Cry for the Moon

I did my best to avoid Thomas, Roy and Mark in the two days that passed from the morning I'd spent sick. Thomas, much to my surprise, had kept his distance; Roy, on the other hand, had made it a point to stay close by. He was probably just trying to keep an eye on me, but all he really succeeded in doing was getting on my nerves. On the bright side, though, he never said anything more about my apparent insomnia. 

I was thankful for that, because with him, I at least knew what to expect. Questions, slight pleading, and that impassable, dark gaze; I could handle him.

Mark was a different story. He... He was acting just as he normally would, and I didn't know how to react. I had expected him to ask about Elias, but he hadn't and the silence was nerve racking. I could say it was nothing, but it wasn't. I knew it; he knew it. 

So why hadn't he said anything? Was he waiting until we were alone to ask? I was skeptical. If he really wanted to know, he would just ask. But then, why would he want to know about someone I'd never mentioned before, until my accidental slip of the tongue? He probably didn't even care; all my anxiety was probably just my conscience getting the better of me...

Even still, I was sure to keep my distance from him. Koda had unknowingly helped with that; the violinist was just as bright and engaging as Simone and it was very easy to see why Isaac was so enamored with her. She had so many stories from her time in school, and was hellbent, it seemed, on telling them all.

Isaac, Simone and I sat at the kitchen table, listening to stories of pranks and practical jokes gone wrong. Koda spoke of concerts she had performed in; the mistakes and the emotions, and when there was a lull in conversation, Simone or Isaac chimed in with a story of their own. One particular favorite that had been brought up was that time that, after several long days in tour bus travelling across Europe, someone had gotten the bright idea to put Icy Hot on the toilet seat...

That someone had been me. My intended victim? Casey.

But of course, I'd missed my target... by a long shot.

"Oh, my gosh," Isaac called out suddenly. "I remember that!"

Simone grinned as she started giggling uncontrollably, hiding her face behind her hand. Koda didn't laugh, she simply raised an eyebrow at me, smirking with a proud glint in her eyes. She'd been quite the prankster in school, so she couldn't hide her approval. As someone who loved a good joke, I knew well how to make use of Icy Hot, especially when it was used for something other than it's intended purpose; the victim of my prank, however, hated the stuff.

"I'm sure Roy remembers it, too," Simone said lowly, as if there was a chance Roy might hear her. I let out a laugh at her words, unable to keep it in.

"God, I thought he was going to kill me. It didn't matter how many times I said it wasn't meant for him, he believed whole heartedly that it was. If it weren't for Thomas-"

"He'd have strapped you to the roof of the bus for the rest of the trip. Casey would have helped." My shoulders stiffened, hearing Thomas' voice so close behind me. Spine straight against against the chair, I resisted the urge to look over my shoulder and give away my unease. Fidgeting with my hands beneath the table, I did my best to ignore how near he was; standing right behind me, I could feel the warmth radiating off of him, and the silence that had fallen over us made his presence even more nerve wracking.

Thankfully, though, Isaac spoke up in an effort to break the awkward silence. It was a weak attempt, but it was something, nonetheless, and I was thankful for it.

"Yeah," he laughed, albeit quietly. While his voice didn't betray his uneasiness, his eyes gave everything away; the uncertainty that flashed across his amber colored gaze spoke volumes, so much so that I was sure if I noticed it, Thomas did too. "Casey definitely would have helped."

"And even after all of that," Thomas started, "he still loves you." I nearly cringed at how monotone his voice was. When he spoke, each syllable sounded blunt, precise. There was no smile in his voice, no endearment. I didn't have to look at him to know his eyes were blazing and neither did Koda or Isaac.

"Yes, he does," I replied shortly, clenching my teeth. What was Thomas getting at with this? Why be so indirect? If he was trying to make me feel at ease, then it wasn't working. At al-

My train of thought stopped abruptly and the muscles in my neck and shoulders locked, tensing even more as a firm hand rested on my shoulders, fingers digging lightly into my color bone, trying to make a point.

"And you know I do, as well," Thomas replied softly. Temper mounting, I shrugged off his hand and stood up, shoving my chair back in the process. The back of it crashed into Thomas' stomach, but he didn't even flinch as the heavy red-black wood collided with his body.

"Of course," I snapped, glaring back at him. Just as I had figured, his brown eyes were lit with a fire, a simmering anger. We were both at the end of our fuses; our nerves frayed and circuits shot. We had both been pissed off since the other morning and the time he had so kindly given me to think -for us both to think, had done no good.

We were still pissed off. Maybe even more so than earlier.

Ignoring the look Thomas gave me in return, I moved past him, stomping my way across the kitchen, towards the hallway that led to the basement. I had no desire to speak to him, or anyone else. I didn't want to talk when I already knew how the conversation -or rather, the argument- was going to go. Thomas always asked the same things. Why I wouldn't tell him what was wrong, wouldn't tell him what had happened that night. He asked why I wouldn't let him help me.

The answer too simple for him to accept. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't let him help because it was my fault, my burden to bear.

I kept my mouth shut simply to protect him. I had already lost one person I loved to my own blatant ignorance, go my selfishness, and I was not about to lose someone else.

Especially not Thomas.

I was stuck between enduring the pain I'd caused myself, all alone, of putting the people I care about in danger.

The lesser of those two evils is obviously what I was going to pick, no matter what Thomas or Roy said. They wouldn't understand, but they would be safe and that was all that mattered to me.

They could be pissed off all they wanted, I had no other choice. I'd made a promise and it was sealed in blood. I couldn't, wouldn't say a word; ever. No one could ever know the truth.

If this -Thomas and Roy's anger, losing what's left of my sanity- is the price I pay for my mistake, then so be it; I would stare into the dark and keep my silence for the rest of my life.

I never should have left, I thought bitterly to myself, shutting the basement door behind me with a slam. My feet thundered as I went down the steps, but the noise wasn't enough to drown out my thoughts as they went back to a place I tried to keep them from going. If I had just stayed, hadn't left him behind to suffer, maybe he wouldn't have become the monster that Elias and I met in that alley. Maybe I could have saved him...

Blooding humming through my veins, I clenched my hands in anger as I paced back and fourth across the room. The sound of the door opening barely registered in my mind.

But no, I left him. I picked Thomas over him and I ran away. I ended my pain without a second thought, not even considering him.

Heavy footsteps echoed on the stairs.

It's no wonder why he was so angry, why he wanted revenge. He wanted to do to me what I did to him.

I turned, walking back across the room again as memories ran through my head. Elias' lifeless gaze flashed in my mind, the light gone in an instant. I saw the crimson against the snow and the ice.

I'm just as much of a monster as he is. How could I not be? After all, we're cut from the same cloth; equally vicious and cold...

"Ana!"

Oh, if Elias had only known... he would have ran for the hills and never looked back. Instead, I led him to his death...

"Analii!"

I stopped, whirling on Thomas as his voice cut through my reverie. Hands still clenched, I turned in him with a glare on my face.

He paused in his tracks, standing at the base of the stairs. His dark gaze drilled into mine, searching for answers amongst the emotion that no doubt burned in my eyes. For a long moment, we stood in silence. Thomas was a man who seemed to rarely be at a loss for words, but in that second, he seemed to be lost. It was as if he was looking at a stranger.

But he wasn't, so his silence didn't last long.

"I think it's time we talk."