The One That Got Away

Vic's POV

I remember that first time I saw you walking down the school hallway. I instantly noticed the black raven hair, and pale skin that came along with your skinny complexion making its way among the crowd. You were wearing black skinny jeans, a plain white shirt and black leather jacket that perfectly held your body.

Your eyes lingered around all the people surrounding you, and among the sea of students; those turquoise orbs met mine. I could’ve sworn I saw a smirk dancing around those perfect lips of yours but I instantly broke the gaze and kept walking to my locker. Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me. It was impossible that a gorgeous incomer like you would notice me. I was this short longhaired Mexican boy who was nothing special compared to you.

I sighed and opened my locker to take out the books I needed for history class. When I closed it, you were leaning against the locker next to mine smiling widely.

“Hi.” You said confidently while your eyes pierced through mine.

An awkward silence surrounded us but I whispered back. “Hi”

“I’m Kellin and I’m new.” I finally turned to look at you. Your eyes twinkled with curiosity around my frame, making me blush and turn to the ground.

“I’m sorry, I’m gonna be late for class. I’ll see you around ok?” I said walking down the corridor trying not to be late.

“Wait! You didn’t even say your name!” You shouted when I was about to turn.

“Vic!” I screamed back and rushed to the classroom, walking in and earning a few curious looks but I didn’t mind because I couldn’t stop smiling.

That day at the library you showed up again, interrupting my reading but I didn’t mind because I actually liked talking to you. We got to know each other a little bit more as hours passed by, and finally got kicked out by the old lady because we were laughing just too damn hard.

We went to lunch together and sat at the very back of the cafeteria, while a few girls stared at you and whispered things to each other, probably about how good looking you were. I blushed at that thought and sat myself down, not lifting my eyes of the food that was right in front of me.

I remember the first time I went over to your house and how awkward I felt when your mom hugged me tightly because she was so glad you made a new friend. I followed you suit to your room and looked amazed at your walls, they were completely covered with my favorite bands posters. I was so excited because finally there was someone who shared love for the same kind of music I listened to.

That afternoon we lay on your bed and listened to Queen until it got dark outside and I had to leave, not long before you offered to give me a ride home. I still remember how your face looked under the moonlight and said goodnight.

This went on for months; I would come over to your house or you would come over to mine, our families were used to us being attached to each other hips and wouldn’t complain at all.

One night was different than the others. You droped me off at my house, as usual but you were griping on the steering wheel so hard your knuckles were turning white. Radiohead was playing in the back.

“Are you ok, Kellin?” I asked and you sighed, letting your forehead rest on your hands.

“There’s something I need to tell you and it’s scaring the shit out of me, Vic.” You said with a shaking voice.

“Well, you know you can tell me everything.” I said while I patted your back, trying to comfort you.

You finally lift your head and looked me to the eyes, leaning a little bit closer and looking down at my lips every often. I felt your hot breath merely inches away from my face and I instantly closed the gap between us. You cupped my face with your hands while I tangled my fingers in your hair and I felt you smiling in the kiss, which caused me to press down harder but gently at the same time against your soft pink lips.

The lack of air seemed to appear and I pulled away, staring right into those deep blue eyes of yours, sending shivers down my spine. You smiled and rested your forehead against mine… that’s when I knew that everything was all right.

I climbed out of the car that night with a huge smile plastered on my face and walked to my door. When I got in, Mike instantly asked what happened. I just shook my head and walked to my bedroom, leaving my brother with a huge interrogate downstairs, but I was too happy to care.

The next day when we met at school you kept touching my hand while we walked together. At that point of the year nobody messed with us. It was like we were invisible to everyone and I was perfectly fine with that.

We spent the rest of the year together, hanging out with each other’s company but I didn’t care, I was happy to be with you. We would kiss occasionally, but I never dared to ask what we were out of fear to lose you. You were too perfect to be mine.

