Tallulah

I've never been a popular girl. Never. Not when I was younger, not after I met him, not after we tried to settle into our niche, not after we moved back home - never. And I've never wanted to be, not really. As a child, I was happy with my dog and my books and with my family. I never needed or wanted anything else. When I met Adonis, I didn't want anyone else to like me but him, right up until a few days ago.

So of course, the media circus that greets me outside as I'm being rushed to an ambulance scares the daylights out of me. I'd never seen so many cameras and flashes and people in my whole life, and I definitely hadn't seen so many people interested in me before in one place. I feel like a deer in the headlights, eyes wide as Mr. Elks tries to jostle me through the crowd, pushing people out of our way.

"Were you trying to kill your husband?"

"Why did you shoot him?"

"Are you sure you weren't the other woman?"

It's too noisy, there are people everywhere and people keep screaming and yelling and someone keeps trying to grab me and then finally we're down the stairs, and I keep feeling like I'm going to faint until someone plops me down in a wheelchair and rushes me to the ambulance that's pulled up to the curb. I can barely see it through the maze of tweed suits and heavy cologne and perfumes that turn my stomach, make me feel like dry heaving. Before I can ask Mr. Elks what in the world is going on, the ambulance doors are shutting and the driver is beeping at everyone. I can only assume people have gathered around the ambulance, but why?

"Are you okay?" Mr. Elks asks once the paramedics finish fussing over me. "Tallulah?"

"I'm fine," I say, trying to get comfortable on the hard surface of the stretcher. I dig my nails into the sides of the hard plastic bed, staring at the ceiling as another contraction starts. "What was all that?"

"That?" He laughs awkwardly. "That's a media circus, Tallulah. Seriously, are you okay?" I want to scream - the contractions are only getting worse - but I bite my tongue and nod, keeping my eyes on the ceiling. The baby is coming. This baby is actually coming.

"Can you - " I pause, shifting as my breath catches. "I need you to call my mother a-and my sister at the hosp-hospital."

It's a blur. It's all a blur - being rushed into the hospital, being fussed over by nurses, being asked questions and poked and prodded and touched. The only constant is Mr. Elks, shooting people looks, holding my hand, telling me I'm going to be okay. I think we both know, realistically, I won't be okay - I'm on trial for trying to supposedly kill my husband and about to give birth to our child - but it's still nice that he's trying.

He's tried getting in touch with my family unsuccessfully. So far, he hasn't gotten in touch with my parents or the twins yet. He has, however, gotten in touch with Katie, who he says should be here in about an hour's time. Simone is also on her way, but knowing her, she probably won't be here until tomorrow morning. And Winona doesn't really matter. Since she's made her feelings about me quite clear, I don't tell him to call her.

A police officer comes in while I'm eating ice chips, sweating through the thin hospital gown. He loosk uneasy, handcuffs in his small palms as he watches me. What am I going to do, jump out of bed and strangle him? Mr. Elks is hot on his heels, scowling.

"You can't do that to her!" he protests, face pink as he narrows his eyes. "Stop - "

"It's protocol - "

"But she's having a baby - "

"That's not really my problem. Sorry, ma'am." He asks me to hold out my hand, which I do. He quickly cuffs me to the IV pole standing next to my bed, then practically bolts of the room. I look at Mr. Elks, still eating with my free hand.

"I'm sorry. I tried to stop them - I was calling down at the station house, and the courthouse and everyone I could, but - " He stopped short and sighed. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, except for this baby ripping itself out of me," I say with a groan. I try to do the breathing exercises I learned a few months ago, but they don't work. "I - " I sigh, gulping as I wipe my face with the corner of the blanket I shoved off earlier. "Are you staying?"

"Do you want me to stay?"

I look at him for a few moments and then nod. He smiles, pulling up a chair to sit next to me. Leo puts his hand over mine and it's nice, for a few minutes. Or at least it is until a man in a crisp tan suit walks in, disdain written plainly on his face. I recognize him as one of the lawyers that was sitting with Adonis earlier, writing on a notepad.

"Mrs. Papadoupolous, I presume?"

"It's Miss Roosevelt, thank you kindly," Mr. Elks says, scowling. "What are you doing here, Cyrus?"

