These Secrets Are Killing Me

I awoke to the door bell ringing, and someone pounding on the front door like a mad man. I groaned and looked at my clock. It was eight o' clock and I had just fallen asleep at seven thanks to Lee bringing me home. I hope we didn't wake Jesse up. The doorbell rang again I rolled out of bed and creeped past Jesse's door in hopes not to wake my daughter up. Much like this person was going to do if they kept banging on the door like this. Then it hit me maybe it was the police. Oh my gosh what if they were here to tell me my husband died. Or maybe it was a drug dealer I owed money to? God I hoped not. Maybe it was just Mikey checking up on Jesse. Not a second would pass when they weren't knocking on the door or ringing the door bell. I slowly walked to the door and unlocked the locks, that I don't even remember locking. Lee must have done it. After unlocking the last lock I slowly opened the door and put my hands over my mouth to muffle my scream. I threw my door open and jumped into the arms of my husband. I wiped my tears away and sniffled as he gently droped me back to my feet.

I took a step back and took a good look at him. His eyes were blood shot probably from lack of sleep. His cloths were baggy like he'd been wearing them for days on end, his hair was gressy and in need of a good wash. He smelt of a bar and like sweat. "What happend to you baby?" I asked.

"You happened to me. How can you just throw away seventeen years of marriage everytime you see someone you'd like to fuck. Don't ever think of us Lyn?" He asked, wiping away the stray tear that had fallen from his hazel eyes.

"Baby I do think of us, everyday. Like I told you before and I'll keep telling you till you believe me, I did not cheat on you." Lie! My mind screamed at me. I felt bad I really did, but I can't just tell him that I was cheating on him. I can't do that it would break my heart.

He pushed past me and walked into the house and towards the kitchen. I followed behind him closing the door behind me. He pulled out a chair from the table and sat down, his hands holding his head up as his hair fell around it. I saw his body shake with his sobs I walked behind him and rubbed my hand up and down his back, while whispering anything comferting I could think of in his ear. It seemed to work as he finally stopped crying and all that was left to prove he was even crying was the sniffles. "Would you like some coffee baby?" I asked.

"Yes please!" He partically begged. I walked over to the coffee pot and pluged it in, while getting out the ingredints for the coffee.

It took a good ten or twenty mintues before the coffee was done, and in that time frame it was an awkaward silence. Finally the coffee was done and I poured the sugar into my cup, and left is black just like he loved it. I placed his cup on the table and kissed his cheek before I pulled out a chair for me to sit on. He picked up the coffee and inhaled the scent before blowing on it to cool it down a little. I looked at him during this process and relized I need this man in my life, I missed like crazy. I missed waking up to the scent of his shower gel, or his morning kisses before he left to record with the band.

"Baby I miss you." I said, breaking the silence.

He leaned forward and wiped away my tears that had fallen. "Jesse has to get ready for school Lyn. The princepal called me told me she has to go today or they'll send her to court. She doesn't need the added pressure of that, plus the divorce. Is she at home or at the hospital still?" He asked. I was taken back, I thought for sure he would say he say he had missed me also. I stood up and grabbed a pan from underneath the stove and grabbed the eggs from the fridge.

"Jesse get up!" I yelled.

"I'm sorry Lyn I didn't mean to spring it on you, but you have to let me explain." Gerard said.

"No I don't have to!" Jesse yelled back. I groaned loudly and threw the pan into the sink.

"You know what Gerard explain please. Why are you fileing for a divorce when I'm telling the fucking truth I'm not cheating on you!" I said, my voice not getting louder than half whisper.

"Jesse get down here now, listen to your Mother!" Gerard yelled, while walking to the stairs. I heard Jesse running down the stairs and Gerard grunt when she jumped into his arms. I heard her cry and I felt my own tears forming in my eyes. I wiped them away and joined them in the living room.

"Did you see the car Mom got me?" She asked. He looked taken aback and he had ever right to be, I hadn't shown him. He just laughed and shook his head yes. Liar!

"Did you finish your comic yet?" She asked yet another question.

"I wasn't work-"

"Yeah he finished it, but he hasn't sent it out yet." I said, cutting him off. I couldn't let him tell Jesse he wasn't working on his comic. Can you imagine how much she would hate me, if I told the real reason her Father wasn't here at home with us. She'd hate much more than she does now. I walked back into the kitchen were they couldn't see me and slid down the fridge and silently sobbed.

I heard Jesse going back up the stairs, I also heard Gerard's feet aproach me. "Babe what's wrong?" He asked, grabbing my hand and bringing it to his lips.

"I don't want you to leave me baby. I need you so much, Jesse needs you. You can't leave us over something your daughter said while she was hooked on drugs. You have to believe me that I would never cheat on you." I said.

"I want to baby I want to so bad! I'll talk to you when I get back from taking Jesse from school. I love you more than life itself Lyn." He said, kissing my lips softly. He walked out of the kitchen. I heard the front door slam shut and I felt myself finally let go of reailty and sob.