Dear Daisy

Love is a fickle thing, and the tighter you hold on it, the harder it seems to keep it. I really don't know how to feel about it. The more I ponder, the worse I feel. You never really cared about me, did you? Because I think you dragged it out this far for your own convenience. Just to have someone hanging off your every word. I didn't don't really matter. All you care about nowadays is yourself and popularity. Seeing you every single day, watching you have the time of your life with your new popular friends destroys me, but I get that this is the way life works. It isn't fair.

Nothing and no one compares to you.

You've been an absolute jerk lately, becoming cockier and ruder as the days pass. The gap between us keeps growing, until it seems like I don't even exist to you anymore. I endure it all. Just because you know someone's no good for you doesn't mean you can stay away. It just means you'll be the one hurt at the end, while they walk away unscathed. So I'm not the same without you. There's a little less pep in my step, a little less light in my eyes. Nothing makes me smile like you used to. Forcing a smile has become easier than it should be, and telling my friends I don't care about you and I'm fine feels more and more like a lie.

I miss you.

Things have been crazy lately and I'm just tired. I can't tell anyone about it either, because no one can help me. Besides, there are some things you should keep inside. Unfortunately, I have so many memories with you that I'm full to the brim with stories I can't let escape. I try not think about them for too long, because then I just get really sad.

I forgot everything comes to an end.

For some reason, you cared. We stayed up until all hours of the morning, talking about everything. We specialized in making bad jokes and puns, and mastered the art of laughing silently so as to not wake up everyone else sleeping in our houses. I always felt like you understood me in a way no one else did, somehow, like how we'd stay up past midnight talking about stupid things like FullMetal Alchemist and the Noble Gases Gang you found so amusing. It was really nice, okay? We told each other stuff we'd never told anyone else, and that made me feel special.

I was scared.

You crept into my life and my heart, lighting me up from the inside out like a firefly's glow on a dark night. Before I even realized it, you had become my reason to laugh and smile and look forward to that dreadful English class. I've never liked having my happiness depend so heavily on someone like that, and with good reason. Just like that, I had lost you. It was all gone, taking the boy I'd known and loved, and my happiness along with him. It's something I have to face every day, when I have to avoid awkward eye contact when we pass each other in the hallways.

It's not okay. And I don't if it ever will be again. I know someday this will all be behind me and I'll find someone who won't play me and abandon me like you have, but no one will replace you. I don't want them to, anyway. You're kind of like my best friend, but also the one I love loved. It's just hurts to think I can't make things go back to how they were before, no matter what I do. We made our own brand of midnight memories, ones I wouldn't trade for the world.