Prom came and instead of going to the stupid dance, our families decided it would be nice to have a dinner with all of us gathered together.

I remember we excused ourselves from the table and we were walking by your dad's studio while making our way upstairs when you suddenly walked in.

"What are you doing?" I asked while I leaned against the door with arms crossed and watched you take a whiskey bottle out of your father's cabinet.

"What does it look like I am doing?" You chuckled and smiled cheekily at me.

"Put that back." I said sternly. "Right now."

"Nope, now lets go upstairs. I want to you show something." You said walking by me, taking my hand and dragging me to your room.

Once we were up, you closed the door behind us and pushed me against it, capturing my lips in yours while your arms had a strong grip around my waist. I tangled my hands in your hair at the same time I opened my mouth and fought against your tongue for dominance, but it was useless; you were always the dominant one.

We pulled away out of breath and your right hand traveled from my waist to my cheek, caressing me while you locked those blue orbs in mine. I couldn't help but blush when you looked at me that way.

"Stop doing that." I laughed and you smiled at me.

"Doing what?" You asked like an innocent child when you perfectly knew what I was talking about. I glared at you.

"Stop staring at me like that." You smiled and pressed your lips against my forehead.

"I can't help it, you're too beautiful to be true Vic." I blushed furiously and looked at the ground, unable to handle a staring contest. "I love you."

I froze at those words, you've never said that before and it was special. I looked up at you with hesitant eyes and you nodded, without that huge smile leaving your face.

"I love you too, Kellin." I said honestly, I've never felt that way about anyone before and I knew you were special.

After our little make out session, you opened the window that leaded to the tree that was right in front of your room and started to climb, I instantly looked at you with curiosity and concern.

“Come on, Vic. I’ve done this too many times to count.” You said, while holding out your hand for me to take. I sighed and mirrored your moves.

Once we were securely sit on one of the branches, you opened the whiskey bottle and drank abruptly, contorting your face while the alcohol made its way down your throat.

“What are you doing after this?” You asked after we shared a few minutes of silence staring up at the sky.

“Go to college.” I chuckled and you laughed too, handing me the bottle and I accepted it, drinking from it like you did earlier.

“I know that, silly.” You looked at me and I blushed a little.

“What about you?” I asked and you turned to stare at the ground before looking at me.

“Going to college with you.” You answered truthfully while looking into my eyes.

“Are you serious?” I melted and you nodded, pulling me closer to you by surrounding my shoulder with your left arm. I didn’t protest and instead, snuggled closer by your side, perfectly content with that plan.

Summer was spent sharing laughs and crazy adventures by your side; you never failed on bringing a smile upon my face and I was really thankful for that. Your arrival was like catching a glimpse of light in an endless dark tunnel where I felt forgotten and unimportant. You made me feel wanted and worthy of someone’s attention for the very first time in years.

However, everything changed that afternoon.

“Hi.” I answered the phone and listened a sigh on the other side. “Are you ok, baby?” I asked, frowning a little.

“Yeah, I just need to talk to you about something really important.”

“Then tell me, I’m all ears.” I said, trying to hide the concern in my voice.

“I need to tell you this in person, can I stop by?” You asked hesitant.

“Of course.” I instantly replied.

“Ok, see you in 15.” You said and hung up.

I couldn’t shake the bad feeling off my body, there was something inside me saying it was going to be very bad, but I tried to brush it away. 15 minutes later the doorbell rang.

“I got it!” I shouted while I ran downstairs, and opened the door, just to see you standing there with hands in pockets and looking at the ground. “Come on in.” I said and you shook your head.

“Can you go out?” You asked and I thought that was really weird, usually we’d spend the time in my room.

“Yes, hold on a second.” I walked to the kitchen and saw my mom cooking dinner. “Mom, I’m going out with Kellin. I’ll try to come home for dinner, ok?” She must’ve seen me in really bad shape because she nodded instantly, with concern showing on her face.

