Lost
Chris...
From the moment I met him, I knew that Christofer and I would be friends. I wasn't looking for anything more than that. I had a boyfriend, sure we had our ups and downs, but we worked, my boyfriend and I.
One of our first times hanging out Chris asked me to go to one of his shows, he wanted to show me what he did, what his passion was. I agreed. It was just him and an acoustic guitar and a few other people, Hayden was one of them. I wasn't sure what to expect, but they were alright, not outstanding but okay. He invited me to the after-party and I obliged. That was the first night I tried marijuana. He had placed it in a bong saying that that was easier to take than a blunt. I thought it would be fun trying something new. It couldn't hurt anything, just one time. Thinking back, I realized that my high school health teacher was right, marijuana is a gateway drug. It opened so many gates for me, the wonderful plant did.
I promised Chris a while back that I would not get into hard drugs, heroin, cocaine, ect. However, I broke that promise a while back. I tried heroin. It's not bad, don't use a dirty needle, that could end badly. Don't go through the vein, that would end badly. Don't inject into an artery, that won't work. The high is better than with marijuana. A wonderful out of body experience. The only downfall? You never get the same high, it is never as good as the first one.
One thing Chris and I do not have in common is I shoot up and he does not. He hates the bruises and red pin pricks an my arm, but it is my choice.
Chris and I started using Acid and Ecstasy after being together for about a year. I have learned that you MUST be ready for the experience, it is not for one to take lightheartedly. We first tried it at a rave. Someone had brought it and asked Chris if he wanted to try it. After he had taken a tablet of Acid, he told me that I had to try it, the high was amazing. Psychedelic.
"I can see all of the air particles! They just float right through me as if I'm not even here. Did you see that? They are all different colors!" Chris exclaimed.
I took one and realized that he was indeed right. Every particle in the air, each atom could be seen. They floated together forming wonderful patterns.
As amazing as the two drugs were, they are deadly. I have seen people die at a party, I have known people who have died from taking one two many tablets trying to obtain the ever allusive high. One of Chris's friends was one who died. It was heartbreaking, I was sober at the time and found d him in a corner of one of the run down ware houses he had our rave in. He was convulsing, saliva dropping from his mouth. I gave him CPR, but could not revive him. There was nothing more to do to help him. We could have called the cops, but it was out of the question, they would known what had happened to him, we would end up in prison for having illegal drugs. We would have been in trouble for taking them, for being addicts.
As strange as it may sound, Chris and I have discussed what to do if one of us ever overdosed. Hide the drugs somewhere safe, call the police and say that the other person was suicidal. I wished that we could have done that for his friend, but more questions should have been raised. Why was he in the abandoned warehouse? Where were the other party goers? No one takes Acid, Ecstasy, or Speed with out other people doing it with them, it simply isn't done. It killed me to let him die. I sat with him as he breathed his final breath and then had Chris carry him away from the rest of the people.
There was no one to miss Jake, he was all alone in the world, his only family was Chris and I. After the people left the warehouse, we took Jake's body and hurried it far from the warehouse. We each said something about him, both sober, both crying then later some flowers on the grave. It was shallow, we both knew that it would only be a matter of time before someone would find him and find my DNA on him. But to this day, a year later, we are still waiting for it to happen, waiting for the police to come to my apartment and arrest me.
"I'm scared Chris. What if the police find out he is dead? What if hen has some family that is looking for him? What if they find him?" I cried as Chris held me to his chest after we had buried Jake. "I didn't kill him, Chris! I tried to save him, but they will think that I killed him, I know they will. I can't go to prison.I'm not a murderer! But it's my fault he is dead. I should have saved him, but I couldn't I didn't try hard enough. I am a murderer, Chris! I killed him. I killed him!" I sobbed, my mascara staining Chris's shirt. He did not care though, he only held me tighter and smoother my hair down my back.
He kissed my forehead, "It's not your fault, Iris. You did everything you could have. Hell, you did more the I did. I just let him die, but you tried to save him, but he did not want to be saved, he knew what could happen if he took too much. He was even more fucked up than we are and we are pretty bad. But there is hope for us, and there was none for him. He gave up hope that he could get better someday and that someday there will be more to life than getting high."
He did not know that I did not have hope in getting better, I knew that there was nothing more to my life than being high, there is nothing more to life than the point that we were at; than the point that Jake was at. I knew that what happened to him could easily happen to me, but I accepted it, everyone dies, so why not live how you want?
"Yeah, I guess you,re right, at least we have something better to look forward to than just this, right?" I said hoping my lie was believable.
Since Jake's death, Chris has never been the same. He has cut back on the amount of drugs he takes and looks disapprovingly at the amount I take.
