Let The Walls Break Down

I was styling my hair, waiting for Jack to arrive so I could drive us to the party. I was so happy to finally let loose after a long week of work. I’d only seen Jack one time since Sunday, and I was anxious to see him again. It hurt me when he had said that what we had didn’t mean anything, that we were just friends with benefits, but he was halfway right. It did mean something, to me at least, but since we weren’t official, we were technically just using each other for affection. It sucked really, I just really wanted to mean something to Jack. I had thought we were good, but now I’m confused on where we stand. Jack then appeared in the doorway of the bathroom, and I grabbed his hand “Let’s go.”

We arrived at the party, this time at Beau’s house, still holding hands. I pulled him through the crowd, heading for the table of alcohol. I had just cracked open a beer and started a chat with Jack and Mike when I noticed the girl from Matty’s party. She had noticed me too, and she was heading right toward me. “Alex !” She purred. She sauntered up to me, sliding her arms around me. I watched helplessly as Jack registered who she was and realized that she was the one who had messed things up for us. Mike looked confused, but I was too busy trying to push her off to explain. She turned me around and pulled me to her, kissing on my neck. God how was this girl so strong ? I struggled to shove her away, and I turned back toward where Jack was standing. “Ja-“ I watched his back receding into the crowd as he walked away. “Jack !” I followed after him, but he was lost in the sea of dancing bodies. I pushed my way through the sweaty crowd, my voice getting lost in the music.

I finally spotted his hair midway on the staircase, and I started to ascend them. I stopped short- Jack was wrapped around Tay, making out with her. My stomach clenched and my heart dropped. Jack looked up and saw me, and he didn’t look the least bit sorry. He went back to kissing Tay, and I backed down the stairs slowly.

I headed straight for the alcohol.

I chugged beers with Mike, then found Beau and did shots of tequila. I was trying to get as drunk as possible as fast as possible, and there was plenty of party people around to do it with. By ten o’clock, I couldn’t even walk straight, much less see in front of me. I tried dancing, but I collapsed horizontally and kind of rolled away from the people. Rian was in the same state as me, and we started a drunken conversation that ended in both of us crying on one another.

Someone walked in front of us and leaned down, peering at us. They said something to someone next to them, then leaned closer to me “Alex ?” I couldn’t make out who they were, but I recognized the voice. Where had I heard the voice before ? “Lex, how much did you drink ?” Jack. “Jacky ! Hi !” He heaved me to my feet, “I need to take you home, you’re smashed.” I leaned into him, stumbling along beside him. He helped me to my car and climbed in the driver’s seat. He looked at me and sighed, “Alex.” I opened the door and threw up violently all over the curb. When I was safely back inside the car, he started to pull out into the street. “I’m gonna call my mom and tell her I’m staying with you tonight, I can’t leave you alone like this.” “I’m fine,” I slurred, giggling. “Why so serious Jacky ?” “Alex, just be quiet so I can drive okay ?” I sat back and pouted as we drove in silence.

Jack dragged me inside my house, heaving me onto the couch. “Alex, what the hell is your problem ?” I was too drunk to register what I was saying “You don’t love me.” “W-what ?” He stuttered. “You said we’re just fuckbuddies, but I don’t want that Jacky, can’t you see ? It was a mistake, she was a mistake, but she’s not you. No one could ever replace you.” “This is just the alcohol talking,” Jack said, more to himself than to me. “Let’s get you to bed.” “Are you even listening ?” I whined. “I LIKE YOU JACK. I WANT TO BE WITH YOU.” Jack slammed his fist down on the couch “Stop. Can you just stop ?” Tears pooled in my eyes, I was such an emotional drunk, and he had struck a nerve. “Fine,” I choked out, stumbling up the stairs to my room.

I ended up crying half the night about Jack, wondering how I had managed to fuck things up so badly.
In the morning I woke up with a headache from Hell. I remembered crying and the amount of alcohol I consumed, so it was no wonder I felt like shit. I shuffled into the bathroom and downed a few Aspirin. I showered and got dressed in some sweatpants, making my way downstairs. I stopped short when I saw Jack sleeping on the couch- he had stayed here all night. I let him sleep and went into the kitchen. As I brewed coffee, I struggled to remember what had gone down last night. The last thing I remember is seeing Jack and Tay together. The thought made me slam my mug down in frustration, and the force shattered the cup, spilling hot liquid everywhere. “Shit !” I muttered, reaching down to pick it up. “You okay ?” Came a voice from behind me. “No,” I said bitterly, standing up to face him. “Can we talk ?” He asked, unsure. I motioned for him to sit, and I sat down across from him, coffee abandoned. “About last night…” He started. “I was trying to make myself believe that I could be with someone else, that if you could, than I could too. I thought that by kissing Tay, we would be even. But I regret it, because she isn’t you. I guess I just…I figured that if you could do it then I could do it too, that was wrong of me…I’m sorry Alex. But you said some things last night, and I don’t know if you remember, but they meant a lot to me.” I thought about it for a minute

“No, I don’t remember,” I lied.