"My client would like to see his wife."

"Oh so now she's his wife? Not when he almost killed her child? Not when he beat her or cheated on her, but now? I don't - "

"Oh, I'm sorry," Cyrus says sarcastically. "I wasn't asking you, Leonard. Can he come see you?"

"Do you really think that now is the time?" Mr. Elks asks, scowling. "Really? You're a better man than this - "

"Once again, it's really not up to you," Cyrus says, annoyed. "He's down in the lobby, waiting."

"Well I guess he's going to have to wait all night because I don't want to see him now or ever," I say simply, eating some ice chips. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Are you sure? He wants to be here for the birth - "

"I don't think that's such a good idea. And if he really wants to see me or the baby, then tell him to come up here like the big man he thinks he is and tell me his own damn self." I stare at Cyrus until he leaves, then sigh, swallowing past the lump in my throat. He's here. He's actually here. I feel like I can't breathe and like there's a heavy weight on my chest and it's just too much.

"Tallulah? Hey, Tallulah?" Mr. Elks asks, sitting on my bed. "Tallulah?" He wipes at my face with a handkerchief, and that's when I realize that I've been crying. "It's okay, you know? It's all going to be okay."

We both know it won't be - this whole situation is so messed up, but it comforts me nonetheless. About forty minutes into my hospital stay, Katie barrels into the room, heels clicking against the floor. She looks like she's going to court, hair up in a bun on her head as she storms past Mr. Elks, who was standing near the window.

"Oh," she sighs, walking to the head of my bed. "Oh, sweetheart." Her angry face softens as she rubs my hand. I want to cry again, but the tears don't come - they just stay stuck as I sniffle and hiccup. "What happened?" She turns around, glancing at Mr. Elks. "Leo, can we have the room?"

"You know each other?" I ask, looking between them.

"We went to law school together," Mr. Elks says as he makes his way to the door. "It's nice to seeing you again, Katherine. I'll be out in the hallway if you guys need me." He leaves and Katie looks at me, sighing.

"What happened?"

"I don't - I don't know. I mean you were right... about Grace and him and everything. I tried to leave and he got so angry and he - he kept trying to hit me and I was just afraid for the baby's sake, you know? I wasn't trying to hurt him, okay? He just - I was scared and he really was going to hurt me, Katie. You should have seen the look in his eyes and I just - I'm going to prison, aren't I?"

"Tallulah, breathe." She takes a few deep breaths with me and then asks me to tell her everything from the beginning, so I do, pausing when my contractions get worse. She rubs my hand and tells me that our parents should be here later tonight, and that she hasn't been able to get in touch with Simone, and that Peter should be coming later that evening with Isabel.

When I ask her about how she knows Leo, she just blushes and laughs, shaking her head.

"He was just this guy in my ethics class who was really nice to me and stuff before I met Trent." She shrugs, laughing meekly. "It was a long time ago. We went out for coffee once and then I met Trent. And the rest is history."

Leo hasn't come back yet, and when I'm about to send Katie to go look for him - since I'm chained to this pole and all (she's thrown about three hissy fits about it in the last half hour so I guess it's safe to say that she's not a happy camper) - the doctor comes in. Dr. Grayson on the older side, with thin, greying hair and big black glasses on the thin bridge of her nose. The doctor smiles as Katie leaves. Katie tells me she'll just be in the hall.

I'm hoping the doctor has good news - that the baby is finally ready to come out please - but she tells me that I'm only about six centimeters dilated and that I'm going to have to dilate another four centimeters before I can start pushing. I want to scream because it only means this is going to get worse. And since I'm considered 'high-risk' because I was technically supposed to be on bed rest for the last few months of my pregnancy, she says I can't have any pain medication.

"Walking eases the pain a little, as well as meditation and breathing exercises," she says as I pant, wiping my damp face with the hand towel a nurse brought in. "We have rocking chairs near the nursery too, and some deep breathing might do you some good too. I'll have someone come take those cuffs off when you're close to pushing though, okay?" I nod and try to smile. "Hang in there. We're going to be just fine."

