Give Me a Sign, I Want to Believe

“Jess, you turn that music down right now or so help me god I will come up those stairs so fast and rip the cords from the wall!”

Quickly I jump up from my bed to go turn down my stereo. If there’s one thing I’d believe my mom about, it’d be that she wasn’t kidding about that music. My mom hated my music, always had. “It’s devil music I tell you!” I could hear her saying it now. Well, to be fair, she didn’t listen to anything at all, except the silent air. That’s more of an act of the devil if I ever saw one. Life without music? I think I’d rather die. But, to keep my mother from storming up the stairs I pop out my Simple Plan CD and return it to its case. I flop back down my bed and lay up staring at the ceiling. I really hated being home. No, I take that back. I hated being home when my mom was home. She tended to dip into the alcohol when she wasn’t off working two jobs to keep the house payments going on time. My father left us when I was too little to remember, so it’s been a struggle. As much as I knew my mother was a bitchy woman, I couldn’t hate her too much, because she did support us fairly well. If you exclude the excessive drinking.

I continue to look around my room. It hadn’t always been this way though, with my mom. She’d gradually grown more bitter over the years, but there was a time when she was happy and lively, even if she was working overtime to support a cranky teenager.

Maybe that’s why I’m so ill tempered when she’s home, because I remember a happier time and I resent her for destroying it.

Stop. I tell myself. You know what excessive thinking does to you.

I sigh, standing up. I needed a shower.

It was 9:30, and I still hadn’t had dinner. I bounce down the stairs and turn the corner into the living room. My mother was sitting there with her beautiful blonde hair reading a magazine. I glance at the coffee table to see her usual glass of vodka.

“Mom?” I say, cautiously, as she turns around. She really was quite stunning, with her blue eyes and fair skin. You’d never imagine she could hold such foul emotions.

“What?” She replies.

“Do you have any plans for dinner?”

“No I wasn't hungry, plus I’m tired so I was just going to go to bed soon anyways.”

And with that she turned around and continued with her magazine.

Okay. I thought. I’ll make my own damn dinner.

I proceed to kitchen and started sifting through the fridge. Becoming disgruntled with my options I grab a diet coke and settle with that. As I head for the stairs I glance into the living room and see an empty couch. Assuming my mom has already went to bed I make my way back to my room and do the same. Might as well get a good nights sleep because tomorrows the first day back to school from winter break. Oh joy.

_____

“Jess! Girl I missed you!”

I looked up as a walk into school. It’s Caroline, my best friend whom I hadn't seen all break because she was visiting family. I smiled, as much as her bubbly personality drained my energy, I still loved her.

“Caroline!” I ran up and hugged her.

“How was your break? How’s your mom? Did anything happen while I was gone? Did Jack and Abby finally break up?” Caroline would have gone on and on if I hadn't stopped her.

“My break was good Caroline,” I laughed, “My mother is my mother. Absolutely nothing happened over break, at least as far as I know. I spent most of it behind my computer. And as for Jack and Abby, just let it go Caroline.” My poor best friend was utterly obsessed with this guy in our grade, Jack, who was currently dating Abby. They’d been going strong for 5 months now. I don’t think Caroline was getting any anytime soon.

“I know I should give up, but I mean come on, you know that’s a fine piece of meat.” She winked and I couldn't help but laugh again. I missed my best friend. And with that, the bell was ringing and students began scrambling to their classrooms.

“Quick! What’s your schedule,” Caroline was ripping the paper from my fingers before I could open my mouth, “Oh yay! We have 3rd period and lunch together! I guess I’ll see you then!” And with that she was bouncing away towards the opposite direction, her blonde hair flowing with her. I laughed and looked down at my schedule again. First period I had Mr. Kindertow for AP English. Great, I thought, Let’s start off the day with my worst subject. I don’t know why I signed up for AP English, knowing it was my worst subject, but I did, and now I must suffer. I let out a sigh and continued down the hallway, coming upon my English class. I walk in a take a seat in the back, as usual and pull out my notebook while I wait for the bell to ring.

_____

I was daydreaming about nothing in particular when I felt someone tap my shoulder. I look to my right and suddenly drop both my pencil and my jaw.

“Hi, sorry did I startle you? I’m sorry, I just need a pencil mine broke.”

This boy said something, I know he did, didn't he? Who was he?

“Uhm, hello?” He said again.

I close my mouth and clear my throat before reaching into my bag and pulling out and extra pencil and handing it to him. He smiles and replies with a quiet thanks before turning his head back towards to the board, where Mr. Kindertow is babbling on about rhetorical devices. As I stare at this kid who just spoke to me I still can’t figure out why I couldn't manage to say something. Granted, I’m not the biggest people person, and I tend to avoid human interaction if I can, but if I need to talk to someone I can freaking talk to someone without gaping like a drooling two year old.

The rest of the class period I didn’t focus on the lecture at all but instead kept stealing glances at this kid next to me. I’d come to the conclusion he must be new because I’d never seen him before. He wasn’t British, was he? Because I swear I detected an accent but it wasn't as strong as you’d imagine a British dude. He had beautiful slightly golden brown hair, and was tall and lanky. His face was flawless. But even with all of that I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.

As I look at the clock to see we have ten minutes left of class I close my notebook and begin putting my pencil away. It’s not like I was taking notes in the first place, but as I’m doing so a note lands on my desk. It came from my right, but when I look the new guy doesn’t seem fazed at all. Or maybe it came from the guy in front of him, Rian. We’ve been friends for a few years, but why was he passing me a note?

I decide to just open it, and this is what is read:

Sorry I caught you off guard, I really didn’t mean to. I’ll just leave the pencil on the desk when the bell rings.
Thanks again, and sorry.

I steal another look at the boy, but he wasn’t looking at me. I go to write him back, but stop myself. Why am I stopping my self? But with that the bell is ringing and the mysterious boy is standing up and grabbing his bag. I should say something. He starts walking towards the door. Dammit say something Jess! But he’s gone, and I’m left sitting alone at my desk bewildered and dumbstruck as to what just happened to me.