Baby, You Save Me

My heart stopped as I looked at the number. I froze. I changed my number. How did he find out my new one? I told him to never call me again. I wanted to be left alone. I had a million thoughts racing through my brain. I was barely conscious of the fact that I didn’t have a shirt on and that Joe was trying to talk to me. I just stared at my phone until it stopped ringing and there was a notification for a voicemail.

I felt Joe hand me his shirt and I pulled it over my head, still in shock. I registered that Joe was concerned about me, but I couldn’t seem to pull myself out of this daze.

Suddenly Joe was shaking me, and that pulled me out of my haze enough to register that he was here. “AJ! What the hell just happened?” Joe’s eyes were full of concern and worry.

“I.. I don’t..,” I couldn’t find the words to even begin to explain what just happened. “He can’t know..” my voice trailed off in fear, hurt, confusion, and anger.

“AJ, who just called?” Joe grabbed my face and made me look at him. My eyes held his for a split second before they wildly darted around the room. I knew he couldn’t be here. The phone number was from North Carolina and he wasn’t going to get out. But I couldn’t help worrying. It was second nature when it came to him. “AJ, look at me and answer the question,” Joe’s voice was quiet but firm.

“My dad,” I whispered, slowly coming back to reality and regaining my head, recovering from the shock. My breathing was still shallow but I could focus enough to make coherent thoughts. “I changed my number. He shouldn’t be able to contact me. How did he get my number?” I whimpered. I hated how weak I was right now. I’ve gotten soft living with Billy. I took a deep breath in and exhaled. I felt myself regain composure and control. I looked at Joe and realized that he probably deserved some sort of explanation. “The phone number is from a high security prison in North Carolina where my dad is sentenced. As soon as he was behind bars I changed my number and told him to never contact me again. I haven’t heard or spoken to him since the day I watched him go into the prison. I have no idea how he found my phone number or why he is calling. And I’m not sure I’m ready to find out right now..” I bit my lip as I set the phone on the table. I’m not sure that I’ve ever been more confused in my life. I still had a million different emotions going through my head.

“What.. What did he go to prison for?” Joe questioned cautiously. He knew he was testing the limits of my trust. He wasn’t sure how I would react.

I surprised us both by actually answering the question, “He molested me when I was younger, after my mom left. I didn’t really understand what was going on because I was so young, but eventually child protective services got involved, he got arrested, and I went into foster care.”

Joe was speechless. I watched his face, knowing there were a million different questions going through his brain. Then I watched as he did the most perfect thing anyone has ever done for me. He didn’t ask me any more questions. He just pulled me to him and we cuddled on the couch. I think he could tell that I was exhausted. My mind was still whirling a little bit but thankfully survival instincts pulled through and shut my brain down to recover a little bit from the shock. I fell into a deep sleep that I knew I wouldn’t wake from until the morning.
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I inhaled as I remembered the exact events of last night and reached over to look at my phone. One missed call. Shit… so it really did happen. I sighed and cuddled a little deeper into Joe for comfort. He stirred quietly and unconsciously pulled me even closer. His eyes slowly blinked opened and he gave me soft, sleepy smile, “Morning. How you feeling?”

I gave a half smile, “I’m ok. I’m not ready to listen to the voicemail yet though. I’m sorry about last night,” I hesitated, “about everything.” I bit my lip. I wasn’t actually sorry that we made out, or where it might have gone if we hadn’t been interrupted.

Joe laughed as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his that I noticed. “It’s ok. I started it, but now you can’t say that you haven’t kissed someone famous. What do you say we keep that between us though? No one knows that Camilla and I broke up yet, and it doesn’t look too good. And I don’t want you to be a rebound. Not that I don’t care about you, but..”

“Joe!” I interrupted his rambling. “It’s fine,” I laughed. “We were drunk and made out. It happens,” I shrugged. “It didn’t mean anything. We are just friends. It doesn’t change anything. And I won’t tell anyone if you don’t.” I slightly held my breath, hoping he wouldn’t know I was lying through my teeth. Of course I wanted to do that again, but our friendship was more important.

Joe let out a breath, “Ok. Now come on. I’m hungry. Let’s go get breakfast at that little café down the road before I go home and finish that song.” I nodded and walked outside. I whistled for A while Joe went to bridle Betsy. We rode back to the barn, changed and went to the café that was about 20 minutes down the road. It was slightly worn down and one of the only businesses this far out of town along with a gas station, but it had really good food.