I walked to the door, where I had left you and we both left the house, getting instantly in your car. You kept a straight face and kept driving towards the beach without saying a single word. Once you parked the car, we walked down the sand and sat down facing each other. You couldn’t bring yourself to look me in the eyes and I was really worried by then.

“What’s wrong?” I finally asked, you kept staring at your feet playing with the sand beneath them.

“I’m leaving” You whispered and my breath stop, my eyes instantly flooded with tears.

“What?” I managed to choke out and you finally looked me in the eyes, unable to control the tears yourself.

“I’m leaving for college Vic. I’m going to New York.” You said and moved your hand towards mine but I took it away instantly. I couldn’t believe you.

“When did you decide this?” I asked with hurt in my voice. “I thought we were going to college together.”

“I thought the same too but my parents sent the application behind my back. They say it’s for the best.”

I sighed but thought about it for a minute, you really had musical talent and needed to develop that, and you definitely wouldn't be able to do that in San Diego. There was no way I was holding you back.

“When are you leaving?” I asked while I tried to whip the tears off my face but failed miserably.

“Next week.” You said in a whisper. I moved closer to you and took your head with my hands, bringing your forehead against mine before closing my eyes and sighing deeply. “I don’t want to leave you, Vic.”

“But you need to, it’s for the best.” I said and opened my eyes, staring right into your soul windows. They reflected so much sadness, and it hurt to know that I couldn’t make things better, but at least I could try. I stood up and walked behind you before sitting down and wrapping my arms around your torso, letting you curl up against my chest while we watched the waves dance in front of us.

We spent the rest of the week together, even more than we were used to, but it didn’t matter; I could never get tired of you.

The day finally arrived; your parents were watching us from the distance while we said our goodbyes. Your eyes were red and puffy, proving that you probably didn’t sleep the night before, but I couldn’t blame you because I hadn’t slept myself either. You stared into my eyes before running to my arms and strongly gripping my waist while your head was buried in the crook of my neck, I could feel my shirt getting soaked with tears but I didn’t mind. My arms were around your back rubbing circles, trying to calm you down but there was no use.

“It’ll be ok, Kellin. I’ll be waiting for you right here.” I whispered in your ear. You sniffed and broke apart from our embrace.

“You promise?” You asked with bloodshot eyes and I nodded, smiling weakly.

“I love you.” You said resting your forehead against mine. “Never forget that.” You brushed our noses together before capturing my lips with your own, they molded so perfectly together that I almost missed their warmth when we broke apart. It was a bittersweet kiss.

“I love you too, Kellin.” I reassured you before we heard the lady’s voice trough the speakers announcing your flight. We sighed and walked over to where your parents were standing with your luggage.

You held them tightly before walking to the gate that was going to take you to New York. When you were about to walk through the door, you turned around and smiled sadly for the last time before departing to new experiences.

Summer was hell for me, I wouldn’t go out because I kept waiting for your calls. My parents began to worry for me and tried to force me go outside with my brother at least, but I wouldn’t do such thing. I liked to stay in bed all day long instead.

Eventually fall came and college along with it. Homework became more difficult than I thought it would be, distracting my mind from you. I barely reached for the phone anymore or send you any mails at all, and it seemed like it distracted you too.

I wanted winter break to hurry up in hopes of seeing you again, but just one week before, you sent an e-mail saying you wouldn’t be able to make it in any holiday. Not even summer. I would be lying if I said that it didn’t break my heart because it did. I just wanted college to be over already.

We lost contact from the second year and I got back to being my old self, I dare to say I even got more confident as I managed to keep my old friends and make new ones, hanging out with them every often.

Graduation day came along and so did getting a job. I couldn’t complain, I had made a major on Photography and became a music photographer; traveling all around the country with bands I enjoyed listening to. Even after all, I wondered if you remembered me like I remembered you but I shrugged the feeling away.

