Our Faith Will Silence the Doubt

"Can we talk, Ash?"

"I thought I told you not to call me that."

I sat beside him anyway and lit a cigarette, making sure the smoke got in his face, causing him to wave it away and cough.

"Don't be an asshole. You and I both know that you need a friend right now." I said.

"Why are you talking to me?"

"Because you're my friend."

"Why? I did all that shit to you, and even after you cried that day, I was still being an asshole."

"CC was being an asshole and made me cry too."

"But he's your best friend. It's different."

"Not really, but I didn't come here to talk about CC. Look, we need to straighten this out, right now. I'll put everything on the table, but you have to do the same." I said.

He was silent for a second, then he nodded.

"Okay. Fine."

"Ask me anything, and I'll answer it honestly."

"Were you as drunk as you said at that party?" He asked.

"Yes. I was seriously drunk. I only remember bits and pieces. I remember Chris coming in, but I don't remember you leaving. I know I fell asleep, and woke up alone, but that's it."

"Would you have went through with it, even if he hadn't walked in?"

I took another drag of the cancer stick, and blew the smoke out of my mouth.

"Yeah, probably. Would you?"

"I don't know. I mean, I have...had Bre."

"Had?"

"She yelled at me, and called out my dad. She can't do that...You can't just go around talking about my parents."

"What happened to your parents?" I asked a bit too insensitively.

"Car accident."

"Oh."

There was a silence again, and Ashley picked up my lighter, flicking it on and looking at the flame.

"Me and Bre just didn't work. I guess old flames always burn out."

"That's not true. I think once you've found the right candle, it'll burn forever."

Oh god, that was cheesy.

"Maybe."

"Can I ask you a question now?"

"Why not?" He shrugged.

"Why were you so mean to me? All you had say that you didn't want me around you anymore. You didn't have to call me names and shit too."

"I know, but–I know and I'm sorry. You weren't taking me seriously though. You made a joke out of the whole thing."

"Ashley, I didn't expect for you to leave Bre. I wasn't expecting you to start a relationship with me. It was just a drunken mistake."

In my head I didn't believe that, but I went with it. Maybe if I tell myself that for long enough, it'll start to be true.

"I know. I'm sorry for everything. I've only been here for two months, and my only friends hate me."

"I told you; I don't hate you."

"CC, Jeremy, and Jake do."

"No they don't."

"Yeah, because I'm sitting here with a bruised everything caused by Jeremy, and I heard CC earlier. He didn't even like me to begin with."

Ashley opened his mouth to say something, but the door opened causing him to pause. Neither one of us bothered to see who it was.

"You didn't mention Jake or myself. I told you we don't all hate you.

"Whatever."

"Ashley, why are you being so stubborn?"

"I'm not."

"You are. I forgive you, okay? Now come to class, I won't let anyone say anything to you."

"Thank you."

"Sure. Now come on. I'll help you if you need it."

He smiled at me and closed his notebook. I never even noticed it.

"Hey Andy?"

"Yeah?"

Before I could think straight, Ashley's lips attached to mine. My eyes went wide, but I didn't push him off. His eyes were closed, and he seemed perfectly content with his actions, so I closed mine too. I finally kissed him back, and eventually pulled away.

"Wow." I gasped.

"I'm sorry I just–"

I cut him off by doing it again. It felt nice, but something in the back of my mind told me that it wasn't right. We pulled away again and smiled at each other.

"We should really get to class." I said.

He nodded, still smiling, and gathered his things. When he turned around his smile fell, he stopped, and my gaze followed his. Jeremy and CC were standing in the door with their arms crossed. I felt guilty and opened my mouth to explain myself.

"I thought higher of you Andy." CC said shaking his head.

"C, listen."

"No. Just don't run to me when the asshole hurts you again."

He walked away leaving me, Ashley, and Jeremy shocked. Now I have to go deal with him.

"CC!" I yelled running after him.

I left Ashley and Jeremy in that room alone which was probably a bad idea. Maybe they'd act decent.

"Christian!" I yelled when I finally caught up with him.

"What Andrew?"

"Why are you so mad!"

"I'm not the one yelling."

"Don't be like this."

"Be like what? Worried about you?"

"Don't try to make me feel guilty either."

"I'm not."

I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Fine C. Can you just give him another chance?"

"No. I won't. I swear if he does one thing to you I'll—"

"I know, and I got it. Just let me handle it."

"Fine."

I didn't even have time to ask if he was okay because he ran off. I sighed and went to my class, no longer caring about anything.

_______________________________________

"I really don't want to go back to Chris's and my grandparents can't see me like this. Can I please crash at yours?"

