Drowning in a Malestorm

"She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside." - Nobody's Home;Avril Lavigne

6:17 PM

Scranton,PA

ROAR!
WHOOM!

The weather started to creep her out, she sat on dangerous territory now. An open clearing, lots of trees.
But why didn't she run? Like she always did. Like her instinct told her to do.
Was it maybe because she was tired of it all? Tired of hurting, suffering?

She leaned her forehead on her knees and hugged herself tightly, a sob rippled through her chest- unable to push those tears away. The storm fell down a little bit, the rain tickling her arms again.
Her shoulders shook with force, but no more sounds escaped her rosy lips.
It amused her that nobody came to look for her. They would probably sit at the house of Chris and Carly, partying. Having fun without her, without the party pooper.

She remembered a time she pissed off Ryan at Ricky's birthday party. Ryan had yanked her towards him, spitting into her face and hissing mean words to her.

"Life would be better if you'd jump off a cliff, 'Lizabeth."

"Why are you even here? Shouldn't you cry somewhere else?"

"Join your father, we wouldn't mind."

It hurt her so much she couldn't even feel angry about it. But she didn't cry about it anyway. She was strong in her own way, going through life even if the wind blocked her from reaching her goal.
She had recovered quickly, being mean to him in return.

"I would've killed myself if you dated me. Lucky for Carly she hardly knows about you, you don't exist in her eyes. When do you grow up?"

"Come on, Ryan. Don't be such a sissy, even my mom can make better comments than that."

"Sure, will you bring me to my dad then- holding my hand all the way?"

Ryan, being a hothead, exploded after she had embarrassed him. But she didn't do anything back as he slammed her through the backdoor.

The sky cracked softly now, and she looked up at the sun which appeared between grey clouds.
She stopped crying as soon the rain only dripped once a 5 minutes on her skin.
Her frail body lift from the ground, soaking wet. But she didn't mind. Because the clouds needed their release just as much as she did.

Her feet carried her back to her house, the sun tickled her skin as she emerged from the trees.
Dully, she passed Chris' house, listening to the laughs and cheers that came from inside.

She hesitated.

But the little harpy didn't care at some point, so she opened the door from Chris' house and stepped in, closing the door behind her and gently pulling off her shoes like she did when Chris was still hers.
She could hear a bit of silence coming from the living room now, and she began to hesitate again. They didn't want her here, they didn't invite her.

She pushed that thought away, entering the living room on her bare feet.

When everyone came into view, a dim smile appeared on her face. Everyone gaped at her.

"Uh. Hey Liz'." Christopher eventually said, sitting next to Carly like only a couple would sit. She hated the fact he still called her by the nickname he gave her.

"Hi." She responded, stroking through her wet hair. "Sorry I'm late, the weather.." she mumbled with a little chuckle added to it. Her voice sounded almost sickening sweet.

The boys just laughed very soft, almost fake. She knew it was fake, they never knew how to approach Elizabeth when it came to this attitude.

Elizabeth sat net to her only friend in the room, Ange, tucking hands neatly into her lap as she still managed to smile.
Angelo bent a little forward to look at her face, Elizabeth met his eyes- and her smile almost faltered.

"You okay?" he asked softly, but Elizabeth just raised her head and smiled hugely.

"I'm great. Where are you all partying about? I'd like to celebrate, too." She looked at everyone, everyone except for Chris and Carly. Making the both feel like outcasts.

TJ actually laughed at that, a humiliating- 'you're-pathetic' laugh.

Elizabeth tensed, but she withdrew her anger.

"Yeah. I'd like to laugh too. What's it about?" she questioned, now looking at Angelo.

"I don't think you would like it, Elizabeth.." Chris said, rubbing Carly's shoulder softly.

"Why not? We're all family, and being together counts." The smile on her face grew bigger, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Liz', have you been drinking?" Angelo asked, bending forward to look at her again.

"No, Ange. I'm just happy for whatever you're partying about. So let's continue and act like I'm not here. It's easy since you all do it every day." Her smile managed to shrink into the quivering of her lips, until it faded completely. Her voice sounded edgy at the end, and she knew she was being that harpy again.

"You won't like it." Chris mumbled, still withholding himself from hurting her more. But the damage had been done, he couldn't hurt her anymore.

"Aww, come on. Spill! Are you going on a honeymoon since your last had been canceled? TJ fucked that one groupie 'Lexus Am- something'?" she questioned, her voice not cracking for once- to which she was thankful.

"Fuck off, Elizabeth. Go home. Carly's expecting CHris' baby, you know? A child you will never have? The reason you weren't invited was because you would ruin it. And here you are, ruining it. So go ahead, snap at us like you want- but it won't touch us. What's a life without someone to make it miserable huh? Glad you took that job-" – "RYAN! Don't you dare and talk to her like that!" Chris roared, pulling his arm back from Carly.

Elizabeth's eyes were wide with shock, everyone looked at her. Everyone saw the huge amount of pain flash through her eyes as Ryan's intimidating words penetrated through her chest.

But she recovered, almost too quickly- letting a broken smile take over.

"Okay, that's fine. Um. I'll see you later, I suppose.. Maybe.." her voice was barely a whisper at the end, the 'maybe' made her friend gasp- he was probably the only one who heard her.

The crushed girl got to her feet, nobody said a word when she headed for the door.
And if it wasn't enough- Elizabeth slipped because of the puddle of water she left a few minutes ago.

Christopher and Angelo stood up in unison, calling her name- to see if she was okay. But she was far away from okay.

The roaring laughter of Balz and TJ took the last bit of dignity Elizabeth had away.

When she got up, she didn't share glances with anyone. But everyone saw that her shoulders shook, only once though. Before she sprinted away, yanking the door open and smacking it into the lock. Leaving her shoes and running barefoot over the town square.

The tremors that ran through her became nearly unbearable, so as soon she reached the forest- she lost it.
This has to stop.

I'm better off dead.

So much hurt- Ryan's right.

I can't do this anymore.

It didn't take long before she sensed someone near her, probably Seth. But the thoughts of the person didn't get through her, as if he blocked his thoughts from her.

She just couldn't do this anymore, this unloved feeling killed her.
It killed her to know nobody liked her.
The tears spilled from her huge brown eyes, the wetness just slid over her numbly.

The cliffs came into view, the clouds were beautiful white- the sun reached her rejected body as she stepped into the light.
But as soon she wanted to step closer- she collapsed. Her bare form, controlling the sobs that escaped her lips with all her might.
She couldn't help it, this feeling had always been familiar. She hurt. She breaks. She cries.
But this time, this time she wasn't alone.