“Can I ask you something without you shutting down on me?” Joe asked while we waited for the waitress to come over and take our order.

“Depends on what you ask me.” I was actually uncomfortably comfortable with sharing information with Joe. I usually answered any question he asked me.

“Is foster care the reason that you lived in so many places?” he looked at me. I could tell that he was slowly starting to piece together parts of my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joe's POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Is foster care the reason that you lived in so many places?” I asked AJ as I looked at her. I was starting to realize that most of what she told me when we first met was either a half-truth or a full out lie. I can’t say I blame her though. The more I find out about her past, the more amazed I am that she turned out as well as she did. Now things about her were starting to make more sense, like the way she tends to flinch if you move toward her quickly, or how she is so disinclined to trust people.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “After my mom left, my dad started drinking. At first he was fine, but then he started to get mean,” she paused, lost in a thought. “Maybe he was always mean. I don’t really know. It started with just mean words, but then he would hit me if I didn’t do what he wanted. Then he started to get.. physical.” She hesitated on the last word and I could tell that it wasn’t easy for her to admit.

“How old were you?” I didn’t have to fully state the question. We both knew what I was asking.

“Eight,” she looked at me and suddenly I could see the little broken girl inside her that never got to have a good father. My breath caught in my throat. That’s so young! That’s about Frankie’s age! “CPS found out about my father somehow when I was about 10 and arrested him. I lived with a friend until his trial was over and then went to a foster home in Tennessee when I was twelve. After that I kept getting into trouble or running away and they moved me around a lot.”

“Wow.. Are you going to listen to the voicemail?” I’m not sure if I would if I were in her place.

“I really don’t know. I probably will, but it’s something that I kind of have to mentally prepare for, you know?” I nodded. “By the way, what are you doing next weekend?”

“I don’t know,” I responded. “Probably just writing music or hanging out. Why?”

“I need to buy two new horses and there’s a pretty big sale next Saturday. Want to come see another part of my world?” She raised an eyebrow at me.

“Only if you let me show you part of mine,” I grinned. “There’s an open mic night every Saturday night at this restaurant in downtown LA. I want to go tomorrow and see if there’s anyone really good. We are going on tour in the fall and still need to find an incredible opening act.”

“Deal.” She grinned at me. And just like that we were back to the present, and back to our normal selves.

I left AJ after saying goodbye, and paying for breakfast because momma raised me right, and drove back to LA. I made an impromptu decision and went to my parent’s house. It was time to face the real world.

“Mom!” I called out as I walked through the front door.

“In the kitchen!” She called out. I wandered through the house into the kitchen. As it was still early, she was drinking coffee in her robe. I smiled at her. I never really realized just how lucky I was, but AJ seriously made me realize that I had it easy compared to most people. I walked over and wrapped my arms around my mother, hugging her tight.

“Thank you,” I whispered in her ear.

“For what?” She smiled in surprise.

“For being you. For taking care of us four boys and treating us right and always making sure that we had food and clothes and knew we were loved. Thank you for never yelling at us or hitting us, even though there were times where you probably wanted to,” the words kind of came out in a jumble but I was still in shock from what I heard from AJ and I just wanted my mom to know how incredible she really was.

My mom laughed, “Oh honey it was nothing. Thank you though. I love you. Now what is this all about?” She brushed off my compliment. She was too humble for her own good.

“I’m just realizing how incredibly lucky I was growing up, and how lucky I still am. I have a family that loves me and I love them. I never had to worry about certain problems. I’m just thankful,” I bit my lip.

“You hung out with AJ didn’t you?” My mom gave me a sad smile.

“How did you know?” My eyes widened with surprise.

“Oh Joe, I’m a mother. I’m attentive. Anyone who looks at her can tell that she had a rough childhood and that she’s still a little broken. I’m guessing that she told you something about her past that made you realize that you had it fairly easy growing up. Am I right?”

“Yes,” I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “That girl has been through a massive amount of shit. I don’t know how she came out the other side as well as she did. She makes my problems seem so small.”

“What problems do you have?” she asked with her typical motherly concern.

“Camilla and I broke up yesterday,” I bit my lip as I felt the lump in my throat. It doesn’t quite seem real. It hasn’t quite hit me, but I know tonight when I usually talk to her, and don’t, it’s going to hit me hard.

