Our Faith Will Silence the Doubt

Heavy breathing, panting in this room that looked all familiar.

Naked.

"Another Ash, please?" Someone breathed out from under me. A boy's voice, deep with lust and pleasure.

I dash salt on the figure's naked torso, right on their belly button. I lean down while spreading their legs to drag my tounge to pick up the trail of salt.

Their body arch upwards, another moan leaves him roughly as I took a drink of alcohol. Who am I doing body shoots with?

I heard a car ride pass the house But the headlights casted into the room I'm in enough to see Andy hands handcuffed above his head.

I lean back to take in my full sight. His eyes shut, his perfect o shape mouth, a wet trail of saliva on his happy trial that headed down his.....yeah.

"Another baby," Andy begged but I could of sworn I heard Bre.

I put another trail of salt there and repeated the same thing as before. He screams, you could hear the sound of him pulling at the cuffs.

His hands were now free somehow.

"Fuck me.." He wimpered as he strokes himself. He had his free hand pinch his nipple as he tossed himself off.

Without thinking, I climbed on top of him. Kissing from his collar bone to his neck, jaw, then lips. Grabbing her chest but nothing is there. He wraps his arms around me as I position myself to penetrate him.

"Ashley!" I heard Bre moan. Wait, what?

I thrust in once more.

"Fuck..."Andy groaned, biting his teeth together.

Then again.

"Ashy!" Bre giggled, slightly moaning.

"I like you a lot and I want this," Andy whispered in my ear.

"Me too."

I shot up in my bed, gasping for air. I'm sweating and breathing hard. I lift the blanket up to see my morning problem and I can tell it happen multiple times because of the mess.

Fuck. I'm dreaming about having sex with another person! But I would never- Fuck, last night.

I couldn't remember most of it other than me kissing Andy and us shirtless....Did we have sex? I think i would remember that, drunk or not.

I got out of bed and the first thing I did was throw whatever is close to me and lose it.

I'm dreaming about having sex with a boy, not only that but it's Andrew. Of all people. I'm not gay, I know this by a fact.

I shouldn't be having feelings for him.

Your drunk dick sure did had feeling for him last night..

I pulled at my own hair. How am I going to face him today about last night? How do I bring up the sex dream I just had to him?

Then it all hit me that we didn't have sex but I walked out on him and left him there at the party. All I want to know is how I made it home fully.

"Sup faggot," said someone opening my bedroom door. Chris.

"I'm not-"

"Ashley shut it, you were about to screw that skinny fag boy at that party. Did his whole costume fool you?"

"Fuck you Chris, " I said flatly, my hangover is about to hit hard.

"Yeah, you're welcome too for driving your drunk ass home. Cause you know, I enjoy driving my crying, drunk friend with blue balls and a very noticeable erection, home!"

"What is with you?"

"I'm just looking out for you man. I mean, you have a girlfriend and I'm trying to make you not run onto that gay train again."

He held out a cup of water for me and some pain killers but instead of taking them with a thank you, I thought of something.

"And if I was?" He raised an eyebrow. "If I was gay, then what? Would you still be my friend, Chris?" I said in a strong tone.

He chuckled for a minute and I stared at him. Why did he think this was funny?

Suddenly, water is slashed in my face. I gasped as my whole body got soaked . I wipe my eyes to see Chris throwing the empty cup at me.

"Wake. The. Fuck. Up! " I stood up fast to get in his face and shove him backwards.

"What the fuck is your issue? I asked a simple question and you splash water at me?"

"Like I said, wake the fuck up! You're not gay, that was you in the fourth grade. Grow the fuck up!"

"I have grown up, maybe it's you that needs to grow up! How old are you and you keep calling that boy a fag?"

The room went silent.

"Holy fuck...... You like him.."

My heart stopped, I backed away from him with wide eyes. No I don't, I don't have feelings for him and I never will. I can't believe he said that to me.

"Get out. Get the fuck out of my house now." I walk towards my bedroom door to have him leave. He laughed at me, amused at my actions.

"Whatever Ashley. I know you all too well to see things you can't. It pisses you off that I know you more than yourself. But don't worry," he walked out my room and turn to face me. "One of these days you're going to be fucking him in your bed. "

I slam the door in his face before I pulled at my hair. I'm on the verge of crying but I held it back. It was all coming to me.

How I cheated on Bre by kissing my best friend. How I think I might be creating feelings for a boy I didn't even knew for a month.

I have to tell Bre, then I need to the tell Andy some time to today that last night was a mistake.

I grab my phone out my back pocket that flood with slips of paper with girls numbers on it. What the fuck was I doing last night?

I dialed her number out then wait for her to answer. She answer on the first ring.

"Ashybear...." she cried out, and that's when my heart shatters.

"Bre, Hi baby."

She shuffled into the speaker of the phone and tried to control her crying. "Ash, I'm so sorry for what I said. I was about to call you but you shot the bullet first...Ash, I love you and I'm sorry what I said."

"Bre-"

"I know I'm not the best girlfriend, I know that I've cheated on you before but you never did on me.." Fuck, not the best time for this Bre. "I'm sorry for calling you those names. I'm just sexually frustrated, sad that you're not here, and I'm cold at nights..."

I sat on my bedroom floor with one of my hands on my face to massage my temple. I miss her so much and she's saying sorry when basically I did cheated on her last night with Andy.

I basically jinx myself there when I said that I would never cheat on her, especially with a boy, and I did. I wanted to tell her but she was so broken right now.

