Generation Why Bother

My desk chair creaked under my weight as I spun aimlessly back and forth while surfing the Web. With my SkyTunes playing lowly in the background, I was switching tabs between different articles talking about lightning scars and how long they’re supposed to last, music websites going on about how Put’emup, Put’emup had been handling the “injuries” to their audience (thank God they refrained from using our names), and of course, Facenook to chat with Tegan.

To partially annoy her, I kept spamming her with useless facts about lightning scars and injuries every time I came across one that sounded particularly useless. So far, she hadn’t expressed any annoyance, though, and instead seemed to enjoy it. Couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. She was probably just going along with it and thinking I was a huge dork who actually got a kick out of that kind of stuff.

Then again, I was the one who was looking up stuff about lightning injuries, so maybe I was being a little bit of a loser for wasting precious time on it.

When that dawned on me, I stared at the ceiling and closed all of the tabs that had to do with the topic, taking a good moment to reflect upon my life and my choices.

As Facenook chat beeped at me, letting me know that Tegan had messaged me back about the strange formations that happen to sand after a lightning strike, I heard a knock on my door, and my dad was standing in the doorway. I stayed on a safe tab that contained the band’s statement about the matter.

My dad, in a grey t-shirt with Snoopy on it and long plaid pajama bottoms, had his arms folded over his chest. “Hey, Oshie,” he said quietly.

I tried to smile. When we ate dinner, there wasn’t a word between us, and that was the first time we’d spoken since…the incident earlier that day. “Hi Papá,” I greeted back.

He hesitantly walked slightly further into my room, sitting on my unmade bed nonchalantly. Avoiding eye contact at first, he looked it over. Then he broke the ice with a brick and said, “You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about what you’ve told me today. And I cannot help but think back to your mother and what she would be doing if she were here today, what she would say, what she would think of this. I know you know that it was hard losing her. I know how hard it was for you even though you were so little, and I hope you understand how hard it was for me. It still is difficult.”

I bit my lip, keeping quiet. I had nothing to say that would add to his statement.

“I wish you could understand how much it would also hurt if I lost you somehow, too,” he went on, the words coming out like a sigh. “There is so much I could say about it, but that would just be sappy and I’m sure you don’t want to hear that. And at the same time, though…I’ve been thinking about what Tegan’s mother told her, about how she cannot truly keep her from doing what she truly wants…and I see where she is coming from. You are almost an adult. When summer ends, you are going to be a senior in high school, good lord.”

His eyes went wide when he said that last sentence as if it was the first time he’d ever actually realized it. Then he broke eye contact with the floor and looked at me, a little bit happier.

He sort of motioned like it was my turn to speak, so at the risk of making things uncomfortable, I tried to plea my case again. “Well…what I saw today sort of changed my life, you know? It was pivotal. Like I knew it was something that was gonna end up being good for me in the long run. And I’m not totally sure what’s gonna happen to me but I’ll try my best to be safe. Plus it’s not like I’m moving out or anything. I’ll still be here, I’ll still go to school when summer ends – there’s just some stuff that has to fall into place before things really start happening.” In English class, I was never praised for sorting my arguments. That was probably even more evident earlier that day.

But my dad smiled regardless. For once it looked genuine and it didn’t look like he was trying to hold back tears. “You know I’m gonna have to meet this band at some point. And if they ever let you get hurt, there’s gonna be a lot of legal action involved. You or Tegan. She can’t get hurt either.”

“I’ll be looking after her too, don’t worry.”

He sighed again, breaking the only somewhat-strained atmosphere into the next level of stress. “And if this leaks into school, I don’t want you falling behind. You hear me?”

I waved my hand. “Dad, don’t worry, there are gonna be eight guardians eventually. I think I can afford to take a day off for school.”

Dad opened his mouth but caught himself before he let anything slip out. Leaning forward on his knees, he folded his hands, exhaling through his nose before ducking his head down. Then he looked back up at me, and with earnest eyes, asked, “Why did everything have to get so hard all of a sudden?”

The apple didn’t fall far from the tree, because I’d been thinking that all along.

“That’s a good question,” I whispered. “Maybe…maybe I’m going through, like, a second puberty because God wants to kill me even more than he already has in my lifetime.”

“You’re such a smartass, mijo,” Dad rolled his eyes, leaning back. “But I really do wonder…maybe it’s because you’ve been such a good kid. Maybe this is the universe’s way of giving you some excitement, you know what I mean?”

I nodded. “That sounds a lot better than what I said,” I laughed.

“There you go,” he smiled, standing up and patting my shoulder. “Now go to bed, Oshie. It is nearly midnight.”

“It’s only midnight? Man, I thought it was like two in the morning,” I joked, turning back to face my computer.

“Yeah, yeah. Go to bed, get some sleep. I’m assuming you’re going to need it.” I shared a quick but meaningful smile with my dad before he left my room, quietly closing the door behind him. (Funny, because even when I ask him to close it all the way, he always leaves it cracked. Always.)

Right as my dad was leaving, though, a barrage of beeps coming from the Facenook tab sounded, jarring me and making me wonder what the hell was going on from Tegan’s end of the Internet. Sure enough, when I clicked the tab to check, she was sending me endless messages asking where I had gone and whether or not I was dead.

“OMG WTF R U DOING PLS DON’T BE DEAD,” one message read. She went on to say, “PLS OK I’M SORRY FOR SAYING U WEAR THE SAME OUTFIT EVERY OTHER DAY OK I WILL TAKE YOU SHOPPING PLS COME BACK.”

I was gone for like five minutes.

“Oh my god calm ur tits,” I replied, typing as quick as possible. “My dad just walked in n we talked about the aliens n stuff.”

“u lil shit, u were making me worried,” she responded.

“Well he said yes, so thats good atleast.”

“:D!!!!! good, good, we can be superhero bros.”

“lol, u thought I wouldnt be ur bro either way,” I typed, smiling as I did so.

“well idk I wouldn’t wanna be my bro if i were u.”

“well then ur dumb.”

“thanks oshie i love you too<3”

“bb u kno i love u 5ever<3”

Tegan had a thing for not caring about grammar on the Internet. When I talked to her I just kind of did the same thing and went along with it, not even checking for typos. That was probably why we were able to message each other so fast on Facenook, and probably the reason why we had accumulated several hundred thousands of messages back and forth to each other.

It didn’t sound very serious, but I did take solace in the fact that I’d be going through this with somebody I’d grown up with and had already gone through so much with. Even though I didn’t know what the future held, I knew at least one person who would be there.