Cry for the Moon

“Okay!” Yves hollered. “Let me up, you’re crushing my spine!”

“Good,” Isaac retorted with an oddly charming smirk. “You deserve it.” Normally, because I loved both Isaac and Yves, I tried to keep my two favorite idiots from killing each other, or, rather, I tried to keep Isaac from severely maiming Yves, but this time, I figured it’d be more entertaining to let Yves suffer for once. He really did deserve his band mate’s wrath this time. Now, maybe he’d learn his lesson.

Or, maybe he wouldn’t.

“Apologize and then I might think about letting you up.”

“No!” Yves barked. “Apologize for what?” Isaac shifted his weight where he sat on Yves’ back, earning a yell from the annoying, yet sweetheart of a bass player stuck to the floor beneath him.

“You know what you did, dumbass,” Isaac growled back, crossing his arms.

“You weren’t around, so I answered it! So what?”

“You stole my phone and then answered it with ‘city morgue’! You’re going to make Koda think I’m a lunatic!”

“Who,” Yves questioned.

“Hey.” All of us turned, hearing a voice, to see Coen standing in the doorway to the studio. “Maybe she’ll think that’s an improvement.” I let out a laugh as a cheeky grin crossed Coen’s face. Isaac sent a vicious glare in the pianist’s direction.

“That wasn’t funny,” Isaac grumbled.

“Analii’s laughing. Relax, man, I’m sure she could recognize that it wasn’t your voice.” Isaac was silent after that, not having a good reply for his band mate’s words.

“Yeah, whatever,” Isaac snapped, crossing his arms again. I smiled slightly; he reminded me of a little kid.

Or, maybe a grumpy teenager.

“Okay, you goof, let Yves up.” I held out a hand for him and he pouted, trying to look cute.

“Why?” Isaac questioned.

“Because you’re crushing his spine.” My voice was flat now and I didn’t crack a smile like normal. I couldn’t really bring myself to smile much at all with Elias on my mind. Isaac noticed my lack of a grin and sent me a concerned look as he took my hand. When Isaac was on his feet, Yves groaned and smacked at his friend’s legs, but Isaac paid him no mind. Instead, his attention was on me.

“Are you okay,” Isaac asked softly. I nodded slowly, keeping my eyes away from him.

“I’m fine.”

.X.

I stared down into the abyss of the sink before me, listening to my brother and dad in the living room, trying to ignore them, trying to block them and the pain I felt. The glass of the sink as I leaned against it was cold to the touch, but it did nothing to distract me. Sighing, I looked up into the mirror-

“And it all becomes clear that no one will hear my testimony…”

I shot awake, the room spinning. Those words rattled around in my head, haunting me. What did it mean? That dream had to mean something, but what, I had no idea. It was starting to really get on my nerves; my typically nightmares were one thing to deal with, but this stupid reoccurring nuisance was something else entirely. All my thoughts were going dark, trailing back to what once was; memories of Elias, of my brother…

Those memories were clouded, now, marred by pain, by guilt… by blood.

”Enough blood has been shed tonight…”

I winced as those cold, taunting words surged through my mind.

How had I ever loved him?

I let out a sigh as that stupid question crossed my mind. I already knew the answer; he hadn’t always been a monster, but that justified nothing.

Even still, I wouldn’t tell anyone what had happened that night. I couldn’t.

Not even for Elias.

Leaning back on my hands, I looked around Roy’s basement at the guys. They were all asleep; Thomas was next to me, close by just like always, Casey had claimed the couch, and Glenn was sprawled out near the heater. Slowly, I got up, ignoring the ache I felt all over, and went to my suitcase. Being as quiet as I could manage, I unzipped the front pocket and pulled out the old fashioned, leather bound book I kept tucked there. Elias, well aware of my love for writing, had bought it for me, thinking that I would make a journal out of it, or that it would house some great fictional tale, but instead, much to his dismay, I’d turned it into a photo album, one just for me and him. Elias wasn’t a very sentimental person, but even he, after a while, had come to love the book.

If I couldn’t block out the bad memories, then I would focus my mind on the good ones and drown myself in the pain attached to each of them. Book in hand, I silently crept up the steps, making my way slowly towards the living room. I checked carefully to make sure that Roy was not up; if he was, he would surely send me back to bed. The more my dreams went on, the less I slept, and people were starting to notice, namely Mark and now, Isaac. Thomas and Roy already knew that I never slept well during this time of year anyway, so maybe, just maybe, they didn’t think anything was wrong yet, but I doubted that. They had to suspect that something wasn’t right.

