The Start
Chapter 7
How long had it been since Tony hadn’t spoken to anyone? Mike didn’t know anymore, he had lost count of the days but he hated what was happening. He didn’t really know who was to blame, though. Had everything happened because of his older brother or because of Jaime? Tony seemed to live a living hell, and nobody seemed to care. He walked up to the guitarist who was tuning his guitar, ignoring everyone around him.
“Tony,” Mike said.
Tony didn’t even make a move. He completely ignored him, just like he always did with everybody since Jaime and Vic had gotten back together. But this time Mike wouldn’t give up. He couldn’t let his friend be as depressed as he seemed, no matter what happened or who it involved. He sat on the floor across from him and stared at him. The only sound in the room was coming from Tony’s guitar. Mike sighed loudly and shook his head. Tony finally looked at him. He was frowning and it was breaking Mike’s heart. How could Jaime do that to him? How could he let him that like this? It was clear that he was in love with him. On the other hand, Mike was happy that his older brother was with the man he loved despite the fact that he knew that this was unfair for Tony.
“Come on, bro. You can’t stay like this forever.”
“What the hell did you expect me to do?” Tony asked in an unusual angry tone. “Did you really think I was going to be all happy because Jaime cheated on me and ditched me for Vic? Is this what you want? Do you want me to be as happy as everyone else? Well I’m not, and I never will be. I love Jaime. What’s so hard to understand about this?”
Tony put his guitar down and walked away. He didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to explain that he had feelings for Jaime in spite of everything he did to him. He started walking back to the bus but he felt someone grabbing his wrist. He knew it was Jaime, he could feel it. He sighed loudly and tried to escape, but Jaime’s hold was too tight. He didn’t want to talk to him. He wasn’t ready for him. He had been avoiding contact with everyone for the whole week and especially with Jaime. He didn’t want to forgive him and the best way not to change his mind was to act like he didn’t even exist, which was what Tony had been doing. He looked up at him and shook his head, trying to hold his tears back. What was he going to say? Was he going to give him the “I’m so sorry Tony” speech? Whatever he was about to tell him, Tony didn’t want to hear it. Surprisingly, Jaime didn’t say a word and crashed his lips against Tony’s. The Mexican man’s mind went blank and he just stood there with Jaime’s lips pressed against his, his eyes open widely. What the hell was Jaime trying to do? When Jaime eventually pulled away, he looked at Tony who had started sobbing silently, tears rolling down his cheek. Jaime wiped them with his fingertips, still not saying a word. Tony was too confused to even protest, so he let him do whatever he wanted to do. He knew this wasn’t the right thing to do, but he couldn’t help it. He let a soft sigh out and Jaime finally started talking:
“I’m the worst person you could’ve fallen in love with. I’m aware of that, Tony. I was going to apologize but you won’t believe in me anymore, I know it. It’s actually a good thing for you. I’m not a trustworthy person when it comes to love or feelings. But I’m always honest. I meant it when I said I love you.”
As Jaime was telling him this, Tony started crying more. He believed Jaime, no matter what happened or what he could think. That was what love was doing to him. It was making him blind. Jaime let go of Tony’s wrist and pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back in the most comforting way someone had ever rubbed Tony’s back. He calmed down a little, burying his face in Jaime’s shirt. What were they going to do now? Tony didn’t know. He was scared. He wanted to take Jaime back, but on the other hand, he was afraid that he would end up ditching him for the oldest of the Fuentes brothers again. Besides, he hadn’t even asked him to take him back, so that probably meant that it wouldn’t happen. The two men stood there in silence for a few more minutes. Jaime then let go of Tony who walked away, making his way back to the bus. When he got inside, Vic was there, talking with Kellin about what they could do on stage tonight. Tony smiled at them and climbed into his bunk. He grabbed the turtle stuffed toy Jaime had given him when they got together and cuddled it to his chest. He then peacefully fell asleep, feeling a bit better than he had in the past days.
Tony was woken up by Kellin a few hours later. It was time to get on stage. He yawned loudly and got out of his bunk quickly. He was ready to play this show. Everything was actually clear in his mind now, and he couldn’t wait to make up with Vic. Even if he couldn’t have Jaime, he knew that he loved him back deep inside, and this helped me.
