First Time

"Allie." Joe ran his hands across my stomach. I felt a kick in reply and it made me laugh. I opened my eyes to see Joe lurking above me, a smile on his face. "We have to go shopping."

"What time is it?" I asked, sitting up. Joe was already dressed, looking like he had a shower.

"11am." Joe replied, moving away as I sat up. "We have to get a move on if you want this done by the time we leave again." I nodded my head and looked at Joe. "Oh, I'll go and make some toast." He said, before shuffling downstairs.

I walked into the bathroom, getting ready as quick as I could. I didn't feel like getting all dressed up just to go shopping, so I paired my maternity jeans with a long jumper. I tied my hair up in a messy ponytail and put minimal make up on. Hopefully we weren't being stalked by the cameras today. I brushed my teeth and then walked down the stairs. I walked into the kitchen and saw Joe making some toast.

"Oh I could kill for this." I said as I sat at the table. Joe laughed, handing me a plate of toast. "Thank you baby." I grinned at him. He winked at me before eating a bagel himself. "So what's the plan today?"

"We get paint." He said with a mouthful of food. "And then furniture."

"Is that it?" I asked, taking a bite out of my toast. "Are we going to get other things? Like clothes and stuff."

"I think we should get some for her." He replied. "Like clothes and pacifiers and bottles."

"I know our moms want us to have a baby shower. So we will get most stuff from that. I just think we need to get the basics."

"Where did that baby grow that fan gave us at the first show?" Joe asked me.

"I put it in my suitcase." I replied, eating some more. "But then I put it in the wardrobe in my room to keep it safe. Why?"

"I really like it." Joe said, a smile adorning his face. "I think it should be what we bring her home in." I nodded my head.

"I think that's a great idea, Joe." I replied, copying the smile on his face. "What colour are we painting the room?"

"Yellow? And pink?"

"With white furniture." I smiled.

"Sounds perfect. And then we can get clothes and other things easily." Joe said. "Nick and Kevin said they will come tomorrow and start painting with me and then set up the furniture up. By christmas, we will have the majority of the nursery."

"That makes me happy." I replied, smiling. I finished the last piece of toast before rubbing my hands together, the crumbs falling off them. "It's like 4 months until she comes, Joe."

"That made my heart race." He whispered, as I walked over to him. He swung around on his chair and pulled me closer. My bump was pressed against his shoulders. He easily dropped a kiss against it. I felt a kick in reply. "4 months, little girl." Joe whispered again. "And then we will have you in our arms." I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. "But right now, I'll have to stick with hugging your mommy."

"Let's go." I replied, running my hand across the back of his head. He gave me a content smile before letting me move back so he could get up from his chair. I grabbed my bag as we walked to the door.

"Have you got the list Allie?" He asked me as we walked outside. I grabbed the notebook out of my bag, waving it around. Joe laughed, shutting the door behind us. We climbed into the car, my hand automatically went to my belly. I rubbed where I could feel her kicking. "You alright?"

"She is kicking up a storm." I replied as Joe put his hand on my stomach.

"I can't believe she is kicking away. It seems really weird that she is actually there." Joe sounded in awe. I smiled at him. "It's nice to know she is happy."

"I'm glad she is happy but she isn't making mommy that happy." I grumbled, making Joe laugh. "Don't laugh, she is moving to the sound of your voice."

"Does that mean we have a dancer in the family?" Joe joked. "As she moves to the sound of my voice." Joe took his hand off my stomach to start driving. "Let's go shopping."

* * *

After we had spent nearly 2 hours in the paint shop, debating what colour pink and yellow we should have, we were finally in the babies 'r' us. Joe pushed a cart around as I tossed things into it. "These are cute pacifiers." I said, showing Joe the ones with tiny animals on them.

"I like them better than the other ones." He pulled them out of the cart. "And there is more there." I nodded my head, throwing the animals ones in the cart and the ones we didn't want back. "Are you going to breastfeed?" I looked at Joe, surprised by his question.

"I've been thinking about it more and more and I think I will. Both our moms said that it's the better option so yeah." I replied. Joe nodded his head, tearing his eyes away from the bottles. "We should get some though, just incase she thinks the boob isn't good enough." Joe laughed and grabbed a box. Clearly he didn't care about price. I walked off, looking at the breast pumps. I started to read the back of the boxes before I could hear Joe on the phone.