I barely had time to go home, spend some time with my family and rest for a few days before heading out again but I do remember when Mike brought up the topic while having dinner with my parents.

“Have you heard?” He asked looking at me.

“Heard what?” I asked while I took a bite of my taco.

“Kellin’s back into town.” I felt my heart drop and managed to swallow the food in my mouth.

“Are you sure?” I asked hesitant, under my mother’s watchful eyes.

“Yes, Jaime and Tony saw him walking downtown today.” He shrugged, still eating.

“Oh, cool. I haven’t talked to him for a while now.” I said, returning my gaze to the food in front of me.

I zoomed out for the rest of the dinner, excusing myself at the very end claiming I was really tired and it was kind of true; traveling did that to me at the end of the day.

I lay down on my bed and looked around the room, it had changed a little since I was in high school but not much. The walls were still covered by band posters and a few prints of mine, the ones I was really proud of. I smiled to myself and drifted off thinking about the joyful afternoons I had spent with you in that very same room.

Next day I decided I should go for a walk to the beach and while I drove, I couldn’t keep my mind off the thought of what would happen if we’d ever see each other’s faces again.

Once I reached the chilly beach, I walked with my hands in the hoodie I was wearing. I remember it was an extremely cold week in California around that time because of some tropical depression that was paddling over the shore.

I stood where the sea met the sand and stared at my feet, looking at the humidity the waves left behind.

“I figured I’d find you here.” You said and in that moment my breath hitched. I slowly turned to see you with black hair still, just a little bit longer than the last time. I noticed your blue-greenish eyes looked rather grey that day and a little bit tired. A small smile lingered around your lips while you approached me. Hands in hoodie just like me.

I turned to stare at the sea; I needed to sort out my feelings. Of course I was happy to see you again but at the same time I was hurt. I sighed and turned to walk towards the rocks that sat by the shore. Once I reached a comfortable spot, I placed my arms on my legs and rested my chin between my hands, staring at your back. You were staring at the sea in deep though but turned to stare at me, then walked hesitantly to sit in the spot next to me.

"I'm sorry." You whispered and I looked at you with confusion. "I'm sorry I got stressed and forgot about you."

"It's fine, I forgot too." I shrugged, not being able to lift my eyes from my hands, as if they were the most interesting things ever.

"Thing is-" You bit your lip and it looked like you were considering telling me or not.

"Go ahead, I bet it's not that bad." I smiled at you, trying to comfort you like in the old times.

"I'm just nervous of your reaction." You confessed and my heart felt weird in that moment. I nodded either way. "I'm engaged, Vic."

All the memories we shared flashed in front of my eyes and without noticing, my eyes felt wet already. I looked at you, but you weren't looking at me, you just stared at your feet.

"Then why did you come back?" I asked, failing when I tried to keep my voice steady. "Just to hurt me by letting me know or are you staying to live here too?" By that moment I was on my feet in front of you, with my hands formed as fists on my sides.

"It's not like that." You took a deep breath and finally looked me in the eyes. "She wanted to meet my parents."

"Oh, so you like girls now?" I asked harshly.

"Always have." You whispered.

"What was that again?" I asked once again.

"I always liked girls." I laughed bitterly at you and turned to see the sea, to calm down a little but there was no use.

"Then what was I? A fucking experiment?" I asked and you looked to the sand, without looking me straight in the face. "I can't fucking believe you Kellin. I just can't."

I started to walk towards my car, there wasn't anything more to talk, everything was water clear; I didn't mean anything to you and I couldn't be in more pain at that moment. I needed to get away so badly that I didn't care if I took off the next morning.

“Vic, wait.” You ran after me but I ignored you, still making my way to the car. “Let me explain.” You grabbed my arm but I instantly took it away.

