Tallulah

My family had mixed reactions to the news about my engagement.

Albert and Addie had talked before - because things were different back then, I guess - so he knew. And when I came home later that night (I was over the moon) he took one look at me and smiled.

"You're growing up, Tallulah."

And that's all he had to say about that.

Momma and Peter were different.

Momma was crying - and I didn't know if they were angry tears or happy tears because she didn't talk to me for about two days. When she finally did, she told me that she wished she had been there and that we had to start planning everything and that she'd take care of everything - she was excited.

(His parents were even worse. Agnes threw us a party, and Barney couldn't help but to chuckle and wriggle his eybrows at us every time he walked into the room.)

But Peter wasn't happy for me, not at all.

He took me out for lunch a few days after that, mostly to convince me not to marry Addie. But why wouldn't I? I told Peter how much I loved him and how much he loved me, and we were going to be happy. Isabel was as bad as Momma was, if not worse. And my aunts just gave me knowing looks, like their opinion actually mattered to me. My grandparents simply had us over for dinner and told us that they wished us all the happiness in the world. (Jean and Sophie were ecstatic. Sophie really did like Addie's family, and Jean was very quiet about it all - which was probably where Albert got it from.)

My sisters were all furious.

Simone - who had boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend and was really in no position to talk - told me to think about what I was doing. Was I sure? As if there was any room for doubt. I asked her to examine her own crazy love life before asking me to do the same to my much more quiet, sedate one.

Katie called me and spent almost two hours trying to tell me that being married wasn't all fun and games. And while I knew that, I knew that we were different too. Addie wasn't anything like Trent. He didn't drink, ever, even though he could, and he only smoked socially, if someone offered him a cigarette, and even that was rare. And he was hard working and honest and sweet and wonderful.

Even Winona, who had made her dislike for me quite clear, came all the way down to Birmingham and spent a whole week with us, making faces and sulking about the upcoming nuptials. After I told her that she just couldn't stand seeing anyone happy when she was godforsakenly miserable, she left.

(I haven't spoken to her since. I just turned twenty-six a month and a half ago. It's been eight years.)

I had written to Euphemia to tell her the good news, but she had yet to answer me.

But besides that, the actual plans for the wedding itself were going pretty well. I was on vacation from class until early August, so I was planning on taking advantage of all the free time I had left. I bought bridal magazines and tried to figure out what kind of floral arrangements were in season. And picking a date. I didn't know when I wanted to get married, what time, where, what we'd eat. It was overwhelming. I had to go shopping for a dress - I had no idea what kind of dress to wear - and all the different fabrics made me dizzy.

Lace, taffeta, silk, chiffon and other words I couldn't even pronounce.

Addie tried to help, though. I have to give him credit. He'd sit with me in the yard after he got home from work with all my magazines, went with me to different florists - and I didn't even have to ask him. He offered.

It was tiring.

One afternoon, I had yet another appointment at the bridal shop - I couldn't figure out what I wanted and I couldn't afford to have a dress made for me like Isabel did (she was adopted and her parents came from old money, so they paid for the whole thing, down to the very last dime). I was annoyed and hungry, and tired, and alone, since Momma and Albert were taking the twins to see Jean and Sophie (Albert couldn't watch me try on dresses without getting all choked up and emotional).

I stood in the middle of the cramped fitting room, blowing some of my curls out of my face as I tried to tug the zipper down on one of the many dresses I had tried on. I scowled at my reflection - it was too low cut and too big, so it made me look like I was a little girl playing dress-up. The shopkeeper was running around trying to find one that fit me (because she really liked it and I couldn't tell her not to because I just didn't have it in me).

"Do you need help?"

"No, I - " I stand up straight and turn around, only to find Addie stand there with one of his cheerful grins, cracking up. "What are you doing here? It's bad luck to me in a wedding dress before the wedding."

"Is this the dress you want?" he asks, shutting the door behind him. "I don't think it does you justice. Not really. But you still look beautiful." He hugged me from behind, resting his head on my shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just tired." I pouted a little, leaning against him. "It really is kind of ugly, isn't it?" He laughs and nods, biting his lip. "Can we go?"

"Do you need help getting out of your dress?" He wriggled his eyebrows, kissing my cheek sloppy as I slapped his shoulder. "Okay, okay, I'm going. I'll wait for you in the car." He kissed me chastely and slipped out of the room, shutting the door quietly. After managing to get out of the dress, I make yet another appointment for next week. Maybe I'll find my dress next week, though I doubt it.

Addie was outside, leaning against the car with his hands in his pockets. He opened the door for me and laughed as I put my feet up on the dashboard, huffing.

"I got you some ice cream." I smiled at him and tore off the plastic cover, digging into it with a spoon. "I think you need a break."

"I know," I whined, sighing. "I just want it to be over and done with. The wedding, I mean."

"It could be." I glanced over at him, licking my spoon with a frown. "We can do it."

"Do what? Elope?" I laughed, shaking my head at him as I stared ahead. "We can't elope."

"Why not? We could totally do it. Just drive to the court house, get a marriage license, and ride off into the sunset."

"It's not even three," I said, almost snorting because I was laughing so hard.

"You know what I mean." He rested an affectionate hand on my knee, wriggling his eyebrows at me. "Let's get married."

"And where do we go?" I ask, licking my spoon.

"Wherever you want." I bit my lip, watching him as he played with the hem of my skirt, the same gentle smile he always had playing on his lips. And then I thought about us, about a pretty home somewhere big and bustling, about our cozy kitchen and bedroom and backyard and about the bay window in the living room that would let so much light in and about dancing in the living room and picking out nursery furniture and -

"Let's do it," I said, kissing him with a smile. "Let's get married."

It was really that simple. Since my family was out of town, I could pack my things without having to rush or hide, and it wasn't like I had much to pack up anyway. We were starting over, going somewhere new, so all I brought with me were my clothes, some personal photo albums, and the money I had hidden in a sock between all my bras and panties, some three or four hundred dollars and change, money that I had been saving for the wedding, but since we were leaving, maybe I could put it towards my airline ticket. I grabbed my passport and other important documents from the small box in the living room, glancing inside it to make sure it was the right one.

The only reason I even had a passport at all was because Albert wanted us to have one in case we had to go overseas for a family emergency that never ever even happened. I threw one last look at my home, at the home where I had grown up in, where I had seen my little brother and sister take their first steps, where my parents had lived and loved, smiling a little. I'd miss them, of course I would, but it was time for me to start living, really, honestly living.

I leave them a note because I feel bad, just up and leaving without even saying goodbye - tell them that I'll be okay and that I'll call as soon as we're settled, wherever it is we decide to go, and that I love them and that we'll visit soon. I leave it on the fridge, next to Maxine's finger painting.

Addie is sitting in the car outside when I walk out, messing around with the camera in his lap. He glances up at me and sets it down, helping me put my things in the trunk without a word. We take off soon after that, his hand finding mine and squeezing it gently every few seconds.

It's all blurry now, hazy memories of racing up the courthouse steps before they closed for the day, breathlessly telling the clerk that we were there because we wanted to get married, right now, please, standing in front of the justice of the peace, hands shaking, but god, I won't ever forget his smile, or how he kissed me or how he held me like I was the best goddamn thing that ever happened to him.

And maybe I was, because I felt somewhere deep inside like it was right, like it was so right and like we were going to be so happy together.

I simply don't know where it was that I went wrong.