Cry for the Moon

As I made my way back to the room Mark was in I absentmindedly hummed the song I’d sung last night, the song I still had stuck in my head. I couldn’t believe Mark had caught me singing; no one had before, granted, I’d carefully made sure of that. I just hoped he wouldn’t tell Thomas. Maybe I could convince him not to…. Thomas knew me well; better than anyone else, but there were still a few small things I kept to myself. Singing was just a hobby, really, so what did it matter if I could sing or not? It mattered because I was surrounded by professional musicians.

I stopped in my tracks, standing in the middle of the hallway, realizing I had no clue what room Mark was in. Hearing a loud curse and a rustling noise, I smiled, not missing the annoyance in his voice. What had he gotten into that he needed my help with? He was in the back guest room and from what I could tell, the closet; AKA the storage closet. It was also the closet Yves hid in whenever he pranked someone. That someone was usually Isaac, the poor guy. Silently, I pushed open the door, stepping into the room. Sure enough, Mark was rummaging around in the closet for something. Smirking to myself, I decided I’d sneak up on him as payback for him sneaking up on me last night.

“Analii,” Mark called, completely unaware of the fact that I was right behind him. Mark was up on a wooden chest of some sort, trying to reach for the hole in the ceiling. How the hole had gotten there, I had no idea. All I knew was that it was a story involving Casey and Yves and that it was where Mark’s kitten, Kiara, usually hid. I’d been wondering where she’d gone.

“I’m right here, Mark.” Upon hearing my voice so close, he jumped, nearly falling off the box. I bit back a laugh, watching the guitarist try to regain his composure.

“You needed me,” I asked, smirking. Mark sent me a smile as he hopped down to stand in front of me, but the agitation he felt was obvious.

“You know,” he started. “I really hate that little fluff ball.”

“Oh, no you don’t. You love her, but you love me more,” I replied quickly, half hoping he’d heard the second part of my sentence.

‘Yeah, that’s true.” My eyes flashed to him in disbelief and I immediately wondered if I’d heard him right.

“What?” I mumbled out. Mark shrugged briefly.

“Oh, nothing. Do you think you can help me get Kiara out of the ceiling? I can’t quite reach her, but if you can climb up on my shoulders, you can grab her.”

“Well, that sure sounds safe,” I laughed uneasily. Mark reached out, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t worry,” he spoke. “I will do my best to keep you from falling.” Mark flashed a grin my way, one that made my mind go blank for a second, until a large box, one that was neatly wrapped in shiny blue paper, caught my eye. My mind unwillingly went back to what Simone had said, just minutes ago.

”Simone, believe me, it’s NOT gonna happen with me and him,” that was what I’d told her, and I’d meant what I’d said, but Simone was not convinced. Apparently, Roy agreed with her; the traitor.

”You can say that all you want but you know it won’t change anything. Just wait until you see what he got you for Christmas. And not to mention your birthday, too, my god.”

“Hey,” I started, pointing behind Mark at the box. “What’s that?” Mark looked behind him quickly, glancing at the box, and when he did, a look of sheer panic crossed his face.

“It’s nothing,” he answered bluntly, moving to where he was directly in front of me, blocking my view of the box. I crossed my arms, looking skeptically up at Mark.

“Oh, it’s something,” I retorted, smirking.

“Is not,” Mark answered.

“Is too, now what is it?” I questioned. Mark smirked at me, his brown eyes shining with mischief.

“You’ll find out,” Mark smiled.

“I’d prefer to know sooner rather than later,” I replied, inching towards Mark.

“Oh, you’re patient; you can wait. It’s not going to kill you,” Mark answered. I arched an eyebrow at him. We’d had this conversation dozens of times, but it seemed Mark would never learn.

“It might just kill you, though, how many times must I tell you this, Jansen?”

“Honey,” Mark retorted. “You’re all bark and no bite.” Mark paused, placing his hands on my shoulders as if to patronize me. “Besides, Analii, you love me too much to hurt me.”

“Don’t be so sure of that, Mark,” I replied, trying my best to bite back my smile as I playfully shoved him into the wall next to us. Mark sent a charming smile my way before pushing me back a little more forcefully. Before I could even realize what was going on, the two of us were wrestling around.

“Would you just show me what’s in the box?” I questioned, trying to push past him to get to the box. Mark wrapped an arm around my waist, grabbing my arm with his free hand as I reached for the box. Mark was stronger than me and had an easy time holding me back. I wanted to know what was in the box, but I mostly just wanted to be near Mark, like I was now. As much as I, deep down, wanted to believe that Simone was right and that Mark did feel for me what I felt for him, I knew it was all just wishful thinking. If I even considered the idea that Simone could be right, it left me open to being hurt, and I certainly couldn’t take any more of that.

I glanced over at Elias whose gaze was fixed on the moon up above us. It was full tonight so Elias and I had been sitting up on the roof of the library since the sun had set, talking about anything and everything, just like always. We talked about the cases and laws Elias had been studying, about religion, music, astronomy and space. We talked like always; we spoke our opinions, but never our raw emotions.

