Opposite: A Golden Soul

That was the party of his friends.
Then I brought him to mine's.
It was a little less of an artsy student party. Most people were doing business, engeneering, management. It didn't mean everyone was in a suit, it just meant Jamie would feel pretty out of place.
It was the party of my friend Ian. His girlfriend opened to us. I didn't remember her name, he changed girlfriends every two weeks. Every one of them hopes lasting more than the previous one but they don't. How sad.

She opened to us then. Jamie had brushed his hair a little, and put on contacts even if he didn't like wearing them. He affirmed glasses made him look geeky and he didn't want my friends to look at me even weirder.

"Is HE your boyfriend?" She asked in her dumb little voice, god do I hate E's girlfriends.

"Yes." I grabbed Jamie's hand.

"...oh." She just said. Well, come in."

I took Jamie to Ian.
It wasn't like Jamie's party ; people respected me, so they didn't really dare making remarks about Jamie in my presence. But people were curious about him, separately.
He told me what happened exactly that night a little while after.

I had gone to see Gustav's bridge model for the mid-year project when a girl approached him as he was drinking his beer. She started by small talk and then... It went on our side.

"And... If that's not indiscrete... How did you get Mike to like you? I mean - I mean you seem like a lovely guy, but I mean... No offence, but Mike is a pretty superficial person. I mean I don't know him that much, but, you know... Everybody knows he only goes out with underwear models or really girly minor guys... And, uh..."

"I'm neither, I know" he said, slightly annoyed. "Mike isn't like that."

"I'm just warning you, that's all."

After that episode, a guy which we later identified as Fraser, one of my exes' brother, went to him, so you're Mike's new boyfriend, oh, I didn't imagine you like that. And then he employed himself at telling Jamie about something I'd rather forget.

"Be careful though... Once he dated a 15 year old guy. I know you guys like eachother and stuff... But be careful, my brother dated him and... Mike's not all right in the head sometimes."

Jamie laughed nervously, and affirmed to Fraser that I had been very right in the head so far.
It was later in the night that the biggest thing happened. I had gone once more, and my last ex, Stuart, took Jamie aside.

"So you're Mikey Richards' new boytoy, ain't you?"

Jamie hurried to nod, quite scared.

"So that's his new obsession. Fat and nerdy."

"Hey-"

"Let me tell you something about Michael. I dated him. Everything was cool and good at first ; he always wants to have sex and he's always doing cute things for you. But he doesn't like you. He just likes what type of person you are. He lives on fetishism. He works on lust, he's driven by it, everything you do that's in the character you're supposed to be... He's getting satisfaction over it. He fucking jacked off in the toilets everytime I told him I had gone to the gym in the morning. He's a fucking freak. I hope you know that. I'd recommend you to stay away from him."

"Are you sure you're not just jealous because he replaced you with me?"

"Not exactly. I wouldn't want to be in your place, he went to... Extreme heights to satisfy himself."

"What do you mean?"

"He took an ugly one" Stuart sniggered.

After that Jamie drank a lot. I came back to find him making a fool of himself in front of my friends. I had to escape the situation by dragging him to the bathroom. People were whispering, looking at him like he was worse than crap on their sole. I drove him back to his, and sat him on the bed as he slurred incoherencies.

I was going get him some water to make him drink, when he drunkenly managed to put a sentence together

"Th-that's it! L-leave! G-go perv on someone eeeeelse, boyyyy."

I turned.
What?
During the minutes that followed he blurted out part of the stories he had heard, insanely drunk.

I had to clutch the sheets, because almost everything was true.
Because I found myself in those words.
Because Stuart was eighty percent right.
And it was unsettling and scary.
I'm not a degenerate. I'm NOT a degenerate.
But it would explain everything. My irrational desire for Jamie, my craves, everything.

Jamie stopped drunkenly slurring. He looked at me, and I was terrified. My eyes finding nowhere to hook. Trembling in the cold 24°C of the room.
He saw me stranded and his misted mind forgave me.
He sat up as he could, and he hugged me to him clumsily, oh Mikey, look at your ugly little heart, come here we don't wanna break it, we don't wanna break you. You don't have to be scared to be ugly inside, am I scared to be ugly outside, I'm not.

I didn't understand. This looked like me, but it wasn't. It certainly was a part of me. But now as Jamie drunkenly pulled me above him, now as I saw his eyes glisten with alcohol, now that I kissed him... There was something different. I didn't know what, but there was.

Is it taking advantage from him if we fuck while he's shitfaced drunk?
I guess so.
But I was so cold, and this was different.
So we fucked.