I Treated You So Wrong

-Matt’s P.O.V.-

Zacky looked at me with pure hatred. He stood up and walked up to me and looked me dead in the eyes.

“What’s your fucking point, Matt?” he spoke lowly.

“You gonna let her grow up and be treated like how you treating Rae?”

“Why will I raise a kid that’s not mine? How many fucking times do I have to tell you people that?”

I glared down at him, “you want me to put your ass in the hospital again, Vengeance?”

“That’ll be the other way around, dude.”

I heard Jimmy snicker from the other side of the studio, but when I looked at him, he shut up.

“Whatever, Zack. You’re one poor mother fucker. I know for a damn fact you weren’t raised to treat people like this,” I squinted my eyes at him, then walked out of the studio.

Rae doesn’t deserve this. She isn’t the kind of person to play around like a common whore, in Zacky’s words. Rae deserves someone who will treat her right. If I have to go out and find that person myself, then I will. I’ll do anything for that girl to be happy, I do anything to Fae to be happy. They’re my family, my blood, my sisters.

No one can expect me to sit around and watch this shit just go on and not do anything about it.

-Zacky’s P.O.V.-

I watched Matt walk out. I glared daggers into his back, just fucking wishing they were real, then maybe he’d feel some of my pain. I said ‘good-bye’ to the rest of the guys and left with my guitars in hand.

I won’t sit around and get the stare down when they know nothing of what I’m feeling. People are treating me like an asshole, so I’ll be an asshole. They want to see me as one, then they will.

Those fuckers are assuming too much, then expecting even more of me. They want me to just go and fall at Rae’s feet and beg for her to let me be in that kid’s life.

I put my guitars into the back seat and got into the front. I started up the car, then headed off to my place. It was time for my escape. No one could bother me here, they wouldn’t be smart enough.

The drive was short and not so peaceful. When I pulled my car into the garage I shut it off and got out, leaving my shit in the back, and set the alarm.

Time for another…

The door of the garage went into my kitchen. I walked through on the linoleum and grabbed the brown liquor from the bar straight away and went to the living room. I unscrewed the cap and immediately downed two shots worth of my poison, good old Jack Daniels.

I plopped my body onto my couch and downed some more of the scorching liquid. This shit was my safe haven for the past five months, ever since Rae told me she was pregnant.

I lied to myself for a month, telling myself that the baby wasn’t mine, it just had to be someone else’s baby.

The night on tour, a month and a half ago…I told Jimmy the truth, only I told him not to blab to anyone what I truly thought of the entire situation.

I was…no, I AM scared…

I’m not ready to be a father. This kid can’t come into this world now. Everything with the band has just fallen into place. The tasks of taking care of a baby will just jeopardize everything that we’ve all built.

I can’t be who Rae and everyone else wants me to be. I have to be Zacky Vengeance, the one who plays the shit out of the guitar, who helps his mates put on one hell of a show for fans to remember. I can’t walk around with a baby I my arms. I feel so fucking tied down.

I do love Rae…I really do, and that won’t ever change. But since everyone’s making me seem like such a fucker because of the first month of acting scared, I figured hey, why not just carry it on and I won’t get stuck with a baby carriage?

I feel bad. I feel bad for Rae…for doing this to her when she really doesn’t deserve it. She deserves so much more then what I’ve given her for the longest time.

Why can’t I just admit it to myself that I’m going to be a dad in December? Why can’t I get myself to show Rae the affection that I have for her, but have bottled up inside for so long?

I need help. JD sure has helped. I took drink after drink, drinking away every feeling I could possibly had, just to numb myself and escape this shit for one more night. The only mouth I’ve touched for the past month was the bottle. The taste was so sweet, but it was lacking something.

It was lacking the passion and love that only comes from one place and I’ve been a jerk to her for so long.

Soon…so soon…but yet it seems so far away. I need to just do it. I have to let myself see that it’s okay to be scared. Becoming a parent for the first time can be scary for anyone. I can’t even imagine how Rae is feeling about being a mom, but it’s not doubt that I’ve made her feel like crap.

The bottle’s finished and so is my conciseness.