Let The Walls Break Down

I checked the time on my phone, the numbers swimming before my eyes. It was a little after eleven, still plenty of party time left. I struggled to get off the trampoline, but somehow managed it. Beau had mentioned another joint, and I was on a mission to find it. “C’mon, Jacky.” I slurred. Jack followed after me, not stumbling nearly as much as me. I made my way through the crowd of drunken dancing people, trying to find Beau. I tripped on someone’s foot and went crashing into my friend Matty, landing right on top of him. I couldn’t stop laughing and neither could he, and we were both too drunk to get up. Someone put their arms around me and lifted me to a standing position, leading me out of the crowd. I turned to face whoever it was, realizing it was Jack. “Thanks, Jacky.” I patted his shoulder, laughing a little at his expression. It was a mix of concern and bewilderment, and his brown eyes were wide as saucers. He looked so damn cute, but I was drunk and he was a guy and he was my friend. I couldn’t go down this road.

I smelled weed, and so I started up the staircase in search of it. Beau had another circle of it going, and they were all shotgunning the smoke around the whole circle of people. Perfect.

I sat next to Jack for obvious reasons, and anxiously waited for the joint to come my way, wondering how he would react. Mike handed the joint to me and I took a big drag, then turned to Jack. To my own surprise, he leaned toward me and opened his mouth. I got as close as possible and softly blew the smoke into his mouth, loving the close proximity to his lips. His big brown eyes flicked up and looked straight into mine, and then the moment was over. Jack turned and blew the smoke into Jenna’s mouth, and I tried not to feel jealous. I stumbled up and toward the bathroom, I was going to brush my teeth and fix myself up before the next round. Jack was about to get the best shotgun of his life and I was going to give it to him.

I looked in the mirror, brushing my teeth and simultaneously fixing my hair. My anger had made me feel considerably more sober. Once I was satisfied, I exited the bathroom and made my way back to my seat, only to find Jack doing fine on his own. Once again, he was shot gunning with Jenna. Cool, so he can just get all cozy with MY friend ? And likewise to Jenna. Jack was mine first. And he will always be mine. I just have to steal him back with my superb smoke-blowing skills.

I sat down and acted like I wasn’t bothered. This round, everyone was trying to blow the same smoke and pass it to the whole circle. I received it from Mike again, then leaned over and got super close to Jack, as close to his lips as I could get without touching them. Our noses brushed, and I lingered for a moment, before softly billowing the smoke into his mouth. I barely brushed my lips against him before pulling away. Jack sat up, blowing the smoke into the air in surprise. “Jack !” The group chorused. He grinned sheepishly, and I spoke up for him “He’s sorry.” I smirked, and everyone shrugged. “I need a shot.” I went off in search of more alcohol to drown my jealous thoughts about Jack.

What was my problem anyway ? I didn’t understand why I didn’t WANT Jack to make friends with my other friends and hang around with them. But, it kind of bothered me when he got too close to anyone else, I couldn’t explain why, I could only try to suppress it. So I pounded another beer and thrust myself into a sea of dancing bodies trying to forget.

My head snapped up at the sound of Jack’s laughter. I was outside sulking, smoking a cigarette. God, my lungs are going to be wrecked before I’m twenty. Jack walked outside with his arm around Tay, just yukking it up. I threw my cigg on the ground and stomped on it angrily, stalking over to where they were standing. “Hey, Jacky.” I sneered, throwing my arm around him. He released Tay, and I almost didn’t care how rude I was being. He nodded in acknowledgement, taking another sip of his beer. “Uh, see you later Jack. Bye Alex.” Tay wandered away, and I felt strangely smug. I grabbed his two hands, “Let’s dance Jacky.”

Jack and I were soon in a mass of thrashing bodies, dancing like idiots. I wanted to grind on Jack, but I also didn’t want to scare him away. He had told me in confidence that he MIGHT be bisexual, that didn’t give me the right to start making moves on him. I would never put him in a compromising position that made him uncomfortable, I had promised myself the day I met him that I wouldn’t hurt him. He was a fragile, voiceless boy in my mind. Sure, I may joke around and tease him, but I would never purposely emotional hurt him.

Jack suddenly pulled away from me and pushed his way through the crowd. I found him in the bathroom five minutes later, throwing up violently. I stepped into the room, closing the door. I brushed his hair back as he vomited. “Sorry Jack, I didn’t know you would throw up. I thought you’d drank before.” We were all so used to partying, we barely ever threw up anymore. But apparently Jack was as innocent as he looked.

I tried to say more, but my alcohol caught up with me and I passed out.