Roses Aren't Always Red

Listen to "breathe me" by SIA and it really kinda adds to it.

I couldn't believe it. That or I just didn't want to. My phone was ringing off the hook but I refused to answer it. I had absolutely no desire to hear what was going to come from the other line. My left hand rest on my belly and I glance down at my wedding ring before tears fall down my cheeks again. I really don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle this and I feel as if my entire world is crumbling down beside me.
My eyes shoot to my phone as I hear Evgeni's special ringtone and I pick it up before thinking twice.
"Alice, I'm here for you"
"It hurts." I whisper and I hear him sigh.
"I'm getting on plane in one hour and I be there soon."
"Evgeni.." I sniff and wipe a tear away. "You can't. You have a game in two days and…"
"I not care!"
"Evgeni no… It's just… it's too much right now. I want to be alone. Maybe after the funeral I'll come to Pittsburgh, I'll need to get out of Dallas anyways."
"When you find out?" He ask, referring to the news that has now gone worldwide.
"I was at the hospital last night," I sniff again before I start to sob uncontrollable and he starts to whisper comforting Russian words. I hear the knock on my door and I look towards it and try to wipe away the tears that are streaming down my cheek. I just can't believe he is gone. Just like that. "Someone is at the door. I'll call you back." I whisper before I hang up and pull myself off the couch. I walk towards the door and open it to see Rachelle. As soon as she sees the bags under my red eyes and my tear stained cheeks, she pulls me into a hug, closing the door behind her and I start to sob again. I guess I have been doing a lot of that in the last twenty-four hours.
"Shhh… Shhh… It will be ok Alice. I promise it will get better." She says softly but I shake my head.
"It's not fair! He won't even get to meet her!" I yell, now angry for so many reason. "It's not fair!"
"I know honey… I know…"
"Why did he have to leave! Why him!?" She pulls me over to the couch and continues to hug me as I cry and yell and get angry. "All because some fucking kid had to drink and drive! How is it fair!?" She rubs my back for the next five minutes until the tears stop. They only stop because I've run out. I guess you get the point where your heart still aches so bad, yet you just can't cry anymore. I really didn't know what to do now that he was gone. I know I'm not the only one affected but still, my life was going to be so different. At this very point, I wanted nothing to do with the Dallas Stars. I really didn't want to be here at all. As soon as the funeral is over I'm out of here. I can't stay here. I need to get away from memories. At least I feel like I do.
It's weird how in movies, when the main character feels like her life is ending, it's normally storming outside, but right now the sun is shining through the windows and it just makes me even more sad. Why does the world get to be beautiful when everything just feels so dark, so empty.
Marshall lays his big head on my lap and I put my hand on his head. Even he knew something wasn't right.
"Have you eaten?" She ask and I realize that I haven't sense lunch yesterday… lunch with him. I simply shake my head no and she sighs. "Alice you need to eat."
"I'm not hungry." I whisper.
"You have her to think about." She argues and I know she is right. Even if I didn't want to, I needed to eat something. She stands up and moves me to the kitchen, keeping me under her arm the entire time until motioning for me to sit at the counter. She cuts me up a banana and places in front of me. I take a few bites before starting to sob so hard my chest hurts. She pulls me into another hug and holds me close as we sink to the kitchen floor. I hear the door open and my head snaps towards it. I get up as quick as I can and move quickly to the door. I see him and throw my arms around his neck. He holds me tightly against him and tries to calm me down.
"I'm so sorry Alice… God, I am so sorry I wasn't here." He kisses my hair and then moves all the lose strands away from my wet cheeks. "Alice, it will be ok. I promise you, it will be ok."
"But it hurts…" I tell him and look up into his brown sorrowful eyes.
"I know it does baby. I know." Tyler pulls me against his chest again and I feel safe. I feel better in his arms than I do anywhere else.. and for a minute, I thank god for not taking my husband away from me, but I still question why he took my father.