Pros and Cons (Of Living With a Hipster)

Brian isn't into music bashing, he isn't. Jay-Z? Cool, man. Miley Cyrus? Brian has all of her albums. Miranda Lambert? Okay.

But this Grizzly Recyclers and The Slow and Even-Tempered shit? Brian is a fan of saying "to each their own," but if he has to hear another "hit" by the Grizzly's... Well, he told Jude "seriously man I am going to kill myself" after his first exposure to Cat Power because it reminded him of the Autoharp he had to strum the duration of elementary school.

He hasn't done it yet, killed himself. But he thinks he died on the inside and that's got to count for something.

Everything Jude listens to sounds like it was recorded in a studio submerged in an underwater cave and hoping for the best.

Brian thinks the sound his cat makes when he steps on its tail has more musical appeal.

It could be worse, Brian has to tell himself. He could be living with a metal head, right? Those thoughts have turned into some kind of manta, a pep-talk he gives himself every morning.

And evening.

Sometimes between classes.

Before bed.

But that's just Brian's life. He's learned to hate it.

"Hey, hey. What do you think of this? It's so late, it's nearly morning."

"Jude, no."

"Was it that good?"

"It was that bad."

"Oh," Jude frowned.

"You have more, don't you?"

Jude smiled, "I do. A page is mostly lines, what about that?"

"A page is mostly lines," Brian shrugged. "Trying to seduce someone again?"

"I'm not going to try, I'm going to succeed."

"Because you're so suave. Got it. So who's the chick?"

Jude looked at Brian.

Brian looked at Jude.

"Is it not a chick?"

"It's definitley a chick."

"But what one?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Is she underage? Did you meet in Starbucks, instantly connecting over your iced decaf skinny vanilla latte with soy milk?"

"Not underage," Jude sniffed. "And it was a soy decaf cinnamon dolce latte, thanks."

"Whatever." Brian slouched deeper into the couch, sighing. "But do me a favor and go to her place after you woo her."

"Are you admitting that I have game?"

"You don't have game. But on the one in a million chance that it ends up happening--"

"Stop it, stop. Before my ego inflates. By the way," Jude smiled, "I call dibs on the living room tomorrow evening. I'm hosting a poetry reading."

"Of course you are," Brian frowned.

"I need you to make vegan cookies," Jude said on his way to the door.

"I don't--"

"Use the internet."

The door shut behind Jude and Brian glared at it for .002 seconds before shouting "REAL HIPSTERS WOULDN'T GO TO STARBUCKS."

Because he's the mature one in this friendship.