Cry for the Moon

Tears poured from my eyes, but as they did they froze to my face because of the frigid air. There was a sharp pain radiating from my neck and I could feel something warm and sticky. Everything ached; my arms hung heavy at my sides and my legs begged to stop moving. My breathing was erratic and unsteady, making my lungs burn and my ribs throb with pain.

I ignored all that, focusing only on the weapon that was prodding me in the back. A hand was held over my eyes so I could not see where I was being led. Finally, we stopped and I held my breath, waiting for the crack of the gun and the blazing pain that followed, even though he told me he would not kill me.

“Enough blood has been shed tonight,” he’d said. According to him, this time, I’d be the one left to suffer, just like I’d left him. This was his revenge and I deserved everything it caused for what I’d done to him.

I hadn’t even recognized him until he spoke. At first, I’d been overjoyed to see him after so long, but then, I noticed the look in his eyes. Seeing the malice in his eyes made fear settle in my bones, but yet, I didn’t turn and run like I should’ve.

Yes, this was payback and that was it. He would not kill me; he would take away the one person I loved most and leave me to deal with my misery. Part of me wished that he would kill me and part of me wished he wouldn’t.

He knew me well, he knew I’d never let anyone know what he'd done, so that was just another reason for me to believe him when he told me he wouldn’t kill me. Even still, I waited for the gun to go off, however, it never did.

The next thing I knew, I was pushed face first into the asphalt and snow. I didn’t move an inch, not even after I heard his footsteps retreat and fade away. The pain and the cold had settled in, but I would not get up and my eyes stayed shut.

I lay there, contemplating my options. I could either stay where I was, letting myself die a slow and painful death, or, I could get up and try to get back home. I opened my eyes, looking down at the ground.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I only had one choice. I put my hands beneath me and found that I was lying on some glass. Ignoring all the pain and injury, I pushed myself off the ground so I could get to my knees. Reaching up along the brick wall, I clawed my way up the flat surface, trying to pull myself to my feet.

I let out a yelp of pain as I collapsed back to my knees. I leaned my forehead against the brick wall, trying to slow my breathing so my ribs would stop aching so much. I went through my head, naming off things that calmed me.

When I was younger, not long after I first started going on tour with Kamelot, I’d used to have bad dreams all the time. To calm me down, Thomas would sing a song for me. That song was always Silent Lucidity by Queensryche.

Thomas, he’ll be worried now, I thought to myself. As the thought crossed my mind, I felt a newfound motivation. I looked around me to see that I was in an alleyway. In the dim lighting that the moonlight gave, I could see a dumpster of to my right. I crawled over to it, grabbed a hold of the edge and yanked myself up using whatever strength I had left.

I leaned heavily against the side of the dumpster, feeling a sudden light headedness. When that subsided, I pushed myself away from my support and onto the wall of the building. Using that to keep myself on my feet, I slowly made my way to the street. When I reached the sidewalk, I realized that I wasn’t far from home. I assumed with a hopeful heart that this was not at all by chance. Gritting my teeth to fight back the raging pain, I pushed myself off the wall and slowly, I walked home.

I fell against the front door, weakly hitting my hand against it. The door flew open, revealing Thomas. I could see his eyes widen as I collapsed into his arms. I let out a yelp as my ribs connected with one of his arms and then, everything went black….

I let out a frustrated sigh as I rolled onto my side, trying to remember what had happened when I’d woken up. I could remember everything so vividly right down to the point I passed out, but I remembered nothing of when I woke up the first time after that. I knew I’d woken up, but anything that happened beyond that time was a mystery to me. I should be able to remember, I couldn’t no matter what I did, and it was driving me insane.

“Ana,” I looked up, hearing someone whisper. To my surprise, Thomas was still awake, looking over at me from where he laid on the floor next to me.

“You’re still awake,” I asked, keeping my voice low so I wouldn’t wake Glenn or Casey.

“Yeah,” Thomas whispered. “I can’t sleep.”

“Me either, my mind is restless,” I replied.

”What are you thinking about,” he asked.

“Just… stuff.” I let out a yawn. If I really wanted to know what had happened after I passed out, all I had to do was ask Thomas.

“Hey, do you wanna go up stairs so we can talk,” I asked finally. Thomas sat up in reply.

”Sure,” he answered, slowly getting up. I grinned up at him, reaching out my hand for him to help me up. In the dim light, I could see him smile back at me as he grabbed my hand. Thomas easily pulled me to my feet and then we quietly walked up stairs.

I walked out into the living room and flopped down on the couch, thankful that Roy was not up this time. Thomas chuckled slightly as I let out an exasperated sigh.

