Double Sided Knife

Double Sided Blade by Jessica Powles

He had not woken up from his slumber yet. He looked so peaceful with that innocently content look stamped on his face. He still had that cute nose whistle. He was tossing and turning around as if he were having a bad dream. However, he was only safe in his dreams because waiting for him on the other side was a shiny, silver gutting knife.

The more I watched him sleep, the more the anger pulsed through my veins. I wanted to cut those pretty little eyelids off so he will never be able to sleep again

The moment I had been waiting for…His waking. He blinked his weary eyes a few times before realising his hands were tightly bound with rope to a steel table. He frantically tried pulling himself free. He screamed but his voice echoed back to him. His cries for help would be answered soon. If only he knew what deep dark grim answers they were, he would have never pleaded.

I licked my lips in anticipation. The fragrance of anxiety and despair graced my nose and sent good vibrations throughout my body. I rubbed the flat side of my precious gutting knife against my lips and imagined how refreshing it would feel lodged into his chest.

I stepped out from the shadows of my cabin with the knife hidden behind my back. He was hyperventilating. His hands were shaking uncontrollably; I could hear his silver engagement band clink on the steel table every time. I chuckled and he turned to me.
“Stella...is that you? Please! You’ve got to help me!” He cried.
“I can’t help you…” I replied coldly.
“What do you mean?! Just untie the knots and we can escape together.”
Suddenly, I found my knife penetrating the skin and bone of his right hand. His cries of pain were like music to my ears; even more delicious was the feel of his blood soaking my hand as. I yanked the knife out and gazed down at his face. I was entertaining my imagination with gruesome images of his body being sliced into small eatable pieces.
“I don’t understand…” He whimpered.
“You never did understand.” I replied wiping the bloody knife over his cheek. He cringed at the touch. I chuckled a little before lifting it away and turning my back to him, savouring the sound of his cries.
“Are you feeling ok?” I heard him ask.
“Am I ok? AM I OK?”
I turned around and raised the knife. He closed his eyes and pressed his teeth together. Couldn’t he understand what kind of monster he’d created? I wanted to stab him straight through his chest but I knew there was so much more to do before anymore blood was shed.
“I have been waiting for this moment, for so long now. It’s almost not real.” I broke the tension that was lingering in the air. His pretty little lips were forming into an O shape, as if to speak or pathetically beg for mercy. I silenced him before he could even begin pressing the flat side of my no longer silver gutting knife on his quivering lips. He stared intensely down at the blade, tears forming in his eyes as his own blood into his mouth, making him gag.

With my knife still pressing down on his lips, I slowly moved my face closer to his until our noses were inches away from touching. His attempts to scream from underneath the knife came out as muffled cries. I smiled.
“How does it feel to be on the receiving end of pain?”
I removed the knife from his lips allowing him to answer the question.
“Please…I am in pain. Help me?”
“THAT IS NOT THE CORRECT ANSWER!” I roared in his face.
‘’PLEASE DON’T KILL ME!’’ His cries racked his entire body as more tears poured down his face. I was jolted back to the times I spent crying alone in the dark because of him and resolved to make suffer as much as I had.
“Oh, sweet heart…you think I am going to kill you?” I laughed out loud.
I watched as his tears stopped flowing from his eyes and his frown slowly melted into a confused hopeful smile. Eventually, he even decided to join me with his own nervous laughter.
“So…you’re not going to kill me?”
Immediately, I stopped laughing.
“Oh…of course I am!” I shouted from the shadows.
“But…”
I quickly swung around and threw my gutting knife at the wall behind him. He jumped as the knife jammed into the wall. Dust and chunks of wood from the wall fell down on to his face. He watched the knife jiggle above his body.

The abstract patterns of the blood dripping down the wall made me thirsty for more. I wanted to paint every inch of these brown walls in his O negative blood. My eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Why...” He asked.
“How could one be so naïve to his own sins?” I hissed.
‘’I haven’t done anything wrong! We parted on good terms and everything seemed peaceful.’’
He was trying to connect the dots but there were no dots to connect. They were erased long ago by very person who created them…Him.
“Is that what you told yourself?” I asked.

‘’Stella...there is never an easy way to say this but I really care about you and you should know the truth. I don’t love you anymore’’ He confessed with no guilt.
I stared at him, hoping to see him crack into a smile and poke his tongue out. He was joking right?
“Don’t say stupid things like that...you had me worried.” I lightly nudged his shoulder.
He just slowly shook his head and glanced down at his untouched coffee. He was being serious...
“You called me here, took me shoe shopping and paid for my coffee...all to just break up with me?!” I was furiously fighting back the tears but it only made them come out faster.
“I just wanted us to have a good time before I had to break the bad news.”
I covered my face in shame. I didn’t want him to see my newly applied mascara dribble down my cheeks. I sobbed silently into my hands.
“Stella...”
I peaked my eye through the gaps of my fingers and looked at him. Through the tears I could faintly see a female standing next to him.
“I take it she didn’t take it well?” The female asked.
“No...she didn’t at all.” He answered back to her as he stood up from his chair.
He grabbed his belongings and tossed a ten dollar bill on the table. I removed my hands from my face and watched him walk away with the female.
“I am sorry you had to see that, Rosalind.” He apologised to the female.
“It’s fine, I’ve got you all to myself now!” She wrapped her arms around his left forearm.
“Why...” I whispered.

