The Start

Jaime was sitting on his couch, waiting for Vic to come over and thinking about what had happened on the previous night. He knew it was wrong but he was attracted and to Tony and had developed some sort of man crush on him no matter how much he thought he loved Vic. He didn’t really feel bad about it though. He felt like he was giving Tony what he wanted and thought it was the right thing to do. He didn’t seem sad when they were together and that was all that mattered for him. On the other hand, he knew that Vic wouldn’t be really pleased if he heard that he was cheating on him with the guitarist of their band, but the only thing Jaime could do was hoping that no one would tell him and that if someone did, Vic would understand and forgive him. Some soft knocks on his door brought him back to earth, and the Mexican man got up and opened the door. As he was expecting it, Vic was standing there, smiling widely. Jaime pulled him into a hug and kissed his lips softly before shutting the door gently. And that’s when Jaime realized that something was wrong. Kissing him didn’t feel as good as it used to. He tried to ignore his feelings and took his boyfriend’s hand, leading him to the couch where they both sat down.
“Hey babe,” finally said Vic softly.
Jaime smiled and wrapped his arms around him, but it still felt wrong. He felt confused about everything, and holding Vic close to him didn’t feel natural and he didn’t understand why. This didn’t make sense. He was in love with Vic, wasn’t he? He closed his eyes and buried his face in the man’s long brown hair and sighed softly. He knew that Vic would think that he was sighing out of happiness or relief because he was here, but in reality, Jaime was sighing out of confusion. He hated not knowing what was wrong with his feelings. Vic yawned softly and started to talk again:
“Have you heard about Tony since the other time? I’m starting to worry about, y’know? He was acting really weird before leaving.”
“I, uh, well I don’t know. I haven’t heard of him,” Jaime lied, starting to feel more and more uncomfortable.
His heart had skipped a beat when Vic had mentioned Tony, and things had started to make sense. The love he thought he felt for Vic wasn’t true love. He just liked him as a really good friend, maybe like a best friend or a brother, but he didn’t love him the way he loved Tony. His chest started to ache. He just felt bad now. He felt bad for the two guys he had tried to make happy. He had failed because he had acted like an asshole, only trying to get the best out of every situation without even thinking of his own feelings or of Tony’s or Vic’s. He blinked, trying to figure out what Vic could have been saying while he was thinking about all of this. He knew he was still going on about Tony, but he wasn’t sure what he had just suggested. He eventually nodded, and Vic pulled his phone out of his pocket. Jaime had no idea about why he was doing that. He ran his fingers through the older man’s long hair, trying to find a way to tell him about Tony. He couldn’t stay with both of them anymore, not now that he knew he loved Tony instead of Vic. This just wouldn’t be fair to anyone. Some sound finally got out of the phone’s speakers and Jaime started freaking out as soon as he recognized his lover’s voice. Why the fuck was Vic calling Tony? Was it what he had suggested earlier? Jaime didn’t know. He simply didn’t know anything anymore.
“Hey man,” Vic said. “I’m with Jaime and we were wondering if you were feeling any better.”
Jaime bit his lip hard, waiting for Tony to answer. This wasn’t going to be good for him, and he knew it. He should’ve paid more attention to everyone’s feelings before getting himself in this mess. He tried to act calm for Vic, but deep inside he just wanted to let everything out. Tony remained silent for what seems like an eternity for Jaime, and he hated this silence. He knew Tony was thinking of something to say. He knew he was about to tell Vic. Surprisingly, the only reply they got from Tony were sobs. But they only made feel Jaime worse. It was his fault if Tony was crying. Everything was his fault. Vic kept asking what was wrong and Jaime started shaking. A few minutes later, the line went dead. Jaime sort of felt relieved because Tony hadn’t told anything, but he was worried. He got up and looked at Vic:
“I’m just going to check on him, okay?” he asked, not caring whether Vic wanted him to or not because he was determined to see Tony and to apologize. “I’ll call you,” he mumbled, grabbing his keys and coat before opening the front door and walking outside. He didn’t care that Vic was left alone inside. He just wanted to see Tony.