"You think?" She nods and smiles, getting ready to go. "What's going to happen with my baby?" She stops, looking at me.

"Your child is going to be in good hands, wherever it goes. Let's worry about one thing at a time."

That doesn't make me feel any better, but I don't have a lot of time to chew it over because Mr. Elks comes in with a girl who looks no older than Simone, red hair pulled up on her head in a ponytail as she grins. She's such a contrast to Mr. Elks, with her striped t-shirt and low-waisted blue jeans and giggles.

"Miss Roosevelt, it's such an honor, really - "

"I'm sorry," I say, confused as I glance at Mr. Elks. "Who is this?"

"I'm Elaine, from the Montgomery County Women's Shelter. We heard about you on the police scanner and we thought you could really use our help. And Leonard's told me so much about you and since you're such a unique circumstance... we just want to help. Is there anything I can do?" I glance at Leonard, who nods and sets his briefcase down on the table in the corner of the room. "Are you feeling okay?"

"So you're a social worker?" Elaine nods as she walks to the window, glancing into the street. "Can you tell me what's going to happen to my baby?"

"Well, we haven't worked out all the kinks yet but we're thinking about officially saying the child was in our custody because of legalities. Actually the child will be staying with you in an apartment we've rented for you. I don't know if you guys have talked about it or something yet, but that's the plan. There was an empty apartment above Leo's, actually, so we just grabbed that. Technically, on paper, that apartment is for 'travel purposes' but since you have nowhere to stay during the trial and since you're such a high profile client we thought you might appreciate your privacy, so we want you to stay there until this all gets resolved. Especially with the news crews outside and everything."

"Thank you." I'm not sure what else to say so I try to sit up a little better, biting my lip. "Could you do me a favor and ask my sister if she's gotten in touch with our parents yet? She should be in the hall."

"Of course. No problem, Miss Roosevelt." It's weird - Miss Roosevelt. "I'm just going to leave this bag of clothes here. We all chipped in to get you some things to wear because we figured you wouldn't have much." Once Elaine leaves, I sigh heavily, rubbing my belly.

"The doctor says I should take a walk." I glance at him. "Do you wanna come along?" He nods and helps me sit up out of bed. "Can you grab a nightgown or robe or anything? I don't wanna flash people in the hallway." He laughs as he goes through the shopping bag. "It's so hot in here."

"It's freezing."

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said, pulling my hair up to wipe my neck. "I didn't know you were pushing a baby out of your body too, Leo." I shake my head, smiling as he passes me a pink silk robe and some slippers. I slip into those after he helps me get up, steadying me on my feet. He places his hand on mine, helping me walk. It feels like I'm waddling.

"Are you okay?" I nod, glancing at him. "You look really uncomfortable."

"It's okay," I say, squeezing his hand as another contraction starts. "I - the baby - he's just really excited and wants to get out soon."

"Have you picked out a name yet?" I rub my belly and shake my head, laughing.

"If you can believe it, I was going to name him after his father, but after recent developments, I don't think that's such a good idea anymore. Any suggestions?"

"Carter? Johnson? I don't know. I don't have any children of my own so I'm not exactly the best with names."

"No? No special lady?" I wriggle my eyebrows at him. "What about Elaine?"

"She's engaged to Pat, the mail clerk that works in our building. They're getting married next year. There are no special ladies in my life. I'm too busy with... all this. It's kind of my job? Helping people and defending them and all that. It's my calling I guess."

"That's good. It's noble," I say, rubbing my belly. "So... this is all free?"

"We're not taking a dime. After all this, if it turns out the way we'd hope... I'm thinking a lawsuit for pain and suffering and alimony... if we're lucky, so you can live comfortably." He smiles and I shake my head. "My plan is simple. We're painting your husband for the disgusting pig he really is."

"He wasn't always like that. Or maybe he was. I don't know. I loved him, you know? I mean, I really truly loved him. And he just..." I shrug. "And I don't know what I feel now. It's weird, you know? One night, you go to bed and you know who this person is. The morning after, you wake up and he's just... someone else entirely. The face is the same and the voice is the same but he's not."

"Sometimes the people we love are aren't who we think they are, and that's sad." I stop when the contraction starts again. I hiccup and bite my lip, squeezing his hand.