Maybe if I could keep the bad thoughts away, I’d manage some sleep…

But then again, I was used to not sleeping much, because of-

No. Don’t go there.

It was too late.

An involuntary wave of fear crashed through me as an old memory of his shadow creeping towards me flashed violently in my mind. My eyes snapped shut and I clutched the book in my hand tighter. Reaching the couch in the living room, I flopped onto it and then reached to turn the lamp on.

There’s no one there, I thought frantically. He’s not here. I’m safe, Thomas promised… He’ll always keep me safe.

Elias promised, too.

My eyes opened as that thought hit me.

And it was my job to keep him safe that night. It was my job to save him, but I failed…

“You deserve every bit of what you’re getting.” There was his voice again, and now, as I thought of those words that were burned into my mind, I realized something: he was right.

I never should have left him.

But I’d had to… I had to get away, to run…

But if I hadn’t, Elias would still be alive. I never would’ve me him.

Don’t think about that. I loved him… and he loved me.

That last thought shattered all my dark thoughts. With a small, bittersweet smile, I opened the book. As I did, as loose picture fell out; the last picture I’d added. It was of Elias sitting near the edge of the roof of the library we always spent time at. His hair, straight and black, hung down just past his shoulders, framing a face highlighted by a bright smile and pretty brown eyes.

”Ana?” I turned slightly, hearing Elias’ voice, but I didn’t really acknowledge him. Even though it’d been a week since the last time we had talked, I was still mad at him for his cold dismissal of my feelings towards him.

“Can we talk? I mean, really talk?” I turned on him, now, glaring. Elias held his ground, though.

“Are you mocking me,” I questioned bitterly.

“No,” Elias answered quickly. “Absolutely not! I…” He trailed off and with one quick look back at him, I could tell he was uncomfortable.

“I’ve been thinking and I realized how much of an ass I was the other day… and every other day before that. When you told me you loved me… I already knew; I had known for a while, but I was content with being friends and then, after you left I…” I smiled slightly as I got up and turned to face Elias. He was so flustered and nervous.

“I tried, just as a distraction, to list in my head all the things I was afraid to lose, and the only thing that came to mind… was you. The contentment that I felt was false; I thought I couldn’t feel love, but all along, my problem was just that I didn’t know what it was. But I know now.” Shock washed over me when I processed his words. Did that mean…?

“Are you saying-“

“I love you, yes, and if you’ll forgive me for being such an idiot, I’d like very much to apologi-“

I’d cut him off with a kiss: a long, sweet kiss that he’d returned, a kiss that’d made me smile line an idiot. I’d walked on air for the rest of that night, until we crossed paths with him.

I could still see him standing there in that alley, bathed in moonlight and darkness, a sinister look in his eyes.

I should have run that night, just like before, but the sight of him put more fear into my veins than anything else ever had… but when he attacked and grabbed Elias… I fought with everything I had. It was my fault, really; all of it. From the time I left to when I met him again, I’d been the one to hurt him; I’d been the one to drive him to vengeance.

When he saw the love I had for Elias, something in him completely snapped. He’d wanted revenge; he wanted me to feel the same misery I had left him to deal with, and so he’d taken Elias from me.

”You deserve everything you’re getting.”

I closed my eyes, fighting back the tears I tried so hard to always hide. He was right; I did deserve it. All of it.

Elias didn’t though. He was just a victim of my own stupid mistake. I’d asked him to kill me instead. Begged him, even, but my words had fallen on deaf ears belonging to a man lost in a crescendo of madness.

He’d wanted me to be miserable; he’d wanted vengeance. He never would have killed me.

I’m so sorry, Elias.

Tears fell now, silently and painfully.

I’m so sorry.

My eyes shot open, hearing a creak in the floor from upstairs. Glancing up, I saw a shadow moving. Cursing quietly, I wiped my tears away and stretched out facing the back of the couch. Lying still with my eyes closed, maybe I could trick Roy into thinking I was asleep. He was humming softly as he neared the couch and then, he sighed. Though I carefully kept my breathing even and deep, I couldn’t help but tense at Roy’s presence behind me. The book, which was still in my hand, slipped from my grasp as Roy took it from me and then, a blanket was gently pulled over me. Brushing my hair back from my face, he rested a hand tenderly on my shoulder before whispering quietly.

“Good night, Ana. Sleep well.” And then he turned out the light before walking off somewhere else. When the house was silent for a while, I let out a sigh.

Roy knew I was still awake. It was three in the morning and I was awake again.