Because of Delaney

“Am I just beyond selfish or what?”

The words fell from her lips, coated with that light-hearted air of laughter and just the slightest hint of sarcasm, but as much as she played it off, Kandi couldn’t help but think to herself that maybe there was some truth in it. The proof was all around her, hidden in the countless shopping bags piled in the backseat of her S.U.V. An entire day spent scouring the city with her best friend, hitting up all of their usual spots in hopes of finding the perfect gift, but she had absolutely nothing to show for it. Nothing except for all of the scented candles, body sprays, and clothes that she picked up for herself.

“What do you mean?” Autum asked half-heartedly from the passenger’s seat.

“Well, we went shopping today just so I could try to find an awesome present for Logan’s birthday, but all I ended up getting was more useless crap for myself.” Her voice clung tightly to that joking tone, but her grip on the steering wheel loosened as she slumped back in the seat. “But…on the bright side, at least the apartment’ll smell nice when he flies out.”

“That is true.” She laughed along. “But you did get him those shirts, so at least that’s something.”

“Yeah, but it’s not really what I wanted to get him,” Kandi admitted, the statement punctuated by a frustrated sigh. “He gets really weird when I get him clothes anyway. He goes off on this tangent about how I’m trying to ‘change him.’”

She rolled her doe brown eyes at the simple thought of the notion. Logan was just as stubborn and bull-headed as she was. Trying to change him would be the equivalent of talking to a wall: completely pointless. And as much as Kandi prided herself in her gift-giving abilities, it was difficult to shop for him. Maybe it was because she wasn’t used to buying things for guys, considering the only male she’d ever had to shop for consistently was her older brother and none of her previous romantic relationships had ever lasted long enough to span any sort of holiday. Needless to say, this whole getting-gifts-for-the-boyfriend thing was entirely new to her. While she’d been able to manage the last two Christmases and his last birthday, she felt that this time around, it needed to be special. The two of them had just gotten engaged, and Kandi couldn’t shake the feeling that, since they’d reached such a significant point in their relationship, this gift needed to reflect that.

Maybe it was all of this pressure, or maybe it was hard for her because Logan was that guy that already had everything he wanted. He was in the position financially that if he saw something he just had to have, he went ahead and bought it for himself. While she was happy for him when it came to his success, with her only working part-time, Kandi felt like she just couldn’t measure up. Realistically, she knew she’d never be able to replicate the lavish gifts he bought her, so she’d tried to go the more sentimental route. As a couple, the two of them weren’t very sentimental, so she still had nothing.

He was one of the most important people in her life, and she felt like she had nothing to give him.

“He’s an idiot,” her friend replied as she ran a hand through her short brunette locks. “I don’t see how buying someone a couple nice shirts and ties is trying to change them.”

“It’s just…” She struggled to find the means to explain herself without making it sound wrong, and if she wasn’t able to get her feelings across to her best friend, she knew she’d never be able to tell Logan. “It’s just that, if we go out somewhere, I want him to look…nice. Not that I don’t think that he looks good enough already, but if we have dinner with the fam or something like that, I obviously don’t want him looking too…Hollywood, if that makes any sense?”

“Yeah.”

“He doesn’t get that it’s different here.”

“All conservative and whatever,” Autum muttered, her mahogany-colored eyes focused on her nail bed.

“Exactly.”

As she turned the key in the ignition, shifted into reverse, and eased the car out of the space, Kandi’s thoughts wandered back to the two boxed shirt-and-tie sets somewhere in her backseat. As the two girls were roaming the department store, something about the light blue seersucker material had caught her eye. Admittedly, it was a hue that would’ve looked better on her blue-eyed brother, but it reminded her of lazy summer days and triggered this mental image of the way she so badly wanted her life to turn out. It was silly and stupid, but she bought it anyway. Autum thought the cabernet-colored dress shirt would look better on Logan, and because Kandi couldn’t decide, she just bought both of them and called it a day.

After she dropped Autum off at her apartment complex, Kandi decided to take the long way back to her own building, hoping that the drive would help take her mind off of the flurries of conflicting emotions that drifted through her thoughts. As always, there was that nervous excitement that she felt whenever she was on the verge of seeing him again.