He has been looking at me that way lately, as if I am not good enough for him. I know that he is slowly getting clean and I know that I am doing the exact opposite. I know that I am not good enough for him, that I am not good enough for any clean person, I can only drag the, down to what I am. However, Chris is is still an addict as am I.
He was right when he said we are both fucked up, but he was wrong when he said there is hope for us: there is hope for him, but not me.
We have been a couple for a year. It has been the best year of my life, but I know that our time together will not last another year.
When I met Chris, I was dating a man named Zach. He was seven years older than I. We met when I was eighteen and he was twenty-six. Despite the age difference my mother loved him and hoped that one day I would be Mrs. Zach Harris. In truth, I had hoped that I would be his wife too. He was perfect: tall and well built. He had played football in college and was studying to be a lawyer. He wanted to be a free attorney, one that mainly worked for the less fortunate. Mostly he would work for single mothers not killers.
He came from a wealthy South Carolinian family that had owned the same plantation home for two hundred years. Yes, they used to own slave, Zach had told me and his grandfather was still upset about the south losing the civil war.
Zach and I were together for almost two years. We were happy together and were going to be planning a life together. For that to have happened, I would have had to move to South Carolina, he would not move to Missouri. I did not want to move away from my family, I loved them too much. It was at that time that I realized that I did not love Zach anymore, nor did I ever truly love him, however, I stayed with him.
It was when I was thinking about moving to South Carolina when I met Christofer. I was nineteen years old and with Zach for a year. I just wanted a friend that was near my age and not the rich, stuck-up people he wanted me to befriend. The girls were the type that had had débutante balls and had been with their beaus for a long time. In fact, several of them were married.
It was after the after-party of Chris's show that I began hiding things from Zach. He could not know that I had smoked marijuana with Chris as it would ruin not only my reputation, but Zach's too. He did not know about Chris and I did not want him too as he would quickly end the friendship.
It was not until Chris and I had been friends for several months that I began to recognize something more between the two of us. We went to a movie with several of his friends and he met me at my car as he usually did. Once I got out of my car and started walking towards the theater he grabbed my hand. As cliché as it may sound, sparks flew at the touch of our hands. That never happened with Zach. It was from that time that a seed was planted in my brain I may be in love with my best friend.
Chris is and was my best friend.
One of our first times hanging out Chris asked me to go to one of his shows, he wanted to show me what he did, what his passion was. I agreed. It was just him and an acoustic guitar and a few other people, Hayden was one of them. I wasn't sure what to expect, but they were alright, not outstanding but okay. He invited me to the after-party and I obliged. That was the first night I tried marijuana. He had placed it in a bong saying that that was easier to take than a blunt. I thought it would be fun trying something new. It couldn't hurt anything, just one time. Thinking back, I realized that my high school health teacher was right, marijuana is a gateway drug. It opened so many gates for me, the wonderful plant did.
I promised Chris a while back that I would not get into hard drugs, heroin, cocaine, ect. However, I broke that promise a while back. I tried heroin. It's not bad, don't use a dirty needle, that could end badly. Don't go through the vein, that would end badly. Don't inject into an artery, that won't work. The high is better than with marijuana. A wonderful out of body experience. The only downfall? You never get the same high, it is never as good as the first one.
One thing Chris and I do not have in common is I shoot up and he does not. He hates the bruises and red pin pricks an my arm, but it is my choice.
Chris and I started using Acid and Ecstasy after being together for about a year. I have learned that you MUST be ready for the experience, it is not for one to take lightheartedly. We first tried it at a rave. Someone had brought it and asked Chris if he wanted to try it. After he had taken a tablet of Acid, he told me that I had to try it, the high was amazing. Psychedelic.
"I can see all of the air particles! They just float right through me as if I'm not even here. Did you see that? They are all different colors!" Chris exclaimed.
I took one and realized that he was indeed right. Every particle in the air, each atom could be seen. They floated together forming wonderful patterns.
As amazing as the two drugs were, they are deadly. I have seen people die at a party, I have known people who have died from taking one two many tablets trying to obtain the ever allusive high. One of Chris's friends was one who died. It was heartbreaking, I was sober at the time and found d him in a corner of one of the run down ware houses he had our rave in. He was convulsing, saliva dropping from his mouth. I gave him CPR, but could not revive him. There was nothing more to do to help him. We could have called the cops, but it was out of the question, they would known what had happened to him, we would end up in prison for having illegal drugs. We would have been in trouble for taking them, for being addicts.
