First Time

I sat on the couch, looking at the bag that Joe was packing. We had been home for nearly 4 weeks, which meant that I only had 4 to go. "Tell me what I need to pack. Go through the list."

"For me, I need a dressing gown." As I read off the items, Joe grabbed them and packed them. "Socks, slippers, nightdress, hairbands, books." I watched Joe pack them nicely into the bag.

"And for going home?" Joe stood as I flipped the piece of paper over.

"Going home outfit." Joe packed my clothes away. "Bras, pads, even more pads, nightshirt, toiletries, underwear, cream." Joe packed them away nicely before zipping up the bag. He put that bag onto the floor and picked up a smaller bag.

"And for Sophie?"

"Couple of sleepsuits and vests." I watched as Joe packed away the sleepsuit that the fan gave us all that time ago. It's what we were good to bring her home in. "Nappies, socks, hat. Make sure you put 2 pairs of socks in. And 2 hats." I shouted at him. He looked at me, shocked. "Sorry, I thought you were going to forget." He rolled his eyes.

"How many times have we been over this list?" He asked with a raise on an eyebrow. I grinned at him before looking down at the notepad. "Carry on."

"Baby blanket, the warm one." I pointed out. Joe grabbed it, putting it into the bag. "Her little jacket, and those muslin cloths too."

"Is that all?" Joe asked, standing up with his hands on his hips.

"Apart from the car seat, yes." I replied, tossing the notepad aside. "And your stuff." I pointed out. Joe nodded his head before zipping up the bag. He picked the two of them up and looked at me.

"So where am I putting these?" He asked. "We need to put them somewhere that I won't forget them when you are in labour."

"You better not forget them." I said to him. "I'm going to be in no fit state to be worrying about them."

"I know." He scratched the back of his head. "By the front door? They will be right insight." I nodded my head and stood up. I grabbed the car seat from the table and followed him out to the hallway. "If we put them under the table," He pointed to the table that sat just by the door. "I will be able to see them and we won't fall over them when we walk in and out." We placed them under the table and then Joe turned to me. "It's getting closer."

"It sure is." I smiled at him as he wrapped his arm around my middle. He pressed a kiss against my forehead before letting me go.

"Back onto the couch with you." He said with a poke in my collar bone. I pouted. We had only been home for two weeks, which meant that I had been on bed rest for two weeks. And I was so sick of it already. "C'mon." He grabbed my hand as the two of us walked back into the lounge.

"Joe, I'm so bored." I complained as I sat down on the couch. He laughed at me before I smacked him on the arm. "It's not funny. I'm stuck here, on this couch, every day while you get to go out."

"I'm sorry baby." He pressed a kiss to my forehead. I rolled my eyes at his attempt at empathy. "What do you want? I'll get you anything."

"I want a smoothie." Joe grinned at me before standing up. "I want that one from Starbucks. The one you got me last week!"

"Really?" Joe sighed. I shrugged my shoulders.

"You said anything." I replied, grinning at him. He rolled his eyes but leant forwards to press a kiss against my forehead.

"I'll be back in 10 minutes. 15 maximum. If anything happens, ring me." I nodded my head as he grabbed his car keys and left. I smiled at myself as I stretched across the couch. I felt a squirm in my stomach. The kicking and punching had calmed down a lot now, as she was lacking room. All she did now was squirm and fidget.

"Daddy is going to bring you back a nice smoothie." I spoke to my belly, running a hand down it. I was attached to the bump; it was comforting. "And then we can go for a nice bath and then a nap before dinner." There was a knock at the door, making me confused. Who would turn up? If it was family, they'd just walk in. Or they would text me to let me know.

I climbed off the couch and waddled to the door way. I opened it to see somebody I thought I would never see, even again. Rose. I struggled to catch my breath as she stood there. "Hi." She grinned at me before walking in. I stood there for a few seconds before shutting the door. I walked into the lounge to see her looking at the picture of me and Joe from Christmas.

"Rose." I said, getting her attention. She turned around, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh Allie." She sounded patronising. I crossed my arms over my chest as she walked around the room. "Look at that."

"What?"

"You're pregnant." She replied, giving me a smile that never reached her eyes. "Congratulations."

"What are you doing here?" I asked her once more, feeling over protective of my stomach. I felt like she was a threat, even in my own home.

