Accidents and Emergencies

"I think about him all the time, Al." Audrey let out a shaky sigh, one that made Alex's heart fill with pain. She turned the doorknob and walked straight in without turning the lights on and clutched onto the counter as if it were the only thing keeping her legs from collapsing. After a few moments fought back tears and tried to regain her strength before turning around and turning the lights on. "You can come in if you want." She couldn't even look at Alex who was still leaning up against the wall in the hallway. His hands were now shoved into the pockets of his jeans and his head was kept low.

"You didn't even want me here in the first place, so I'll just go. Okay?" Audrey frowned and rubbed her forehead before stepping out of the apartment to wrap her small hand around Alex's arm to pull him inside.

"It's okay. I think I could use the company." Her voice was small and despite the mood that had recently been set Alex flashed a small smile for a second before returning to an overly emotional face. They hadn't been together longer than twenty minutes and depression had already set in, just like the therapists said it would if they were to ever be in the same room again.

Alex walked through the kitchen and into the living room, sitting down on the new couch that felt like it had never been used until this very moment. The man shifted uncomfortably and looked around to see what she had done with the place. It was decorated in that very vintage-chic way that Audrey always had a love for. Alex absolutely despised it since they were teenagers, but he came around to the bright, girly colors after a few years. Across from the white couch was an entertainment center made from what looked like a wide antique dresser that was painted aqua blue. Sitting on top of it were a plethora of pictures in unique frames. Some pictures he noticed and remembered the time and place they were taken, but others were completely foreign to him. He would have gotten up to get a better close at some of them, but he knew that both him and Audrey already felt awkward enough. "Why did you come back, Rey?" His voice was gravelly as he played with his hands.

Audrey walked towards him from the kitchen and sat down on the love seat next to the couch with two beers in her hands. After handing one to Alex, she opened hers and took a giant swig before answering the question. "Well," she started to get distracted as she picked the label on the bottle, "I had to, I guess." Alex raised an eyebrow motioning her to be more specific. "I wasn't getting by with the money that came from my job in Seattle, so it was either be homeless or come back home." She started to laugh out of self-pity.

"I would have helped you out if you had asked." Alex looked her dead in the eye, letting her know that he was serious. He had always been overly-generous when it came to Audrey.

"We haven't talked in a year and a half, Al. Why would I ask you for money?" Her eyes gleamed mean before looking back to the beer that was rested in between her bare, skinny legs; the coldness of the bottle creating goose-bumps to rise all over her body.

"Just because we haven't seen each other doesn't mean shit, Rey." Alex's voice got louder, more throaty than before. "I would still give you the entire fucking world." He wasn't angry, he was just speaking in the matter-of-fact way that he rarely did. "I love you and I would rather give you what you need to be in a city that you love so you didn't have to be here. Seattle was supposed to be your escape."

"I know," she kicked her feet up beside her, "it was supposed to be the place I went to disappear… Look how well that turned out." Silence had fallen upon them once more that night. Every once in a while they'd steal glances at each other, trying to be sneaky about it. All Alex realized was how frail his ex looked and how extremely fragile she seemed to be. He knew why, but it was hard for him to think about it. She looked like she hadn't been eating… or sleeping, for that matter. And all Audrey realized was how damn tired her ex looked. Touring takes a toll on a person, but this was so completely different. This was just devastating to look at. His eyes were dull and had big, dark circles underneath them. He looked like he had aged, but he still had a youthful look to him. Neither of them were pretty sights to be seen right now. "Did you just get home from a tour?" Audrey asked, even though she already knew the answer.

Alex nodded. "Yeah, uh, we just got off of an overseas tour where we opened with Green Day." Audrey acted surprised, but she had already known this information. Though Alex and Audrey didn't talk, she still snuck calls and dinners in with Zack, Jack, Rian, and a few of the crew members. Jack had called her one night a couple of months ago before the tour started and he was so excited that he could hardly breathe; this was the tour of a lifetime for these boys and Audrey felt so proud of them for growing up into talented young men.

"That's so amazing." She smiled and closed her eyes, remembering attending her first Green Day concert back in '05 with Alex and Jack. It was a great day, one full of happiness and euphoria. It was a memory that was stained into her brain for the rest of her life.

"It was. They're great dudes; really down to earth, actually." Alex lit up a little whenever he talked about music or touring and it had always comforted Audrey to hear the tone in his voice differ when he talked about those passions. His face dropped once again after thinking about the tour for a few moments. "I don't want to do this, Rey."

"Do what?"

"Awkward talking -- we're both forcing it and you know it." He fell entirely backwards to sink into the stiff couch as Audrey sighed and pulled her hair into a ponytail. "You know we both only have one thing on our minds." His voice was low as he looked over at her with sad eyes.

"I know, but-"

"Like, why don't you have any pictures of him?" Alex's voice was almost monotonous, making Audrey feel nervous and unsteady.

"Open the top drawer of the coffee table." She seemed to be talking through her teeth as she pointed towards the small wooden table. Soon, Alex opened it and was revealed to five scrapbooks and loose pictures in the table. He touched the cover of the top one, remembering how excited Audrey was when she had finished putting everything in it. "Satisfied?"

"Rey… Don't do that shit. It's unbecoming." Alex shook his head and pulled out the scrapbook, starting to flip through pages of pictures of Audrey with a growing tummy and an excited, yet scared, Alex to the side. A small smile cracked on his lips as he remembered all of these days they had spent together before he came along. After five minutes he set down the first scrapbook and picked up one that was a baby blue color with big yellow words sprawled out on the cover: Noah William Gaskarth. The first page was Audrey sweaty in a hospital gown and Alex sitting next to her, letting her squeeze his hand, even though it had already been swollen from her grip. The second page was a little baby wrapped in a fluffy green blanket with a hood. In the background, the two of them cried together over the birth of their unplanned son. At first sight, Alex knew that he had never loved anything more than that itty-bitty baby that rested in his arms. "He was so small." Alex commented. In the distance, he heard Audrey's voice get shaky. Soon, it was her entire being, not just her voice.

"I know." She tried to smile through the tears. Noah was their entire world. "He was perfect, wasn't he?" Alex's smile returned as he nodded his head in agreement.

"Other than the band, you and Noah were the best things to ever happen to me." His name rolled off of Alex's tongue as if it were nothing even though it was so hard to get out whenever anyone talked about him. With Audrey though, it felt like he could speak openly about their son.

Alex traced his calloused fingers along words to a Billy Joel song that were written out on the page in Audrey's beautiful handwriting. It was the first song that he had ever sang to Noah, one that he sang to him every night, even when he was on tour and those two were back at home. He remembered the first time that he sang it and how he still doesn't know how that song came to his head, but worked perfectly so he followed through with it.

Goodnight, my angel, now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I what to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me,
when we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean, I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep inside this ancient heart
you'll always be a part of me
Goodnight, my angel, now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry and if you sing this lullaby
then in your heart there will always be a part of me
Someday we'll all be gone, but lullabies go on and on
That's how you and I will be

"You okay?" Audrey asked quietly, waiting for Alex to snap back into reality. He was in a dreamworld where both of them would escape to every now and then. It wasn't a big deal. In fact, most of the times, it was better than reality.

"Yeah," he nodded, "I'm fine." With that, Audrey lifted her body off of the love seat and went to sit beside Alex. She gently rested her head on his shoulder as they continued to look through the scrapbooks of Noah's short time lived on earth. Though it was excruciatingly painful to look at his pictures, it was almost healing to talk about him when they were together because they knew that they felt the same way and no one could ever possibly feel such a strong connection than those two parents.