Having a bicoastal relationship was hard, and there were those nights that, as strong as she tried to be, she couldn’t keep from breaking down. But those afternoons when she would pick him up from the airport or wind up at his door possessed more of that childlike anticipation than Christmas Eve, Christmas morning, and New Year’s Eve did combined.

While she’d been practically counting the days until his next visit, there was still that underlying frustration and disappointment in herself, that sinking feeling that because she had yet to find something meaningful for his birthday, she’d let him down in some way.

The haze still hadn’t faded away by the time she reached her apartment. Her motions were automatic as she pulled her keys from the ignition and shoved them in the pocket of her frayed denim shorts, slipped the handle of each shopping bag up her forearm. With a nudge from her hip, the car door fell closed. The soft smack of her flip-flops as they hit the soles of her feet could be heard as she crossed the parking lot, and two flights of steps later, she was home at last.

Kandi didn’t even have a chance to set her bags down before he came rushing through the apartment to meet her, a blur of black fur and the clickity-clack of his claws against the hardwood floors.

“Puppy!” she gushed at the lab mix with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. Even though, at three years old, he had grown out of the puppy phase long ago, it was one of her many nicknames for her dog.

Dodging sloppy puppy kisses and a couple efforts to knock her down, Kandi slung her shopping bags on the couch and eased into the small space that was left over.

“Hey D!” she cooed as she reached for the remote from the coffee table. “Guess who’s coming to see you on Friday?” She kept her voice in that overly-excited tone as she scratched the spot behind the dog’s ear. “That’s right! Logie’s coming to see you!”

Realistically, Kandi knew that Durden couldn’t understand a word she was saying and, at the most, the dog only knew Logan as that-guy-that-sleeps-over-for-a-few-nights-and-then-leaves, but if she said the words in that enthusiastic, upbeat way, he seemed to get that it was a good thing and tried to jump up and lick her face.

“Just promise me you’ll be good and won’t try to bite him or anything,” she muttered as she grabbed one of the bags and glanced inside. While he had never tried to attack Logan, Durden didn’t have the best track record when it came to men, probably because he wasn’t around them that often and had an intense fear of Kandi’s brother, but there was always that nagging worry that he’d turn that aggression on Logan.

She pulled the red button-down from one of the bags and held it up to her chest. “Do you think he’ll like this?”

Durden couldn’t have cared less, ignoring her to lap up some crumbs from the coffee table.

She grabbed the bag with the two shirts and another shopping bag filled with travel-sized body sprays and headed towards her bedroom. She set the two shirts on top of her dresser as a reminder that she still needed to wrap them, and it was then that she realized just how much she had left to get done before her boyfriend’s arrival. Cleaning up the apartment, giving Durden a bath so he wouldn’t smell so bad, plus she still wanted to find something for Logan that was totally unexpected, something that he’d never see coming. It was a little overwhelming, and a part of her just wanted to collapse onto her bed, but the other part of her was itching to be active, to burn off some of the stress.

Even though her feet still ached from a busy day spent shopping, Kandi shed the gauzy top and frayed denim shorts in favor of a tank top and running shorts and replaced her trusty Rainbow flip-flops with a pair of Nike sneakers. Flipping her head over, she swept the mess of chestnut curls into a messy bun and headed back into the living room.

Durden’s leash hung from a hook near the door, and she couldn’t help but smile to herself as she watched the dog’s gaze flicker back and forth between her and the leash. The closer her hand moved to the black nylon, the harder it grew for Durden to fight his own excitement. His tail wagged wildly, his stumpy body convulsing in the motion.

“Ready for your walk, buddy?”

His answer was obvious as he struggled to get past her and reach the door.

“All right, all right. I’m right behind ya.”

When she finally got a good enough hold on his squirming frame, Kandi fastened his leash to his collar, and the two of them were off. It was too early to get in a good run. The sun had yet to sink beneath the horizon, the humidity lingered in the air, heavy and stifling, but she jogged along with Durden, stopping to let him sniff out every tree they passed and enjoy the fresh summer air.