“The stars look beautiful tonight,” I said softly.

“Yeah, they do,” Elias replied, smiling at me. “Just think, though, most of the stars we see now are long gone.”

“Yeah,” I answered quietly. Elias always had to be so technical, so philosophical. For once, I just wanted Elias to act… human, to act real.

‘Hey, are you alright, Analii? You’re awfully quiet.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I paused for a moment. “Elias,” I questioned.

“Yes?”

“Can we… just talk?”

“We’ve been talking all night, Analii, what do you me-“

“I mean, can we just talk like a couple of normal teenagers? Forget formality, being grammatically correct and just goof off? Our conversations are always so serious,” I explained.

“Well, I’m best at talking about serious things,” Elias replied.

“We give our opinions on things, yes, but we never talk about the emotions behind them.”

“I’m not good with Emotions,” Elias grumbled quietly. What he spoke was true, Elias was terrible with emotions.

“Tell me about it,” I laughed.

“Well, Ana, what would you like to talk about?”

“Uhm…” I shifted uncomfortably for a moment and if Elias noticed, he didn’t say anything. I remained silent for a long moment, contemplating the words that swarmed in my head. Elias need to know what was on my mind, how I felt. I knew how he’d react, but I had to tell him despite how bad it was going to hurt me. There would be no more wishful thinking; no more hoping for a future with Elias that I knew could never exist. He truly didn’t feel… anything, or at least, nothing for me. Even still, I had to tell him; it was now or never.

“Well, Elias, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about… this,” I paused for a moment as I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. Elias sent a questioning glance my way, the moonlight reflecting in his beautiful brown eyes. Did he really not know? Did he not see that I…. Oh, he was so oblivious. Elias remained silent, courteously waiting for me to speak. He was so sweet and well mannered…. Why couldn’t he just…?

I let out a slow, disheartened, almost painful sigh. This would hurt. This would hurt a lot.

Spit it out, Ana. Just tell him. Just say it. Say it out loud now, or never.

“I love you.” The look on Elias’ face changed rapidly into a look of pure confusion and I cringed before I could stop myself. It was rare for Elias to look so confused. More so, there was terror present in those chocolate brown eyes, I could see it. Elias quickly noticed that my gaze was on him so he reverted his facial expression to one that was safe; his charming smile, a smile I’d come to adore, but tonight, it didn’t fill me with the feeling of warmth that it usually did.

“I care for you, too, Analii,” Elias replied. He’d been specific with his word choice; care, not love. Care was reserved for friends, love, as I’d meant it was for… well, lovers, something Elias and I would never be. I’d realized this long ago, but it didn’t take away the cold, hard bite of reality.

“No, Elias, I don’t mean like friends, I mean…. Well, you know what I mean. How can you not?” Elias turned away from me so I couldn’t see his eyes. His head dropped in defeat, his shoulders slumping as he looked down at his hands which were folded in his lap.

“I know, Analii. I get what you’re saying; I really do, but… I’m no good with emotions, you know that. I’m sorry.” He was blunt; his tone absolutely deadpan and flat, even as he apologized. Did he have no heart, or something? Nothing fazed him. Instead, all that emotion came back on me and I could almost feel the ache of it all crushing me. Feeling a cold bitterness suddenly settle over me, I stood up to walk away. Elias didn’t even bother to look.

“No, I’m the one who should be sorry, and I am; I’m sorry for myself, sorry for the fact that I ever feel for someone as heartless as you,” I hissed out through gritted teeth. “Couldn’t you at least try to love me? To feel anything?”

“No, Ana. No, I can’t. What do you want me to say, Analii? Your love is wasted on me.” Even now, his voice was flat and he didn’t look at me. As his words sunk in, I felt more and more like I was going to be sick. Glancing back at Elias only once, my eyes began to water as my heart and mind ached.

“Go to hell,” I hissed, my voice breaking. Oh, how I loathed showing weakness. Without another word, I made my way towards the steps that let back into the library and as I reached them, Elias spoke.

“I’m already in it.”

“Whoa, hey!” Casey’s voice sounded suddenly. “Damn, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything!” I turned my head to look at Casey and it was only then that I realized how close Mark and I were. Feeling my dace heat up, I took a step back. Mark seemed unfazed by Casey’s sudden presence, or was ignoring him altogether. Mark’s gaze was on me and the worry in his eyes was apparent; it almost made me cringe.

“Analii,” Mark called softly. I didn’t look at him.

”It’s okay, Casey,” I spoke. “What do you need?”

“Isaac is about to kill Yves,” Casey answered casually.

“Can’t Simone pull them off each other,” Mark questioned in a tone that was unnaturally bitter for him.

“Are you kidding? She’s encouraging them!” Casey yelled, earning a smile from me.

“I’d better go stop them,” I answered quietly, and before Mark could stop me, I left the room, leaving Casey and Mark in a relatively uneasy silence.