Making Hits for Your Heart

It was another day in the studio and all the demos were done being tracked. Slowly, one by one each song was coming into formation and ready to be recorded. They were rehearsing songs as Jamison and Brendan watched the guys intently from the control room giving their thoughts on the songs and how to possibly better it and preparing them in a sense—pushing the guys to make and play the best version of the song they had created.

Brendan and the guys had spend the entire day recording “Love & Drugs” finishing right before dinner time, they all decided to practice “Take What You Can Carry” for tomorrow’s recording session. Jamison had taken over producer duties and watched the guys carefully during their practice session while giving feedback. There was already a bit of tension with John and the rest of the members since what John had envisioned for the song was nothing like how it turned out. The other members minus John, had agreed upon and liked how the song turned out from all the trial and errors as well as time they had put in during pre-production.

“Whenever you guys are ready. Go for it.” Jamison said, from the control room through the intercom into the recording room.

“Alright.” John said, as he counted off and began singing.

You get what you pay for
Unless you take a little more
What's the delay for?
Ain't nothing but a thunderstorm

Find a new angle—

John voice cracked a bit as he felt a small strain from singing.

“John, instead of trying to do it clean with the notes. Do a little break in between. You’re straining your voice and it’s sounding a bit off.” Jamison said

John shook his head, “Alright.”

“Try again.”

You get what you pay for
Unless you take a little more
What's the delay for?—

Again, his voice strain this time causing him to cough and choke on his own spit.

“Again.” Jamison simply said, her face completely straight and voice in unwavering calmness.

John tried again, trying to prove Jamison wrong and wanting to hit the notes clean. But unfortunately, his voice strained again.

“Again.”

John shook his head as he took a sip of water. Somehow her calm voice seemed almost condescending in a way, he knew that wasn’t the case but with all the tension amongst everyone. He just felt. that way at the moment. Nothing was going his way.

He attempted once more and didn’t prevail.

“I’m not asking you to do something you can’t do…” She said calmly, “Again.”

John thought to himself for a moment on how to achieve what he was going for with the song before he tried again—but once again his voice got the best of him.

“Close your eyes and take a breath. Don’t get too technical, it’s all in your head—just try and feel the notes… try again.” Jamison said in almost a soothing tone.

John closed his eyes and just emptied all his thoughts for a moment and sang. Instead of trying to hit the note clean like he had the last couple of tries he had done what Jamison had asked him to do.

“Better.” She smiled, “One more time.”

John tried again—he listened to himself doing the break instead of trying to hit the note clean. To his surprise besides being easier on his voice, it had sounded a lot better than what he had attempted to do.

“You got it…” She said, “I think we’re ready to record this song tomorrow. Let’s call it a day.” Taking off her headphones.

The guys put away their equipment and tided up the recording room before heading out into the control room to see Brendan tidying up a bit.

“She went to go make dinner.” Brendan said answering the confused looks on their faces when they realized Jamison was missing. “I did warn you guys she is a bit of a ruthless bitch when it comes to recording…” He smirked at his own statement giving the guys a knowing look of some sort.

“No, she’s—“ John began wondering if his frustration had shown. He did not want to start shit; he didn’t have the energy to defend himself.

“She’s tough, she pushes you to your limits. I think she has some weird magical power of seeing someone’s full potential and capabilities. She knows what buttons to push and I don’t mean just on the soundboard…” Brendan snickered at his own words, “I got to get home to my wife and kid but great job guys, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said grabbing his jacket from the couch and headed towards the door.

The guys got back to the house and dinner was prepared and ready for them. The whole awkward tension filled atmosphere that was in the studio seemed to just be nonexistent in the house. This had surprised John since he still had felt like a mixed bag of emotions from what had happened. But it had seemed like Jamison didn’t bring work home with her. Dinner had gone by like nothing had happened.

John had attempted to sleep but he was silently tossing and turning in his bed. He got out of bed, grabbed his pack of cigarettes, and headed to the back patio. Sure enough, Jamison was sitting there in her pajamas—an oversized Tom Waits shirt and plaid bottoms. John nervously took a seat next to her wondering if she thought any less of him after what had happened.

“Hi.” John said, nervously fidgeting with his lighter.

“Hey.” Jamison said, with a small smile unfazed by John’s behavior.

“What are you up to?”

“Eating brownies and drinking beer… do you want one… or even both?” She offered, pointing at the plate of brownies and bottle of beer that was on the table in front of them.

“I’ll go for both.” He smiled grabbing the bottle of beer and opening it before grabbing a piece of a brownie, “I just want to apologize for today.”

“I don’t think there’s anything to apologize for.” She said completely confused by his apology.

“I kept going against your suggestions, I know you were only trying to help. I just wanted to—“

“Prove me wrong? Have something go your way since the way we’re recording this song isn’t the way you really imagined and thought for it to be?” She said, finishing his thought for him. John was amazed by the fact she somehow knew what he was thinking.

“How did you know?” He was completely baffled.

“This is part of my job to know… when it comes to this stuff.” She chuckled at his baffled reaction. “I get where you are coming from too. It’s not that I don’t understand.”

“I just had a pretty clear idea of what I thought of it becoming but all of us are in a bit of tension when it comes to “Take What You Can Carry” and it’s kind of uneasy. I just wanted something to go my way.” He admitted, realizing he might have sounded like a complete brat at the moment.

