Weightless

JACK’S POV
Well now I know what he meant when he said he may act a little different. He had gone out of his way to avoid me all week. He hadn’t said a single word to me. I didn’t realize all this would happen. If I tried to talk to him he’d walk in the other direction. If he couldn’t go anywhere, he would put in his headphones, blasting the music as loud as possible. He wouldn’t look at me. No way. He just stared at the ground when I walked past him. Had I really fucked up that bad? If he didn’t hate the kiss, then why is he acting like he hates me? I wanted to talk to him but he refused to let me.

I was sitting in my bunk with the curtain closed. It was three in the morning. I don’t think anyone else was awake. I just kept thinking about how much Alex hated me. The thought of it killed me inside. A knot started forming in my throat, and my stomach was aching. And then the tears started. I wasn’t a loud crier, so I didn’t need to worry about anyone waking up and hearing me. But somehow, Rian woke up any way. I don’t know how the hell he knew I was awake, but he did. He slid back the curtain and saw me laying there curled up under my bro hug blanket clutching my pillow.

He gave me a sad look and sat down on the bed beside me. “How did you know I was awake,” I asked him, my voice cracking from the knot in my throat. “A mother’s instinct,” he replied. “I’ve noticed you and Alex. What’s going on with you two?” Should I tell him? I mean he was like the mom of the band. Always cleaning up and having good advice and shit. And I’m pretty sure I could trust him… I still decided not to though. And he knew I wouldn’t. He sighed and said, “You two are best friends. Just talk to him about it. Whatever it is, just talk to him.” He didn’t understand that that’s what I was trying to do. He got up and slid the curtain back shut.

I wasn’t done crying when he opened it, so I let the rest of my tears slide slowly down my face. I did not see sleep coming easily, if at all tonight, so I laid there and cried on and off the rest of the night.

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The next morning, after not sleeping all night, I got up out of bed to make me some food, the one thing that always managed to cheer me up. I went to the tiny kitchen area and smelled food already cooking. It made my stomach growl. I saw Rian standing at the stove making bacon and eggs with cheese in them. Oh my God my favorite. “I thought this might cheer you up a bit,” he said smiling. “You are my best friend right now Rian,” I said, licking my lips.

When he was through, he made me a plate and sat it in front of me. I took a bite of the eggs and basically melted. “Please let me marry this food, it can’t break my heart,” I said. Right when I said it, Alex walked in the kitchen for his cup of coffee Rian had already prepared. He glanced at me and then at the floor, and then walked off. He drank a couple sips on his way out and put his cup back down, heading to the bathroom. I decided I was through eating and stood up to go back to my bunk to cry some more. When I got to the little bunk hall, I felt some one push me. They pushed me all the way past all the bunks and right into the open door of the bathroom, where Alex was looking in the mirror fixing his hair. Then the door slammed shut behind me. I turned and tried to open it, but someone had either sat in front of it or pushed something heavy in front of it so it wouldn’t budge. Great. “We’re not letting you two out until this whole fucking thing, whatever the fuck it is, is solved!” we heard Zack yell. Then, we heard them walk away, yelling “We’re going to the beach, don’t get pregnant!” before walking out of the door.

I tried again to open the door, pushing hard, but I got nothing. This is so fucked up. Now I’m alone in this tiny bathroom with Alex, who hates me. Fan-fucking-tabulous. I closed my eyes and turned around, then opened my eyes again. Alex was standing there looking the ground with his arms crossed. For a second, I felt bad. I don’t know why, I didn’t do anything, but I still felt bad, because whenever he looked at the ground, that meant he was about to cry. He’s had that habit since high school. But then, I remembered HE’S the one who’s been avoiding ME. And so bad feeling gone.

We stood there for a good five minutes in silence before Alex said, “Are you gonna say something or what? You’ve been trying to talk to me for a week, well here I am.” Damn, no need to be an ass hole… I didn’t say anything. Hell no. Not after that attitude. It was silent for a few more moments until Alex sighed loudly, “look m-“ but he didn’t finish because I cut him off. “Shut up Alex. I don’t want to hear whatever it is you have to say. You can’t go and kiss someone back, then say ‘oh maybe I didn’t hate kissing you’ and then not make contact with them for a week! That is so fucked up, Alex! I’m your best friend! If you didn’t want to kiss me back then why did you?! And after that, if it was such a big deal you could have said ‘it was mistake, I shouldn’t have kissed back’! But no! You have to go and get all screwy with my head! Fuck you Alex!” I yelled, before turning around and trying the door again, still not getting any sort of movement from it. I just wanted to run away so bad. But instead I turned around to see Alex sitting on the ground with his face in his hands and his shoulders shaking.

He looked up and said between sobs, “why are you making ME the bad guy here? You’re to blame too y’know?” What is he getting on about? I looked at him and immediately felt terrible. Tears were streaming all down his face and he was sobbing and his hands were shaking. I sat down beside him but didn’t touch him. “Alex, I-“ I started, but this time it was me getting cut off. “You kissed me and messed me up and confused me! I like girls Jack, but then you have to go and kiss me and fuck with my head! And then, you stay up at night I cry because I’m avoiding you and it makes me feel like total shit. But I just wanted to stay away because I was having all these stupid feelings about you that I shouldn’t have! And I just don’t know what to do!” he was crying even harder now. I had no idea all this was going on in his head. I felt terrible. I just thought he thought I was gross or he hated me or something, but he has feelings for me now?

I put my arm around his shoulder and pulled him over to me, and he rested his head on my shoulder, still crying. “ Alex, I’m so sorry. That was the last thing I ever meant to…” I whispered to him. He looked up at me and into my eyes. He had stopped crying, but his face was still tear stained. He locked his eyes with mine and bit his lip, glancing down at my lips, and then back into my eyes. Then he leaned forward and pressed our lips together roughly.