“I’m so tired but my mind won’t shut up,” I grumbled, laughing slightly. Thomas smiled, sitting down next to me.

“So, what’s on your mind,” he asked. I thought to myself for a moment, trying to figure out my reply.

“It’s nothing really, I just…” I trailed off, my train of thought scrambling. Thomas looked over at me, giving me his full attention, just like he always did whenever we talked like this.

“Can I ask you something,” I asked finally.

“Of course,” Thomas answered.

“That night a couple years back when I came home all beaten up, do you remember?”

“How could I forget, you scared Mari and I to death, and you were more than beat up, Analii. Anyways, what about it,” Thomas replied, his voice coming quick because he was about to start ranting. He always did when ever we talked about that night.

“What happened after I passed out?” Thomas stopped short at my blunt question, his eyes stilling as he thought about it.

“Well, we took you to the hospital. You were lucky you didn’t bleed to death with that cut you had on your neck. That was why you passed out to begin with. The doctor said you had six broken ribs and two cracked ribs. He didn’t believe me when I told him that you walked home like that,” Thomas explained. I let out a sigh, running a hand through my hair. He had already told me this once before.

“That isn’t what you wanted to know, is it,” Thomas asked.

”Did I wake up at the hospital at any point,” I asked, yawning.

“No,” Thomas replied, his voice low. “Why?” I stayed quiet for a moment. I couldn’t remember for sure, but I could’ve sworn that at some point in time, someone had visited me.

“No reason,” I answered. Thomas looked at me skeptically. He’d always been able to tell when I was lying.

“Come on Ana, I know there’s a reason, so what is it,” Thomas asked. I let out a frustrated sigh.

“Never mind,” I said flatly, getting up.

“You’ll think I’m crazy.” I turned to go back to the basement but Thomas grabbed my hand, stopping me. I turned back to find him standing there. He put his hands on my shoulders, looking into my eyes.

“Try me,” he said bluntly. I stayed silent for a moment, thinking back to an old memory.

I stopped in my tracks, turning back to Thomas.

“Can I ask you something,” I asked.

”You can ask me anything,” he replied, smiling.

“This probably sounds stupid,” I explained. Thomas walked over to me. Putting his hands on my shoulders, he looked me in the eyes and replied.

“Try me.”

“Well, if I ever suddenly asked for you to take me on tour with you and your band, would you,” I asked finally.

“Only if you tell me exactly what you’re running away from.”

“I don’t remember for sure, but I think I woke up when I was in the hospital,” I answered. Thomas let go of me, crossing his arms.

“No, you didn’t wake up at all,” he answered. “I’m sure of that.” I looked down, running a hand through my hair.

“That’s just it though. I could’ve sworn that at one point in time, I did,” I explained.

“Well if you did, then it was only for a few second.” I shook my head forcefully, sitting back down on the couch.

“No, no, it wasn’t like that,” I replied. Thomas sat down next to me, sending me a confused look.

“I’m almost positive that I was awake at the hospital and that someone visited me, but it wasn’t you or one of the guys. I think I even had a conversation with whoever it was, but I’m drawing blanks when I know I should remember,” I explained, getting more and more frustrated the more I thought about it. Thomas sighed, leaning back against the couch.

“No one other than Casey came to see you and you definitely weren’t awake to talk with anyone,” Thomas replied. I leaned back, failing against the black leather couch.

“I know, I know, that’s why it sounds so insane.”

“It’s not insane,” Thomas started. “Maybe it was just a dream?”

“Yeah, maybe,” I grumbled. Thomas put his arm over my shoulders, pulling me to him.

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” he stated, yawning.

“Let’s just get some sleep,” he continued. I sighed and looked up into the darkness at the ceiling, resting my head on Thomas’ arm. He was right; what I was trying so hard to remember was probably just a dream I’d had while unconscious. In the state I’d been in, there was no way I would have woken up.

“Hey, Thomas,” I called quietly, trying to get his attention. He may have already fallen asleep.

“Thomas?”

“Hmm?” he hummed, sounding half asleep.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” he asked.

“For everything.” I glance over at him to see that he was smiling.

“You’re welcome,” he whispered. I turned my gaze back to the ceiling and closed my eyes.

.X.

I watched helplessly as the gun was place to my best friend’s head. I wanted to look away, but my eyes were forced in his direction, locked onto him. A hand was over my mouth and my hands were bound so I couldn’t fight, I couldn’t scream, beg for mercy. The safe switch on the gun was flipped to off. I shut my eyes as tightly as I could manage and waited for what seemed like an eternity. Just when I thought he wasn’t going to shoot, the crack of the gun sounded….