“That’s what I liked about it… you guys can look back at this and appreciate it more. The tension, uneasiness, and all of it… when that song is done, all of those feelings will turn into something else.” She began, taking a bite of her brownie. “You guys have so much room to work off one another with the tension and with me, trying to one up each other and just be ruthless. This whole process overall should be great but it doesn’t have to always be unicorns and rainbows, every second. Sometimes other emotions besides ease can help… sometimes you need to step outside yourself.” She shrugged nonchalantly, looking over at John who had a somewhat blank expression on his face.

“You’re like a living fortune cookie.” John chuckled looking at her in awe causing Jamison to laugh.

“Is that an Asian joke? Cause I’m Korean… wrong Asian.” She said jokingly, causing John to laugh hysterically.

“Not at all… you’re just so—introspective.” He shook his head as he calmed down a bit.

“My gift? My curse? I can’t tell…” She chuckled nervously as John took a sip of his beer.

“So do you always sit out here at night? Drinking tea or beer… and eating brownies?” He teased a bit easing up feeling a weight being slowly lifted off his shoulders.

“No.” She shook her head, “Just when recording starts… it’s a bit of a habit.”

“What do you usually do out here besides drinking and eating?”

“Talk.”

“To yourself?”

“There always seems to be that one member with insomnia tendencies… so I talk to them.” She looked over at John and gave him a small smile for his teasing banter.

“What is usually the topic floating around?” He asked curiously finally taking a bite of his brownie.

“Anything really—from random things to work related junk… life. I think with Ryan from Yellowcard it was mostly like pseudo therapy sessions about writer’s block and life.” Jamison answered, reminiscing about those times.

“Can I get in on that?” He asked, half serious with a small laugh while he finished off his brownie.

“Do you want to lay your shit out for me without even telling me the basics about you?” She asked, chuckling giving him a questioning look.

“That is true…” He chuckled, “What do you want to know?”

“I’ll play you 20 questions, that way you can know shit about me too. It’ll be fair game… kind of.”

“Sounds fair.”

“I guess I’ll start… favorite ice cream flavor?” Jamison asked

“I don’t have one… but I am partial to Bailey’s Irish Cream. What is your favorite alcoholic beverage?” He chuckled at his answer being connected to his question.

“Oh we’re going more adult here?” She joked, “I like beer… I like… whiskey. I like scotch. I like red wine… but I don’t like white. I don’t know… I don’t have a favorite I think. What about you—favorite adult beverage?”

“I enjoy a good scotch, I like beer which I consume a lot of… I like a good red wine with a nice meal.” He said thinking if there were anymore in particular, “I think I just really like adult beverages.” He laughed.

“They are quite tasty.” She agreed with a small laugh.

“That they are… where did you learn how to cook?”

“I enjoyed watching Saturday cartoons and cooking shows as a kid. It just all looked so delicious, when I was old enough to use to stove alone it was just trial and error from there. It’s always been just a hobby. It’s therapeutic.” She said, “Do you cook?”

“I dabble. I know how to make some good scrambled eggs.” He bragged.

“Jealous.” She said, sounding completely honest.

“Why is that?”

“I’m not good at that.”

“Yet you can cook all the gourmet meals, you’ve been cooking us?” He didn’t believe her.

“I think I heard a chef saying once cooking an egg is an essential thing cause so many chefs can’t cook an egg properly. I just can’t make decent scrambled eggs.”

“Interesting. Tell me one thing about you that would surprise me.”

“I don’t know how to ride a bike…” She laughed at her own confession.

“What kind of childhood did you have?” John teased laughing with Jamison.

“A deprived one, obviously.” She said, “Most embarrassing tour moment?”

“I got really drunk one time and ran into a tree… and had to wear like an arm brace.” He laughed, completely embarrassed as he thought back to that night or the bits and pieces he remembered, “I can’t think of one, you can go again.” He tipped his beer towards her before he sipped his beer.

She laughed at his ridiculous antics then took a sip of her beer before asking him, “Broad question, but I am curious-- what are your dreams? Your aspirations?"

“You know, I’ve achieved it to an extent—being in a band and all…” John said jokingly as he took a sip of his beer while intently keeping his eyes on hers.

Ah, but there's more in that head of yours; I can tell." She paused, and her face held the intrigued quizzical expression as well as a small smile as she was pointing a finger at him. "Beyond what your life is now, what do you hope to accomplish in your life?"

"Personally?" He asked.

"Sure or professionally, take your pick or both even…"

No one had really asked that question before in such a general matter. He contemplated how to answer all he knew was he wanted to answer her question-- honestly. He didn’t mind opening himself to her; it just felt like it was all right to do so "Professionally? I'd like to stick with music, I want to stay with music, in any way that I can. It’s all that I am and everything I want to epitomize. I think the possibilities with music are endless for me. I want to collaborate with friends on more projects, maybe write another book… I don’t know, I want everything…" He chuckled awkwardly before taking another sip of his beer.

“And personally?" She asked, cracking another small smile from his answer.

He sheepishly smiled to himself, looking into his heart for the answer to that one. "I want the happy ending.” He said, with a nervous chuckle while mulling over his thoughts.

“You know, I don’t believe in happy endings…” She said with a straight face causing him to look at her with a bit of a perplexed expression.

“Why is that?” He asked, bracing himself for her answer.

“How is it happy when things are ending?” She said.

John stared at Jamison who was gazing out into the sky in a pondering manner. The way she had said her answer seemed innocent, not cynical like he had anticipated it to be. He didn’t know how to respond her statement all he could do was give her a lopsided smile while he held back a small laugh. But it did make him wonder…

Happy endings; how was it happy when things were ending?