Our Faith Will Silence the Doubt

"Last night was nothing."

"I was drunk."

"Stay the fuck away from me."

"I'm done with you. Fuck you."

There I stood, shouting his name tears running down my face. He kept just walking though. I stood outside of my house crying my eyes out. I sat down on the little welcome mat and buried my face into my hands. Good job Andrew. You should have listened to CC in the first place. You're so stubborn and childish. I mean, CC fucking told you!

I looked up when I heard a car pull in. Expectantly, it was Jeremy. He noticed a problem and wasted no time running to help fix it.

"Drew what happened Why are you out here? Why are you crying? Where are the guys?" He asked panicked.

I didn't say anything, but being the great friend he was, he stopped questioning and helped me inside.

We sat down on the couch. He looked at me wanting for me to explain more. I sat in silence afraid to look at him and tell him my troubles.

"Andy please tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded.

I finally looked at his face and built up the will power to confide in him.

"Remember the party last night?"

"Yeah." Heard slowly.

"Well I was pretty drunk and so was Ashley. He came on to me and we kissed and–"

Jeremy held up his hand and signaled for me to stop talking.

"Andrew please tell me that you didn't have sex with him."

I hung my head down in shame. If it wasn't for Roetter walking in then it probably would have happened.

"No...but I wanted to."

"I'm guessing he's the reason you're crying. What did he do?"

"He left me at the house and he came by this morning. I was going to make a joke about it, but he was clearly pissed and stupid me decided to make him angrier. He told me not to bother him anymore. Fuck, he basically kicked me out of his life, and truth be told I deserved it. H–he told me that the kiss meant nothing, then I called Bre a bitch and he pushed me into the house...and he called me a slut," I felt myself start to cry again and tried to stop the tears from coming, but it was no use, "I'm not a slut."

"Don't beat yourself up because he's an asshole. And no you're not a slut. He needs to stop thinking with his dick and realize that he's hurting people. Shit, you out of all people made friends with him. You don't bother with anyone and you took him in like a brother. If he doesn't appreciate that then fuck it. Don't even bother with him anymore. I'll kick his ass for putting his hands on you. He'll regret it if I see him."

"Don't. You actually do well in school. I don't want you to get in trouble because of me."

"I don't give a fuck and since when do the teachers out there care?"

"I guess you're right. Thank you Jinxxy."

He rolled his eyes at my nickname for him and put a hand on my shoulder.

"That's what real friends are for. Go clean your face. Where are the guys?"

"Upstairs."

"I'll talk to them about the situation."

I nodded and stood up to take myself to the bathroom. I grabbed a wash cloth and wet it with cold water. I started to wash the smeared makeup off of my face. When I was finished, I looked at myself I'm the mirror and started talking.

"He doesn't hate you. He was just angry...yeah. Just angry. Try to patch things up with him. Not tomorrow though. You need a break."

I smiled at my reflection and mirror Andy smiled back. I came out of the bathroom to see the that guys had relocated into the living room. They all smiled at me and I smiled back, confused.

"What is it?" I asked as if I didn't know.

CC got up from his seat and engulfed me in a hug.

"I love you buddy."

"I...love you too C."

"To cheer you up how about we make peanut butter cookies?"

"I–I don't need cheering up if that's what you guys are doing."

Jake walked up to put a hand on my shoulder, "Andy you don't have to shield your hurt."

"I'm not hurt. Really guys."

I knew I couldn't lie to my best friends, but they just brushed it off.

"Then let's make cookies anyway."
________________

The next morning came quickly. I didn't plan on going to school today and CC wasn't going to make me.

"C'mon 'Drew!" He yelled turning the light on.

"I'm not going CC!"

"You can't just avoid him!"

He and I both knew the reason why I wasn't going was Ashley. I just don't feel like seeing him.

"I can if I want! Now leave me alone!"

"Fine. Whatever. We'll be by later then."

"Whatever."

CC slammed the door shut, and I turned back over in my covers. I still can't believe Ashley. What is his problem. I just love how he blamed me for the whole situation when he was the one who came onto me.

"Andrew!"

"What mom?"

"I know you're not sick so why aren't you going to school."

"I don't want to mom."

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Look, you're going to school either way Andrew."

"Mom!"

"Know your place Andy. Don't yell at me. Get up now."

I groaned and got up from my bed. I slipped on the pants that CC threw at me and grabbed a clean shirt from my dresser.

Another day, another anxiety attack...
_________________

"Late Mr. Biersack. Take a seat. You can join your friend in detention this afternoon."

Wow the teacher actually showed up today. I rolled my eyes, and walked towards my normal seat. CC nonchalantly smiled at me, and just nodded.

"What was he going on about, and where's Ashley?"