As she watched him stop to paw at the red clay mound of a deserted anthill, she realized just how much the stocky black dog meant to her. Sure, she’d loved him ever since that first day she laid eyes on him as a puppy in the shelter, but now that she was living on her own, their bond had an even deeper significance. With Durden, even after a long day of classes or work, she wasn’t coming home to an empty apartment. He was always there; he was always happy to see her. Kandi could have had the worst day ever, but as soon as she got home and was bombarded with wet doggy kisses, her mood lightened. It didn’t matter if her hair was a mess, if she was cranky, or if she was soaked with sweat from a workout, that dog still lit up whenever he saw her. It was love in one of its purest forms, and she only wished that Logan could experience that same sort of bond. Since James had moved out, Logan had the apartment to himself, and she hated the thought of him coming home to nothing.

Kandi couldn’t shake the thought of him feeling alone as she headed back towards the building with Durden in tow, but it wasn’t until she was back in her apartment that the pieces of the puzzle seemed to fall into place.

>>

After a morning spent cleaning her apartment from top to bottom, fighting Durden to give him a bath, and then scrubbing the awful wet dog smell from her skin, Kandi was filling out paperwork in the lobby while Autum played on her phone in the chair beside her.

“Are you sure this is a great decision?” Autum asked as her thumbs typed out a text message. “Logan just doesn’t strike me as much of a dog person. I’m just being honest.”

“He’s great with Durden,” she replied as she wrote her signature on the last line.

“He doesn’t really have a choice,” her friend said with a half-hearted chuckle. “If he didn’t get along with D, you probably wouldn’t date him.”

“Hmm, that’s true,” Kandi admitted. “But I think he needs a little buddy to keep him company.”

“Whatever you say. He’s your boyfriend and all.”

The two of them had already stopped by the pet store to pick up a simple black leash and collar. Since it was the same shelter she’d adopted Durden from almost four years ago, Kandi was familiar with their policies. In order to take a dog or puppy home, you had to have a leash and collar, and because time wasn’t a luxury that she had, they came prepared to take Logan’s new furry friend home that very same day.

As the two young women walked back to the area where the animals were kept, Kandi honestly had no idea which sort of dog would be right for her boyfriend. Since he lived in an apartment, she knew she couldn’t get him a huge dog, but he was still a guy, so any sort of dog that could be fit into a purse was completely out of the question. A dog Durden’s size would be perfect. He was small enough to be able to live comfortably in her apartment but big enough so that she could still run around and rough house with him.

Although the kittens were adorable, Kandi tried to walk past them quickly because she knew if she found that connection with one of them, her heart would be broken if she couldn’t take it home. She already had her hands full with Durden, this was a mission to find a pet for Logan.

With each cage that they passed, she was beginning to feel discouraged because, while they were all cute and she would’ve taken them all home if she could, none of the dogs seemed right for Logan. She just couldn’t see him with any of them. It wasn’t until they reached the puppies that Kandi saw her: the perfect birthday gift for Logan.

The puppy’s fur was white, her ears were fluffy and soft like down feathers, but it was something in her eyes that seemed to click. She had the same dark, espresso brown eyes as Logan, that same soulful stare that had always made Kandi feel weak in the knees, and that’s when she knew that she’d found the one, that this was the puppy that was somehow meant for him.

The shelter must have just gotten her, because she didn’t even have name yet, just a number. The laminated sheet hanging from the door read that she was only two months old, another lab mix, and she’d already been spayed and gotten all of her shots.

“Can you take her out for me?” Kandi asked one of the volunteers before she turned to her friend, adding, “I think she’s the one.”

Though Autum was still wary, she returned her friend’s excited grin.

It had been so long since she’d held a puppy that Kandi felt a little awkward when the volunteer put the lab mix in her arms and led them back to a little secluded room where they could get to know her better. Like most puppies, she was full of energy, prancing around the small space, eager to be free from the kennel. Both girls were quick to lavish her with attention, and even though Autum was already sniffling from the pungent odor of all the animals, she still ran her fingers through the puppy’s soft coat.

“So what do you think?” Kandi asked, ruffling the pup’s fur as she gnawed at the leather sole of her sandal.

“I think she’s a beauty,” she confessed. “Even if he’s not the biggest dog person, she’ll definitely win him over with a face like that.”