I mean......kissing someone else really isn't cheating, right! Either way, when she cheated on me, she had full on sex with the guy.

"Honey, shhh, it's okay. Stop crying. You know I don't like hearing you cry."

"I so, so sorry Ashley. I miss you." He breathed out. I sigh.

"I miss you too, and don't be sorry. Don't be....I miss hearing your voice."

We talked about what happen the pass weeks we didn't talk. How her grandmother is sick, about missing me so much.

Then about her parents moving out and handing over the house to her if things go well. She spoke about me moving in with her again But I didn't say yes nor no to her.

Maybe moving in with her would be best. No need to be friends with the boys here if I'm just going to leave. This would be a good thing if I did move in with her.

I do love her but there are days when I want to scream at her but that's love, right? What me and her have is love and what me and Andy have is nothing.

Last night was nothing but a drunken lust. Whatever I said to him or did to him was nothing and he needed to know that.

I told my girl that I promise I will call her later. I had to take care if some business. I automatically texted Andy about how we needed to talk.

He replied back about him being home with CC and Jake. Great, people will be there when I need to have a serious talk. I shrugged my shoulders, I had to get this done with.

I went over to my bathroom to get myself some meds. My reflection scared me a little. Tossed around hair, lip gloss stains on my face, glitter on my hands.

Jesus fuck man...I sigh and went to wash up at the sink. I carelessly throw on some clothes and left out. My grandparents must be at the shop. Always busy on a Sunday for some reason.

I didn't bother to drive so I just went walking. Thinking each step I take. What the fuck am I going to stay to him? Say he's nothing and how last night was a Fucking mistake?

I still wanted to be his friend but best friends don't fuck each other....

I ended up at his place and that feeling came over me. I have a girlfriend, I'm in a relationship that he is trying to break. I knocked on the door and waited.

The door open to Andy with a half hearted smile. He wore sweatpants and that shirt from last night. He opens the door for me but I pulled him outside. I don't want his friends to hear what I have to say.

He close the house door and stood there looking at the ground.

"Andy," I started but he spoke over me.

"This is about last night, right?" He giggled.

"Andy, this isn't funny....." I stared him down. His eyes still focus on the concrete.

"I'm laughing about how you left me at that fucking house with no reason behind it."

"No reason?" I smirked at him. "Andrew you need to drill in your head that I have a girlfriend. Last night was nothing."

His head snapped up and his expression on his face was blank but there was this sarcastic smile there. He cross his arms over his chest, arching an eyebrow.

"Well someone's hard cock was saying something different."

I step up closer to him. "I was drunk." I hissed.

"So was I," he mimicked. "You think I want to hear you bitch about what last night was, cause I really don't. I'm hungover and my head is killing me. Want me to sum up what you're going to finish yelling?"

He got in my face and started to mimicked my voice again. "What am I going to do with some gay boy? I like girls and I have some bitch back in California who's probably fucking cheating on you again!"

The end of his sentence cracked and raised loud. I shoved him hard into the door. No one calls my girl a bitch.

"Yes, that's fucking right, Andrew. I have a bitch in California that I call my girlfriend. She would never cheat on me again But I did for the first time on some boy who has a rock hard crush on me!"

His eyes widen and his eyes got watery. "I don't have a crush on you..." His eyes trailed back away from me.

"Oh come on Andrew! Really. The blushing, the flirting, you wearing that slutty costume at that party like the slut you are. You're stuck on me. Get the fuck over it, it's nothing but a hopeless crush. Get over me!"

"I'm sorry...." He said in tears bit I didn't fall for it.

"You're sorry?" I chuckled. Our eyes were locked. "If you're so sorry, stay the fuck away from me. Don't talk to me,don't sit next to me in class, at lunch. I don't want to see you, hear your name, not even feel you breathe around me." I snapped harshly.

"Ash...." he strained out.

"Don't fucking call me that. I'm done with you. Fuck you." I leaned away and walked off.

"Ashley!" He shout out for me once then twice, then he was begging my name out but I kept walking. Andrew Biersack is no longer a friend of mine.

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I felt guilty for popping my head off at Andy but he needed to know how things needs to be.

He needs to keep his distance with me at school, outside of school, basically anywhere. I didn't bother to stop by my locker, the ball is about the ring but yet the halls are full.

I walked down the hall and I felt uneasy when I saw Jake, Jinxx, and CC by one of their lockers. CC tapped the Jeremy kid on the shoulder. He looked up ans his eyes dart to me quickly.

His eyebrows furrowed together and that fast it all compute in my head he was running towards me.

I'm tackled to the ground and once my eyes opened, I saw his fist collide with my face. "That's for making him cry," Jeremy growled.

I heard students chanting 'fight fight fight' I tried to fight back but another punch was to my chest, making it hard to breathe.

"That's for hurting him!"

"Jinxx, chill dude! " I heard CC. He must had pulled him off because I couldn't feel his pressure sitting on me.

There was a hard kick on my ribs once.

"For touching him!"

Another sharp kick.

"For kissing him!"

One last hard kick but it was in the face. I cried out.

"For being an asshole. Stay the fuck away from us and Andrew! "

Students around me laughed or went ooo. No one bothered to help me up. I laid in the middle if the ground in pain.

Seconds later, I can feel someone helping me on my feet. I hissed, I think something is officially broke.

"And he's the quite and calm one." Someone said. I look over to see it's Chris. "Here, we're going over to my place."

I regret everything I've done.