"It hurts." I raise my hand to wipe at my face, but it's still cuffed to the pole. "I'm in so much pain and they - they don't want to give me anything." Leo hugs me, rubbing my back. "It's like I'm being ripped apart."

"It's okay. You're going to be okay, Tallulah. Do you want to go back to your room?" I nod, slumping against him. "You're going to be okay. Do you want something to eat? I can go down to the cafeteria." I nod. "Want a wheelchair?"

"I can walk."

We make the slow trek back to my room, and in an effort to cheer me up, he tells me corny jokes and rubs my back when I stop because the contractions are too strong. And there, sitting on a chair outside of my room, there he is.

"What are you doing?" I ask, eyes half lidded as I stare at him. "Get out of here. Leave."

"Tallulah - "

"Get away from me," I say, stepping away. "Go back to the fiery circle of hell you crawled out of and leave me alone."

"I just want to talk," Adonis says. He nods his head towards Leo. "You mind, pal?"

"Actually, I do. I'm her lawyer and for all we know you could be wearing a wire."

"She's my wife. Really? Tallulah, c'mon - "

"Not anymore," I say, sighing. "Leave before Katie comes up and sees you and drags you out."

"You don't have to talk to him if you don't want to," Leo says reassuringly. I glance at Adonis, and shrug, glancing down at the rings on my hand. At least I can give them back in person.

"Let's go for a walk, Addie. For old times sake, huh?" He gets up and I look over at Leo, who says he'll be right in the room if I need him. Addie stands up and tries to hold my hand, but I keep both my hands on the pole and look anywhere but him. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to talk."

"So talk," I say, starting to walk. "I don't have all day. I'm having my child."

"Our child," he corrects. I glare at him, laughing mirthlessly. "What?" I don't want to feel like we're being stared at by everyone, but we are - I'm sure everyone in the whole entire state knows who we are by now.

"No, he's mine because I'm bringing him into this world and he's lived in my body for the last eight or nine months. He's not ours. We don't have anything anymore." I glance down at my hand. We were happy, weren't we? We were happy, and he had to ruin it and -

"Of course we don't. You made sure of that." We turn down the hallway and stop short in front of the nursery, where a nurse fusses and coos over the newly delivered children. I feel a tender fondness that is quickly overwhelmed by anger and disappointment as I turn to glare at Adonis.

"Me? Me?!" I ask, furious. "This was you. All you."

"I shot myself, huh? Not exactly how I remember it going down," he says smartly. I have to resist the urge to slap him right here in front of everyone. People already think I'm some unhinged pyschopath, and I'm sure hitting him won't help people change their opinions.

"You were going to kill me," I say, shaking my head. "You - you really think this is my fault? Do you think I wanted this? Huh?" I gesture at my cuffed hand, frowning. "That I - I want to give birth chained up like some animal?" I take a deep breath and sigh, looking at him. "Why did you come down here?"

"I wanted to see you."

"Well, you've seen me," I say, rolling my eyes as I turn to leave. "Can I go now? Please? I don't have anything to say to you anymore."

"Lulu - "

"Don't call me that," I hiss, turning around. "How dare you?"

"How do you really think this is going to pan out? Do you really think you stand a chance in court? That I won't fight until the end of my days to make sure you never see our son? Why don't you just quit while you're ahead and sign the papers and hand him over? It'll - "

