he wasn't doing good and I knew that he would be a lot different than how I had last seen him. Cancer was a terrible thing and if it had a face I would have not only punched it, but cut it off. However when I walked around the corner after one of the men who worked there showed me the way, I saw a heavier set man with glasses on the end of his nose staring at the TV.

"You've got company, man. You're a pretty popular guy!" The man who lead us there said, then turned to me. "If you guys need anything let me know."

"Thanks." I said and walked in through the door.

Jimmy hung back a little but came in to stand next to me.

"Heyyy." My uncle said. There was excitement in his voice even
though he couldn't express it with his body. He was much heavier set than I remembered, and his voice as soft spoken. Something that I never thought could be possible, in fact most people said that I had gotten my big mouth from him.

It was painful to see him hooked up to his breathing machine, laying there in the hospital bed. He had been such an avid hunter and fisher, a real active outdoors man.

"Hi Uncle Ev." I said and gave him a very gentle hug.

"Hi. How've you been?" He asked.

"I've been alright I guess. Working and stuff."

"Who's your friend?" He asked.

"This is Jimmy. He's my neighbor."

"And best friend." Jimmy said and smiled.

"Best friend, huh?" Uncle Everette laughed. "Well have a seat guys.
No use standin' up all this time."

Jimmy and I looked around and saw he had more chairs to shake a stick at, plus a tiny little sofa. It was a nice room, it was homey.
It wasn't like just being shoved in to a hospital room in the bright lights. Even the smell was better.

I took a seat on the sofa and Jimmy sat next to me. He wasn't kidding about being by my side the entire time.

"You guys ever see the show Duck Dynasty?" My Uncle asked.

"Yeah, this one makes me watch it sometimes when we're flicking through the channels." I nodded to Jimmy.

"I might have a chance to talk with them, through Skype."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah, my worker said she's talked to them before and when they get a chance they wanna sit down and talk to me."

I felt a little surge of hope go through me. He had something to focus on and take his mind off from everything happening, something to look forward to which was good. Wasn't it?

We continued to talk for quite some time, joining him for dinner and sitting on the dock over looking the ocean. The longer we stayed it was more apparent that my Uncle wasn't giving up.

"Every time they told me the cancer spread....I just got mad. I called the doctor everything I could think of..and then made up new words. I think that's why I'm still here." He was saying, as I sat huddled next to Jimmy. The ocean breeze was cooling everything down along with the sun that was sinking below the tree lines. "I'm too mad at the cancer to let it take me."

I fought back tears and smiled.

"You know..." Jimmy started though he kept staring at the floor, "I know how it feels to have a time limit put on your life then be able to completely disregard it."

I snapped my head around to look at him so quick that I thought I was going to fall out of my seat.

"I have an enlarged heart." He continued. "That's not going to let me live much past thirty.. here I am. I'm almost there..I don't feel any different. I don't feel like I'm going to die."

My uncle glanced at him then at me. "Stay pissed off like me. God will see it and let you stick around a little longer. I feel like people who accept their fate and give in are ones who are okay with leaving. I'm not. I have a daughter who just turned ten. I can't leave her. I refuse, and if I do....well, I don't want her to know that it was because I chose to."

Jimmy nodded and looked at me but I was too busy being angry at him for not telling me this sooner. I stared out at the bay and remained silent.

"I'm not going anywhere." he finally said. "I made a promise to a girl once I wouldn't leave her side."

My uncle laughed. "Good."

"Though she may kill me off herself before then."

I forced another smile then stood up. "I gotta go to the bathroom guys, I'll be right back."

Jimmy knew I was probably going there to cry or let myself explode in anger, but he didn't bother to follow. He remained with my uncle out on the deck.

I walked down the short hallway and past a few elderly people who were in wheel chairs watching TV in the 'common room', to the bathroom and shut the door. I looked in the mirror and sighed.
It was apparent that I was tearing up, my eyes were betraying me and turning red with each welling up. I turned on the faucet and then let the cold water run over my hands and splashed some in my face.

Jimmy was going to die? He knew this all along and he never told me? How could he do that? How could he just not tell me that at any minute, and soon, he might drop off dead.

I froze. That night he made me stay with him on the couch because he said he just didn't want me to go....

Was he feeling like his time was almost up?

I sighed heavily and then left the bathroom but was stopped by an old man who thought I was someone else. We talked for a few minutes then I managed to convince him I wasn't from around there and walked back to my uncle in what seemed like a foggy head.

"I mean, I've done a lot of things...bad things...and they didn't kill me. I guess I figured if I was going to die anyway I'd do what I wanted. It didn't matter...but the more I got to know Layla the more I started to care about what I was doing." Jimmy's voice was saying. I paused beside the door and waited for a moment.

"You really care about her don't you?" My uncle asked.

"Of course. She's my best friend. I mean, I have other best friends who are guys...I've known them since I was young but she's
different."

"She's a girl?"

"Well that too." Jimmy chuckled.

"Let me ask you something, do you have feelings for her that maybe are different than just a friend?"