“There is nothing left to explain here, Kellin.” I said frozen in place with my back turned to you, while I felt a huge knot in my throat but refused to let it show, so I bit my lip instead and stared at the sky. When I felt the tears back off a bit, I slowly turned and met your sincere and pleading eyes. They were red and little pools of tears were forming on their bottom. “Goodbye Kellin, I hope she makes you as happy as I could have.” You opened your mouth but closed it instantly; letting tears run down your cheeks with little sobs coming along.

I turned on my heel and got in the car, when I got home I instantly ran upstairs and started to pack my stuff with Mike asking what was wrong but I was too mad to answer so he finally gave up and walked out of the room.

The next day I departed once again, but this time I couldn’t help but get distracted very easily, zooming out during important performances and, obviously, missing amazing shots, but I couldn’t care less. I was too caught up in our last conversation.

I remember I was sitting in the bus with a few band fellows when they cut out the radio station and informed there had been a plane crash and that the plane was traveling from San Diego to New York. I honestly didn’t pay attention until my phone started to ring.

I saw the ID caller and picked it up right away. “Hey mom.” I said, bored out of my mind.

“Hi Victor.” She had a serious tone on her, the kind of serious that terrified me when I was a little child.

“What’s wrong, ma?” I frowned and asked in a deathly serious tone, walking to the back part of the bus to catch a glimpse of silence.

The line was silent before she spoke again. “There had been a plane crash…” she started and in that moment all I could hear was my heartbeat in my ear.

“Is Mike alright? Where’s dad?” I panicked and sat down on the couch, imagining the worse.

“They’re fine Vic, don’t worry.” She assured, trying to calm me down.

“Then what is it?” I asked and started to breathe heavily.

“It’s Kellin…” I could feel my throat close and my eyes picking with tears. “He was on his way back to New York.” My hand was over my mouth trying to drown the sobs that were coming out of it but it was useless. “I’m sorry, Vic.”

I dropped the phone next to me and hugged my legs to my chest, trying to steady myself but it was useless. I couldn’t breathe properly and I knew in that moment that a panic attack was coming next. I gasped for air and every time I tried to take a sharp intake of air, my chest felt like it was on fire. I was panicking and nobody seemed to notice, I felt complete and utterly helpless.

My head was spinning and the tears wouldn't stop running down my cheeks. All I could think about was how harsh I had been on you, how selfish I was when I didn't listen to you. Maybe you had a reason, and maybe, just maybe… I took it the wrong way.

The next day I went back to San Diego, just in time for your memorial.

I remember I walked into the cemetery with my head down and hands hidden in the black suit I was wearing. When your mom saw me, she instantly ran into my arms and hugged me tight to her body. I didn't know what to say, so I hugged her back and when I looked up, your dad was staring into my eyes with a sympathetic look, like he was thanking me for being there. I smiled back weakly and let go of your mom, it was your dad's turn to embrace her.

As cliché as it sounds, it was a cloudy afternoon, almost like the sky knew it was a sad day for everyone in town. We were letting go such a good human being like you.

After everyone left, I decided to stay, just to let out everything I was bottling up but I couldn’t stand being near where your body was. I didn’t want to remember you as a coffin buried deep in the ground so I ran away from there and went to the beach, where both us always found peace.

I was a crying mess when I reached the shore but I was too broken to care. I sat on the sand and cried for a long time. The air was missing from my lungs and my chest ached, not because of the lack of air but because I had lost you.

I had lost the only person I cared the most about, the one I had planned my future with. The one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I lost you, and there was no way I was getting you back.

I regret the last words I said to you, Kellin. I regret all the hate I spat them with. I'm sorry for being such a dick to you. I'm sorry I didn't let you speak. I'm sorry I forgot about you, I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough for the both of us. I'm sorry I broke all our promises and dreams. I didn't mean for us to end up like this. I want you to know that I will always love you.

I hope that you are happy wherever you are right now. I wish nothing but the best for you. I will always remember you as the cheerful black haired boy who approached me in high school and won my heart being no one else but himself.

I will think of you as the one that got away.