Cry for the Moon

Elias and I met entirely by chance. Our meeting was what some might call a once in a lifetime event; there had been an instant connection between us, sparked by a mere glance. I remember it a little too well, a little too clearly. In the first months after I had left my home behind me, I hadn't dared venture far from Thomas' company, but after a considerable amount of coaxing, Roy had convinced me to go to the library with him.

"You can pick out your own books, instead of just reading through my library," he'd said.

After browsing the sci-fi (Roy's favorite) section for about twenty minutes, I'd wandered off from his side, making my way to the non-fiction section. I took after my father, in that regard; he was a history lover and when my brother and I were young, he would spend hours crafting stories about a time traveling hero named Drea Karr, who was searching past centuries for a way to save his people from a plague. Our father had created those stories just as entertainment, but it had sparked a love for learning in me.

Not really looking for anything specific, I'd blindly grabbed something from the shelf and had found myself staring down at a book detailing notable Supreme Court cases in the United States. Flipping through the pages, I skimmed over ones that caught my attention: Roe vs. Wade, Texas vs. Johnson, and so on. I got so caught up in reading that I hadn't realized someone was standing next to me until they cleared their throat. Startled, I'd taken a quick step back and came face to face with chocolate brown eyes and a small, tired yet apologetic smile.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Are you by chance planning on checking that book out?" I'd given him a quiet, wary, 'no' as an answer, and the relief that washed over his face was palpable.

"Thank goodness," he replied, looking like he could probably fall asleep where he stood. Against my better judgement, my curiosity out-won the voice in my head screaming that I should stay away from any and all strangers, and I found myself asking why he needed the book before I could stop myself. To my surprise, he smiled, face lighting up in surprise that I was interested in what he was doing.

"I'm writing an opinion based editorial on what I think are the most important law cases of the last century. May I please borrow that book?" Suddenly, awkwardly realizing that I'd clutched the book to my chest as if I wasn't going to hand it over, I stuttered and stammered for a moment before wordlessly shoving it in his direction. Smiling yet again, he carefully took the book from my hand with a soft spoken, 'thank you, dear' before walking -or rather, scurrying- off. I watched him as he left and found that he'd been sitting alone at a table just a few feet away, but more than that, it looked like he had pretty muched camped out in the non-fiction section of the library. A thermos sat on top of the table, tightly sealed shut, though there was a small cup of what appeared to be coffee sitting next to him. The entirety of the table top was obscured by countless stacks of books, papers, notes, highlighters, different colored pens, pencils, and in the midst of all that chaos sat the tired young man with the hood of his oversized sweat shirt pulled up over his head, shoulder length brown hair hanging down around his face, intently working on his project like the rest of the world didn't exist. Smiling slightly to myself, I'd stood there watching him, debating on whether or not it would be a good or bad idea to ask for his name.

Deciding against it for more reasons than I could count, I turned to go look for Roy, but stopped short hearing the young man's voice again. Turning back to him, his brown eyes were fixed on me and his face wore an expression that said he'd forgotten something.

"I didn't ask your name," he stated flatly, as if that was what he'd forgotten. After another moment of debating, I answered. He smiled, face lighting up again.

"My name is Elias. Thank you again, Ana."

I had searched frantically for Roy, after that, wanting to go back to Thomas. Back to safety.

Letting out a sigh, I ran my hands through my drenched hair, enjoying the feel of the hot water as it ran down my back. Leaning my head against one of the steam obscured glass walls of the shower, I let memories of Elias run through my mind.

He was a quirky person; bright, happy, kind. After leaving with Thomas, it had taken me months to warm up to anyone else; I'd followed Thomas' around like I was his shadow. Roy was the first one beyond him that I really befriended, and even that had taken time. With Elias, things were different.

The next time I went to the library with Roy, Elias still seemed to be camped out at the library. Upon spotting me, he abandoned whatever he had been working on, greeting me with an easy smile on his face, like we had been friends for years. He didn't know me; knew nothing of what I'd been through, and I knew nothing of him.

He'd been quick to rememdy that. He had wanted to be a lawyer -that's why he was studying law, I eventually learned- and was adamant about helping people, no matter what. He'd grown up an orphan; his father left, his mother died a few years after he was born. After that, he spent a couple years in foster care before being adopted. From the time he was eight, to when he was sixteen, he had wanted to be a firefighter. When he was sixteen, his adoptive father was killed in an accident. Hit and run, Elias had said; he and his father had been walking to the store and were crossing a street when a vehical had come out of no where. His father had pushed him out of the way just in time, but the person had hit him, and kept going. Police never found the driver.

After that Elias had wanted to be a lawyer.

Had. Was. That dream had been cut short, thanks to me. Thanks to my shitty choices.

Elias had been the only one to ever make me, in a sense, forget about all that I had been through, or, at least, he made me want to. Eli had been through so much in his life, but yet, he had a smile that lit up a room, a laugh that was infectious. He had the warmest eyes of anyone I had seen. Warmer, even, than Roy's.

