The Unforgettable

I wake up to a door closing loudly, I open my eyes to see I’m completely under the sheet almost hanging off the foot of the bed. A light illuminates the room changing the color of the pink sheet I’m under to an orangish hue and I can see more of the room now. I sigh because the thoughts from yesterday are flooding my mind, if it was yesterday it very well may still be the same day.
Going to Carlo’s office, helping him with his work, going to the restaurant and having amazing Italian food and drinking tasty wine, then the buzz hit. We talked and talked, drank a little more then got in the car and he drove me home.

There’s rummaging near the head of the bed then the light goes out and I hear footsteps fading I gasp thinking of the kiss Carlo gave me then I groan and groan again remembering the fight Chris and I had. . . There’s no way he doesn’t know I’m awake now since I stupidly groaned without thinking. I sigh again and pull the sheet away from my face and prop up on my elbows. My head’s still pounding holy shit how strong was that wine I feel like I downed a bottle of Jack Daniel’s.

I look around the dark room and sit all the way up to my temples have their own heartbeat. I get up from the bed, a wave of nausea washes over me and I stop in my tracks and fill my nose with air slowly exhaling from my mouth.

I make it to the bathroom and see the mess on the floor then the fight plays clearer in my head. I was being belligerent, I was yelling and throwing. . . I slapped him for the first time ever and for the first time ever he put his hands on me too. I feel sick.

I lean over the toilet placing my hands on the tank of the toilet and heave. My stomach churns and I heave again but nothing comes out. I hate dry heaving, makes me feel even more nauseous. I sit up, rinse my toothbrush off with hot water and cover it in toothpaste and start scrubbing. I look through the medicine cabinet for the Advil and take four tablets. I spit out a blob of foamy blue spit and follow it up with the pills and a handful of water.

I brush my tongue and the roof of my mouth, rinse, dry off and walk out into the living room. Chris has his back to me standing in the refrigerator, I look over at the clock on the wall the hands point to 7:30. Chris closes the refrigerator and turns around grabbing his coffee cup from the counter and notices me standing there only in my halfway buttoned up green blouse from yesterday and my messy ponytail.

He raises an eyebrow at me then turns back around grabbing stuff from the other counter. He’s probably surprised to see me up, I usually avoid him if I don’t need him for anything like a ride to work.

I go into the kitchen and open the glasses cabinet next to him and take a cup out. I go to the fridge and use the water dispenser to fill up the glass.

Chris turns to face me, “you sleep alright?”

I don’t answer at first instead I try to figure out why he’s bothering to ask.

“Yeah,” I reply.

He nods and takes a sip of coffee, I sip from my water and look down to the floor.
“Yoouu remember anything from yesterday?” he asks.

I look at him then back to the floor and nod biting my lip. “I’m sorry for slapping you.” I shake my head and take a breath, “I was just so angry and obviously drunk.”

I look at him with glistening eyes trying to blink away the forming tears. He puts his coffee down and looks at me.

“I’m sorry I grabbed you like that. . . I’m sorry for everything.”

A tear falls down my cheek and I wipe it away shaking my head. “I just don’t know what to do anymore,” I whisper.

“You don’t need to do anything baby. I heard you. For once I heard you last night loud and clear. It’s shitty that it spiraled out of control like it did but I’m going to change for you, I’m not going to continue being the horrible husband I’ve been.”

I don’t know what to say to him, I don’t know how I should feel I’m kind of just numb. I sigh and nod my head at him.

“You don’t have anything to say?”

I take a breath, “No I don’t.”

He stares at me a second longer, I see disappointment wash across his face then he takes another sip of coffee, grabs his briefcase and walks to the door.

Without turning around hand on the door he says, “I’ll see you when I get home.”

I don’t reply and he doesn’t wait for one. I watch him walk out, listen to the car start, pull out and drive away. That’s when I break down into tears. I’m so confused, I don’t know how we got to this point. I don’t why we got here. I don’t know what I did for our marriage to crumble like this, it’s like it came out of nowhere or maybe I’ve just been delusional this whole time. But I don’t think I can trust his word because he’s said things like this before but nothing has changed. He said it when he told me he cheated, he said it after we had sex the one night, he’s said it more times than I can count and he’s saying it now why should this time be different? Because it got physical? And, and with Carlo, the way he talks to me, treats me and the fact that he kissed me. He kissed me so gently and sweetly, my lips tingle thinking about it and I bite my lip.

Fuck what am I supposed to do?

I spend the rest of the day in a depressive state. I take a cold shower, stay in there until I’m shivering, wrap up in the towel, crawl into bed under the covers and scroll through my phone. I’m going through DIY projects on Pinterest when I get a text from Giancarlo and my heart drops.

“Hi,” the green bubble says.

I type back, “hi.”

Not even five seconds later he sends, “are you okay?”

I send “yeah. . . You?”

“I am.”

I bite my lip and spin around in the sheets and blanket, I wish he wasn’t texting me, I don’t know what to say.

He sends, “no park?”

I sigh, “Sorry, today isn’t a good day for me.”

He replies with ‘okay,’ and that’s the end of that.

I groan into the pillow, what am I doing?