Our Faith Will Silence the Doubt

~Andy~

Jake, Christian, and I walked into class like always. We were 15 minutes late, but we had yet another shitty sub. I looked around for Ashley. He was always late but he always got in when we did or right after us. I waited 15 more minutes and kept constantly looking at my phone. To bad it wasn't going to ring. I didn't have his number yet.

"Panicking are we?" Jake asked when he noticed me looking around.

"I'm not panicking. Why would I be panicking?"

"The love of your life isn't here and you don't know what to do with yourself." CC teased.

"I don't love him. I haven't even known him for a week. I'm just worried. I would ask him where he is but stupid me didn't get his number. What if he was walking and some creep got to him, or what if he got in an accident?"

"Ah so it is Ashley."

"That's not the point CC!"

CC stopped paying attention to me and his eyes shifted to the door. He look at me with an "I told you so." Look. I followed his gaze and saw Ashley walking towards us. I let out a sigh of relief as he sat down.

CC and Jake went on about something, but I was too busy being self conscious.

Oh Andy must be trying to empress someone. I wonder who it is? It's you Ashley!

“Hi, I’m Mr. Lost. Someone fill me in?” He said snapping me out my daydream.

"We got invited to a Halloween Party. You know, dressing up and going all out basically. No rules. We're going and since you hang with us you can come too. You in?"

He didn't say anything. He was just intensely staring at me. My eyes caught his, but he wasn't really looking into my eyes. Maybe just at them.

“….are you in there Ashley?” I said waving a hand in his face.

“What?”

“You were staring at me fucking hard…You alright?” I asked.

“I was seeing what was different. You eyes are pretty.” I blinked twice and pinched myself under the table. He just called my eyes pretty. I'm sure he did.

"Um...thanks." I said, trying not to sound overly happy.

Now my flirtmode was activated. CC knew what was about to happen, and he looked over at me as to tell me not to. I didn't pay any attention to it.

I turned around and put on my signature smirk. My hair twisted around my finger as I looked at Ashley; undressing him with my eyes.

“Also we get to dress up in whatever. Costumes are a must. You should dress like a hello kitty….”

Yeah. I could picture him in a sexy hello kitty outfit. I got turned on just thinking about it. I bit down on my lip and got ready to open my mouth again when CC kicked me in my shin.

My eyes shot over to him and I wanted to choke him. I know it's wrong! I know it is! Stop making me feel bad.

I got to feeling bad but I wasn't ready to stop yet. CC started chattering and we all agreed that we'd stay at my house this weekend. I asked Ash if he was staying and he agreed.

“I need your number, butter head.”

Great there he goes with that again. My brain was fighting with me. God Ash. Why can't you just get the hint? I'm crushing hard over you! How can you not notice!?

I snapped back into reality and blinked my eyes to keep my head in shape.

“I’m going to need you to stop calling me that.” I said.

My face felt hot and I'm sure that if I looked into the mirror; I'd be red.

“I don’t know what else to call you. I might call you bright eyes. And there it is, your nickname for me.”

He smiled at me and it made my heart melt. Well you're beautiful Ashley! I think you're amazing. If I could think of something cute for you I'd call you that right now!

“Andrew, calm it...” CC said.

Oh shut the fuck up already. I don't have time for you!

As soon as I saved my number into his phone it vibrated. I saw a picture of his girlfriend and the smile disappeared from my face. Sad that I don't know her and I already don't like her.

"It's your girlfriend." I said plainly.

He looked at his phone and it's like something exploded in his head. Great. Just when I was getting somewhere. I scooted out of my chair and headed for the bathroom. I think I just need a serious smoke right now.

I left the room and I could hear CC on his feet. I lit the cancer stick and jumped on the sink.

"Dude chill out." CC said.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't try to hide it from me. I'm your best friend."

I puffed the cigarette and let the smoke blow from my mouth. I know it's unhealthy but the nicotine calms me.

"Andy, I told you this would happen. I specifically told you not do do this. I told you that you'd get heart broken."

"I'm not heart broken. Like I told you before it's just a crush."

"Okay, but you gotta stop bitching out like that? He's going to know that something's up."

"Well I'm sure Jake covered for me, so it doesn't matter."

I took another drag from the cigarette and let the smoke blow freely.

"What is it 'Drew?"

"Don't call me that. You're about to go all brotherly and I don't feel like taking right now."

"Well we're going to. Put that out and talk to me."

I sighed and put it out on my finger. I was going to finish that later.

"Andy every since I've know you, you've never acted this way. You've never given a fuck about what someone thinks of you. Why now?"

"Christian I'm going to help you answer your own question. Remember when I told you I was gay? It was two years ago. I told you first. I told you before I told anyone. I was scared that you'd all judge me. You didn't and you have me confidence. Now everyone knows and I have pride in it, but have you noticed that all of this time I haven't had a boyfriend? That's all I want. Someone to call mine. I've never had that."

"Okay, but how come you haven't found someone who's your type. And I mean all your type. Not how Ashley is. Sure you have the same interest but he's not gay."

"But he's perfection. He's out of my league. And that's what make me want him."

"I still don't understand."

"Remember that one time that mom came to the school and I went home and didn't speak to anyone for the whole weekend? That day one of the jocks came up to me at my locker. It was after the bell so we were basically the only ones in the hall way. He grabbed my hand and told me that he was gay too. He dragged me to the bathroom and was about to kiss me when his friends came from the stalls. He told me that I got punked and I ran out of the bathroom and called mom. I guess that I just want to prove that I can get someone who's not just average. I just want a real boyfriend. I've never had a person other than You, Jake, and Jeremy that I could call my best friends. I just...I don't know."

"How come you've never told me that story?"

"Well it's kinda embarrassing Christian."

"You can tell me that you're gay, but you couldn't tell me that a group of assholes treated you like that?"

I shrugged.

"When was this?"

"Late last year."

"I feel like I know exactly who you're talking about. If I ever run into those assholes..."

"It happened. It's over with. Let it be."

"Can you please just stop this with Ashley?"

"Fine. He's someone else's. I got it."

"Are you cool enough to go back to class?"

"Sure I guess."

"Stop worrying about him okay? If it's meant to be it will happen."

"Have you ever heard the saying just because it's meant to be doesn't mean it's going to happen without effort."

"No, but it's whatever. Just c'mon. They're probably worried."

"Fine."

We jumped off of the sink and headed back to class. Ashley was sitting by himself at the table. Jake probably ditched with Jeremy.

I took my seat again and didn't make eye contact with him.

"Are you okay?" He asked me.

"I'm fine."

I pulled out my notebook once again and turned it back to the page I was on the other day.

One look and I am sold.
You got me on my knees.
You steal all my innocents.
A love sick melody.
Ta

My writing was stopped by Ashley taking the notebook. He flipped through some of the pages

"Ashley no! Give it back!"

"Hm? That's nice..."

He continued to flip through the pages. He started giggling to himself and looking up at me with arched eyebrows.

"Ashley! Give it back now!"

"I don't think I want to."

"Ashley, don't do that dude." CC warned.

"You always want the one that you can't have cause love isn't always fair. You were the best romance I never had. Cause love isn't always fair. Sounds like Andy's crushing on someone."

"Fuck you Ashley!"

I stood up and my fist went straight into his face. I snatched my notebook from him and shoved it in my bag before walking out of the door. The bell had rung as soon as I stepped outside and I could hear CC yelling my name.