"I'm so sorry, Eli," I whispered, ignoring the fact that the water was turning cold. "If I could trade you for me, I swear I would."

Pipes groaning slightly as I turned the water off, I opened the door, grabbing my towel from the top of the kitchen sink. Wrapping it around me, I climbed out, trying to wring out my hair. Drying off quickly, I pulled on my clothes -a pair of sweatpants and an old band T-shirt that Thomas had given me- and grabbed my brush to untangle my damp mess of black hair. Wiping off the condensation, I leaned forward to look at my eyes, to see how exhausted I, without a doubt, knew I looked, and-

The brush clattered against the sink as I dropped it and I tripped over my towel where I'd left it laying on the floor as I backed up in alarm, falling against the wall. Blinking my eyes a few times, I stared back at the mirror.

Heart pounding, I slid to the floor as I tried to catch my breath.

What the fuck, ran across my mind as I drug my hands down my face, rubbing at my eyes. My mind's gotta be playing tricks on me. Leaning forward, I reached for the edge of the sink to pull myself up. Slowly, I looked into the mirror, afraid of what I'd find there.

Afraid that I would find brown eyes looking back at me, instead of blue.

Just a trick of the mind... I really need sleep, apparently.

Pushing the thought aside, I set about brushing my hair, making it a point to not look much at the mirror, just in case I saw Elias in the reflection again. Grabbing my towel from the floor, I tossed it in the laundry basket before leaving the bathroom. Not bothering to shut the door behind me, I made my way up the hallway, but stopped short upon seeing Mark come around the corner.

"Hey," he greeted softly. "Thomas just sent me to check on you."

Letting out a laugh -I had been in the shower for a while- I ran a hand through my hair, choosing not to ask why Thomas had sent Mark, and hadn't come to check on me himself. "I'm fine. I was just thinking about some stuff." Mark grinned, bright smile lighting up his face, and I felt my stomach flip. He really did remind me of Elias, from his beautiful smile, to the warmth in his eyes.

"The shower is a good place to think," he laughed. "Are you up for watching a movie? Your pick, if you want. Just you and me?" Smiling, I contemplated it; usually, I jumped at the chance to spend time with Mark, but for once, I figured it wouldn't be a bad idea to heed Thomas' -and Roy's- suggestion that I try to get some rest.

"I'd love to, Mark. Thanks for the offer, but I think I should probably try and get some sleep," I answered quietly, hoping he'd understand. "How about some other time?" At that, Mark smiled, reaching out for me. Pulling me into a loose hug, he leaned forward, and much to my surprise, pressed a kiss to my forehead. Feeling my face suddenly heat up and my heart starting to pound, I backed up quickly, and Mark let me go.

"Some other time then, Analii," he spoke softly. "Go get some sleep."

"Thanks," I mumbled out quickly, moving past him as casually as I could, trying not to look as nervous as I suddenly felt. "Goodnight, Mark."

I didn't wait for his reply as I made my way down the hall, heading for the stairs, though I thought I heard a soft 'goodnight, sweetheart' behind me.

Spotting Thomas as I passed by the living room, I smiled at him, but didn't stop as I made my way to the basement. Once the door was shut behind me and I was down the stairs, I took a deep breath and let it out, running a hair through my semi damp hair.

Don't get so worked up, I thought to myself. That didn't mean anything. Despite what Simone says, that didn't mean anything.

It couldn't mean anything. I wouldn't let it, for his own sake.

Stretching out on the couch, I pulled the blanket up over my shoulders and got comfortable. I needed to sleep and mulling over my ridiculous crush on Mark wasn't going to help with that.

Reaching up to the back of the couch, I grabbed my phone from where I had left it on the charger, and plugged in my headphones. Opening up my playlists, I clicked into one of my favorite Epica songs -Tides of Time- which was one that Simone had specifically written. I'd never had the heart to tell her, but the song reminded me of my mother, reminded me of better days. It calmed my mind, and when I really, really couldn't sleep, I listened to it.

Laying back against the pillow, I closed my eyes, letting Simone's voice carry me away.

The first thing that registered in my mind upon seeing him was surprise. Suprise, disbelief, joy.

And then fear. Pure, unadulterated terror struck me as the blue of his irises changed, darkening with a sudden, instense rage. Every instinct screamed for me to run but I didn't even get the chance to flinch before the back of his hand collided full force into my jaw. Reeling, I stumbled towards the dumpster that stood against the wall of the alley way we'd intended to use as a short cut.

White clouded my vision and my knees dug into the ice and the concrete as I dropped to the ground, pain erupting across my jaw. Feeling blood trickle down from my nose to my lips, I haphazardly wiped it away with my hand, trying -and failing- to blink tears out of my eyes.

I hadn't been hit that hard in a while.