“Okay, I think it’s settled then. Little Miss Adorable, you’re coming home with me.”

Kandi slipped the collar over her head and attached the leash before the three of them headed back to the lobby to finalize everything. The adoption fees were more money than she could really afford, but when it came down to it, it was worth it if it saved the puppy from being euthanized and brought some happiness into Logan’s life.

“What do you want to name her?” the woman at the front desk asked her, and Kandi’s answer was almost automatic.

“Delaney.”

>>

No matter how many times she picked him up from the airport after they spent some time apart, Kandi still felt that same nervous excitement fluttering like butterflies in her stomach and making her heart thud erratically in her chest. Each time she spotted a backwards baseball cap, she had to fight the urge to go rushing towards it, and when Logan finally made it through the crowd to her, she hadn’t noticed him until his arms were wrapped around her waist.

Without a word, she wove her arms around his neck and kissed him, weeks of longing and that momentary rush of joy she was experiencing in that moment rushing to the surface in one simple gesture.

She could feel his smile against her lips before he pulled away. His fingertips flicked her bangs out of her eyes in that playful way of his, eyes the shade of freshly brewed coffee glazing her frame. “Hey stranger.”

He was the only person who could get that nervous hit of a smile to grace her lips. She’d never been known for being subtle or shy when it came to her feelings. “How was your flight?”

Logan shifted his duffle bag on his shoulder as the two of them began to walk towards the door. “Same as always,” he said with a sigh as he rolled his eyes. “I’ve been stuck on the same level of Candy Crush for over a week now, so that was a good distraction.”

“I don’t see how you have time for that dumb game.” She laughed. “I know I don’t have time for that sort of thing, and you’re way busier than me…”

He shrugged. “It’s a good way to kill time. But what about you? How was your day?”

Her eyes tilted upward as she spoke. “Um…pretty good. Nothing too exciting, just went to the gym, got dressed, and now I’m here with you.” She grinned over at him as she laced her fingers into his.

They made small talk until they got to her car, where Logan tossed his bags and his hat in the backseat before sliding into the passenger’s side. Kandi was silently amazed at how, no matter how much time lapsed between visits, there was never any awkwardness between them. Together, they had a habit of falling back into their old carefree, easygoing patterns, and it seemed like they hadn’t spent any time apart at all.

“Happy bleated birthday, by the way!” she squealed as soon as she was settled behind the steering wheel. “I know I texted you, but I think it sounds better in person.”

“You’re crazy, but thanks.”

“What did you end up doing for your birthday?” she asked as she eased out of the airport parking lot. “I know you told me you were thinking about flying out to see your folks.”

“Yeah, I went home for the weekend, and the night before I left, I went out with the guys. Then I’m spending this weekend with you, so I guess you could say I’m a lucky guy ‘cause I get to celebrate my birthday for two weeks.”

“Must be nice…” she teased.

The closer they got to her apartment, the more the excitement began to build up in her body. Over the course of their conversation, there were a few times that she’d almost let the surprise slip, but she managed to keep tight-lipped until she made the turn onto her street.

“You’ll never guess what I got you for your b-day,” she began to tempt him, stealing a glance at his dimpled smile as she kept a steady grip on the wheel.

“You’re right, I probably won’t,” he admitted with a wicked grin. “So you should just go ahead and tell me.”

“Well then guess, and I’ll tell you if you’re right.”

“Hmm….” he muttered, stroking his chin as he pretended to sort through the possibilities. “A new skateboard?”

A faint smile adorned her lips as she slowly shook her head.

“Snowboard?”

“You can pretty much X out anything with a board.” Kandi laughed. “You know I don’t know anything when it comes to all of that.”

“Okay then,” he said, propping his elbow up on the car door and resting his head against his palm. “What would Kandi get me for my birthday…Clothes?”

“Eh, you’re halfway right,” she confessed. “I did get you clothes, but that’s not what the big surprise is.”

Curious excitement gleaming in his eyes, Logan was quick to follow up with, “Is it another beach trip?”

“I wish.”

They were turning into the parking lot, just on the verge of revealing his surprise, but she’d gotten him started, his curiosity was peaked, and now he couldn’t stop playing the guessing game with her. “Football tickets?”