"Excuse me?" I glance into the nursery, and thankfully, the lone nurse has her back turned to us as she feeds a tiny bundle in her arms. I jab a finger in his chest, furious and sullen and frustrated. "Listen to me very carefully, Adonis. I'm not the same sniveling little girl you married, and I'm not afraid of you anymore. I will end you. I will have no happiness, no comfort, no joy, nothing, until I make sure I've burned your life down to tiny, smoldering embers. The fury of a thousand angry, burning suns will feel like child's play compared to what I'll to do you. I will ruin and desecrate everything you've ever loved. You'll never be able to forget me - I'll be your sweetest dream and your worst nightmare and you'll wake up in the night gasping for air thinking this has all been some awful dream but it's real. This is all real. Trust and believe that this is not the end. My life now is this child, and I will do anything and everything to protect it from you." I gasp as a contraction rolls over me, but keep moving on, eyes narrowed. "I loved you, once, but you ruined me. I gave you the best years of my damn life, and this is how you repay me? By messing around behind my back with Grace? Huh? I will end you, Adonis. If it's the last thing I do, I am going to ruin your life. You will lose everything you loved once. There will a day, a gleaming, happy, beautiful day, where you're going to meet a girl who's beautiful and stupid and who doesn't see you for the monster you really are, and that will be the day I ruin you. I don't know how yet, but give me time. It'll come to me. You're going to think you're happy, and that you're safe and sound with your cushy job and girlfriend or wife or mistress or whatever, and then suddenly it'll start to crumble and burn down around you. Your joys will turn to ashes in your mouth, and you'll know the debt has been paid."

Shakily, I twist the rings off my fingers, throwing them at him.

"Melt them down. Sell them. Burn them. Throw them away, I don't care. Just don't ever come near me again. I'll see you in court, Adonis."

Everything blurs as I waddle back to my room. I could hear him calling my name, faintly, but I do my best to ignore him as I finally see my room in the distance. I push open the door, hiccuping. I'm crying. I don't even realize I'm crying until Leonard helps me into bed and asks me what's wrong.

"I loved him," I say, looking up at Leonard, chest heaving as I struggle to breathe. "And he - he doesn't - he doesn't care."

I don't want to be sad about Adonis anymore - I can't - but I am, as much as it pains me to admit it. I loved that boy something fierce, and a small part of me doesn't want to believe it's over. At least I have Leonard, who really doesn't have to sit with me and hold my hand and wipe the sweat off my face and tell me I'm going to be okay, but does it anyway.

I cry so much that I tire myself out and end up taking a nap for almost two hours. I'm honestly surprised it didn't happen sooner - I hadn't slept well the evening before and after the stresses of the last few days, I really did deserve to check out for a little while. When I wake up, Katie is pulling on a rain coat and sunglasses, talking to Leonard quietly.

"I just - I can't stay, you know? My baby's with a sitter at a motel, and I have to go check up on her and my parents are freaking out and someone has to go pick them up and... I'll be back later tonight." She looks at me apologetically, squeezing my hand. "Stay strong, okay? You're doing well."

I nod sleepily, licking my dry lips as I sit up in bed.

"You should probably go out the back, Kate," Leonard says. "I think the newscasters are still outside."

"You're right. Thanks. I'll call as soon as I've got Momma and Albert, okay?"

The doctor checks me every hour on the hour and still nothing. Katie calls to tell me that our parents won't be in town until early tomorrow morning. Hayley is coming down with a small cough, so she won't be up at the hospital until tomorrow when she brings our parents. Leonard is downstairs eating dinner in the cafeteria. Elaine entertains me with baby clothes and the like that the social workers donated to me for the baby. The hours inch and creep by painfully.

I'm sure that when the doctor comes in to check me out I'll finally be able to push, but she tells me that I still have a centimeter to go and that it could be anywhere from twenty minutes to two hours before I'm finally fully dilated. It's a waiting game, she explains as she throws away her blue gloves. At least she gets the officer to uncuff me before he leaves for the evening.

"You can go, you know," I say to Leonard, as he starts propping pillows behind my head. "You don't have to stay if you have stuff to do."

"Like what? Feed my neighbor's dog?" He laughs. "I can't leave you here by yourself. Kate's not coming back until sometime later tomorrow. Elaine's gone until... probably tomorrow afternoon, I think. You can't do this alone."

"Aren't you tired?"

"Aren't you?" he answers, sitting on the edge of my bed. "I'll stay with you as long as you need me to."

"You promise?" He nods. "It's not pretty and majestic. It's actually really painful," I say, breath hitching as the baby shifts uncomfortably. "I don't know if you really want to see me like that."

Leonard simply undoes his tie and rolls up the sleeves of his shirt.

"Guess we're having this baby together, Miss Roosevelt." He smiles and laughs and as much as I shouldn't be laughing right now, I can't help but to giggle a little. He rubs some feeling into my sore wrist, breathing deeply.

