There's Perks to Being Me, I Suppose

September 17, 2006
Dear Friend,

He was at the same party again. I met a new friend today. His name is Daniel. I will use his real name. Because I do not believe you know him. And that makes me happy. We met in my Intro to Psychology class. We were forced to work on a project together. He is a psych major. He said I was interesting and that was the kind of person he liked to hang out with.

So, we went to the same party. And he saw the same boy. Daniel asked if I was gay. I shrugged. I am not entirely sure. I think about girls sometimes. Sometimes I want to cup their breast, or do what I saw my brother do to our cousin. But, sex scares me. Because it has only been bad experiences for me. I have not told anyone else that. Daniel does not know.

He saw the way I was looking at this boy, though. He says he thinks I am gay. Daniel asked me if I wanted to try things out with him, because he is bisexual. I said simply said no. He looked offended. But, I cannot help how I feel. I apologized, and walked away from him at the party. I was offered ecstasy, and I took it. I woke up back in my room. Daniel was sitting on my bed, and when I looked at him, he shook his head.

He told me I was trying to get a girl to have sex with me. But, he stopped me, and walked me back to my dorm room. He said that the girl looked terrified, and that she was telling me ‘no.’ I broke down and cried.

I almost did what my brother did.

Love always,
Declan