“I was once lost like you…left in the deep end of a very deep pool. I was drowning. Gasping for air that did not exist in that bleak world.” I leaned towards him. “And you know what lifted from the thick black mud?”
“A loved one”
“No…a loved one is what threw me into such despair.”
I straighten and began to pace the room.
“What saved me was the need for justice for what you did to me. The promise of revenge”
The silver turned-crimson red knife caught my attention. I noticed it was slowly arching down. I gleefully wondered if it would fall and pierce his flesh.
“You’re crazy…” He muttered
“Am I now? I haven’t always been like this.” I watched the knife as it dangled over him.
“What happened to you, Stella?”

It had been three months since he told me that he didn’t love me anymore. I was still in disbelief. How could it just happen so suddenly? We were always smiling and telling each other how much we lov...I had to quickly grab the bucket. That was the third time in the past two hours that I had thrown up...I couldn’t stop thinking about what he was doing with her.
“I don’t understand what went wrong.” I sobbed to myself.
“Weak.’’ A foreign voice spoke out to me.
I jumped up from my bed frightened of the unknown voice.
“Who is there?!” I shouted to the emptiness of my room.
I don’t have any roommates aside from my cat. I must be going crazy.
“You’re weak. You would just let them step all over you?” It spoke again.
“I have no choice...I can’t do anything. I don’t even have the motivation to leave my house.”
I still didn’t know the voice was coming from but it was nice to have company. I hadn’t spoken to anyone since the break up not even family.
“If you can’t have him...then no one else can.”

He still hadn’t not noticed the lurking danger above his body.
“Do you believe people are born to be murderers?”
He reacted with blank silence, as if he were afraid to answer.
“No one person is born to kill,” I told him. “Because as a child, we’re loved and nurtured by our parents so that we don’t think of such negativity. We are taught that murder is taboo…no matter how or where. To take someone’s life unlawfully is the worst possible crime to commit in human history.’’
He still hadn’t noticed that the knife was barely hanging onto the wall. Any second now it would come crashing down. I licked my lips. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six…
“Why are you going to kill me?”
“It’s been a year in the making,” I began, still watching the knife.
“Three, two…one.” Right on queue the knife was spiralling towards him. He had finally noticed. He tried to dodge clear and clenched his teeth in a feeble prayer. Sadly, the knife did not hit him. It crashed onto the metal table and bounced before officially landing next to his damaged right hand.
“What a shame…” I murmured.
‘’YOU’RE FUCKING INSANE!’’ He yelled at me.
“That’s right! Yell and scream at me! Let out all that rage!” I shouted, waving my arm in the air as if I was a motivational speaker at a seminar, before bursting into devilish laughter.
“You know...My father built this cabin.” My laughter died as quickly as it began. “We came here every year for deer hunting season. I know the surrounding forest like the back of my hand.”
“Did you hunt?” he asked quietly.
I nodded. “Dad taught me. I was an only child. Dad desperately wanted me to be a boy and I wanted him to be proud of me. I wanted him to love me”
“And did he?”
“I hope so.” I paused. “I wanted you to love me, too.” I turned my head, determined not to let my prisoner see my cry. “You know…this is my first time doing something like this.’’
“Well! You’ve done a sloppy job!” he announced suddenly. “Because you failed to notice something.”
Startled at his abrupt change in tone, I spun around. He had managed to cut himself free! My knife flew from his hand and went skimming past my left ear, drawing blood. I howled in pain, gripping my ear. As he ran past me, he pushed me to the ground. I watched him bolt out the cabin door and disappear into the forest. I clambered to my feet, feeling my ear. My dented pride ran deeper than the wound but I quickly bandaged my head to stop the bleeding.

Leaving my beautiful knife glistening on the floor, I grabbed my hunting crossbow and freshly sharpened metal tipped arrows on my way outside. I smiled grimly, recalling how I would run around the cabin with the crossbow pretending to be Cupid until Dad called me over.