"Yeah mom." He said, walking over to me, rolling his eyes. "Christmas isn't for another 6 days. Everything is okay. Alright, bye." He sighed and slid his phone into his pocket. "Bloody woman is panicking already."

"Leave her alone, this is probably the most they have cooked for." I tossed the best pump into the cart, making Joe screw his nose up. "Diapers." I shouted. We walked over to all of them and stared.

"That's a lot of diapers." Joe mumbled, staring at all the boxes. "How many do you think we will need?" I turned to look at Joe, trying not to laugh at his question. "I mean, before we can get out again."

"Get 2 boxes of 60." I said. He grabbed two boxes, throwing them into the cart. "So we have everything but clothing and furniture. Oh, and a baby bath."

"We can just take her in the shower with us." Joe laughed.

"Are you kidding?" I looked at him. "With a squirming baby who can't hold her head. Go and find a bath while I look at the clothes." I sent him off before looking at all the baby clothes. And that's where I went crazy. I grabbed all the tiny outfits. I grabbed packets of baby grows, my arms filling up quickly.

"First baby?" I looked around to see a woman, smiling at me. I nodded my head.

"Can you tell?" We both laughed. "I think she will never wear half these clothes."

"Especially if you get clothes from other people." The woman replied, rubbing her stomach. I noticed she was a lot bigger than me. "Twins." She must have noticed me looking.

"I feel rough and I'm having one." We both laughed. "Do you have anymore?"

"Yeah. 3 year old little boy. These are girls." She patted her stomach. "It's going to get very interesting."

"It sure is." I replied, smiling at her. I could hear Joe calling for me and I rolled my eyes. "I better get off, nice talking to you." We said our goodbyes before I walked over to Joe, who stood in front of a rack of tiny shoes. I dumped all the clothes in, not even bothering to check with Joe.

"Look at these tiny shoes." I had never heard his voice so soft. My insides almost turned to goo. "Look at the little converse." He held out a tiny pink pair. "I was scared, about having her. But I have just realised that something this small can't be scary." I rested my hand against his shoulder. He turned his head to look at me.

"You're scared?" I asked him as he put the little pink converse into the cart.

"You aren't?" I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm terrified. What if I'm not good enough for her? What is she hates me? What if we don't connect?"

"Joe." I stopped him. "Thinking like that isn't going to help you."

"But I can't stop thinking like it. It runs through my head every time she moves or kicks." He shook his head. "I don't know. I'm panicking that I'm not going to be a good enough dad."

"Joe." I said, turning him into me. "Do you think we would be doing this if I thought you weren't going to be a good dad? Do you think that I would move over her with you, if I didn't think you were going to be good enough? I've seen you with your cousins, with random children on the street. You are good enough."

"Thanks." He said, resting his forehead against mine. I quickly and subtly leant up and pressed a kiss against his lips. "C'mon, let's finish up here so we can go home and watch a cheesy christmas film."

"With ice cream?" I asked, moving away from Joe so we could start ordering things and paying for them.

"We can eat a whole tub between us." I laughed at Joe and his childish ways. "Let's go and pay for our girl's things."

* * *

"I can't believe you are making us do this." Kevin groaned as he helped Nick and Joe screw together the furniture.

"Look, when you have kids, these two will help you sort out the nursery." I replied, standing in the doorway, my hands resting on my stomach. "But for now, do this for your niece."

"It's 2 days before christmas Allie." Kevin complained, sitting back after putting a draw in the bottom of the closet he was making himself. "I should be preparing myself for all the food I'm about to eat."

"Think about the good deed you are doing, Kevin." Joe replied, smiling up at me. "I don't know why you are complaining. 4 days ago you painted this whole room!"

"Yeah, and my back is still killing me!" He moaned.

"Oh Kevin, shut up." Danielle appeared at my shoulder. "You are doing this for your niece."

"She better appreciate it." He mumbled before standing up and looking at his good work. "Okay, I'm done."

"Thank you Kevin." I walked in, pressing a kiss against his cheek. He rolled his eyes, but smiled anyway. I looked at Nick who was sitting on the floor, just looking sad. I glanced at Joe, who nodded his head.

"C'mon, I'll make some drinks." He muttered, shoving Kevin and Danielle out of the room, shutting the door behind him. I walked over to the chair they had built and sat down in it.

"What's up Nick J?" I asked, my eyes on him. He sent me the most pathetic smile I have ever seen.