"You don't even know, do you?" She threw herself onto my couch. "Little Joe didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" I replied through gritted teeth. She smirked at me, running a hand through her blonde hair.

"It's a nice place you've got here." She looked around the room. "I bet the nursery looks lovely. Did the others help?"

"Answer me." I replied, sternly. "What didn't Joe tell me?"

"Some relationship you have when Joe doesn't tell you anything." I was getting angry very fast with her. How dare she burst into my house and then act like this? "That day you were in hospital, Joe was with me." I felt my heart stop. I couldn't breath. I could have been loosing our baby while Joe was with his ex, who left him to cancel a wedding to himself.

"What?" I croaked. She kept that smirk on her face, making me want to just slap it off. "How do I know you aren't lying to me?"

"Allie." She said, sending me an unsympathetic look. "We are both smart people."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Has Joe been acting weird with you recently? Over protective, always there, wanting to spend time with you? Like he was feeling guilty?" I thought about what she was saying. He had been acting odd. Especially after the hospital trip.

I felt my mouth go dry and my chest tighten. I knew that what she was saying was true, but I didn't want to believe her. "So he has?" My silence gave her the answer she wanted. "He didn't tell you that while you were lying up in that hospital bed, we were having dinner. Having the time of our lives."

"Shut up!" I hissed at her, feeling like that's all I could do to stop her talking.

"We had a nice little chat. About us, and you. And that little baby you've got tucked in there." I tried to block the sound of her voice out of my head. "Oh, the things he said about you two."

"What?" I snapped. "What did you just say?" The anger grew in me at once.

"I didn't say anything." She replied, as sickly sweet as she could. "He felt bad for you. He felt like he had to be with you; he never wanted too. He wouldn't even looked at you again if you weren't carrying his child. He told me that if it wasn't for the fact that you were pregnant, he wouldn't be here, with you."

I felt my heart break. I clenched my jaw together to stop myself from crying. I didn't want to do that in front of her. "I just thought I'd let you know before you gave birth to that little bastard child." She stood up, brushed down her jeans and walked towards me. She stood in front of me, a good head taller than me as she wore heels.

"Why?" I asked, making my voice sound as strong as possible. "Why are you doing this?"

"To make you feel everything that I ever did." She hissed before smiling once more. I could feel her getting closer and closer to my stomach and I felt the urge to pull her out of the house by her hair. "I hope you hurt. I hope you feel everything that I did when I saw your grubby little hands all over my fiancé. I hope that, when it comes to it, Joe sees what a dirty little slut you actually are." She pressed a kiss against my cheek. I jerked away from her, taking a step sidewards.

"Get out of my house!" I screamed. She looked taken back, but held her composure still. "Get out of here before I drag you by your fake hair and kick your skinny, plastic ass out of my house!" She flicked her hair behind her shoulder before storming out, slamming the door behind her. I could feel my chest getting tighter and tighter. Tears fell from my eyes as I frantically grabbed my phone. I dialled the number that I needed at the moment.

"Mom?" I asked when she answered.

"Allie, baby, what's wrong?" She replied, frantically.

"Can I come and stay with you?" I begged as I cried. "Can someone come and get me now?"

"Your dad is leaving now." I hung up the phone and tossed it onto the couch. I got up the stairs as fast as humanly possible and burst into the room I shared with Joe. I felt physically sick, standing in the room, looking around. All those times we had been in here, tucked up in each others arm and saying 'I love you' had all been a lie.

I walked into our wardrobe and grabbed the largest suitcases I could find. I grabbed handfuls of clothes, shoes and toiletries and tossed them into the suitcase. I didn't bother folding up the clothes, I tossed them in haphazardly. I zipped it up and dragged in downstairs. I couldn't even think about what had just happened. I places it by the door, throwing both hospital bags on top of it. I walked into the lounge and grabbed my phone. I read a text from my dad, saying he was 5 minutes away, which meant that he had broken so many laws to be that quick. But he wasn't quite quick enough.

"Allie, I'm back with-" Joe shouted as he walked back into the house. I heard his sentence stop short, which meant that he had seen the suitcase. At that moment, I felt numb, emotionless. Joe sped into the lounge, his eyes frantic.

"What's that?" He asked, his voice cracking. I cleared my own, if I was going to do this, I was going to be brave about it. "Why is there a suitcase at the door, Aleah?"

"My dad is on his way. He will be here any minute." I replied, my voice monotone. I didn't bare to look at him, even the thought made me queasy.

