Making Hits for Your Heart

Jamison stood in the middle of LAX with Brendan, Butch, and Jake. It would be the last time for awhile the 3 would be together. The whole saying “see you later” ordeal seemed bittersweet—more bitter than sweet. But it had made them realize how much they all really loved one another and how vital they were to each other lives.

The 4 stood around in a circle in a comfortable silence not wanting to acknowledge the situation, thinking if they stayed quiet then time would stand still.

“I guess this is it for the time being…” Jamison said finally breaking the silence. The three had looked up at her with sudden smiles upon their faces.

Brendan put his hand on her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You are going to do great.”

“Let’s hope.” She chuckled sheepishly running her hand through her hair.

“We know you’ll do great.” Butch assured her in an almost stern tone.

“Thanks guys… for everything.”

“Don’t cry.” Jake said rubbing his hand up and down her back. “Fuck, we’re going to cry if you cry.”

“No tears.” Brendan chuckled as he felt a lump in his throat.

“Why don’t we each have a moment with Jae?” Jake suggested putting his arm around Jamison’s shoulder.

“Sounds good.” Butch nodded, putting his hands in his pockets. “We’ll leave you guys…”

Butch and Brendan walked off

“My favorite song…” Jake began as he stared at Jamison with a bittersweet smile upon his face.

“Jake.”

“I am so thankful to know you, work with you, and just be able to call you my friend. It’s been 8 fortunate years since we first met and I’ve been more grateful each day to have you in my life.”

“Jake—“ Jamison began tearing up.

“You have been the epitome of partner in crime to me—someone I can lean on when I am going through hard times, to share my happiest moments with, to learn from, to teach, you are the heart to my brain in the studio, and you are just my favorite song.” He said, letting out a content sigh. “I am going to miss you so much but I’m not too worried about you. You are just going to shine so much brighter than you already are. I am so proud to know you and even more proud to call you my friend.”

“I’m going to miss the shit out of you Sinclair.” She embraced him tightly not wanting to let go. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He kissed her temple before pulling back and wiping a tear from his eye. “I’ll go bring over Butch…” He said, before walking over to Brendan and Butch.

A few moments later Butch had walked up to Jamison

“Jamison Jae In Song.”

“Bradley Glenn Walker aka Butch motherfuckin’ Walker.” She smirked as he grabbed her by the shoulders.

“Where do I even start with you?” He shook his head with a smile.

“How about how stupid you were to even let me into your life?”

“If that was a stupid choice—best mistake I ever made.”

Jamison chuckled, feeling a new set of tears come upon her. “The man who has all the right words.”

“I still remember when I first met you through Matt… you blew my mind. I was so mad Matt found you first. But I’ve watched you grow up right before my eyes and it has just been a complete privilege and honor to be able to do so.” His face filled with admiration and respect. “You used to tell me friends were family you got to pick and every damn day I thank whatever higher power that brought you into my life and made it possible for you to become part of my family.”

“You have been an anchor, an inspiration, and taught me about everything.” She said, as tears began flowing down her face. “God, you’re killing me. I don’t know how much more I can take…” She chuckled wiping her tears off.

Butch pulled her into a tight hug and held her silently for a moment before he spoke, “It’s going to hurt a bit more and maybe even for awhile but it’ll get better. At least now you can understand all the songs about heartbreak and they’ll get you better than anyone else will.”

“You’re right… I have that going for me.” She chuckled into his chest.

“Nora, Jamie, and I will come the first chance we get…” He said, as he pulled away from his hug and held her by the shoulders. “Till then be good and know we’re only a phone call, email, text message, and a plane ride away.”

“Thanks.” She smiled. “That means everything.”

“I love you kid.” He kissed her cheek before pulling her into a final hug.

“I love you too.”

A few moments later, Brendan had appeared in front of her. The two stood in a comfortable silence with one another just relishing in each other’s company.

“Jae.” Brendan just stared at her for a moment taking in their last moments together for the time being.

“Brendan.”

“You are just… something else.” He shook his head. “I don’t know what to say without sounding like a broken record—Butch and Jake probably took all the good things to say. But I hope you know there is no one out there like you. You have shown me what it is to be a good person is throughout the years and just made me strive to be a better musician, father, husband, and person. You have just been my saving grace in and out of the studio. There will never be enough words to ever describe how thankful I am that you are in my life—that you are family.

“You inspired me, have been a guiding light, and have taught me so much… there are no about of words to say how grateful I am.” She said, grabbing his hands on holding them. “Thanks for always sticking your neck out for me. I wouldn’t be where I am if you weren’t in my life.” She looked at him in complete appreciation and gratitude.

“I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” Jamison looked at him completely confused with why he was apologizing during their goodbyes.

“If it wasn’t for me forcing everyone to do the album—“ Brendan looked at her apologetically. She knew exactly where this was going and she didn’t want the last words they exchange together be about that.

