Distance Disturbs Me
Austin
Alan,
I understand how you're feeling and I can't express how much I hate myself for causing you to feel that way. I can't just leave you alone when we've been friends for so long. You're meant to be in my life and I feel as if I'm meant to be in yours. Please let me back in. It's always been in a positive way before, but now it's not and I regret more than anything that I didn't tell you how I felt.
I had no idea, Alan, that you felt that way about me. I couldn't see why you possibly would. I've always just been the stupid tall kid who was usually too quiet to be noticed. I'm sorry that I'm so blind. I can't believe I was so stupid. I'm so, so sorry.
Do you know why I am just now realizing how I feel? In your absence, in not being able to see your face and your beautiful smile, I have been able to appreciate you so much more. I wish I would have figured this out before I had to leave. I wish I wasn't so stupid.
My grandma needs me, Alan. She's so sick and I feel as if I can see her life slowly slipping from her once bright eyes. It's hard, so hard to stay strong. I need you still. I always will need you, even if you say you don't need me. If I could, I'd come back to you right now. I would be on a plane faster than ever imaginable just to get home to you again. I know that if I could though, if I did, you would hate me. I don't want you to hate me. I hope that by the time I return, you can find it in your heart to forgive me for my blatant idiocy because I am so sorry that my body physically hurts with missing you and hating myself.
In self loathing and sorriness,
Austin
I understand how you're feeling and I can't express how much I hate myself for causing you to feel that way. I can't just leave you alone when we've been friends for so long. You're meant to be in my life and I feel as if I'm meant to be in yours. Please let me back in. It's always been in a positive way before, but now it's not and I regret more than anything that I didn't tell you how I felt.
I had no idea, Alan, that you felt that way about me. I couldn't see why you possibly would. I've always just been the stupid tall kid who was usually too quiet to be noticed. I'm sorry that I'm so blind. I can't believe I was so stupid. I'm so, so sorry.
Do you know why I am just now realizing how I feel? In your absence, in not being able to see your face and your beautiful smile, I have been able to appreciate you so much more. I wish I would have figured this out before I had to leave. I wish I wasn't so stupid.
My grandma needs me, Alan. She's so sick and I feel as if I can see her life slowly slipping from her once bright eyes. It's hard, so hard to stay strong. I need you still. I always will need you, even if you say you don't need me. If I could, I'd come back to you right now. I would be on a plane faster than ever imaginable just to get home to you again. I know that if I could though, if I did, you would hate me. I don't want you to hate me. I hope that by the time I return, you can find it in your heart to forgive me for my blatant idiocy because I am so sorry that my body physically hurts with missing you and hating myself.
In self loathing and sorriness,
Austin
♠ ♠ ♠
hi have a chapter because I feel like shit thanks to anons on tumblr. sometimes I forget I'm ugly as well as a joke, so it's nice that they show up from time to time to remind me. good night lovely readers.xo,
Presley