“Nope, but that would’ve been a good idea. Didn’t think of it, though.”

Before grabbing her purse and her keys, Kandi slung his backpack over her shoulders while Logan carried his duffle bag. Even as they were heading into the building, he had to fire off one last guess. “Did you get a gift card or something to some restaurant so we could have a nice dinner while I’m in town?”

“Nuh-uh.”

Logan sensed that something was up as soon as they walked into the apartment and he wasn’t greeted with a series of inquisitive sniffs. His brown-eyed gaze shifted around the dimly-lit space as he eased into the kitchen area.

“Where’s D?”

Kandi was quick to brush off his suspicion. “I don’t know, probably in the bedroom or something.”

“Oh okay,” Logan mumbled as the two of them made their way to the sofa.

Propped up on the coffee table and filled to the brim with lime green tissue paper was a navy blue gift bag peppered with multi-colored confetti, balloons, and party hats that contained the two shirts she’d picked out for him. Kandi watched as her boyfriend’s eyes flickered nervously between her and the gift bag.

Answering his silent question, she encouraged him with a whispered but eager “Go ahead, open it.” Although a part of her knew he’d be disappointed by the shirts, she hoped that initial disappointment would be offset by the adorable puppy waiting in the next room.

“These are sharp, K,” he remarked as he laid the two shirts across his lap, but she knew him well enough to catch the hint of a let down buried in his voice. “Maybe I’ll get a chance to wear one of these if we get to go out this weekend.”

“Maybe you will…” Her lips mashed together in a firm smile as she fought to contain her own excitement. “I’ll be right back, I gotta go pee.”

She felt the blood rush to her cheeks as she slipped into her bedroom and then into the adjoining bathroom. As a form of damage control, the tile floor was covered from wall to wall in newspaper, and glancing around the small bathroom, she didn’t notice anything chewed up or out of place, which was definitely a first as far as new puppies go. Delaney was curled up around the base of the toilet snoozing, and Kandi lightly ran her fingers through the fur along the puppy’s head.

“Hey girly, ready to go meet your daddy?” she whispered enthusiastically before grabbing the pink ribbon she had hidden in the cabinet beneath the sink. With Delaney held securely in her lap, Kandi tied the ribbon in a bow around her collar, her heart pounding in her chest as the moment of truth approached.

Delaney squirmed in her grip as Kandi made her way back into the bedroom, and with the door just slightly cracked, she called out a warning in the most pleading voice she could muster. “Please don’t get mad at me...”

With that, she walked into the living room, the puppy held out like a peace offering in front of her before Delaney eventually came to rest in Logan’s lap.

“For me?” he asked cautiously as his hand ran across the puppy’s white fur, and though she could hear the surprised waver in his voice, Kandi had trouble gauging his reaction.

“Mhm.”

“Well she is cute, and I have to admit that you really did surprise me…” His voice trailed off as he stared at Delaney with absolute adoration. “What’s her name?”

“Delaney. Do you like her?”

“Of course,” he replied before his voice took on that higher, garbled pitch that was only acceptable when talking to young children or adorable animals. “How could you not love this face?” Logan tugged playfully at the puppy’s fluffy ears while she tried to lick his fingers. “I just wonder…what made you think of getting me a puppy?”

“Honestly?” she asked, and he nodded. “Durden.”

“Mmmm,” he hummed as he nodded his head thoughtfully, still lost in his own shock and this unexpected attachment to the writhing creature in his lap.

“I just thought of how happy Durden makes me and how all of the other guys have pets that they take along with them on tour and stuff. I guess I just thought that if I couldn’t be there for you all of the time when you’re at home, on the road, just got back from a long day of shooting, all that good stuff, at least you’d still have her.” Kandi’s honey-brown eyes met his, bridging the space between them. “I love you, Logan. I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone in all of this.”

As Logan’s body shifted to put his arm around her, Delaney tumbled from his lap and began to run circles around the coffee table.

“I gotta say, it’s probably one of the most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever gotten, so thank you.”

As his lips brushed against hers, Kandi found comfort knowing that, despite the unseen obstacles they had yet to overcome, they would never be alone.