Distance Disturbs Me
Austin
Alan,
I know you asked me not to write anymore, but I can't just let go of all the years we've been friends and the memories we have. You know it wasn't my choice to leave you. If I'd had my way, I'd still be with you now, but I would have let you know how much I care about you, how much I'll always love you. If I was still in Ohio, where I want to be, I'd hold you as close as possible and never let you go again.
You may say you've turned back into that Alan, but I know that that isn't the real you and it never will be. The real you is the Alan I know, the one I'm hopelessly in love with. The real Alan is a boy who loves kittens and always preferred to stay inside and cuddle when it rained instead of splashing around in mud and puddles like the other kids. The real Alan needs me there when he watches horror movies, with all the lights in the house on, to remind him that it's all just a story that someone created in the darkest depths of their minds. You even got jumpy during Interview With A Vampire and Beetlejuice, neither of which are scary, but I let you cuddle into my side and ball my t-shirt up in your fisted hands. The real Alan is more like the eight year old boy that, only two weeks after we met, kissed my elbow when I fell out of that tree in your front yard, insisting that that would immediately make it feel better.
Those memories, along with every thought I have of you, are what keep me going here, where everyone is so fake that I'm surprised all the plastic doesn't melt in the heat.
I want to tell you here and now that once I can come back to Ohio, I will never ever leave you again. I want to come home to my best friend, not someone who I once loved with all my heart but then lost because of something that was far beyond my control.
I'm sorry I left you the way that I did. I know it was wrong, but I didn't know how or when else to tell you. It's not exactly easy to sit down with the person you love more than life itself and tell them that you have to leave them for an indefinite period of time. I didn't want to leave because I knew it would be like what happened with your dad. But I will never walk out of your life for good, ever, even though you may want me to.
I won't give up on maintaining this friendship with you, even if it's one sided for the time it takes for me to patch up your wounds like you once patched up mine. I will never leave you out to suffer alone. I will always always return to you because you stole my heart and I want more than anything to call you mine. I know I fucked up, but all I'm asking for is one little second chance. I need you. Please don't let go of everything we've built in this friendship, together. Please don't give up on me.
In love and loneliness,
Austin
I know you asked me not to write anymore, but I can't just let go of all the years we've been friends and the memories we have. You know it wasn't my choice to leave you. If I'd had my way, I'd still be with you now, but I would have let you know how much I care about you, how much I'll always love you. If I was still in Ohio, where I want to be, I'd hold you as close as possible and never let you go again.
You may say you've turned back into that Alan, but I know that that isn't the real you and it never will be. The real you is the Alan I know, the one I'm hopelessly in love with. The real Alan is a boy who loves kittens and always preferred to stay inside and cuddle when it rained instead of splashing around in mud and puddles like the other kids. The real Alan needs me there when he watches horror movies, with all the lights in the house on, to remind him that it's all just a story that someone created in the darkest depths of their minds. You even got jumpy during Interview With A Vampire and Beetlejuice, neither of which are scary, but I let you cuddle into my side and ball my t-shirt up in your fisted hands. The real Alan is more like the eight year old boy that, only two weeks after we met, kissed my elbow when I fell out of that tree in your front yard, insisting that that would immediately make it feel better.
Those memories, along with every thought I have of you, are what keep me going here, where everyone is so fake that I'm surprised all the plastic doesn't melt in the heat.
I want to tell you here and now that once I can come back to Ohio, I will never ever leave you again. I want to come home to my best friend, not someone who I once loved with all my heart but then lost because of something that was far beyond my control.
I'm sorry I left you the way that I did. I know it was wrong, but I didn't know how or when else to tell you. It's not exactly easy to sit down with the person you love more than life itself and tell them that you have to leave them for an indefinite period of time. I didn't want to leave because I knew it would be like what happened with your dad. But I will never walk out of your life for good, ever, even though you may want me to.
I won't give up on maintaining this friendship with you, even if it's one sided for the time it takes for me to patch up your wounds like you once patched up mine. I will never leave you out to suffer alone. I will always always return to you because you stole my heart and I want more than anything to call you mine. I know I fucked up, but all I'm asking for is one little second chance. I need you. Please don't let go of everything we've built in this friendship, together. Please don't give up on me.
In love and loneliness,
Austin
♠ ♠ ♠
I'm so glad to see that this story is being received well by all of you lovely readers! Savannah and I have stayed up till 2 in the morning my time and 4 hers just coming up with ideas and working on these chapters. It makes me happy to see that you're liking this so far and your comments are increasingly lovely. Thank you!xo,
Presley