“I don’t regret any of it… the good, the bad, and everything else in between.” She said to him with a weak smile, it was all that she could muster at the moment. “Thank you for always pushing me—I always get to experience the greater things in life because of you.”

“We’ll always be around—no matter where we are. We’ll always be around.”

“I know.”

“Just remember that if it’s true love… you’ll find your way back to each other. Time might silence true love, but it doesn’t kill it.“ He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her hoping his words would be infused in her.

“Yeah…” Jamison shook her head as tears began falling down her face.

Brendan embraced Jamison not wanting to see her tears. “It’ll hurt. You might even feel like you’re dying… or you might not feel at all. But just know, you may feel lonely but you’re never alone in this world—you have family, you have us.” He assured her. “I’m always going to make sure you’re never left behind. Just know, I love you Jae…”

“I know… I love you too Bren.”

“Go show the world what you’re made of. Although, I don’t think they’re ready for it.” He chuckled, as he pulled back from his embrace. “Make those hits and hit the world where it hurts…”

“Right in the heart.”

-------------

September 2014

The Maine had finished the summer touring on Vans Warped Tour. It was filled with familiarity but a slew of new memories and friendships were created. After a few weeks of rest (and healing of sunburns), the guys had embarked upon another acoustic tour in honor of their (recently released) first acoustic EP “Imaginary Numbers” that had been recording at the 8123 studios they had created.

Pat, Garrett, and John were sitting on the couch in the green room of the venue while their interviewer, Sarah, had sat across from them on a stool with a digital recorder in one hand and a piece of paper filled with questions on her lap.

“Thanks so much for doing an interview with us.” Sarah said, giving a smile to each of the guys before turning on her recorder.

“Our pleasure.” Pat smiled as the others nodded in agreement.

“We can get started whenever you’re ready.” She told them as they all looked at one another and nodded in agreement that they were ready.

“Let’s do this then…” Garrett said, clapping his hands together.

“After all these years of being in a band, you’ve guys recently released your first acoustic EP “Imaginary Numbers” why now and how did that come about?” She asked, looking at her paper that were filled with questions before making focusing her gaze at the guys, waiting for their answers.

“A lot of people who support what we do, wanted to hear an acoustic EP or CD of sorts. So, timing and inspiration all aligned and we decided to make our first acoustic EP in our very first studio that we can call ours—by ourselves.” John explained, legs crossed with his hands folded on his lap.

“So then did you build the 8123 studios solely for the EP?” She asked, elaborating from John’s response.

“I guess we kind of built it for the acoustic EP and kind of not. We’ve always wanted to have our own space and we finally had enough gear and things to do and the timing with the acoustic EP just fell into perfect place.” Pat responded, making hand gesturing to convey his words.

“We spent a few days together with like kindergarten scissors, fairy lights, and a bunch of other stuff to make that space our own with good vibes. We took a page from Brendan Benson’s studio and just make it feel homey and… ours.” Garrett added in, as he recalled thinking back to the footage he took while making the “Making Of 8123 Studios” video.

“I was actually out of town when they began building the studio and setting up the place. I hadn’t actually seen the space till the day we started recording for the EP.” John said.

It had been the time when John had driven up to see Jamison before she left him.

“Where did the inspiration for “Imaginary Numbers” come from? How did the title come about?”

“This entire EP was inspired by one person—there were like 2 songs that were b-sides from “Forever Halloween” but I went back and re-worked them and it is now on this EP.” He explained, “The title “Imaginary Numbers” comes from me just counting days that didn’t exist anymore with the person I was with—I was just living in my head imagining things and counting imaginary numbers of the days we spent together.”

Truth be told, he still was.

“Can we do a little track-by-track then and go through some of what the songs are about and/or how they came about?” Sarah asked with a hopeful look upon her face.

“Sure.” Pat nodded, as he looked over at John who seemed to have an indecipherable expression upon his face. He knew John had always been honest with things but he wondered how much John would actually open up.

“Let’s talk about the first track off the album—‘Raining in Paris” Sarah began.

“I wrote “Raining In Paris” while I took a trip to Paris alone in May. I just roamed around the places I had been to and it was raining one day, so I stayed inside my hotel room and wrote this song…it just wasn’t the trip I had initially planned or had in mind.” John explained.

“It was the last track we recorded for the EP. We did it a few months later as opposed to the other tracks we recorded in March.” Pat added in, as Garrett nodded in agreement. “I think this one was the easiest one to record, it was the most organic in terms of sound and everything.”

“My favorite off the album is “Visions” I’m actually really curious about the inspiration and story behind this one.” Sarah inquired, looking at John in complete fascination.

“The song ‘Visions’ is my version of Ryan Adam’s “Come Pick Me Up”. I wrote it one morning after waking up feeling completely restless. Every time I would go to bed I would just have a series of memories replay over in my dreams.” John explained while twiddling his fingers. “It was a cathartic experience writing this one.”