Time to hunt down the deer. I loaded an arrow into the crossbow and pulled the string back until it clicked. I could hear leaves rustling and twigs snapping…
“Your time is up…run as fast as you can, my poor innocent deer.” I headed towards the west side of the forest. As I strained my ears, I could faintly hear a human gasping for air and grunting. I stopped and scanned the desolate greenery. I spotted him in the distance. His clothes were a slightly torn and he was covered in dirt. However, what caught my attention more than the sexy new look he had was the blood discharging from his forehead.
“Hasn’t been an easy escape for you, I see…” I muttered to myself.
I was annoyed that I hadn’t caused that blood to course from his forehead. I had never felt pain as intense as that which he’d inflicted on me and I wanted every ounce of it returned to him. Powered by rage, I found my body moving on its own…darting towards him whilst preparing my crossbow to fire.

I stopped a few metres away from him, crossbow ready to strike down the poor wounded deer. He was suffering horribly; a deep laceration to his right hand, dehydrated and delirious…I could put him out of his misery. Imagining the arrow whistling through the air and piercing through his masculine neck…brought an unholy amount of joy to my body.

Like the proverbial deer in headlights, he turned his head to me and froze in panic. Without saying a word, I took aim and fired. I collected the back of his left thigh. “Bingo!”
He collapsed to the ground gripping tightly onto his thigh, weeping and groaning. I slowly stepped towards him, wanting to inspect how deep my arrow had penetrated his skin. He pulled the arrow out and attempted to throw it at me but missed miserably. Like the knife… what was once pure silver lay on the ground drenched in red.
“You ought to try a bit harder, next time.” I told him, bending over to retrieve my used arrow.
“Leave me alone, you psychotic bitch.”
He used a tree to drag himself up from the ground; hopping around until he found his balance and began to limp away.
“I must admit, I am quite impressed. For someone who just got shot in the leg by razor sharp silver arrow…you’re really putting in a solid effort to escape.” I taunted, loading another arrow into my crossbow. When I looked around, he was nowhere to seen.
“You know…a true gentleman would have walked his vulnerable sweet girlfriend to the train station.” I yelled out to the silence. I heard a twig snap; I instantly turned to the sound and saw a shoe sticking out from behind a tree.
“It’s not safe for pretty girls to walk around alone…” I continued to tease him. I crept closer to the tree; a smile slowly spreading across my face to closer I got. I quickly swung around and smacked my crossbow into the tree but he wasn’t there.
“Clever little deer…you tricked me. But I know you’re still here. I could distinguish your nose whistling from a crowd. I know you inside and out. I know that you just wanted hurry back home to unwrap the package that had arrived that morning...you had been waiting so long to play that game. What was it, again?” I paused to think of the name, my ears pricked for that identifying that cute nose whistle of his was coming from.
“Oh…that’s right, Under Attack 3. I remember watching you as you pre-ordered it from the game’s official website. You couldn’t stop smiling. I bet you don’t remember that part...because we had long broken by the time it came up...anyway. She called you the instant you got home as you were about to pop the game into your computer. She was practically begging you to see her because she’d had a rough day at work. Conflicted between the two…you decided to choose her, just to be on the safe side.” I fluently told the story.
While delicately walking around the trees, trying to pinpoint his exact location.

“You knew that accompanying her to the train station would cause you to miss the eight o’clock bus to your place. You also knew about the recent rapes that had occurred in the area at night but you thought to yourself…my beloved girlfriend Rosalind would never fall victim to such crime. She is smart and knows to walk in well-lit streets and to call if she felt unsafe.”
I knew he could hear me, because he was close…the whistling was becoming a lot clearer. Besides, he could never travel far with a wounded leg. The hunt was slowly coming to end…
“Little did you know that there was a far greater danger lurking in the shadows that night…this threat was worse than the serial rapist that was on the loose. No…it was something scarier. I must say for a girl of her stature, she put up one hell of a fight but as everyone knows…you can’t win against chloroform. She was out like a light.” I slowly broke out into laughter.
“WHAT DID YOU DO TO ROSALIND!” He leapt out from behind a large rock, eyes blazing. I enjoyed watching the vein on his forehead grow bigger.
“Oh? You didn’t see her when you ran from the cabin? Could have sworn I left her remains at the front door for the garbage man to collect…”
He covered his face with his hands and slowly dug his finger nails into his skull.

I couldn’t fight the urge to shoot that deer any longer.