The sounds of a struggle met my ears as I willed my bearings to come back to me. Turning, I saw Elias' blurry silhouette drop to the ground, only to be kicked once, and then again, and in a panic, I clawed my way up the side of the dumpster, pulling myself to my feet. Slipping and sliding on the ice, I lunged for him -for them, as someone else I didn't know had suddenly appeared to aid in the assault- screaming out in the hopes of making them stop.

That scream died in a huff of air as a solid kick collided with my stomach. Winded, I hit the ground again, broken shards of glass from god only knew what digging into my hands. Crawling forward towards Elias, I was almost in reach of where he was lying, wheezing in pain, face bloody from the fight, bloody from trying to protect me.

Elias wasn't a fighter. I'd seen him adamantly refuse to kill the mouse that had used old photographs to make a nest in the back of his apartment's closet. To him, no life was small.

Fingers curling into my hair, I yelped in pain as I was yanked back and then thrown towards the side of the dumpster. Head boucing off the side of it, my ears started to ring and I couldn't even try to fight back as a boot made contact with my ribs, once, twice, three times.

By the time it stopped, I'd lost count of the number of hits that I'd taken but I could barely breathe, let alone move. My clothes were drenched from the ice and snow; my hair was stuck to my face, and I could taste blood on my lips. The cold had seeped through, straight into my bones, I was sure, but it did nothing to dull the pain that tore through me as I was pealed from the frozen ground onto my knees and forced to look.

Forced to look in Elias direction, and somehow, I knew what was coming. I heard the click of the hammer of a gun being snapped back and my eyes snapped open.

And when I opened my eyes, I wasn't met with Elias' terrified expression, I was met with-

Jumping awake, my startled scream turned into a strangled choke as I tried to force air into my lungs. Room spinning despite the darkness, I rolled from where I was stretched out on the couch, allowing myself to fall to my hands and knees to the floor.

Thankful that my heavy breathing hadn't woken anyone up, I turned on the screen of my phone where the same song still played, allowing it to dimly light the room. Willing my heart to stop pounding in my distantly aching ribcage, I looked over the room, silently trying to reassure myself that I was awake and no longer in a nightmare. Thomas was asleep not far from me, Casey was snoring away next to the TV, and all seemed somewhat right with the world.

Taking in a deep breath to steady my nerves, I glanced absently at the time as I turned the screen of my phone off. I'd managed to sleep for a few hours, at least. It was five, almost six in the morning, now.

Too early for me to be awake, really, but after that nightmare, I wouldn't be going back to sleep any time soon.

Trying my best to push the image my uconcious mind had presented me with, -Mark, not Elias- beaten, bleeding, and absolutely terrified, I slowly got to my feet, feeling like my legs may suddenly give out from underneath me.

Quietly as I could, I trekked upstairs, heading for the kitchen.

I was quietly, solemnly greeted by Roy, not that, that was much of a surprise.

"Good morning, Ana. What's the matter, couldn't sleep?"

Reaching for the barstool in front of me, I fixed Roy with a glare as I sat down. The bitter sarcasm in his voice wasn't lost on me.

"I did sleep," I bit back. Roy scoffed.

"What, for a couple of hours? Ana, that's not enough, an-"

"It's enough for me," I snapped, cutting him off. Roy's mouth snapped shut in anger and I could hear him grinding his teeth as he crossed his arms. I could just barely make out the traditional Japanese style tattoos that decorated his arms in the dim lighting.

"Yeah, right. Of course it is, that's why you look like a zombie-"

"What is your problem, Roy?" I questioned sharply, my hand smacking down against the counter with more force than necessary.

"What's my problem? Analii, something is clearly bothering you. Have you looked in a mirror lately-" Yeah, I have, I thought bitterly. "-you're exhausted. It's obvious to all of us, but you won't talk to Thomas, you won't talk to me. Why won't you let us help you?"

"Because I don't need your help!" I nearly yelled, teeth gritted. "And I don't want it, either!"

"Why not," Roy questioned, almost pleading. Turning my gaze away from him, I fixed my eyes on the flames dancing in the fireplace. Roy must've lit it when he got up.

"Because, I just don't, Roy," I answered shortly.

"That's not an answer, Analii."

"Well, that's the only one you're getting," I growled, getting up. There was no room to even consider telling Roy, or anyone else, the truth. It was too dangerous. Too much of a risk.

If I told the truth, history would repeat itself. He had told me as much before pulling the trigger, consigning Elias to the hands of death, and I believed those words. I was too terrified not to and I'd die before I let anyone else suffer the same fate as Elias.

If I had never met him, if I'd never become friends with him, then he'd still be here. If I had just kept my distance, he'd still be here.

"I can take care of myself, so stop pushing, Roy. Just stop."

"Analii..." I cringed at the softness of Roy's voice, at the heartache I could hear in his tone, and when I felt his fingertips touch my arm when he reached for me, I flinched in a way that I hadn't since I first met him.

"Don't touch me," I snapped, taking a step back, out of his reach. "Just... Just stay away from me, please."

For your own sake.