Accidents and Emergencies

As the night slowly turned into early hours of the morning, the pair was still sitting there in disbelief. The pain had never vanished, not even for a second. Instead of sitting in an awkward silence with her ex, Audrey got up and poured two glasses of wine, remembering that it had always been Alex's favorite. "Here," she handed him a glass and sat back down, "you look like you need this right about now." A fake smile rose on her lips for a split second before immediately frowning all over again. It seemed as though Alex hadn't had a drop of liquid in his system for days and immediately downed the glass instead of taking slow sips like he used to. Obviously the nightmare of that night was getting to him and Audrey could see that clearly. The girl cleared her throat and offered him more to drink which he gladly accepted. While in the kitchen, she set the bottle down hard on the counter and made a loud thud that made Alex shoot his head in her direction. "It wasn't your fault, you know." She shook her head and let out a small, painful laugh as the tears rushed back to her eyes. Of course, the girl didn't want to cry any longer, so the laughing seemed more appropriate than ever before.

"It was, though." Alex pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a sigh.

Out of all the times they had had this conversation, Audrey never fully expressed that it wasn't his fault. This was a first, but after two years, it had to be said. She knew from the beginning that it wasn't his fault, but the anger and sadness that took over her entire being couldn't fully let out what she wanted to say. "You didn't see that car coming and neither did I. Al, you have to believe that you're not at blame here." She bit her lip and looked over at him. A painful expression took over his face -- one that she had seen many times before since the accident had occurred -- and it was something that she had never wanted to see again. Audrey felt a pang in her heart all over again. "I'm sorry that I blamed you all of those times, but it was never truly your fault."

Alex stood up from the couch he was sitting on and placed the scrapbook on the coffee table before walking over to the counter. "I should've been more cautious."

"I shouldn't have been making you and Noah laugh so hard."

"God, do you remember that laugh of his?" He smiled painfully and genuinely at the same time as he thought back to all of the times that he had gone crazy over that little boys laugh. It was definitely contagious to both of his parents and others involved in his life. It was like he had somehow learned how to mock Jack's goofy giggle and turned it into a high pitched version of the man.

Audrey nodded and looked down at her fingers that were tapping anxiously on the counter. "Next to yours, it was the best thing I'd ever heard." Her face had softened up a bit as she looked over at Alex with pure nostalgia and admiration in her eyes.

He raised his eyebrows as a half smile appeared on his face. "Did you ever miss me when you were out there doing your own thing?" Curiosity and a desperate need to change the subject got the best of the man.

She forcefully shut her eyes as tight as they could go and nodded once more. "Al, we'd been together since high school," her voice was almost inaudible as she spoke, but she continued. "I have missed you every single second of every single day. When we lost Noah, I also lost you. Fuck, I never thought I'd lose you, but I am such an asshole and I shoved you away." She opened her eyes to look up at the ceiling, trying her hardest to blink away the tears and slowly started to stream down her face. "I wanted to call or go to gigs, but I couldn't handle seeing you. A-and I am so buzzed right now that I'm going to drunkenly ramble and I need you to stop me before I say something else that'll make me feel stupid in the morning."

Alex reached out and touched her hand, as if to tell her that she needed to break to stop talking. "I missed you too," he whispered, "but what makes it worse is the nightmares."

"The nightmares?" She pried.

"Do you know how many times I've woken up in a cold sweat over you? All I see is a repeat of that damn night. You're lying there, hopelessly in the middle of the road, and I had cried next to your bodies on the pavement. God dammit, Rey, I wake up thinking that you're gone." The night had taken a sudden twist and had become a night to make these confessions hopelessly fall out of their mouths like it was nothing. All of the words that they had been meaning to tell each other for almost two years was all laid out on the table now and they could either take it or leave it.

Audrey laced her fingers with his and waved their hands slowly back and forth. "I'm sorry," she looked directly into his eyes, "I'm so terribly sorry." She could no longer think of anything else to say, but to apologize profusely. "For your sake, I wish it would've been me instead of him. If it would've been that way, you'd still have the love of your life with a little spark of me to remind you that I wouldn't have ever left you." She tilted her head to the side and inhaled deeply. Just like the girl, Alex was out of words to say. He was a wordsmith and knew how to properly form sentences the way a poet would, but now he had forgotten how to speak.