I didn't realize I was holding my breath waiting for the answer until the nurse behind me scared it out of me and I jumped.

"Sorry!" He said quickly. "I didn't mean to scare you, it's just time to get Everette inside and in to bed."

I smiled. "It's okay. I'm pretty durable."

He laughed.

After everything was situated and Uncle Everette was in bed with a dose of pain killers, we said our goodbyes and prepared for the long journey home.

"I'll try to make it back up sometime soon, okay?" I asked as I hugged him.

"Good. I'm glad I got to see you today."

"Me too. I love you, Uncle Ev."

"Love you too."

I stepped back and looked at Jimmy who then almost shoved me out of the way. He approached my uncle and instead of giving him a handshake he leaned down and gave him a hug as well.

"Nice meetin' you, my man. Stay pissed. It looks good on you." he said.

My uncle laughed. "It better. You guys drive safe alright? Route six is littered in moose. I don't wanna hear that you guys crashed."

"We'll be careful. I know these roads from when Meredith and I used to hang out. You remember her right?"

He nodded. "The one who thought you could see Bar Harbor from Prentiss?"

I laughed. "Yeah....that's her. I tried telling her the human eye couldn't even see that far but..she argued and argued until an adult told her otherwise. She never listened to me."

Uncle Ev laughed. "You always do make the weirdest friends."
Jimmy grinned proudly. "I'd like to think I take home the cake in that area."

"You definitely do."

I hugged him one more time and then said goodbye then headed to my car with Jimmy right behind me.

-

Jimmy was staring at me for a long time before I broke down and asked him what he was doing.

"You've been quiet." He said.

"I know. It's late and I'm not as enthused about the drive home as I was the drive here." I lied.

"That never stopped you from talking before. You never shut up, Lay."

I laughed a humorless laugh.

"I know why." He said.

"Why?"

"Because I didn't tell you about my heart."

I gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. "Hey, you tell me everything, you had to have one secret."

He sighed. "I have more than one secret."

"Oh really? What's that? Something else that you SHOULD tell me but you don't. You know, like, are you gonna die in the next week or so? Or maybe you're leaving? Like, going back to California or something but ... don't tell me now. Go ahead and just leave and
then call me later and tell me about it."

"Ouch." He said quietly. "I deserve that, I guess."

"You know what I don't deserve?! I don't deserve to have one of the greatest men I've ever known dying in a nursing home bed because he's lost function of his left half and can't move. I don't deserve to get mauled by a guy every time I meet one because he thinks I'm easy and can push me around, and I don't deserve a best friend who won't tell me that he's sick and dying because he's fuckin' afraid or something about how I'll react or whatever the reason is you didn't fucking tell me! Jimmy! I don't... I don't know what I'd do without you everyday." My voice wavered but I managed to keep myself from crying.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"Don't be. It's not your fault. You have your reasons, and I should trust they're good reasons because you always tell me everything. Except don't you think this was different? Don't you think I did deserve to know!? What if I wake up one morning and go over there and find you dead!?"

"I'm sorry." He said again.

"Whatever Jimmy. Whatever."

It didn't take long for the weight of everything going on to sink in and drag me down. Tears were falling from my face but I managed not to make much sound.

"Layla.... I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry. I... I don't know what I was thinkin' not tellin' you to be honest. I just couldn't ever find the right time... Then your uncle was talking about that and I just...thought it'd be..... I know I shoulda told you sooner...I should have, I am so sorry."

"You didn't know how to tell me? Did you not stop and think just spitting it out would be a hell of a lot easier than finding your dead body!" I screamed the last part. I hadn't meant to but I did. Without warning I pulled over to the side of the road and started sobbing. I laid my head on the steering wheel and closed my eyes.
I felt Jimmy's hand on my back but I shrugged it off and threw my door open to get out.

What the fuck was wrong with him? Seriously? What the hell was wrong with his brain? How could he possibly think keeping it a secret could be protecting me? What was he gonna do? Write me a note and leave it along side his corpse to find? Just in time for me to hear that my uncle died so I would have absolutely NO ONE to be with me? He had PROMISED he would be there every step of the way. I knew he meant more than just tonight too, he meant for the rest of our lives. At least, if we had the rest of our lives.

"FUCK!" I yelled loudly, knowing no one would hear me. We were in the middle of the woods and hadn't seen a house in nearly twelve miles.

The tears got the best of me and I stood there bawling like a child. This was so unfair. This wasn't something I would have pictured God to put on someone. Give me two good men, then take them both way before their time. What was I suppose to do?

I hadn't even noticed Jimmy come up behind me until his arms were around me. One around my shoulder and one around my head pulling me to his chest as though he were trying to shield me.

I let him hug me even though I wanted to push him away. I was so mad but I didn't know if it would be the last time I would get one from him. He could die on the way home, he could die right there.

"I'm sorry." He said, his voice was so quiet. "I am Layla, I'm so stupid. I should've told you."

"Yes! You should've!"

He squeezed me tighter. "I just didn't know how. Please don't be mad at me. It's killing me that you're mad..."

