Drowning in a Malestorm

"-And when it rains
On this side of town it touches everything
Just say it again and mean it
We don't miss a thing-" "when it rains" - Paramore
A

She didn't remember when she started crying as the rain fell. The clouds should know that if she cried- something bad went through her.
She rarely cried, actually. Although they expected her to cry herself to sleep, she used to do that- but she grew over it a month ago.

The sky cracked, causing her to jump out of her trance and look up at the sky. Her tears were still falling numbly, without her stopping them. She was soaked, at that point. She new she was going to get sick by the end of the day. But she didn't care.

A shiver went down her arms, and she didn't make a sound as another wave of grief hit her.
Her sorrow would only end when the storm passed, but this storm was far heavier than any other she used to remember.

The lightning flashed, just faintly. It looked beautiful, yet terrifying.
It made her think of the leeches, they would probably be playing baseball right now. Hah. The leeches.

She never liked them, she tried- but her instinct always blocked her from being nice.
She used to be nice, actually- a very loving girl. The nights she spend with Sam, the way they cuddled on the couch while watching a movie. They would gently caress each other, and eventually make sweet love on that couch- or they would move upstairs to find a bed.

At those memories, it reminded her of her being infertile. She used to be on the pill because her mom ordered to. She laughed at it, made jokes of it. Now fate had silenced her with the fact she doesn't even need one when having sex.

But who was she kidding? Ever since she and Chris ended, nobody touched her the way Chris used to. Nobody made love to her- letting her call their name mingled with moans.

But she wasn't a slut. She just wanted some distraction sometimes, her only distractions were her little brother with his cute little jokes-and the somewhat hangouts with Angelo at the public park or on her roof top.
The sky cracked again, but this time she just listened to the horrible rumbles it made. The clouds were screaming, they wanted their freedom just as much as she did.

She wanted to break out of this shelf she hid into. She wanted to burst out of her cocoon like a beautiful butterfly in the summer.

But a little voice always whispered that she wouldn't be able to do that, because she was a harpy. Someone who made others feel miserable to ease her own pain.

Ricky and Ryan. They always picked on her for some reason. Seth would yell at them in order to defend her, but now? Seth didn't even point a claw at them.

Of course, she cheered up just a little. But not enough to make her stop crying whether it all crashes down.

She inhaled deeply, letting the oxygen fill her lungs until she blew it all out. She remembered a time where she felt horrible for nothing. Her teacher had blamed her for drawing on the walls, while someone else did it.

She held her breath until she eventually fainted. Even then, she was a bitter harpy. A stubborn girl who made others feel miserable for their actions.

"Pathetic."

Her voice croaked like a witch cursing at the beautiful princess.
At this point, Carly was the beautiful princess- and Chris was the prince who fell for the princess.
She felt rough, edgy- above all, broken.

Fixing. Nobody would even try and point a finger at her, scared that she might snap or say something humiliating.

Sometimes it hurt, but the pain was only a dull ache in her chest. Forced and squished together by all the other little pains and scars. There would be a point that she would break, falling into the depth of her sorrow.