Let The Walls Break Down

We both laughed and I moved to get the eggs off the burner, as they were now smoking. I tossed them in the sink “Awh, now breakfast is ruined ! This is your fault, you distracted me !” I whined. Alex moved behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, whispering in my ear “Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it.” I shivered from his warm breath, and he started kissing down my neck, driving me crazy. Alex had been my first kiss, and my first everything else so far. I wouldn’t have it any other way; I don’t want anyone else. He was the first person to see past the shy, awkward kid who didn’t speak and break the shell into the clever kid underneath that just wanted a chance. Alex saw me for who I really was when no one else did. “You okay Jack ?” Alex’s voice broke me from my thoughts. “Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking.” He stepped back, and turned me to face him “About what ?” I shrugged, “Just life I guess. So how was the party last night ?” He stopped for a second and hesitated, “It was…good.” I decided not to press the matter since he seemed uncomfortable, and instead opted to ask him what we should do. He suggested a movie, and I agreed.

Twenty minutes later, we were seated on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, watching The Avengers. Twenty minutes after that, the popcorn was gone and I was curled under Alex’s arm. I was taller than him, but he was older than me, so it was hard to figure out who would cuddle up to whom. Eventually we decided my shy ass would cuddle next to him, and it was his house anyway. Alex hand’s rubbing circles on my back and the fact that it was just a lazy Sunday made me sleepy, and I nodded off in Alex’s arms.

I woke up with my head in his lap. I peeked up to see that Alex was awake, looking down at me too. He ruffled my hair, “Hi sleepyhead.” I sat up, rubbing my eyes “How long have I been out ?” He smiled his crooked grin “About an hour. I don’t mind; you’re cute when you’re sleeping.” I felt a blush creep up on my cheeks, and I looked down at the floor. Alex’s hand came up to caress my cheek, and he kissed my lips softly. I looked up at him, and his smile faded. “Look, Jackalope. There’s something I need to tell you.” My stomach dropped at his words. He’s going to tell me that he doesn’t want this. “At the party last night, I kind of…I hooked up with someone. I was drunk, and this girl was coming onto me…” “You had sex with someone else.” I said dumbly. He looked down and nodded, “Yeah.” It was silent for a moment while we both processed what was being said. I knew I should have been mad, but I wasn’t, I was just hurt. I felt a little comfort in the fact that it was a girl and he had been honest enough to tell me, but it still stung. I touched my bruised eye softly before looking at him. His caramel eyes looked full of sorrow, and he did look truly sorry for his actions. Somehow, I felt bad for HIM. I acted like it was fine “It’s okay Alex, we aren’t really officially dating, you didn’t do anything wrong.” I gave him a weak smile, trying to be convincing. It suddenly occurred to me that Alex had probably had multiple sexual partners, I mean, he could have anyone he wanted. So why choose me ? He sighed, “No Jack, it’s not okay. I didn’t mean for it to happen, alright ?” “It’s not like we’re dating, Lex. It’s totally fine, I mean this doesn’t mean anything right ? We’re just friends with benefits…it’s cool. I gotta go.” I stood up and made my way to the door, ignoring the hurt look on Alex’s face. I hadn’t meant what I said; to me we weren’t friends with benefits, but he had hurt me and I was just trying to console him. Now I made it seem like I was just using him, when in reality, I think it’s the other way around. I speed-walked down the street, ignoring Alex’s shouts after me.

When I reached my house, I had two missed calls and five texts from Alex. I read through them quickly and constructed a response “I’m not mad Alex, honestly. I just figured it was best if I go home, okay ? I have stuff to do right now, text me later.” By stuff to do, I meant go in my room and cry it out.

Alex texted me while I was having Sunday dinner with my parents, so obviously I couldn’t answer. He texted me again at eight o’clock, and this time he asked me to go to another party with him this Friday. I took this as a good sign, he wanted to take me to the party and not screw another bimbo. I was too nice to decline the offer, and to be honest, I wanted to go. So I accepted.

It’s just too bad that I didn’t realize what exactly would go down at this party.