I'm not allowed to push for another three hours.

I thought I would be ready. I really did. I wanted nothing more than to hold him, my sweet little angel child - that's all I wanted, and I thought that the actually delivery itself would go by much quicker than it actually did.

I had heard stories about how painful childbirth was - from my grandmothers, from my own mother, Agnes, Katie - everyone. And I hadn't really believed it could actually be that painful and excruciating and bloody until I myself had to go through it. I had heard things - that I would scream and curse and cry and feel like I was being ripped apart all at the same time - and thought that perhaps, maybe it had been a slight exaggeration to keep me from not having kids until it was time.

How was I supposed to know everyone sugarcoated the whole damn thing?

Dr. Grayson had left for the evening by then, and in her place sat a middle aged midwife who apparently had no idea who I was (socially, not medically). As concerned as I was, she seemed to have a pretty good grip on things, and let me push when I felt ready to.

My birthing classes and magazines had not nearly prepared me for any of it. I was crying, sweating in places I didn't even know I could sweat, and felt like I was going to seriously die. I was holding Leonard's hand, and he kept smoothing my hair out of my face, encouraging me to breathe.

"I can't - I can't," I cried, head falling against the pillows behind me. "It - I - " I sniffled, glancing at Leonard. "Tell them to cut it out of me or something - I can't - he's - I just can't."

"Yes you can," he encouraged gently, nodding. "You've come all this way. Let's count, okay?" I nodded and he rubbed my cheek with his free hand comfortingly. "Just look at me."

By the time we got to ten, I thought I was going to die.

"Get it out of me!" I cried, squeezing his hand tightly. "Get him out!"

"He's crowning," the midwife, Jeanne, says happily. "Just a little more. You're close."

"You're doing great," Leonard offered, pressing his forehead to mine. "You're doing so great. We're almost there."

And that's how it happens - in and out, you're so strong, Tallulah, in and out, I know you can do this, in and out - and finally, it's over. It's over. It's finally over. I slump dizzily against the pillows as he laughs and squeezes my limp hand. I feel like I crying when the baby cries shrilly. Leonard smiles and I do too, kissing my cheek.

"It's a girl," Jeanne says with surprise, looking at Leonard. "Do you want to cut the cord?"

It blurs again - it all blurs, until they put her in my arms, swaddled in a pink blanket. She looks at me curiously and yawns, curling her face into my chest. I start crying and can feel Leonard hugging me, chest warm against my face.

"She's so beautiful," I say, looking up at him. "Look at her. She's so - she's so pretty." I don't know why I'm crying - I'm happy - I'm so happy that nothing else matters, not Adonis, not Grace, not anything or anyone but Leonard and me and her, my little sweetheart.

"She looks like you," Leonard says, kissing the top of my head. The gesture is friendly, I know, but it still makes my cheeks warm nonetheless.

"It's your first, huh?" We look at the midwife in surprise, confused. "You make the cutest couple."

"Oh, we're - " He looks at me as I laugh, shaking my head. "Yeah. It's our first."

"Well congratulations," Jeanne says pleasantly. "A nurse will be in to help you breastfeed in a little while."

It's a bubble of happiness I know won't last - it can't - but I still hold onto it anyway, onto the feeling of being happy and content with my little girl - still can't believe it's a girl - smiling unabashedly as she curls both her hands around Leonard's pinky and mine. She really is quite the beautiful little girl. Her eyes are somewhere between green and brown and she's got my skin tone and a full head of wispy curls on her little head and her nose ends in a small little point, like her father's, but that's about all she has from him. She even has the small birthmark I have on my the inside of my thigh, and her little smile - we've only caught it once - makes me feel like I'm the luckiest person in the whole world.

This is what I fought for - who I shot my husband for, who I would go down swinging for - and it feels like it's all been worth it when she sighs and yawns sleepily, staring at me.

"Picked a name yet?" he asks. I look at him, rocking her back and forth as I nod.

"Yeah. I saw it on TV once, in this old Spanish movie. Esperanza. It means hope. But I haven't thought of a middle name yet. I'll figure it out later."

"Esperanza Roosevelt. It's got a ring to it."