“This one took the longest to record I think it was a bit difficult in all aspects.” Garrett added, “There was a lot of fine tuning we did to get the right tone and things.”

“I also wanted to talk to about the short story “Love Is All” that John released.” Sarah gestured over to John as he looked up upon hearing his name. “You collaborated with Jamison Song, one of your producers for “Forever Halloween” and Garrett did the photos for it—how did that project come about?” She asked looking at John curiously.

John took a moment before answering.

“Wanting to do a project like this has always been on my mind, I’m pretty sure everyone had excepted me to do an “Exultation 2” of sorts with Dirk. But just collaborating with people I admired was my biggest priority.” He responded, “So, for almost a year Jamison and I just wrote together—writing emails back and forth, writing together when we were in town, and so on. It was one of those things that was unfamiliar territory but came so naturally like second nature for us when working together.” He explained, feeling a mixture of emotions run over him while talking about her.

“They worked so hard on it, I remember John just glued to his computer or journal at times.” Garrett gave a weak smile, recalling memories that seemed like a lifetime ago. “As for me being apart of it. They just asked me one day and we just walked around town and did an impromptu photo shoot and they picked their favorites and stuck them in the book.”

“Where did you guys get your inspiration from to write the story?” She asked, wanting more explanation on it.

“I actually just wanted to write something along the lines of relationships and it just went from there. We based it on real emotions and worked off one another. We wrote like almost a hundred scenarios out and the 27 you read in the book made the cut.” John stated. “It still feels a bit surreal that’s it out there in the world for people to read, cause it was just something that was ours for so long.”

“It’s an amazing read.” Sarah complimented him giving him a smile.

John shook his head and gave a week smile, “Thanks.” He knew he would be answering questions about the book for awhile but it didn’t make responding them any easier.

“How did the final editing process go with picking and choosing what went in and what didn't?”

“I went through and picked what made it into the book… it wasn’t too hard, the story seemed to piece together itself.” He explained. “There is one big thing that I added in because the story was incomplete…”

“Which is?” She asked, completely intrigued by his response and anticipating John’s answer.

John gave a weak and almost cynical smile, “There’s a happy ending to it…”

After the interview, Pat and Garrett decided to go back inside the venue while John headed back onto the bus. He walked past the front longue where Jared was on the phone, probably with Tessa. He went to his bunk and laid within it staring at the “ceiling” to gather himself—it was the only place he had any kind of solitude, even if it felt like a coffin.

He dug underneath his pillow searching for the item he always seemed to read whenever he had his moment to drown out the world and be with his thoughts.



He flipped the page and began reading the words upon the page—always feeling nostalgic when reading them.



“Broad question, but I am curious-- what are your dreams? Your aspirations?"

“You know, I’ve achieved it to an extent—being in a band and all…” John said jokingly as he took a sip of his beer while intently keeping his eyes on hers.

Ah, but there's more in that head of yours; I can tell." She paused, and her face held the intrigued quizzical expression as well as a small smile as she was pointing a finger at him. "Beyond what your life is now, what do you hope to accomplish in your life?"

"Personally?" He asked.

"Sure or professionally, take your pick or both even…"

No one had really asked that question before in such a general matter. He contemplated how to answer all he knew was he wanted to answer her question-- honestly. He didn’t mind opening himself to her; it just felt like it was all right to do so "Professionally? I'd like to stick with music, I want to stay with music, in any way that I can. It’s all that I am and everything I want to epitomize. I think the possibilities with music are endless for me. I want to collaborate with friends on more projects, maybe write another book… I don’t know, I want everything…" He chuckled awkwardly before taking another sip of his beer.

“And personally?" She asked, cracking another small smile from his answer.

He sheepishly smiled to himself, looking into his heart for the answer to that one. "I want the happy ending.” He said, with a nervous chuckle while mulling over his thoughts.

“You know, I don’t believe in happy endings…” She said with a straight face causing him to look at her with a bit of a perplexed expression.

“Why is that?” He asked, bracing himself for her answer.

“How is it happy when things are ending?” She said.

John closed the book and carefully put in back underneath his pillow. He then took out his phone and began writing one of his many cryptic tweets.

@johnmaine
You never giggled because to you, it was the poor man's laugh. You always wanted to live the richest life possible. I hope you are (loved).

It had been 6 months and as each day had passed he didn’t miss her any less—he didn’t love her any less as time went on…

John carefully got out of his bunk knowing that it was only a few more minutes till doors open and the show would begin. He walked to the front longue to see Jared fiddling on his phone.

Jared looked up and smiled at him. “You ready to play those hits?” He asked, getting up from his seat.

“Always.” John smiled weakly. “Gotta make and play those hits and hit the people where it hurts—the heart.”