"How can you expect me not to be mad, Jimmy? If I lost you...when I lose you-"

"Please don't." He begged and I suddenly realized he was close to crying. "Please please don't do that. Don't you think I know what I'm doing? How the fuck could I possibly find the right words to tell you I had to break a pinky promise?"

The way he said it and the way I could feel his body tense up made my heart break in to a thousand pieces. Jimmy never cried, ever. In the entire seven years I had known him, I had only seen him cry twice. Once because he got nailed in the junk by a baseball and the second time because he was so fucked that even HE was scared.

I hugged him tighter and reached my hand up so I could run my fingers through the short hairs at the base of his neck. It always calmed him down.

"I don't wanna leave you anymore than you want me to leave. That's why I've been so different lately...I don't wanna waste my time with you. Or anyone but especially you. You have been there for me through so much, through all of my bullshit, even when you didn't have to be. You took care of me, you saved my life TWICE. I couldn't ask for a better person to know and love, and that's why I couldn't tell you. I couldn't ... I can't admit to myself even now that it's gonna happen because I don't want to let you down...you've never abandoned me how can I do that to you?"

"Awe Jimmy...."

We remained like that for some time, just hugging in the middle of the road. We didn't have to worry about cars coming to see us like that, or hit us, because it was a dead zone. I wasn't even sure how much time had passed and would have remained there longer but something rustling around in the woods made us both freeze.

"What the fuck is that?" I asked.

"I don't know, I forgot my night vision goggles." Jimmy whispered.

I fought the urge to laugh and waited for the sound again but nothing happened. "Probably just a deer or something. Or maybe even a squirrel."

"Yeah, because squirrel's get to be like eight feet tall."

"It could've just been a fat one jumping around, they sound heavier than they ar-"

But the sound of snapping branches and heavy feet made us both bolt to my car without a sound. Once we were in Jimmy even rolled up his window and locked his door, causing me to laugh.
I couldn't stop. I laughed so hard that the tears of misery became tears of amusement. At the sight of this Jimmy started laughing too.

"Wow. I grew up in the woods, I don't know why I'm such a chicken shit now." I said wiping away the liquid from my cheeks.

"Hey! It was big! Whatever it was- AHHH!"

Jimmy's yell jumped me so much that I hit my head on the ceiling.
"WHHHAATTTTT?!!"

"Jesus, Mother Mary and Joseph." He breathed. "That fuckin' scared the shit out of me." He nodded out the window.

I glanced over with the hairs on my neck and arms still standing, to see a rather large moose staring at me from a few feet away.

"Thank god it's just a moose." I said relaxing.

"What? They're dangerous, he could've trampled us!"

"In my car?"

"Yes."

"No.... and besides, do you know how happy it makes me to see something of nature instead of an old pervert? Or a crazy dude with a gun? Or...Aliens..."

Jimmy laughed. "Aliens... Hey, maybe that moose is an alien, he's looking at you pretty intently."

"Don't say that." I said and closed my eyes. "Do not tell me that."

"I mean come on. Look at him lookin' at you. He looks pretty interested."

I reached over and started my car, Jimmy must have shut it off during my meltdown, and then dropped it in to drive very carefully.
"He better not chase after us." I said.

"Ten bucks says he does because he's an alien moose."

"Jimmy!"

"What? Ten bucks. Seriously."

"Ten bucks says you're walking home from here because I'll throw you out."

"Whatever, I'll just ride the moose back to town."

"Jesus." I snorted with amusement. I finally let off the break and hit the gas, slowly creeping by the creature who followed us with his head. When I was safely down the road and sure he wasn't
going to follow I looked at Jimmy.

"I win. Ten bucks."

"What? No. We didn't shake on- JESUS!" He yelled. I looked forward to see two more moose standing next to the road.

"Oh my God! Get out of the road you assholes!" I yelled and beeped my horn. Something you're not supposed to do, especially during mating season.

"Layla...it's the same moose only now he's got his alien buddy with him...we're gonna go down the road and find three ...then four...by the time we get home we're gonna be to them our version of moose meat pie."

"Yuck. No thanks, and seriously, lay of the alien bit! You're freakin' me out." I said and carefully drove past them.

We didn't see any more moose after that, in fact we didn't even see any more nature. Jimmy fell asleep on the last six mile stretch to home and I was careful to wake him by screaming "Oh my God, it's the mother ship!"

"That's a low, low game to play Layla." He said after he got himself composed.

"It's fun. And also pay back for freakin' me out."

He grinned. "Well.... I'm gonna go in and go to bed. I'm fuckin' exhausted but... I'm glad I went with you today...."

I nodded. "Me too. Thank you."

We didn't bring up our fight, there was no point. Now that I knew about it I was sure Jimmy would bring it up again.

"Night, Layla. I love you."

"I love you too Jimmy." Without thinking I leaned forward and placed a kiss on his cheek.

He grinned. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yes sir."

He hopped out of the car and went to his door and I backed out clear across to my spot where I parked the car for the night. I had to work tomorrow and I was sure I needed to go to bed as soon as I walked through the door.