Suddenly, there was an arrow sticking out from his shoulder. His wails cut through the eerie night. Rested his wounded bloody body on the rock, whimpering in defeat
“It’s time you repent for your sins…” I whispered into his ear.
“Are…are you going to kill me, now?” He sobbed into the rock. I watched as his tears dribbled into the earth. With my unoccupied hand, I gripped his sweat drenched hair and pulled his head back so he was looking into my eyes.
“Soon…but first you must witness something.”
He surrendered to me and I dragged him by his hair back to the cabin…I threw him to the floor, placed my crossbow back on the door side table and switched on the battery operated lantern.
“Do you wish to see Rosalind?” I asked him.
He was still on the floor. Despite the front door being wide open, he didn’t attempt at all to escape. I looked down at him. He was blankly staring at the wall; his tears and blood were fusing together on the wooden floor.
“Is she still…alive?” All emotion had sapped from his voice.
“Barely.”
He softly nodded his head. He attempted to lift himself from the floor but splashing blood on the ground. I decided to help him up and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I felt his blood cascade down my right shoulder and back but it didn’t bother me. It felt like a refreshing shower after a long day’s work…
‘’Help…’’ A slight murmur drifted from the bedroom as I opened the door.
‘’Rosie?’’ He lifted his head up.
The room was completely black. I had covered all the windows and cracks that might project light into the room.
“She can’t hear you.” I informed him.
“Why?” I could hear his tears dripping onto the floor.
“I burst her eardrums. I stuck sharp metal skewers into both her ears. Pushing them as far as they could go. Until she couldn’t hear a single word I was shouting at her.’’
And finally I shun the lantern into the room to reveal her whereabouts. Rosalind was chained to the radiator in the far corner of the room. Her face was no longer recognisable, drenched in red and black blood with one eye missing.
“Rosie!” He screamed out to her.
Deaf and with her vision blurred by blood, she still hadn’t realised that he was in the room. He released himself from my support and tried to get closer to her. But instead he tumbled to the ground. My eyes followed him as he slowly crawled towards her. He cupped his hand around bloody face using his thumb to stroke her cheek. As he stroked her cheek, bits of dried blood and dead skin were chipping away. I saw in his tender touch the love he’d never given me. I bolted towards him grabbed him by the collar and raised my fist.
“WHY! WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH FOR HER?! SHE DOESN’T KNOW YOU LIKE I DO!” I shouted in his face. I was panting fast. My fist was shaking uncontrollably.
“WHY CAN’T YOU SEE THAT I HAVE BEEN BY YOUR SIDE SINCE THE DAY WE MET? I NEVER FELL BACK ON A PROMISE! I NEVER LIED TO YOU! WHEN YOU WERE TOO BLIND TO SEE, I WAS THERE TO CLEAR THE FOG! BUT YOU KEPT PUSHING ME AWAY!” Tears streamed down my face. I was breathless with rage. Every word I belted at him, he took as if he didn’t care. His face was washed of all emotion. Pale complexion, lifeless eyes, dried up mucus forming around his upper lip.
“This isn’t the ending I had envisioned for us…we were meant to be living an old nineties styled mansion hidden behind the trees on a mountain. Holding hands and smiling for no particular reason. Gazing out at the stunning view of the ocean. We’re old and fragile but still we’re full of life.” I sniffled but it was useless.
‘’But…no. You chose to abandon me…you never stopped to think about how much I truly loved you or how much I sacrificed to even be standing in front of you. I would drop everything around me to rush to you…when you needed me the most I was there. Through your most darkest days…I was there. Never did you thank me or return the favour. I realise now that all I ever was and all I ever will be to you is a leaning post. But no more…I can’t let myself to continue withering away in the pits of despair’’ I paused for a minute to wipe my tears away ‘’If I can’t have you…then no one else can’’

“Are you telling me that I should kill him?”
The eerie silence was unnerving.
“The bitch too...” It replied.
“I can’t do that...I lov...”
“BUT HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU!” The voice interrupted me.
It’s roar sent me running back to my bed, curling up into a ball. I didn’t like this voice anymore. It scared me.
“You threw away a promising life...dropped out of university, quit that successful office job, fought with your parents because they didn’t agree with your choices and ran away to be with him. All for what?! To be thrown out on the streets like a wounded dog? If you don’t kill him then he will.”
“What do you mean he will?” I peaked my head out.
“He’s already doing it...look at yourself. You’re an emotional wreck. The thought of him is killing you little by little every day. End it once and for all.”
Those words “End it once and for all” echoed in my head. Things were starting to connect. And this mysterious voice was starting to make sense. He never cared about me, he never loved me. He just needed someone he could depend on. Someone who was stupid enough to believe that he loved them.
“Kill him.” The voice slowly started to laugh.
“Never will you hurt me again.” I stood up from my bed and wiped the tears away.
I screamed as my fist cut loose of its former restraints. I repeatedly smashed it into his face. The blood was spraying up my arm and all over me. It still wasn’t enough to quench my thirst. In a blink of an eye, my fingers were tightly wrapped around the metal handle of the lantern. I don’t even remember picking it up again. I bludgeoned his battered body with the lantern until I could see no more life left in his eyes. Bits of glass were sticking out from his face and blood poured down his face.

I closed my eyes and loosened my grip on the lantern. At long last, I had been reborn