The Reality of Friendship

Friends come and go but when a best friend shows up at your doorstep you get a feeling you hope never goes away… Joy. Comfort. Happiness. Splendid.
A friend is anyone who is pleasant to you like a classmate or someone you chat with in the hallway. But a best friend is someone who you spend most of your time with. Someone who makes you laugh, who sits with you at lunch, who smiles at you in the hallway, who brightens you day.
But what happens when best friend flat out dumps you? You are left lost, alone, and forgotten. Left in the dust, a piece of forgotten dust, and soon to be an acquaintance, not a best friend.
Well that is how I feel, forgotten---dumped---my heart completely ripped out of my chest. Losing someone hurts---bad. Like a stab in the back. Like a slap in the face. Like being punched in the gut by a big fat bully. … Why? Let’s start from the beginning.
From eighth grade to ninth grade, exactly one year, from best friends forever to worst friends forever. Our string of friendship has come undone---a hardy knot to a loose thread. Our puzzle is broken, or did someone never put us together?
All that time we spent together, I felt awkward, out of place. Never a covenant bond---never a sharing between the hearts of our friendship. I felt like your understudy, never being able to share my feelings, thoughts, or emotions---someone who was always there, but never the reciprocal. I felt like the ugly duckling in our crazy middle school clique.
We were just out of school---middle school done and conquered, high school here we come---getting ready for summer gym. Already I knew that our faux friendship was fading when I saw you making new friends with the others from the other schools. I was totally neutral with it because we were all going to get mixed into the cake batter of high school---might as well mingle a little---but don’t forget the ones who were there for you in middle school. It’s OK to make new friends, just don’t leave behind the ones who made you who you are now.
By the end of summer gym, something unexpected happened. You invited me to go with you on vacation. I thought why are you asking me? I bet one of your new friends would love to go with you… I was so dumbstruck by you invitation, I instinctively yelped “Yes! I would love to go!”
The arrangements were set in stone and I was heading to Michigan with my best friend, her brother, and his best friend---and the parental guardians, of course. A week with my best friend---how amazing is that?!
I still felt a tad awkward, but that all blew over when we scouted the condo when we arrived---running through the house, seeing what it had to offer. I remember running in, lugging my suit case behind, and stopping within a few feet in the doorway. “Whoa…” I said, bug-eyed, and panning the view. An open living room with a flat screen television, a kitchen with a dining area that had swivel chairs for seats, and a hallway with all the bedrooms lined up spic and span, and a deck with an amazing view of Lake Michigan.
Those first few days were full of, not awkwardness, but true best friend summer fun moments. Tumbling down the hill to the shore of Lake Michigan, laughing and screaming like little kids, ‘till our toes tasted the cool, wet sand and the ruffling waves washed up against our ankles. I remember making sand castles as the afternoon sun beat down on our backs, and scavenging for shells, twigs, and stones to decorate our castle. And having contests to see who could wade the farthest in Lake Michigan without trudging back screaming, “It’s too cold!” I remember how darling your mom thought I was for not ever having steak before and for not ever seeing a sunset over a beach before. I remember you showing me around town, pointing out places that you remember going to. I remember when we took that long walk along the beach when it was cloudy and how we talked about everything---boys, high school, summer gym, everything---we talked like best friends should talk about things, deep long thoughtful conversations. I remember a lot more moments from our vacation together, but what I remember most is the day all four of us dived into Lake Michigan with boogie boards and rafts because it was extremely windy and the waves were rolling in fast and furious.
Your dad was saying, “Look at those waves!” as we walked into the living room after recently waking up.
We rushed to the sliding door and gaped over the tumbling, majestic waves. “We’ve got to get out there!” I smiled tilting my head to see over your head.
Late afternoon, when the sun finally peeked out, each of us prepared ourselves for wave catching and helped lug down two rafts, two boogie boards, and a foam football.