"You missed it. Jeremy lost his shit and kicked Ashley's ass. They just gave him a detention, and we don't know where Ashley went."

"Jeremy did what?"

"He beat the fuck out of Purdy. I mean I knew you were gay, but now you're realimg straight guys in. Damn Biersack."

The three of us turned our heads to the person who made the comment. I didn't know whether to flick him off or say thanks for the complement. I looked at Jake and CC and just shrugged.

"Where is he now?"

"They just let him go back to class. And again I don't know where Ashley is."

"Guys he just made it worse! I want Ashley to like me not hate me and my friends forever."

"Wow you're serious 'Drew? He called you a whore and told you not to speak to him again. You can't go back to that." CC whispered with a frown on his face.

I just looked down and ignored the guys for the rest of the class. I knew what I wanted, and I knew deep down that Ashley didn't mean anything he said.
_____________________

The bell finally rang and the teacher dismissed us.

I threw my it things into my bag and made my way to the bathroom. A smoke would be nice right now.

I hopped up on the counters like any other day. In a couple of seconds the cancer stick was in my mouth, and my nerves were relaxed.

"Jake said you were looking for me."

I turned my head to the voice and saw Jeremy standing in the door.

"Not really, but I guess we can talk. So what happened with you and Ashley?"

"I taught the fucker a lesson."

"I heard it was bad."

"I guess it was."

I nodded and took another puff on the cigarette.

"What'd you do to him?" I asked.

"The video's online. Give me your phone."

His hands pushed a lot of buttons and a video was before me. My eyes went wide at the scene. 2,000 hits already.

"Fuck Jeremy!"

"Can't tell if you're congratulating me or yelling at me."

"Both! I mean fuck! I didn't know you had it in you, but now Ashley probably hates me even more!"

"So. Why are you worried about it?"

"Because he's my friend..." I mumbled unsure of it now.

"Yeah, because he called you a slut, pushed you, and said he never wanted to see you again."

"He was just angry."

"So was I."

I rolled my eyes and put the cigarette out on the sink. My eyes roamed to my lit up phone. A myspace message from a Bre...

Look, I don't know who you are or what your problem is, but you and your friends need to stay away from Ashely. You keep your filthy whore hands and filthy slut lips off of him. He's taken. Yeah, I'm, miles away, but it doesn't mean I'll just let things fly.

Wow? Okay the Bre.

Hey Bre. Pleasant to meet you. Yes, I'm fully aware that Ashley's taken, though his dick wasn't telling me that. You should get your story straight. He came onto me. His whore hands were just as busy as mine and so where his slut lips. You should be watching your boy. Not me babe.

Without a second thought I hit send and got off of the sink.

"What happened?" Jeremy asked, confused.

"I've got a bone to pick with Mr Purdy."

"Don't know where he is."

"He's with Roetter. That's where he always runs when he gets into trouble."

______________________

I drove to Chris's house on a lead I got from someone at school. It's pretty easy to get the information you need when you offer broke and underage teenagers a cigarette.

I found his house and squeaked my tires making it known that I was there. With a clutched clutched I

"Open the fucking door!"

I stood outside of Chris house banging on the door. It was stupid of me to sound so angry. It's two of them and only one of me.

"Ashley get the door before I beat his ass!" Chris yelled from inside.

I could hear Ashley whisper yelling at him. He opened the door and looked at me with an angry face. My stomach sunk at the way he looked. He was shirtless and a wrap was around his abdomen. His face was bruised and blood was under his nose. Part of me wanted to drop to my knees and beg him to forgive me, but 3/4 of me was angry.

The stepped outside and shut the door behind him. He crossed his arms and looked up at me.

"Why are you here Andy?"

"Because you said what you had to say and walked away. It's my turn."

"Let me sum up what you're going to finish yelling," he mocked. "Oh Ash I'm so sorry. It won't happen again please be my friend again blah blah blah."

I chuckled a bit and shook my head.

"No. I was actually going to call you a filthy liar, pathetic, and I was going to tell you that you deserved what Jeremy gave you. You're an asshole Ashley. I just don't understand. I don't remember everything that happened, but I do now that you came onto me. I respect that you have a girlfriend, but if you really really truly love her then no one can come between that. Go look in the mirror and talk to yourself. You'll realize how stupid you are. And tell your girl to never message me again. I got it. You're with her and I don't stand a chance."

I turned around and walked back to my car. Four more hours of school. I might as well go back. I hope I made him feel worse than he already did. I hope the sad and wise nice guy act fooled him. I fooled myself a little bit. I smirked at the dumbfounded Ashley still standing on the porch. I pushed the horn which made a loud noise causing him to looked up, rolled my window down and stuck my middle finger out.

"See you at school tomorrow Ash!"