“Has anyone fucking seen Jaime? I haven’t seen him all day,” Vic yelled, walking inside the bus.
“I talked to him earlier but then I came in the bus to have a nap. Do you want me to call him or something?”
“I can do it on my own. He’s my boyfriend, remember?” Vic snapped.
Tony sighed. Why did Vic have to react like this? Kellin looked at Tony and gave him a small pat on the shoulder, smiling softly. They both walked out of the bus and started walking to the dressing rooms.
Jaime was walking along some random bridge. He had been walking for hours, trying to get his thoughts straight, but he just couldn’t. He had hurt Tony so much, he knew it. But he also knew that he couldn’t be the faithful boyfriend he wanted and needed him to be. That wasn’t who he was at all. He was the kind of guy who liked sleeping around and getting drunk, despite his feelings for the man he liked to call his little turtle. He stood at the edge of the bridge and looked at what was underneath. What would happen is he decided to jump? Would he die right away? This seemed to be the right thing to do. He wouldn’t be able to hurt Tony anymore if he killed himself. His phone started ringing in his pocket. He got it out and saw Vic’s ID. He didn’t know whether to pick up or not. He didn’t know anything anymore. He ignored the call and decided to call Tony instead. It was unfair to leave him without telling him that he loved him one last time. It was also unfair not to let him know what he was going to do. When the young Mexican man picked up, he started asking him about where he was and what he was doing, not forgetting to tell him that everyone was worried about him. Jaime took a deep breath and started talking, not replying Tony’s questions:
“I’m sorry, Tony. I’m sorry. I just wanted to… I want your pain to end because I love you. That’s why no one will ever hear about me again. I also wanted to say goodbye to you. Not to the others, because I know they don’t love me as much as you do. I really love you, turtle. That’s why I’m doing it. Because I love you and I don’t want to have another opportunity to hurt you. You’re perfect. Please find someone who will love you for who you are and who will make you happy. I’m sorry I couldn’t be that person. I’m sorry it has to end this way.”
He hung up, not wanting to hear Tony. He walked closer and closer to the edge. He was ready to jump.
“Tony,” Mike said.
Tony didn’t even make a move. He completely ignored him, just like he always did with everybody since Jaime and Vic had gotten back together. But this time Mike wouldn’t give up. He couldn’t let his friend be as depressed as he seemed, no matter what happened or who it involved. He sat on the floor across from him and stared at him. The only sound in the room was coming from Tony’s guitar. Mike sighed loudly and shook his head. Tony finally looked at him. He was frowning and it was breaking Mike’s heart. How could Jaime do that to him? How could he let him that like this? It was clear that he was in love with him. On the other hand, Mike was happy that his older brother was with the man he loved despite the fact that he knew that this was unfair for Tony.
“Come on, bro. You can’t stay like this forever.”
“What the hell did you expect me to do?” Tony asked in an unusual angry tone. “Did you really think I was going to be all happy because Jaime cheated on me and ditched me for Vic? Is this what you want? Do you want me to be as happy as everyone else? Well I’m not, and I never will be. I love Jaime. What’s so hard to understand about this?”
Tony put his guitar down and walked away. He didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to explain that he had feelings for Jaime in spite of everything he did to him. He started walking back to the bus but he felt someone grabbing his wrist. He knew it was Jaime, he could feel it. He sighed loudly and tried to escape, but Jaime’s hold was too tight. He didn’t want to talk to him. He wasn’t ready for him. He had been avoiding contact with everyone for the whole week and especially with Jaime. He didn’t want to forgive him and the best way not to change his mind was to act like he didn’t even exist, which was what Tony had been doing. He looked up at him and shook his head, trying to hold his tears back. What was he going to say? Was he going to give him the “I’m so sorry Tony” speech? Whatever he was about to tell him, Tony didn’t want to hear it. Surprisingly, Jaime didn’t say a word and crashed his lips against Tony’s. The Mexican man’s mind went blank and he just stood there with Jaime’s lips pressed against his, his eyes open widely. What the hell was Jaime trying to do? When Jaime eventually pulled away, he looked at Tony who had started sobbing silently, tears rolling down his cheek. Jaime wiped them with his fingertips, still not saying a word. Tony was too confused to even protest, so he let him do whatever he wanted to do. He knew this wasn’t the right thing to do, but he couldn’t help it. He let a soft sigh out and Jaime finally started talking:
“I’m the worst person you could’ve fallen in love with. I’m aware of that, Tony. I was going to apologize but you won’t believe in me anymore, I know it. It’s actually a good thing for you. I’m not a trustworthy person when it comes to love or feelings. But I’m always honest. I meant it when I said I love you.”