I remember how the ice cold water stung my toes, but I hopped on the raft anyway. We paddled out and looked for waves that would take us for a ride. Once the first wave flipped us over, I popped up and screamed, “WHOO! That was awesome!” I felt free, I didn't have to act---I didn’t have to try to blend in---I only had to be myself. We stabled ourselves back on the raft and sailed out again just to be knocked down again. That is my favorite memory because we were all together, having fun, being ourselves, and working together to stay afloat.
But as the week continued the tension started to rise and it slowly brought back the awkward feeling I had. We were all wearing down, little things would set you and your brother off bickering, and I could tell that everyone wanted to go home. I sure did. I missed being with people who didn’t judge me, and I missed my family.
The fact that you judge me is the reason we aren’t as close as you think. You may have never said anything out loud, but I knew what you were thinking whenever I mentioned anything that made you want to puke. For instance, it hurt me whenever you commented about me liking those tween celebrities---The Jonas Brothers, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Miley Cyrus, basically anything from Nickelodeon or Disney. Occasionally you would say “Ugh, I hate them!” just to play with me, but I knew what you were thinking inside she is so immature for liking all of those dumb baby shows and celebrities. Why doesn’t she just grow up already? Just an FYI---I have grown out of liking that entire bunch of tween idols. I don’t make fun of you for liking a certain music group, so what gives you the right to do so? I remember in car ride to Michigan you saw me writing in a journal-type thing and you peeked closer and you saw a Jonas Brothers lyric book. You freaked out and pulled it out and said, “Ohmigod,” then you showed everyone in the car. I had no choice but to smile bashfully and try to cover myself-only I couldn’t. I was speechless because you embarrassed me in front your brother and his best friend.
When I arrived home, my father asked if I had a good time. I replied, “Yes, but I’m glad to be home.”
He then told me, “You know your cousin went on vacation with her best friends and when they came back, they couldn’t stand each other---yep---spending a week with your friends, and it turns out you dislike them all.”
I smiled and nodded at his story, I thought that would never happen with me and her. But looking back on my father’s words, I realized he was right. Spending time with my best friend for a week made me notice that I didn’t feel as close to her as I should. After our week together, we didn’t see each other for the rest of the summer.
As ninth grade approached, I felt more alone. Our clique spread its wings and flew. All of my friends are too smart or have different interests than I to be in any of my classes and we even lost a member because she transferred schools. I thought I needed you, but I guess I don’t since I get along quite well without you.
Now, currently, the year is ending and I find that our friendship has reached the end of the tunnel. Since you have flourished without me by your side, I can do the same.
I’ve made three wonderful new best friends, all of which have classes with me, share my interests, and do not judge me when I say I like/dislike something. I’ve gotten closer to old middle school friends and kept a tight relationship with our shared best friend who transferred schools.
Throughout the year my connection with my new and old friends has grown stronger. We’ve had sleepovers, we’ve been to each other’s houses, and we hang out as much as possible, and they helped me celebrate my birthday. Unlike you. For some strange reason I have never been to your house, yet you will gladly invite a random friend of yours over for a sleepover. True friends will make time for other friends. You were too busy to come to my birthday party and you even forgot to say “Happy Birthday.” I always have time for my friends and I’ve never forgotten a birthday either.
Here we are now, barely speaking. When we see each other I never get a “good morning,” or “hi,” or anything, and you never get one from me. I avoid talking to you because it is not worth sharing something awesome with someone who would rather talk to her new best friend or chat with her boyfriend all the time. It’s cool. I’ve moved on, and so have you.
Friends are like stars… they come and go, but the ones that stay are the ones that glow. Yeah… that’s what I have, four amazing best friends. We laugh, we chat, we got each other’s back.
You’re not---you say you’ve got my back, but you’re never there to catch me when I fall---you’re more like a Wasabi Pea. A sting in the mouth. Spicy, flair, attitude. You increase my heart rate; you make me feel uncomfortable; you’re like a boomerang---you always come back no matter how far I throw you.
We may have split like a banana and its peel, but there will always be a tiny spot in the back of my heart in case you want to be friends again. But I doubt it since I know we’re going our separate ways. I’ve got my friends and you have yours. So I guess that’s it. Fine, good riddance.