Jaime first went to the hotel where he had left Tony in the morning. When he got inside and walked to the reception desk, the woman told him that he had left this morning. He then asked her if she knew where he could’ve gone but she replied that she had no idea. This made Jaime even more worried than what he already was. Yet, he only had himself to blame for what was happening. This was fair, somehow. He had put Tony through pain, and he was just paying for what he’d done. He walked out of the hotel and tried to call Tony again. He didn’t get any reply. His phone had probably run out of battery during that call with Vic. He sighed loudly and got into his car. Where the hell could Tony be now? He started his car and headed to Tony’s place. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t be here, but he thought it’d be better to check.
Tony had texted his friend Kellin, who was currently in California for some vacation with his wife and their daughter, to ask him if he could spend a few days with them in their apartment. He didn’t want to bother the happy little family they were, but he didn’t know where to go and he had given up on the idea of leaving California, not wanting to put himself in danger. He also knew that he could trust Kellin and that he wouldn’t tell anyone that he was with him. That was why he had decided to spend a couple of days with the other man. I knew this was a good way to think of something that wasn’t his feelings for Jaime and the fact that he was using him. The good thing about Kellin’s Californian apartment was that it had a spare room where Tony would be able to hide each time he’d start being depressed or whenever he’d need to leave the little family on their own. Tony sat on the edge of the bed and smiled softly. This wasn’t a fake smile. He was relieved because he had found a place to stay where he’d be safe where no one would find him. Besides, his phone had died while Vic was calling him which meant that nobody would be able to talk to him, apart from Kellin. The young dark-haired man knocked on the bedroom’s door and walked inside, sitting next to Tony.
“It’s probably going to sound totally stupid to you, but I think Jaime’s worrying about you,” Kellin said.
“No, I told you about the situation. He’s probably fucking Vic the way he fucked me last night,” snapped Tony, shaking his head. “And anyway, what makes you think that he’s worrying about me? He just doesn’t care about me, and he proved it yesterday.”
“He called me.”
Tony blinked. He couldn’t believe what Kellin just told him. Jaime called him? Why would he do that? That didn’t make sense. He had no reason to call Kellin. The Mexican man sighed and looked up at his friend, staring at him with a confused look in his eyes.
“Yeah,” Kellin started, “he asked me if I had seen you. I told him that I had no idea where you were but he really sounded worried. You should call him and at least tell him that you’re safe. You don’t have to tell him that you’re okay with what he did to you but just tell him that you’re alive. I think he sort of regrets what he did and wants to apologize or something.”
Tony shook his head and mumbled that his phone was dead. But deep inside of him, he wanted to call Jaime and hear what he had to tell him. He just needed that. He needed to know that Jaime never meant to hurt him and that he didn’t realize what he was doing. Kellin finally handed his phone to Tony who grabbed it before smiling at the small man who was sitting next to him. He then searched for Jaime’s number in the contact list and hit the call button. His stomach was tied in knots. Jaime picked up, saying these words:
“Tell me you know where Tony is. Tell me you saw him somewhere or what-”
“Jaime, it’s me,” Tony said slowly, interrupting the other man.
“Thank fuck you’re okay. Listen, I know everything’s my fault and I fucked up with you but I really want to talk to you. I have a lot of things to tell you and we have a lot of things to figure out together. I promise that I’m never going to hurt you like this again.”
“Can I see you now?” Tony asked, not caring what time it actually was.
“Yes,” Jaime breathed. “I’m in front of your place. I’ll be waiting for you there.”
“Okay. I’ll be there as soon as possible.”
Tony hung up and gave his phone back to Kellin. He wasn’t sure what to expect from Jaime, but whatever it was, he was hoping that everything would be okay. He smiled at Kellin, explained him everything that had just happened and thanked him. The little man smiled and pulled Tony into a hug, telling him that whatever would happen with Jaime, he’d be here if he needed someone. The tattooed man nodded and got outside. He then unlocked his car, crawled into the driver’s seat and started it, heading to his place.