"That doesn't answer my question." He said, taking a step towards me. He put the smoothie down on the table while I took a step back. "Why?"

"It's a good idea if I leave. Now."

"No!" He shouted, banging his fists on the table. I didn't even blink at his reaction. "No! You tell me now! Why is there a suitcase at the door? Why are you leaving?"

"Because Rose was here." I saw all the colour run out of Joe's face. He took a shaky breath, running a hand down his face. "In fact, she turned up the second you left."

"Whatever she said, don't listen to her." He took another step towards me, but I took one back. I could see the hurt in his eyes, but mine must have been clearer as he stopped. "Allie, no." Joe must have recognised my patterns of behaviour. I told a deep breath, then exploded.

"How could you?!" I screamed, my voice almost making a non-human sound. "How could you? Whilst I was in a hospital bed, thinking I was loosing our baby, could you be seeing her? Having dinner with her? The woman who left you!"

"You can't say anything, Aleah." I was actually taken back by Joe's shouting back. I didn't expect him to. "You can't say anything about leaving, remember? Remember how you left me? That was a hundred times worse than her leaving me."

"No." I held my hand up to stop him. "No. It's not about me. No, this is about you and your lying, Joe." I took a deep breath, the sound of mine and Joe's breathing echoing around the dead silent room. "Was you upset when you found out she was fine? Our baby?"

"Wha-!?" Joe asked, confused.

"When she was fine? Was you sad? Or angry?"

"I was relived! I thought we were gunna lose her, Allie. What the hell are you talking about?" He shouted back at me.

"Well, the only reason you're staying with me is because of her, I thought you might have been a little disappointed about having to put up with me for a little longer!" I shouted in reply.

"What are you talking about, Aleah?" Joe looked as if he was going to burst into tears and explode at the same time. "God, I love the both of you! With everything I am! Why would you think that?!" It went quiet again in the room. I wasn't saying anything and Joe was thinking. "Oh my god." It clicked in his head. "I told you, whatever she said, ignore her!" I heard the front door swing open and my dad walk into the lounge. I saw his eyes flicker between me and Joe.

"Allie?" My dad mumbled, clearly confused.

"She was right though." I replied, ignoring my dad. "You both were right. If I wasn't having her, you wouldn't be here. You wouldn't feel the need to stay with me. Sorry I wasn't good enough for you, Joe. Maybe Rose will be."

I walked the other way around the room. I walked past my dad, tugging at his arm. "Help me." I said, pointing at the bags. My dad nodded his head; he knew when to not get involved.

"Allie." I heard Joe's voice call me. It sounded desperate and like he was breaking. I blinked back the tears, tired of crying. I grabbed my two hospital bags and started to make my way towards my dad's car. He opened the trunk and put my things in it. I turned back to see Joe making his way towards me, looking furious. My dad angled himself so he was standing between us slightly.

"Aleah, if you get in that car, don't think about coming back." He spat at me. That was it, everything in my body started to hurt. I could feel my chest getting tighter and tighter but I knew I had to make this decision. For both Joe and our baby.

"I'm sorry Joe." I shook my head before making my way towards the passenger seat. I heard Joe's pathetic attempt at calling me, but I chose to ignore it. I slammed the door shut just as my dad started the engine. I glanced one more time back at Joe before we were off, down the road.

* * *

I felt my dad's eyes glance over at the every 10 seconds on the way to my parents. I knew he wasn't going to say anything, he never did when it came to my own fights. I climbed out of the car where my mother ran towards me. She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and lead me into their house. I was taken upstairs and helped into bed.

"What happened baby?" She asked, sitting next to me. The last 20 minutes of not crying caught up with me and I burst into tears, verging on hysterical. My mom grabbed hold of me, pulling me into her. She rubbed my arm comfortingly whilst whispering to me.

"He doesn't want me." I told her once I calmed down. "He felt like he needed to, because of her."

"Allie, Joe loves you both, very much. He wouldn't do such a thing." She tried to reassure me, but it wasn't working. "Joe wanted to be with you."

"No." I whispered, shaking my head. "He didn't." My mum went to open her mouth to talk, but I got in first. "Can you leave me? I just wanna be alone." She pressed a kiss to my head, before leaving the room. And in that moment, I felt like someone had ripped out my heart and used it to wipe their dirty shoes on.