"This is a beautiful nursery, Allie." He said, standing up and looking around. I nodded my head, looking at the pink and yellow walls. An old picture of me and Joe sat on one of the shelves, Denise dragged it out from nowhere. Beside it, a picture of the most recent scan. "You both did a good job with it."

"You three did a good job with it. I wasn't allowed in here until today because of the paint fumes. It's down to the three of you." I replied, standing next to him. "Now without changing the subject, what's up?"

"Me and Gabby got into this massive argument." He rubbed his forehead, looking really worn. "Yesterday. She ended up storming out. That's why she isn't here today, because she is at her parents."

"What happened?" I asked, resting my hand against his arm.

"I did something really stupid." He whispered. I could see the tears gathering up in his eyes and at that point, I knew he did. "Really stupid."

"What did you do?" I turned him so he was looking me directly in the eyes. "Nick, tell me."

"We were never going to make it as a couple, we were better off as friends." He moved away from me. I knew it was his way of coping, pushing people away, but I wasn't going to let him do it with me.

"I swear to god, Nicholas Jonas, if you don't tell me what happened with that girl-"

"I told her I didn't love her." My mouth turned slack as I tried to register his words. "We were arguing about my feelings and it just slipped out."

"I can believe you!" I shouted at him, making his jump at my reaction. "You are a complete utter dick! That girl loves you and you go and break her heart!"

"Yeah, I know." He mumbled, not even looking at me.

"I don't think you do!" I continued to shout. I was so angry on Gabby's behalf, I knew what she had been through with her family and it had almost broken her. "How could you say something like that to someone so fragile, Nick?"

"Like you are perfect, Allie!" He shouted back, taking me by surprise. I stood back and watched him turn from the person I loved to someone I barely knew. "All the things you have done!"

"I never claimed to be perfect, Nick. Never. And I know I've made plenty of mistakes but I've learned from them."

"Oh really?" He said. "Like that mistake of leaving my brother broken hearted. You aren't any better than me in this situation."

"That's different." I pointed out.

"Oh no, thinking about it, you were way worse than me! At least I didn't lead her on and then fuck her! At least I didn't tell her I love her and then leave her! She knew exactly how I felt!"

"That was bullshit, Nick! Because you love her, don't deny it."

"Yeah, I love her as much as you love my brother. Enough to just walk away." He smirked at me. "At least I didn't ruin a relationship to get what I wanted." I felt all my anger rush out my body in two words. 

"Fuck you." We stared at each other until Joe opened the door of the room, looking between us.

"What the hell is happening here?!" He asked, his voice filled with anger and confusion. I just stared at Nick, anger and upset filling my entire body.

"Get out." I said to Nick. He grabbed his coat, brushing past me. I kept my eyes on the picture of me and Joe from however many years ago as I heard him storm down the stairs and out the front door. I took a deep breath as I heard it slam.

"What happened, Allie?" Joe asked, running his hand down his face. I flinched, moving away from him. I saw the hurt flash across his face but it was too late to take it back. "Don't." He warned me. I knew exactly what he was talking about. I bolted from the room, as fast as my pregnant body would take. "Allie, get back here!" Joe screamed at me as I went down the stairs. I grabbed his car keys and burst through the front door. I knew Nick's car would have gone, leaving me enough room to get away.

"Leave me alone, Joe." I muttered as I opened the car door. I climbed in the car and as I went to shut the door, Joe got hold of it.

"Don't do this again. Don't push me away." I could see the tears in his eyes and I felt some in my eyes.

"Let me go." I almost begged him. I saw Danielle put her hand on his shoulder.

"Leave her Joe." She whispered to him. He nodded his head and let go of the door. I slammed it behind me and took off as fast as I could. I didn't know where to go, but I needed to get Nick's words out of my head. 

I pulled up around the block and just sat in the car. Nick was right. If I did love Joe that much, I wouldn't have walked away so easily. I just left, in the most selfish manor ever. I didn't think about the effects it would have on Joe. Not only did his fiancé break off the wedding, the girl he was in love with left him after telling him she was in love with him. I never thought about how it all would effect Joe.

"Do you think your mommy is being stupid?" I asked, stroking my stomach. I felt a kick in reply and I laughed. "Yeah, mommy thinks she is stupid as well." My laughter turned into tears and in a matter of seconds, I was sobbing.