As strange as it may sound, Chris and I have discussed what to do if one of us ever overdosed. Hide the drugs somewhere safe, call the police and say that the other person was suicidal. I wished that we could have done that for his friend, but more questions should have been raised. Why was he in the abandoned warehouse? Where were the other party goers? No one takes Acid, Ecstasy, or Speed with out other people doing it with them, it simply isn't done. It killed me to let him die. I sat with him as he breathed his final breath and then had Chris carry him away from the rest of the people.
There was no one to miss Jake, he was all alone in the world, his only family was Chris and I. After the people left the warehouse, we took Jake's body and hurried it far from the warehouse. We each said something about him, both sober, both crying then later some flowers on the grave. It was shallow, we both knew that it would only be a matter of time before someone would find him and find my DNA on him. But to this day, a year later, we are still waiting for it to happen, waiting for the police to come to my apartment and arrest me.
"I'm scared Chris. What if the police find out he is dead? What if hen has some family that is looking for him? What if they find him?" I cried as Chris held me to his chest after we had buried Jake. "I didn't kill him, Chris! I tried to save him, but they will think that I killed him, I know they will. I can't go to prison.I'm not a murderer! But it's my fault he is dead. I should have saved him, but I couldn't I didn't try hard enough. I am a murderer, Chris! I killed him. I killed him!" I sobbed, my mascara staining Chris's shirt. He did not care though, he only held me tighter and smoother my hair down my back.
He kissed my forehead, "It's not your fault, Iris. You did everything you could have. Hell, you did more the I did. I just let him die, but you tried to save him, but he did not want to be saved, he knew what could happen if he took too much. He was even more fucked up than we are and we are pretty bad. But there is hope for us, and there was none for him. He gave up hope that he could get better someday and that someday there will be more to life than getting high."
He did not know that I did not have hope in getting better, I knew that there was nothing more to my life than being high, there is nothing more to life than the point that we were at; than the point that Jake was at. I knew that what happened to him could easily happen to me, but I accepted it, everyone dies, so why not live how you want?
"Yeah, I guess you,re right, at least we have something better to look forward to than just this, right?" I said hoping my lie was believable.
Since Jake's death, Chris has never been the same. He has cut back on the amount of drugs he takes and looks disapprovingly at the amount I take.
He has been looking at me that way lately, as if I am not good enough for him. I know that he is slowly getting clean and I know that I am doing the exact opposite. I know that I am not good enough for him, that I am not good enough for any clean person, I can only drag the, down to what I am. However, Chris is is still an addict as am I.
He was right when he said we are both fucked up, but he was wrong when he said there is hope for us: there is hope for him, but not me.
We have been a couple for a year. It has been the best year of my life, but I know that our time together will not last another year.
When I met Chris, I was dating a man named Zach. He was seven years older than I. We met when I was eighteen and he was twenty-six. Despite the age difference my mother loved him and hoped that one day I would be Mrs. Zach Harris. In truth, I had hoped that I would be his wife too. He was perfect: tall and well built. He had played football in college and was studying to be a lawyer. He wanted to be a free attorney, one that mainly worked for the less fortunate. Mostly he would work for single mothers not killers.
He came from a wealthy South Carolinian family that had owned the same plantation home for two hundred years. Yes, they used to own slave, Zach had told me and his grandfather was still upset about the south losing the civil war.
Zach and I were together for almost two years. We were happy together and were going to be planning a life together. For that to have happened, I would have had to move to South Carolina, he would not move to Missouri. I did not want to move away from my family, I loved them too much. It was at that time that I realized that I did not love Zach anymore, nor did I ever truly love him, however, I stayed with him.
It was when I was thinking about moving to South Carolina when I met Christofer. I was nineteen years old and with Zach for a year. I just wanted a friend that was near my age and not the rich, stuck-up people he wanted me to befriend. The girls were the type that had had débutante balls and had been with their beaus for a long time. In fact, several of them were married.
It was after the after-party of Chris's show that I began hiding things from Zach. He could not know that I had smoked marijuana with Chris as it would ruin not only my reputation, but Zach's too. He did not know about Chris and I did not want him too as he would quickly end the friendship.
It was not until Chris and I had been friends for several months that I began to recognize something more between the two of us. We went to a movie with several of his friends and he met me at my car as he usually did. Once I got out of my car and started walking towards the theater he grabbed my hand. As cliché as it may sound, sparks flew at the touch of our hands. That never happened with Zach. It was from that time that a seed was planted in my brain I may be in love with my best friend.
Chris is and was my best friend.
♠ ♠ ♠
Thanks for reading! These first few chapters are just introduction chapters. The real story will start next... Thanks again for reading! Sorry that this one is so long! :-) I probably could have broken this up into at least two chapters, but it seemed to work as one.