“Oh I’m sorry Joe,” she reached out and patted my arm. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m ok. Really,” I emphasized when I saw my mother raise her eyebrow at me. “I’m a little sad, but it’s been a long time coming, and it wasn’t a good relationship in the first place. Plus AJ made me realize that me breaking up with my girlfriend is a small problem to have. And she needs a friend to be there for her more than I do right now.”

“What’s going on with her?” My mother asked, her eyes full of concern.

“I’m not sure that she wants me to say anything,” I trailed off. I knew AJ probably wouldn’t want me to say anything, but I really needed my mom’s opinion on this. I’ve never known anyone with a past like AJ’s, and I wasn’t sure how to process this information without talking to someone about it.

“Ok. I won’t push, but you know you can talk to me and I won’t gossip,” she smiled at me and I sighed and sat down.

“I just found out that AJ’s dad is doing time in prison in North Carolina for physically and sexually assaulting her when she was a child after her mom left. She got a phone call from the penitentiary where he’s sentenced last night. I guess the reason that she moved around so much is because she was in foster care. He hit her, Mom! And molested her!” I spat the word out. I guess I still had some pent up anger from my break up with Camilla and the news about AJ was fueling the fire. “An eight year old CHILD. What kind of a person does that?!?” I turned to face my mother and she shook her head.

“I don’t know, Joe. There are some terrible, awful people in this world. And unfortunately some people are handed a harder lot in life to deal with than others. The best thing you can do is to just be there and support them, and try to help them get over the past. But AJ is a strong girl, she just needs you to be there for her.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m going to go call the publicist and tell her that Camilla and I broke up. She deserves a head’s up.” I kissed my mom on the cheek and started to head out the door.

“Joe?” My mom called out, “Don’t let her push you away. Most people like AJ push people away, especially when they need them the most. It’s a defense mechanism that happens when everyone who has ever gotten close to them has either hurt them or left.”

In that moment I vowed to never hurt the beautiful, broken, red headed woman who has completely turned my world upside down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~AJ's POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I took a deep breath and looked down at my phone. I had worked all day after Joe and I got breakfast, which kept me busy enough that I barely thought about the phone call during the day. But now my mind had nothing to keep it occupied except for the idea of what could possibly be on the voicemail. I kept turning my phone over in my hand as I lay in my bed above the barn. I finally took a breath and exhaled as I hit play, “You have one new message from inmate Ryan Johnson.” I took another breath and heard the voice that used to strike such terror into my heart, “Hi…umm.. I know you said you never wanted to hear from me again, but I just had to call and apologize. I am so sorry for everything that I put you through. You were far too young, and I am so truly sorry. I am now clean and sober and going through therapy to try to get my life back on track and be someone that you maybe don’t hate in the future. I’ve also talked to some younger people here who were in similar situations that I put you through, and I just hope to God that I didn’t mess you up as badly as they are. I’m not sure where you are or what you’re doing but I truly wish you the best of luck. Please don’t let the cycle continue. Be strong and brave and let people in. I didn’t set a good example, but there are good people in the world that you can, and should, trust. Now I promise that you will never hear from me again. Goodbye my little blue bell, and good luck.”

Anger hit me instantly, white hot, racing through my veins. How dare he contact me again, and attempt to give me advice! I felt a rush of emotions blow through my body, and a thousand old memories flow through my mind. I was going to lose it. I checked my phone. Midnight. I made a snap decision that I knew I would probably regret in the morning, but I needed a release for this anger. I don’t remember the last time that I was so angry. My blood was pounding in my ears. I grabbed my keys and peeled out of the drive, headed somewhere that I promised Billy that I would never go again.

I pulled up outside of an abandoned warehouse in the edge of Compton. It was a bad part of town and held some of the worst people. I got out of my car and walked into the building, a look that could kill on my face. People parted as I walked in, instantly recognizing who I was.

“OH SHIT!” I heard over the loud speaker. “Everyone stop what you’re doing this minute. We have royalty in the house!”

Instantly the room quieted down and people turned to look at me, many were whispering and pointing. I haven’t been here in two years so I could tell that they were confused to see me. I was supposed to be retired. I continued walking to the stand where I knew Ace would be. I looked around and realized that even the fighters in the ring had stopped moving. I walked to the stand and stood next to Ace and let him introduce me and do his thing for a minute.

“So for those of you fuckers who don’t know, this is mother fucking Siren. She’s legendary in the underground fighting rings, and if you don’t know who she is, then you are either brand new or you’ve been hit in the head one too many times. Alright, finish you’re fight pussies. And try to not be too intimidated by the queen here.” Ace turned to me as the guys in the middle of the ring continued their fight. “What are you doing here? I thought you were retired.” He was a skinny guy, with snakebites and two full sleeves of tattoos. He announced because he didn’t like fighting, but that doesn’t mean that he couldn’t hold his own for a little while.