"Sure. It's no problem. The guys are going to be there, though. Think you can handle them?"

"Yeah. I think so."

"Okay then. Hop in."

I started my car as Ashley put his stuff in the back seat.

"Are they riding with you?"

"Nah, Jeremy had violin practice, Jake has to have dinner with his family, and there's no telling about CC. He probably won't come anyway."

"Is he upset with you?"

"Probably."

"Is it because of me?"

"No. CC's just an asshole sometimes. I only put up with it because he's my best friend."

He just looked at me and blink. I shuddered at his bruised face and sighed.

"You alright?" He asked.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Look we're here."

The drive from school to my house isn't very long at all.

"Oh."

"Smells like mom's cooking." I said getting out of the car. Ashely opened my back door to get his things. He had his back pack, his bag with his clothes, and a gym bag, "Need some help?"

"Uh sure."

He handed me his light backpack, and I slung it over my shoulder, unlocking the door .

"Hey boys." My mom said without turning around.

"Hey mom."

"Hi Mrs. Biersack."

She sat her wooden spoon down and turned around her smile slowly fading.

"Ashley, right?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Right. Andrew can I have a word with you."

"Sure. Here's your backpack. You can go on up. You know the way."

He nodded before disappearing up the stairs.

"Andrew, what happened to him?"

"Just a fight. He's fine."

"A fight? Andrew I don't want you around people who–"

"Jeremy did it to him."

"Oh...Is there something going on between you guys?"

"Nothing for you to worry about. We're fine."

"Okay then...at least give him an ice pack."

I sighed and opened the freezer for the ice pack that my mom always kept there for emergencies. Before going to my room I stopped to get a towel to wrap the ice pack in.

"Here." I said, throwing him the ice pack.

"Uh thanks."

"Wasn't my idea. Mom insisted."

"Thanks anyway I guess."

"Sure, it's whatever."

_____________________________________

Night fell, and none of the guys had gotten here yet which made things awkward. I hadn't forgotten about Ashley kissing me earlier. It looked as if he did though. He kept looking at his phone, and never even brought it up.

"Ashley, you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just that Bre isn't texting back or anything."

"I thought you broke up with her."

"I did, but I was just angry."

"Ashley, do you not remember kissing me earlier?"

"I know, Andy but–"

I put my hand up to stop him. He closed his mouth and I sighed, rubbing my temples.

"God, I'm so stupid." I mumbled.

"Andy, look–"

"Shut up."

"Andy–"

"Ashley, I said shut up!"

"Andy."

"I don't understand. I really really don't understand! Fuck, I knew I shouldn't have kissed you back. You just don't have a girlfriend anymore so you need someone to be your little toy. That's what this is, a game. There can't be a relationship here, and I was stupid enough to...god."

"You're right Andy, and I'm sorry."

"I shouldn't have kissed you back."

"I shouldn't have made the move."

"Ashley, how do you really feel about me?"

He was about to say something but he shit his mouth and closed his eyes.

"I don't know, Andy."

I closed my eyes too, not wanting to say what I was about to say.

"Promise me, things won't be weird between us."

"Andy, thing are already pretty fucking–"

"Just promise me."

"Okay, fine."

I sighed, sitting down by my window and doing my usual smoking routine.

"I'm going to be 100% with you. I was checking you out since I first saw you. It was disappointing when I found out you had a girlfriend. CC was fine with the me and you thing at first but after he found out about Bre, he told me to leave it alone. I couldn't though. It's just something about you Ashley, and I have yet to figure it out. Have you ever just been so interested in someone that you just can't help yourself? That's how I feel, but in the back of my head, I know things won't turn out right."

"Why won't they?" Ashley mumbled, not looking at me.

"Because you're in love with Bre. You two are arguing because you haven't seen her in a while, but when you turn 18 you'll be back in Cali with your arms wrapped around her and you'll forget about us here...you'll forget about me."

"Andy, I—"

"And I know it's only been two months, but I've never put myself through this much trouble over someone. Fuck Ashley, I'm so confused."

"Andy, I can't forget about you guys. Yeah, it's only been two months, but you're my best friend. For the record, my brains has been fucked up too."

"Ashley, what is this?"

"I don't know, Andy."

"How about, for our own sake, that we make a pack. No relationship. That means no kissing, touching, or even flirting. Just friends."

"Okay. Fine. Just friends."

"But for the record, I–"

"Biersack we're here!" Jake called from downstairs. Those boys always traveled in a pack. They somehow always got to places at the exact same time. I sighed, put out my cigarette, and moved to my door, opening it for them.

"Andy?"

"What?"

"You didn't finish your sentence. You said for the record. For the record what?"

"Nothing. It wasn't important."