Right Back Where We Started

Chloe's POV

I sat up in bed, somehow. My head ached. My whole body ached. What time is it? I pushed the unlock button on my phone but threw it under my pillow, blinded, before I had a chance to look at the clock. No wonder I rarely drink. Hangovers are horrible. My mind was totally void of anything I had done for the past few hours. Did I really drink that much?

Most importantly, why the hell, despite my lack of memory for any events of the party I had attended, did I feel like something was very wrong?

I braced myself before retrieving my phone from under my pillow and looking at the clock again. Almost 10 am. I climbed from my bunk and walked groggily to the front room, on the hunt for medicine and water. Both were found pretty easily so my next stop was the couch.

But, someone was asleep on the couch, totally covered in blankets. Brendon, maybe? I pulled the blanket away from the figure's head. Not Brendon. Definitely not Brendon. Why was Alex asleep on our bus?

I looked at my phone again, this time checking for texts. Usually I knew better than to text if I'd been drinking but I'd never gotten drunk enough to black out before. There was one text I hadn't read, from Brendon. we'll talk tomorrow.

Shit.

Quickly, I chugged the rest of my glass of water before walking back to the bunks. A few more hours of sleep would clear my head, right?

-----

When I awoke, my headache was gone. There was no more sleeping Alex on the couch, and it was almost 4 pm. I got out of my bed and changed into new clothes before I pulled my hair into a ponytail. Finally, I looked at my phone and there was another text from Brendon. is alex still hanging all over you?

A few details from the night before had come to my mind now - and very few of them involved Brendon. I had to have spent time with him, right? Why could I only remember talking to Alex, and sitting outside with Alex, and Alex getting me more drinks?

no? I responded, hoping my drunken memories were failing me, and totally inaccurate.

The wait for Brendon's response was much too long. I wanted to rip out my hair. What have I done?

we need to talk about this in person. come to my bus was all that the responding text read.

So, I headed towards Panic!'s bus. My cheeks felt hot and my eyes were heavy with tears. I don't want to see Brendon hurt, because I was being an idiot.

When I made it to the bus, Spencer and Angie were in the front room. "Hey, Chloe," Spencer grinned. "Brendon's in back."

"Thanks," I forced a smile, walking through the room quickly, to get out of their way. When I got to the back room, I saw Brendon sitting on his bunk, facing the door. "Hey," I whispered, my voice barely audible. His mouth didn't even twitch into a smile. I sat down at the foot of his bed, waiting for some sort of greeting.

He only looked upset. After letting out a sharp sigh, he spoke. "I'm not sure what to think, Chloe."

My lips pursed. "I'm not, either." I sighed. So, the memories I had about the party were true. I could tell just from the look in Brendon's dark brown eyes; the same eyes I couldn't make myself look straight into. We were not even a month into this tour, how could I mess up so badly already? "I'm not... I'm not even totally sure what I am thinking about," I admitted.

"Of course you aren't," He snapped, shaking his head. "Goddammit."

"Brendon," I spoke up now, not in the mood to deal with an attitude. "I could apologize until I lose my voice right now, if that's what you want to hear. But it won't mean anything, anything at all, until I know what's going on, okay? Please, instead of getting more upset with me, because I already know I had to have done something stupid, just explain what happened. Tell me what you saw so I know what to say to you. I can't stand seeing you angry, especially not at me."

And so, he explained. As he spoke, the entire memory came back to me.

"Dammit, Chloe, you are gorgeous."

I looked towards the ground, the heat of a blush rushing to my cheeks.

"Brendon's a lucky guy, and he better know that."

I looked towards Alex now. "Is somebody jealous?" I teased. By this point, my words were coming out slowly, stuck together like someone had glued them.

"Oh, totally," Alex smirked, nudging me with his shoulder. We were sitting together, outside of one of the buses and away from the noise of the party. "Any guy would be lucky to be with you. Sometimes, I just wish it was me."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "You are so drunk, Gaskarth."

"Maybe I am," He slurred, "But I still mean this."

Before my intoxicated mind could totally understand what was going on, Alex had forced me into a kiss. I couldn't let myself return it, and he only leaned more towards me as I tried to pull away.

"What the fuck, Chloe?" A voice spoke from behind me. Finally, I built up the nerve to push Alex's drunken figure away from me.

"Brendon," I spoke, but he didn't respond. His dark eyes held more anger than I'd ever seen; I couldn't help but start crying. It felt like everything was happening around me, and I could do nothing to turn this situation into anything other than the mess it had become. I could do nothing but stare up at him, my vision blurry from the alcohol and the newly-formed tears. Without another word, he walked away.

I turned back towards Alex, fuming now. "I can't believe you," I snapped, my jaw tightening. "Sophie told me you were up to something, I don't know why I couldn't believe her. Get away from me." He ruined everything. The boy sitting next to me on the grass made the one person I truly loved angry with me and I couldn't even stand to look at his face anymore.

"Chloe, I'm sor-"

"Get out of my face!" I snapped, still crying. Without another word, Alex left.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up on the bus.

I cupped my face into my hands, letting out a long sigh. "I'm so sorry," I choked, looking towards Brendon. "I don't - I don't know why... why any of that happened. I didn't want that to-" The words were interrupted now by small sobs.

Brendon leaned forward now, resting his hand on the small of my back, and I couldn't help but bury my head into his shoulder, still crying.

"Chloe, just listen, okay?" I nodded slightly, and he kept talking. "I'm upset about this, yeah. But please just tell me, you'll talk to Alex, and make him back off. Because if you don't, I will, and it won't be pretty."

I pursed my lips and took a deep breath before I spoke again. "I'll talk to him. With Sophie, not on my own. I swear I did not mean for any of that to happen. I hate the idea of hurting you, Brendon."

"I know, love," He whispered, placing a soft kiss on my temple.