Status: Hiatus, sorry. - Andria

Too Many Voices Trying to Talk to Me

Chapter Two- Sever The Voices

It must be the lack of sleep, maybe the guilt, that's making me have these dreams and hallucinations. It has been a week since my "breakdown" and now my family is keeping an eye on me. In a sense it's a good thing since they never really cared before but I still have this feeling of being trapped and I can't get into the right mindset these days. That voice is now a regular occurrence and I for one am not all too pleased about that. The voice, which I can vaguely recognize as Kellin's is a soft voice that only gets loud when he finds out things that make me uncomfortable. An example was when I was walking through the halls; I get anxiety just thinking about it and I suppose he sensed it and he began filling my head with voices that would only get louder and louder the more people that were present. I can handle it for the most part but it’s the nightmares that get to me the most. It’ll be a memory from when Kellin and I were younger, walking to the park hand in hand like we used to all those years ago. We would stop to get some ice cream and then those kids would come, like they always did and they would pick on us. In the memory I would let kellin go and run back home and of course, never speak to him again but in this “dream” he would stab and stab at them until the cockroaches were landing at their feet and the larvae practically oozing from their bones. It gets worse before it gets better he used to tell me and let me tell you, that dream only gets worse. Sometimes he’ll be falling off a cliff or having sex with me; all of them becoming more severe and more odd with the passing days and then mysterious marks appear onto my body after every single one. I have school today and I don’t want to go; I used to love school but these days I just feel so unmotivated and quite frankly I feel like shit. Everyone treats me differently now and I guess I wouldn’t blame them. I have these little “breakdowns” in school too where the voices become to much and I’m yelling for them to stop and to leave me alone but they get louder, to the point were I’m scratching at my face so hard that I draw blood. Now all I can think about is him, and why he’s doing this to me? I’m afraid now; afraid of everything around me and that voice in my head. I’m so afraid to even breath sometimes because the hallucinations are so real. My heart beats so fast when I here the black hooded man walking towards my room. I don’t even bother locking the door anymore because he can just walk through it. He stands at the foot of my bed and doesn’t say anything; he forces me to close my eyes so Kellin can get me. It really isn’t so bad but it shouldn’t be happening to me, I’m normal, I’m not crazy so why am I getting all schizophrenic over here? I know that I’m not because its all real and its actually happening, the marks are there to prove it but my pride keeps me away from telling anyone and I think he knows it too.
“Vic, we going or what?” my brother asks quietly he sounds so afraid of my reactions lately and to be completely honest, so am I. I nod and get up from my place at the corner of my bed, I didn’t sleep last night and I know that this won’t help the hallucinations but I don’t want those dreams. I haven’t spoken unless it’s to try and shut those voices in my head up. Ask me when was the last time I’ve eaten, because I don’t even know. I’ve been so busy being afraid that I haven’t had time to do much of anything else. The drive to school was a quiet one, both in the real world and in my head, which I was thankful for. My arm is sore and I have no clue why until I see a large gash from my shoulder all the way to my forearm. When had that gotten there? I didn’t sleep last night so when could he have done it? I once again wasn’t the only one to notice it because Mike stopped the car and stared blankly at the bleeding wound.
“Did you do that to yourself?” Mike asks and he has this look that I’ll probably never forget.
I want to open my mouth and tell him that of course it wasn’t me and that it was someone else but the black hooded man is there, putting a finger to his facelessness and I can hear a giggling in the distance. I shake my head, fear coursing my veins and blood dripping from the wound.
“Vic, don’t do that.” I look at him curiously then look down to see my other hand digging into the large cut, there is so much blood that its making me feel queasy. If I pass out I’m screwed if I pass out I’m screwed, keep reminding yourself that if you pass out you’re fucking screwed. The voices are back and they’re encouraging me to dig deeper and I do just that. My body has a mind of its own and mike is trying his hardest to pry my hand from my arm but I seem to have acquired a new strength and he can’t do anything.
“I love you, Kellin.” Who said that? By the look my brother gives me its probably me. Big fucking surprise I guess, but the thing that surprised me was that I got a reply from the backseat.
“I love you too, viccy-poo.” I turn my head and there he is; making his first appearance, I don’t stick around for the rest of this fucked up little show because I close my eyes before he can do anything else to me.
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Title Credit: Veil Of Maya- Sever The Voices
Well hello there, this is where I'm at right now so...
-Andria
P.S.
comments are cool you know.