“Put me in the ring for the next fight,” I ordered.

“We have a waiting list, Siren. You know how things work around here,” He raised an eyebrow.

“Put me in the ring for the next fight or I swear to God that I will break every one of your ribs,” I threatened, venom in my voice.

“Ok,” Ace immediately agreed. Everyone here knew my threats were serious. We turned and watched the current fight end fairly quickly.

“Ok everyone. Change of plans. Siren is going in the ring, and I guess the first person in the ring gets to get their ass kicked by the best of the best,” Ace took charge. Immediately people tried to force themselves into the ring. Everyone wanted their chance to see if they could take on the best.
Eventually, one person made it, and stood in the middle of the makeshift octagon.

I eyed him up and down, taking in the competition. A man, early twenties, and built. Someone most people wouldn’t want to fight. But I wasn’t most people. I was really good at reading people. I could tell that he was overconfident, but he was fairly quick for his build. He was 6’3”, and completely ripped. He looked like a challenge, especially because I haven’t actually fought in a long time.
I took of my shirt, shoes, and pants and walked into the ring wearing just my sports bra and my spandex. I knew in the back of my mind that I probably shouldn’t do this and that Billy was going to be mad as all hell, but I knew that I was too angry to handle this in a safe or mature way. I was also going to be incredibly sore tomorrow, which would suck.

We faced each other in the ring. This was an underground, unsanctioned fight. Pretty much anything goes, except for true cheap shots. There were no gloves, and no weapons. The fight was between you and your opponent, and continued until someone tapped out or was knocked unconscious.

The whistle blew and the fight started. I watched the body language of the man across from me. I sidestepped to the right, paused and then side stepped to the left. He had only just finished moving to the right by the time that I was done. He may be fast for his build, but not many people are as fast as I am. I moved quickly and took an uppercut to his jaw and then danced out of the way before he even knew what happened. I had so much adrenaline and anger rushing through my body that I barely registered the fact that my hand hurt from the contact. I saw the surprise on his face. Most people don’t start off with a move like that. I was definitely faster than he was.

I noticed a flinch in his left shoulder and moved to my left to dodge it, realizing half a second too late that he was faking and was rewarded with a sharp pain on the left side of my face from his right hook. Stupid! I focused on his body, and moved out of his reach until I regained my vision and stopped seeing spots. That was such a stupid mistake to make. I can’t believe I decided to get back into the ring after not having trained for two years. The sparring continued for a few minutes.

I could feel my anger beginning to dissipate so it was time to show these kids why I was the best. I went in for left-right combo, and immediately brought him to the ground using one of my favorite moves. Once he was on the ground, I got him into a hold that I knew he couldn’t get out of. After squirming for a few moments, he eventually tapped out.

I released him from the hold and we both stood up and shook hands. I could see the anger in his eyes at being beaten by a girl, but at least losing to me wasn’t nearly as shameful as losing to any other girl. I turned toward the crowd and realized that they were cheering. I smiled and turned to walk out of the ring. Ace was announcing the next fight as I went up to stand next to him.

“Feel better?” he smirked.

“Much,” I grinned slyly at him. “Sorry about that. I was pissed.”

“Yeah I got that,” he laughed. “You walked in here like a pissed off dragon out for blood. I’m surprised you didn’t kill that guy in the ring.”

“Killing people is way too messy,” I stuck out my tongue. “How have you been? I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

“I’ve been good. I’ve just been doing the same old, same old. What about you? Retirement treating you well?”

“Yeah, it's been good. Busy but good,” I responded. I was friendly with Ace but we weren’t close.

“Hey, a bunch of us are going to Scorpion’s place after if you want to join?”

I hesitated. Two years ago I wouldn’t have even thought twice about going but now, “I’m going to pass. I have to get home. Thanks though.” I smiled softly at Ace. “Take care of yourself.” I reached out and grabbed his arm, squeezing softly before letting go. I had a feeling I wouldn’t see him again.

I left the warehouse and drove through the night. I was strangely calm. I hadn’t fought in so long. As bad as it sounded, it was nice to get back into the ring again, even if it was just to prove that I still had it.

I crawled into bed already beginning to feel the muscles of my body aching. Yup, tomorrow was going to suck.