As Jaime was telling him this, Tony started crying more. He believed Jaime, no matter what happened or what he could think. That was what love was doing to him. It was making him blind. Jaime let go of Tony’s wrist and pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back in the most comforting way someone had ever rubbed Tony’s back. He calmed down a little, burying his face in Jaime’s shirt. What were they going to do now? Tony didn’t know. He was scared. He wanted to take Jaime back, but on the other hand, he was afraid that he would end up ditching him for the oldest of the Fuentes brothers again. Besides, he hadn’t even asked him to take him back, so that probably meant that it wouldn’t happen. The two men stood there in silence for a few more minutes. Jaime then let go of Tony who walked away, making his way back to the bus. When he got inside, Vic was there, talking with Kellin about what they could do on stage tonight. Tony smiled at them and climbed into his bunk. He grabbed the turtle stuffed toy Jaime had given him when they got together and cuddled it to his chest. He then peacefully fell asleep, feeling a bit better than he had in the past days.
Tony was woken up by Kellin a few hours later. It was time to get on stage. He yawned loudly and got out of his bunk quickly. He was ready to play this show. Everything was actually clear in his mind now, and he couldn’t wait to make up with Vic. Even if he couldn’t have Jaime, he knew that he loved him back deep inside, and this helped me.
“Has anyone fucking seen Jaime? I haven’t seen him all day,” Vic yelled, walking inside the bus.
“I talked to him earlier but then I came in the bus to have a nap. Do you want me to call him or something?”
“I can do it on my own. He’s my boyfriend, remember?” Vic snapped.
Tony sighed. Why did Vic have to react like this? Kellin looked at Tony and gave him a small pat on the shoulder, smiling softly. They both walked out of the bus and started walking to the dressing rooms.
Jaime was walking along some random bridge. He had been walking for hours, trying to get his thoughts straight, but he just couldn’t. He had hurt Tony so much, he knew it. But he also knew that he couldn’t be the faithful boyfriend he wanted and needed him to be. That wasn’t who he was at all. He was the kind of guy who liked sleeping around and getting drunk, despite his feelings for the man he liked to call his little turtle. He stood at the edge of the bridge and looked at what was underneath. What would happen is he decided to jump? Would he die right away? This seemed to be the right thing to do. He wouldn’t be able to hurt Tony anymore if he killed himself. His phone started ringing in his pocket. He got it out and saw Vic’s ID. He didn’t know whether to pick up or not. He didn’t know anything anymore. He ignored the call and decided to call Tony instead. It was unfair to leave him without telling him that he loved him one last time. It was also unfair not to let him know what he was going to do. When the young Mexican man picked up, he started asking him about where he was and what he was doing, not forgetting to tell him that everyone was worried about him. Jaime took a deep breath and started talking, not replying Tony’s questions:
“I’m sorry, Tony. I’m sorry. I just wanted to… I want your pain to end because I love you. That’s why no one will ever hear about me again. I also wanted to say goodbye to you. Not to the others, because I know they don’t love me as much as you do. I really love you, turtle. That’s why I’m doing it. Because I love you and I don’t want to have another opportunity to hurt you. You’re perfect. Please find someone who will love you for who you are and who will make you happy. I’m sorry I couldn’t be that person. I’m sorry it has to end this way.”
He hung up, not wanting to hear Tony. He walked closer and closer to the edge. He was ready to jump.